I've been hiding from everyone...

[libragrrl]

A while ago, I made the decision that I was going to move to Florida. I told my best friend this and my mom, and the rest of my family and friends in Florida.

I packed everything up, stuck it in my car, and made plans to drive down (I live in Massachusetts) to Florida with my best friend for company.

Everyone, including myself, was so excited that I was going to move back there (I was raised in Tampa), but in the back of my head, I had this little nagging feeling that I was making the wrong decision. I shoved it away in the hopes that I could ignore it and just get to Florida. I even changed my address to have my mail forwarded to where I would be living, and paid over $300 to UPS to ship some boxes down, because they wouldn't all fit in my car. I was going to use UHaul at first, but when they installation man said he'd never installed a hitch onto my car (03 Altima), I changed my mind. Didn't want my car ruined since it's leased.

As the big day came closer, I became more and more nervous. I kept thinking to myself, "What if this isn't the right thing to do? What if I'm absolutely miserable in Florida and I want to come back to Massachusetts? What if I miss my life up there too much (and my friends and my FIANCE)" -who wasn't going with me to FL b/c of health reasons.

About 2-3 days closer to the big move, I felt that I was making the wrong decision and there was absolutely no way I could move to Florida. I went back to the UPS store and got all of my boxes back, and the money returned on my credit card.

Then I did the unthinkable.

Instead of telling my mother, my best friend, all my other friends who were supporting me, and my family, I never called them. Not once, to say "hey, I changed my mind."

I ignored their phone calls, their e-mail messages, their text and voice messages on my cell phone. I blatantly ignored all of them. Why?

I felt scared that I was going to be yelled at by everyone, telling me I was making the wrong decision and "How could you do this to your mother?!?" At the time I felt the best way would not to have any contact with any of them.

As a result, I made my friends worry to death about me. My best friend even called the local police here to come and check and make sure I was ok. When that happened, at first I was more mad than understanding that she was just worried about me. I was mad because about 2-3 years ago I was not talking to my parents for personal reasons, and my mom had called the police in THAT town to make sure I was ok. With both of these incidents, before understanding that they were just looking out for me, I felt very embarrassed, which then turned to anger.

Then, another good friend of mine actually came to my apartment to check on me because she also had not heard from me in a couple days, and my best friend had e-mailed her to check on me. She talked with me for a short time and I kept telling her I didn't think I was ready to make this move. She kept encouraging me to move. She even took me out and we bought some dvd's and she bought me a yummy chinese lunch as "my last meal in Massachusetts."

Then, on the day of the move, my best friend e-mailed me, saying she was going to Florida with or without me and changing her ticket to a two-way (my mother had paid for a one-way for her originally when she was going to drive down with me and then fly back to MA). So I sent her an e-mail then to tell her I wasn't going. That's all I said in the e-mail: "I'm not going." You can imagine how very mad at me she was.

The move day was supposed to be March 17th. After that day I never wrote or talked to my best friend, my mother, or my friends up here. I was too scared to talk. I felt like the problem would just go away on its own (which I knew it wouldn't, but I had hoped) by ignoring everyone.

Fast forward to today. My best friend is so upset with me that she's considering just writing off our relationship after 6 years. I told her that the ball is in her court, I'm not going to say or do anything to try and change her mind, whatever it may be. She went on about my mother, which I told her was for me to deal with and not her business. Then I gave my explanation, which she said was what she "expected" to hear, and said she'd call me later.

I am truly not a cold-hearted person who tries to hurt people intentionally. I didn't know how to deal with this very large situation. I still don't know. I really do feel terrible having done what I did. I know I messed up on such a large scale I can't even compare it to anything.

This is the only place where I could talk about it without knowing someone personally involved.

Thanks for reading/listening after all that. I didn't know it would end up being such a long post.

[Lady Jade]

My thoughts are with you and fate will decide what direction things will go in, dear. I can see the "hiding" sometimes we need to sort things out for ourselves, hopefully your people understand that, too.

[nvrgnabok07]

:hugz: Oh baby... I'm sorry...:( But it'll get better. Everything happens for a reason hun, don't worry about it. And what doesn't kill you, always makes you stronger. Your family will forgive you...Blood is thicker than water...And your friends...well if they don't...they aren't true friends anyway. (I know, I'm very cliche today) but all in all... The sun will shine again...Don't forget that.

I love you :) (hehehe)

[libragrrl]

Another thing I forgot to add also, was that even though I wanted to go to Florida originally, I still felt really pressured by everyone, even though they supported me.

[Flaire-FireStar]

:hugz:

[nomadicdragon]

((hugs)) & energy.. sounds like you needs some of both.

[Boogins]

:hugz: Do you think it's possible there's a distinct reason you never told anybody you'd changed your mind--something you may not even have admitted to yourself? Have you ever felt... well, really confined by your family, even your friends, like you were never actually yourself around them?

Take care. Try to be happy. I do believe the vast majority of things happen for a reason, even when we don't know what the reason is.

[libragrrl]

Boogins, I'm pretty sure there is. My family is not always great for emotional support. They like to gossip about each other (except my cousins and I - we hate it). When I was a little girl there was a lot of yelling, swearing, mental/emotional/physical abuse. I am an only child.

[SilverMaiden]

There's nothing wrong with changing your mind. None. It's a fact of life that people do and will change their minds.

Some decisions and dreams seem wonderful and exciting when you think about them, get all caught up in the excitement in the planning and imagining all the wonderful possibilities of the future. But when it's real happening and it's time for it actually happen you begin to see all it entails sometimes they aren't what you want or need.

It's fine to change your mind.

You do owe some people an apology. Not for changing your mind but for the way you treated them when you did. It's going to be hard and probably embarassing but they are people that you love and care about. They also love and care about you.

We all do things that hurt those closest to us and ourselves, especially out of fear or embarassment. Part of living is apologizing for the hurt we've caused and respecting ourselves and those we care about enough to apologize.

I hope you work things out, for you, your family and your friend.

[Pesha]

I have always said trust your instincts. So you must have done just that. If something was nagging at you so strongly that you could not and did not make the move, then you must not have been meant to. As to your family. You will have to sit down with them and try to explain what happened sometime, so better sooner than later. Your instincts are a very strong indicator that you did the best thing for you. Now you need to settle the rest as you feel moved to do so.

BB
DS.

[libragrrl]

I have apologized to my best friend. I'm moving on to my mother now. One person at a time, just like one day at a time.

*sighs*

Everyone who I've talked to today has said, "Are you ok? You look very tired."

:(

[blugirrl1]

Libragrrl, you did the right thing by listening to your instincts. I understand your not wanting to talk. i go into what i call turtle mode sometimes when i don't know how to deal with a situation.
My best friend had called me a few weeks back, freaked out on me in a very personal way. well i didn't know what to do so i turtled. wouldn't take her calls ect. this went on for about 3 weeks. finally we hashed things out and i was able to talk to her. we decided that our friendship was worth working thru it. but i do not think that your friend should hold against you your listening to your heart. i think she should be trying to understand your fears of leaving. however it works out i wish you the best.

[SpikesPet5150]

Weird. The exact same thing happened to me a couple years ago. I was supposed to move to Phoenix (from Colorado), cause my best friend lives there. We had everything set. She got a new apartment, put me on the lease, got me a job, I changed my address.... everything. And the day of the move, I couldn't do it. I did call her and tell her I couldn't.. but I never gave her an explaination. She wouldn't talk to me for months. And when she did come around and start talking to me again, it made our friendship stronger. As for the reason I couldn't go... I didn't know what it was. Just something inside me screaming not to go. I always had that nagging feeling, just like you did, but I figured it was just nerves. And as the day of the move got closer and closer, it started getting louder and louder. It was awful. It was destroying me. As time goes on, I realize what a HUGE mistake I would have made going there. I can't live her life, if that makes sense. I couldn't work with her, live with her, be friends with her friends. I needed to find myself. And I did. And I met the most wonderful guy in the world, and that never would have happened had I left.

The point is.. you're not alone. And you *did* have a reason. Whether or not anyone else understands is their own problem. You gotta do what you gotta do, ya know?

Take care of yourself. I know it's hard right now, but remember to sleep well and eat right. Don't be ashamed. Don't be embarassed. You did the right thing.
~Bree

[dragonspirit 69]

I can understand How scared you were to move so far from the norm that you have created for yourself. try to explaain to your friends and family how you were having serios second thoughts and how sorry you are not to have called when you realized you weren't going to make the move. Though you really should've called because with all the crazy ppl you coud have ran into they had no idea if you were hurt or worse when you didn't show up as planed. ( I see their concerned too ) Well take care and good luck mending those bridges that you have burned ar seriosly skorched.

[materra]

Listen to what Bree said, she is absolutely right. Don't be ashamed. Don't be embarassed. Treat yourself well, sleep, eat, heal your heart.

I did move to Phoenix from Minnesota about 2 years ago and while I am making the best of things, it isn't at all the best choice for me. However, I made the move due to several reasons...and have to stay or lose quite alot of everything. I will tell you that I am miserable very often. I don't speak the language, I miss the weather from home, I miss my friends dreadfully, and I even miss the winter in many ways. But here I is, planted and trying to grow. I don't recommend moving alone, without knowing anyone unless you are extremely self reliant and resilient. I am, but it is tough.

Regardless, maybe later the Florida adventure will be right for you. But for now, do the best you can, and make things right with the folks who matter to you as best you can.
Warm hugs and universal energy for you and Bree both.....

[Kadynas]

There's nothing wrong with trusting your instincts... I myself have felt quite torn over where I want to be and what I want to do. I'm pretty close to you in MA, and I'm originally from PA. For the longest time I've felt like I wante to move home... I truly do miss my family. But after many long months it finally hit me, just last week in fact, that as much as I love and miss my family, I don't want to be in my hometown again. I wouldn't mind living a few hours away from them, so visiting wouldn't be such an ordeal, but surprisingly this place has grown on me. One, finding work anywhere else right now is a problem and two, if I just had some friends this place would be perfect! :lol: I guess the point I've come to in that I'm ready to set down roots, if not here than somewhere... I want to get a home of my own in a place where I can feel a real sense of belonging. Maybe it'll be here, maybe not, but that's where I am right now. I still don't know quite where I'm going but at least I've figured out where I don't want to go. :) Hopefully we'll both find our way eventually. :hugz:

[redthewitch75]

I did this SAME thing...I was supposed to move to Florida, as well.
But I didn't. My best friend wasn't too mad about it, he needed the vacation anyway. I am glad I didn't go. Because I didn't know ANYONE down there.

[MerrisHawk]

Sounds a little like precognition to me. Something told you not to go, not to tell anyone where you were. Might be that you managed to avoid some serious trouble by listening to your instincts.
I've had it happen once in a while, usually a strong feeling of dread, no real details and a certain knowledge that something will happen if you don't change what you planned on.
Leaving the whole family and your friends out might have been a bit excessive and you'll have to kepp working on fixing that one.
I'm glad you're home and safe even if you have to apologize to the whole family. :hugz:

[libragrrl]

Well, this all turned out for the best it seems.

1) My mom and I are doing just fine in our relationship. I spoke to her today and all is well :)

2) I've been dumped by my now ex-best friend, but I'm actually ok with it. Turns out after my mom treated her to a spectacular week in Florida, AND paid for her trip back, she tried to borrow $3,000.00 from my mom so she can get a new apartment! This ROYALLY pissed me off, and it made it even easier to write her off. She's only met my mother 3-4 times in person, and then she has the NERVE to ask my mom for money? Unbelievable.

*I* don't even ask my mom for any money at all!

Hmph!

[SpikesPet5150]

I'm SO glad things are working out with you and your mom. Sucks that your friend turned out to be such a *bleep*. Maybe thats why this all happened? Cause you needed to see what kind of person your friend really was?
~Bree

[libragrrl]

maybe, I dunno. I must have hit a nerve with her, because after the last e-mail I sent her, she called my home phone, said a few choice words such as, "thanks for being such a b***h, and f**k you!"

Way to handle it like an adult :rolleyes:

[SpikesPet5150]

Aww, sweetie, I'm sorry. It hurts to have your best friend say mean things to you, I know. Just remember, you did nothing wrong, nothing to be ashamed of. She has to deal with her own sh*t on her own time.. don't let her make you feel bad. You're a good person. :)
~Bree

[libragrrl]

Oh believe me, I don't feel bad at all...

Just amazed at what kind of person she turned out to be.

[libragrrl]

How funny that this was my horoscope this morning.. hadn't seen it til just now.


You may be asked to step in and mediate a conflict today, SUZANNE. Your natural charisma and sense of self-assurance makes you the perfect person to come to settle a dispute. Your natural tendency is to listen to everyone and not take sides. Try not to let this tendency leave you indecisive. You know what's right. Don't be afraid to say it. You will save all concerned a lot of time and hassle.

[Kadynas]

Sounds like the horoscope was definitely speaking to your Libra side! :lol: I do astrology readings over in the Astrology forum... just find my thread and post your info if you want one. I usually do a "marathon" session every Saturday night. :) (Used to do them through the week, but work's hell so I've been saving it for the weekend.)

[libragrrl]

another update...

my mom informed me that my ex-best friend tried to get my mother to buy her a friggin Tiffany's ring too!!

O.M.G.!!! :grrrrr:

[SpikesPet5150]

Seriously, what is the matter with this girl????

Tell your mom to *stop* talking to her. She's manipulating. I'm glad you found out what kind of girl she really was before she could screw you out of something.
~Bree

[libragrrl]

Oh she has stopped - this was all during the course of when my ex-friend was down in Florida, not anytime afterwards...

[SpikesPet5150]

Oh good. Have you talked to her at all? Has she tried to get in contact with you or your mom again?
*hugs*
~Bree

[libragrrl]

Thank the stars, she hasn't! Someone gave me the suggestion of a restraining order if I "really want to mess with her," but I really don't care about messing with her.. I said my peace and that's all I'm gonna leave it at.


Oh good. Have you talked to her at all? Has she tried to get in contact with you or your mom again?
*hugs*
~Bree

[Goddess Rhiannon]

No one can tell you if your decision is right or wrong...you just have to follow your heart....and to me, that is what is sounds like you are doing. Good luck with everything, and keep us updated. We are all here to help you. Our love is always unconditional. :colorful: :colorful: :colorful:

[libragrrl]

cripes! I go online on AIM for the first time in a while, and she IMs me with another name of hers (ex-friend). I just warned her and blocked her from my list. Then she comes back on with her roomate's AIM name, and I just blocked that one without even looking at the message.

Great Goddess, does she have nothing better to do with her time?

:rolleyes:

[Yasmine Galenorn]

There's nothing wrong with changing your mind. None. It's a fact of life that people do and will change their minds.

Some decisions and dreams seem wonderful and exciting when you think about them, get all caught up in the excitement in the planning and imagining all the wonderful possibilities of the future. But when it's real happening and it's time for it actually happen you begin to see all it entails sometimes they aren't what you want or need.

It's fine to change your mind.

You do owe some people an apology. Not for changing your mind but for the way you treated them when you did. It's going to be hard and probably embarassing but they are people that you love and care about. They also love and care about you.

We all do things that hurt those closest to us and ourselves, especially out of fear or embarassment. Part of living is apologizing for the hurt we've caused and respecting ourselves and those we care about enough to apologize.

I hope you work things out, for you, your family and your friend.

Very well put...I agree.

Yasmine

[darkone_withwords]

I know what it like to fell that you are hideing from your problem. I'm doing the same thing right now well not yet but I am as soon is this scholl year is up I'm moveing in with my aunt and ucle to get away from everyone in my small ass town. I think that in going to a new place that you might fell that your past problems won't cathc up to you. I know that is why I'm moveing away. But in the long run things willl catch up to rather you want them to or not. the hardest thing is saying good bye to the you love and care for the most.
~datts devil

[Xeen]

*big fuzzy hugs*