Is This Woman NUTS?!

[Antoninus]

My mom sent this to me yesterday because of how she sees the girls in my school dressed


Dear Miss Prudence,
My husband has a stepdaughter from a previous marriage. She is 15, and let's call her "Stacy." Stacy is welcome in our home whenever she wishes. However, Stacy dresses "over the top," for lack of better words. She will not wear an outfit unless her bust is busting out and over, even in the dead of winter. She parades around our home, in front of my children, thrusting her bust out. Even her PJs are tight. Also, she is rather large for her age. I am not a prude, please pardon the pun, but I do not want my children to be exposed to this. My husband tells me that IF he tells her to change her attire or bring different clothing along, Stacy will not want to come to visit. Excuse me? I have been firm with him and told him that Stacy may visit us anytime, but she must cover up. My husband and I have a continual fight about this. What can I do?

—Not Busting With Laughter

Dear Not,
You can ask your husband to give you one good reason why the exotic-dancer-in-training should be allowed to wear inappropriate outfits, especially with younger children around. The exhibitionist's stepfather is being terrorized by a threatened boycott if a dress code is enforced; Prudie thinks he should call the kid's bluff. That is, lay down the law about revealing clothes ... and should she stop visiting because there are rules, so be it. It is entirely possible the teenager is looking for 1) attention or 2) restrictions. Kids who can do as they please are never really happy about it. (And her old man is doing her no favor by allowing behavior for which there is NO justification.)

—Prudie, suitably

Does anyone ELSE see a problem with this? My issue isnt with the daughter, its the advice this woman gives. If shes looking for attention, it AINT from her family, its from the guys at her school. And the LAST thing a teenager wants is restrictions, consiously or sub-consiously. And I dont CARE what Dr. Shmuck says, IM a teenager, and I KNOW that sexy dressing is NOT a call for more restrictions.

About her step-daughter's dressing, why does she care? I wouldnt, if it wasnt TOTALLY bad, like, no rear end or no crotch covering, THEN Id have objections. But to some cleaving shirts? Whats the big deal? 80% of teenage girls dress like that, its nothing unusual. Her kids will have to deal with it when they get to thier sister's grade level so why shield them?

[Silverlotus]

Speaking as someone not too far out of their teenage years, I agree with the advice given. Honestly, I don't know why everyone wants to grow up so fast. I did when I was younger, and now I regret it.

Take time to slow down and enjoy being a kid. Before you know it, you'll be on your own with bills to pay and a lot of responsibility.

I do think that that the girl is trying to push the boundries to see how much she can get away with. And wouldn't it be a shame if the message she got was "Dad doesn't care what I do" instead "Dad sucks, but I guess he cares." Looking back, surely that is what she will realize, even if she doesn't at the time the rules are enforced.

[SilverMaiden]

What not to wear!

One of my favorite shows. I wish I could be on that show. That and Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. Although I'd have to an operation and that's a tad too much for me. :lol:

I honestly think a lot of people get an image of what's attractive and it's not right for them. It's not until someone helps them pick out better fitting and stylish clothes that they realize it.

I've taken my nieces shopping and the clothes out are bad. Especially for teenage girls. The materials used are very thin and rarely lay right. The sizes are almost as bad as womens and for heavier teenage girls it's a nightmare.

Unless you're rich getting good quality and good fitting clothes is expensive.

The majority of 15 year old young ladies want to be seen as stylish and seen as attractive. I know I was! :lol: When most stores carry the "hooker" look it's tough for a teenage girl to buy nice clothes.

[Galaxia]

Ω

[rain_fallen_tears]

I agree with you An! I'm a teen and overtop conservative with the way I dress....so I'm not against it out of self defense....there is a line that can be crossed which can be seen as slutty...but the woman giving advice is completely innappropriate. She hasn't even seen the girl!!! To claim that it would be best to suffocate their step/daughter by making her dress in their terms is smothering her identity...as i said before their are alway exceptions and extremes....but that self help women needs to find herself another profession...telling them to be willing to give up time with their step/daughter because of her choice of clothes, PLEASE!
:rant:

[DraconisArcanus]

This is a mixed bag for me. I truly believe teenagers should be able to express themselves and in todays world that sometimes is difficult. I would look at this as a cry for attention from the girl rather than her being lil miss easy.

I know I would not be very happy if my daughter dressed that way (thank the Godess she is only 6). I think maybe if the step mom has issues with her attire, maybe the two of them should go shopping together. Maybe her real mom isn't into appropriate fashion and this step mom certainly has the ability to step up to the plate.

Instead of complaining about it maybe she should be looking at how to make things better not worse. I am a firm believer in if you have an issue or a problem, venture forth a solution rather than just whining about it.

Just my 2 cents worth, I could be wrong...well maybe!

Peace

[LittleRhiannon]

Eh. I personally don't go for the skimpy clothing look, but it's her choice isn't it? She might like the way it looks.Though it does depend on how MUCH exactly is showing. I think she probably has self confidence issues if anything, and thinks that dressing like that is what guys want.

I do disagree with the "Kids who can do as they please are never really happy about it."

I mean, really! If the kid has self control and a good brain, I don't see why they would be unhappy. I think that it's just an excuse parents use to justify "Big Brothering" their kids. I know some kids need restrictions, but I'm a bit offended that she thinks all teens are attention seeking little brats who secretly *want* to be watched at all times.

I've had summers where I didin't have any restrictions besides 'don't go to far away' and 'be back before dark', and I was perfectly happy, I didn't secretly want to be forced to come home every hour to be checked on, and such.

But I am rather biased about the whole thing :-D

[Faeawyn]

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and predict that most of the teens will agree with An, and most of the over 21 crowd will agree with the letter. When the teens get over 21, the majority of them will also agree with the letter. Such is the generation gap ...

[LittleRhiannon]

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and predict that most of the teens will agree with An, and most of the over 21 crowd will agree with the letter. When the teens get over 21, the majority of them will also agree with the letter. Such is the generation gap ...

Maybe, but I do agree with the letter somewhat. I just didn't like the one statement, I think the 'diagnosis' sounded a little automatic, you know? The whole everytime a teen does something bad, it's because they want attention, not something else. It could be the case though, or it could be something else.

I do think it's reasonable to ask her to tone it down a bit in the flesh-baring department around the smaller kids.

[Galaxia]

Ω

[Faeawyn]

My son is soon to be 16....I'm surrounded by teenagers all day.....boys with piercings and tatoo's, girls with low-rise jeans and crop tops...I don't judge them as good or bad because of the way they look, but I do feel that the girls dress that way because they hope to get the attention of the boys. They are approaching that point when they're between a woman and a girl, and they want to be found as pretty, and sensual, sexy, wanted, etc.... However, some girls just take it too far. Some boys too. One of my sons closest friends has piercings all over his face, and 4 tatoo's....he's 16!!! Why a mother would let a 16yo get tatoo's... oops :fofftopic
Anyway, I think it's normal for teens to want attention from their peers. I feel it's a natural part of growing up. But a person who takes it too far may end up with bad attention instead of good.

[LittleRhiannon]

On a side note, shirts that show a bit of skin aren't always that way because the person likes it. A lot of my summer shirt show a thin strip of skin because I just can't find shirts that are long enough that aren't too wide all the time.

And I don't necessarily think tatoos are a sexual thing. They might just be something he likes to use to express himself. Though I don't know him. (but - all over his face!! damn that must have hurt so bad! :hairraise )

[Antoninus]

I hate that! I'm 17 and for some adults, that gives them some kind of privelege(sp?) to point the finger and say that everything teens do is to rebel and get attention. Which makes me much more thankful for the adults that *don't* do that!
ALOT of "adults" do that, the biggest thing IVE seen is adults and depression. Alot of adults seem to think depression is normal for teens and so isnt a problem "Well I was fine,why cant my son/daughter do it?"

Anyways, I personally, if she was my daughter, Id say that your clothes must cover your crotch and your ass COMPLETELY, I wont get uptight about a low-cut shirt as long as it isnt WAY too open. Some girls I know DO dress that way for a confidence booster and it can work miricles. Theres a girl in my English class, shes freaking gorgeous but she refuses to see it. So a bunch of my friends finally convinced her to let them take her on an all expense paid shopping trip (I covered Hot Topic and lunch, my two areas of speciality :D)By the time we got done, freaking WOW was she good looking. She wasnt in total slut wear but it was leaning skimpy, definately had some exposure. Shes dressing the same way now and she feels great. So I think letting kids choose thier own clothes, to a degree, is a good thing, but theres gotta be limits. I mean, if I was in a predominantly black neighborhood and my son walked out of the house with a SCREW BLACK PANTHERS t-shirt on, me and him are gonna have some words. If my daughter walked out with dental floss around her butt and called it a bikini bottom, Id toss her a pair of shorts and tell her to change.

[Dusk]

I hate that! I'm 17 and for some adults, that gives them some kind of privelege(sp?) to point the finger and say that everything teens do is to rebel and get attention. Which makes me much more thankful for the adults that *don't* do that!

The next time you feel that way ask that person "Is that what you did?"

All adults were teens once upon a time.

[Kadynas]

I didn't really dress "slutty" as a teenager, but I did wear a lot of cleavage enhancing stuff, because quite frankly I was such a tomboy that that was my only way of showing I was a girl! :lol: In fact I still like to wear shirts like that... it's an expression of my femininity. I'm proud of what little cleavage I have! :lol:

At 15, I wouldn't worry too much about this girl... she's probably just getting used to the idea that "Wow I have boobs now!" and "Gee these things get a lot of attention!" :lol: I don't really see her dress as a "cry for help" unless risky behaviors are also accompanying it, like drugs or promiscuous sex. I'm all for freedom of expression... as a culture of freedom though I find it disturbing how many Americans are disturbed by tasteful display of the human body, naked or not.

[SimDug70AD]

I have to disagree with the letter. The problem isn't with the girl who dresses that way. That is just the way she wants to dress, not necessarily a cry for help. Funny how people who find something objectionable in a teen simply mark it down as a cry for help, as if that is the answer to all of teen problems. I'm 33, by the way, so I don't fit in the neat little generation gap category posted earlier.

I think part of the problem might be the stepmother. Could she just be looking for a fight to see if her man will pick her over his first family? Seen it, been there.

[Bainidhe Dub]

I'm all for kids having individuality, and dressing in the latest styles....

But when I see 7 y/o girls dressing like 16 y/o girls, simply because THAT's the only choices they have (Have you SEEN the stuff in the stores??)... that's where I have to draw the line (and where I want to drop a blanket on the kid). It's fine with me that teens are trying to express themselves, but some of these girls I've seen dressed like this aren't hardly old enough to even have breasts, let alone dress to attract the opposite sex.

[Cataline]

I was the girl that would leave the house wearing one thing and change in the bathroom when I got to school... :shhhh:

Certainly I was doing it to get attention from boys b/c I knew how to get it and I enjoyed the power it gave me. But at the root of it, I think I fell into those early relationships, which really weren't so good for me, b/c of what was lacking at home. The miniskirt was just a tool to get the boyfriend.

Acknowledging my own vulnerability of self, which suffered dearly in those years - but still
slightly ticked that it's "corruption" if a young woman feels comfortable with her sexuality.

I think the stepmom in the article just has serious issues with the idea of her husband's offspring with another woman, a lot of control and jealousy issues...Sounds like she's most worried about the anomoly she can't control instead of really trying to be a friend or guide to La Belle Dame Sans Fashion. I'm sure she'd be "corrupting" the other children no matter how old she was

[SpikesPet5150]

Yeah, I'm with Faeawyn. 8 years ago, I'd have been up in arms about that letter. Now, I understand where the adults are coming from.

I think it's disgusting the way some people dress today. I dress in todays fashion, too... and I don't look like a slut. But these girls that I see everyday... they do it for attention from boys. I can't remember ever being *that* preoccupied with boys... but I'm sure I was. I'm all about individuality, too. But these girls have to understand that looking like that is not really a sign of individuality anymore. They all look alike. Sheep.

And I'm putting out a distress call here. Please... if you're severely overweight... please do not wear tiny tanktops and low rise jeans. Seriously. I understand that just because they make it in my size, doesn't mean I should wear it. I find cute clothes all the time, and ooh look! It's in my size! But when I try it on and I see icky rolls... I don't buy it. Cause I understand that no one wants to see that.
~Bree

[Psyche Ague]

I don't generally agree with the response to the step-mother, but I can understand it. While I really don't care what people wear and I firmly believe it IS their choice, it sends out a message about people. And in our conservative country, if you dress skimpily, you are a "slut" or something equally ridiculous.

So I don't agree with the response, but I AM 19 and more open-minded than most. Ah, well.

[LittleRhiannon]

I just thought of something. The mom says that her pajama's are tight too...and who is really going to see those? It doesn't seem like if she really wanted attention she'd need tight PJ's too.

[WandererInGray]

That letter is from here: http://slate.msn.com/id/2097226/

And I was under the impression that most of "Prudie's" letters and replies were tongue-in-cheek. *shrugs* Who knows though?

[ArKane]

Even though the womans advice was worded slightly wrong, I do agree. Being only 17 and nearly out of my teens I see alot of this. Kids prading around in short skirts, tight tops and practically running naked around the shops. It's enough to make a girl run out of drool or run nto something solid.

Kids this days want to grow up to fast. There sheep. It's the media's fault. They parade teenage models in short skirts and these kids just want to be part of the 'in' crowd. I don't really care what people wear, if you want to dress up with everything hanging out, dont bitch to me when you catch me staring.

That response does have alot of truth in it. If shegets told what the rules are, don't sulk, don't say "I'm never coming to visit you again" Get over it. It isn't you house, have some respect for what your parents say. It's their house, they make the ground rules.

[SpikesPet5150]

I think I phrased something wrong in my post. I didn't mean to imply that all girls who dress skimpily are sluts. I see some beautiful girls, with beautiful bodies, wearing clothes that highlight their beauty. It's mostly the pre-teen (and some young teen) girls that I have a problem with. If a girl is older, and can fully understand what response she is going to get dressing like that, then I say go ahead. As I stated, I dressed (and I guess I still do) like that, because I liked the attention I got. But young girls don't really know what they're doing yet. They don't *need* to look sexy. I just think it's sad that they think they need to.
~Bree

[Valkie]

I'm going to go out on a limb here and half agree with Antoninus.

I think that there was a very big assumption made with the advice, that the girl was doing this to get negitive attention. I was that girl when I was younger. and many people could have seen me as a 'hooker in training'. I even use to play a game to see how many people I could make look twice as I walk to work :lol: Though I've tuned things down a bit... I haven't toned it down that much. I only difference is that I no longer wear bras as shirts.

As far as the 'assumption' goes... I did what I did because my parents brought me up to be very comfortable with my body and my sexuality. There was no shame it showing what you've got or for being who you are. This went into everything from walking around the house with little to nothing on, to 'family porn night'.

To me, it sounds as if the step mother is trying to force her insecurities on the step daughter. The father has had a larger part of bring the daughter up, and if he doesn't have a problem with things I see no reason for her to other than trying to protect her own kids through ignorance.

[DraconisArcanus]

Something else struck me odd about step moms response ..... The PJ's were too tight. Sounds like maybe this gal is changing faster than she can be kept in clothes. I mean I've seen my son go through a pair of jeans in 2 months and just plain outgrow them.

If she's running around the house in babydolls thats one thing but PJ's ....come on...lighten up lady and buy the kid some clothes if you don't like what she wears at your house.

Peace!

[redthewitch75]

I am replying before I finished reading everyone else's posts, but I just don't want to forget my point.

I don't think it is as much as what a girl wears as it is her attitude or behaviour. Two different girls in the same outfit will make different impressions upon someone because of their attitude. But there are definitely times when an outfit can be *TOO much*(or too little, as the case may be...), am I making any sense here?

But there are times when I find it pretty disgusting to see these young girls prancing around in all of these skimpy clothes. Must just be when I'm having a *fat* day or an *old* day, or even a *fat AND old* day! ~Sigh!~ To be young...

[Romani Vixen]

Herm... have a relationship with a daughter who has boobs... or no relationship???

[Koehnae]

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and predict that most of the teens will agree with An, and most of the over 21 crowd will agree with the letter. When the teens get over 21, the majority of them will also agree with the letter. Such is the generation gap ...

I'm going to agree with you here. If I'd been asked this question 8 -10 years ago, I am sure I would have agreed with the letter. But now, as an adult, I see it differently.

[alesay]

My mom sent this to me yesterday because of how she sees the girls in my school dressed



Does anyone ELSE see a problem with this? My issue isnt with the daughter, its the advice this woman gives. If shes looking for attention, it AINT from her family, its from the guys at her school. And the LAST thing a teenager wants is restrictions, consiously or sub-consiously. And I dont CARE what Dr. Shmuck says, IM a teenager, and I KNOW that sexy dressing is NOT a call for more restrictions.

About her step-daughter's dressing, why does she care? I wouldnt, if it wasnt TOTALLY bad, like, no rear end or no crotch covering, THEN Id have objections. But to some cleaving shirts? Whats the big deal? 80% of teenage girls dress like that, its nothing unusual. Her kids will have to deal with it when they get to thier sister's grade level so why shield them?



I just like the part of calling her "Stacy" even spelled right... Sorry, first name stacy.... HAHA didn't even read :( *hurries to go back and read*

[Desdemona]

Sounds like the stepmom just doesn't like having a young sexual woman in the house, from her husband's previous wife, who reminds her how old and out of shape she is. The hostility in her letter is pretty evident.

However, on the other side of the fence I get so sick of young girls dressing like ho's 24/7, eveng going to grandpa's funeral with their boobs and butt hanging out. Please! A time and a place, people! And another thing :rant: teenagers, if you are going to be all scandalous and what not, I have no problem with that. Just please don't act like you are the first person to ever think it, because you're not. Us old farts did it too, we just woke up a few years later and went "wow, I think I'd rather do something else now. Thank you." :lol:

[ArKane]

I think alos part of the problem is that this lady [the stepmum] is jealous that the daughter can do that. The story has two sides. It's part herhouse so the daughter should respect the rules and the stepmum should respet that is how the daughter want to dress.