Kamikaze_Noob
April 19th, 2004, 04:58 PM
Sorry this is so long, I guess I got a little carried away but I hope you will still try and help me...
Im a newbie to magick as well as forum use, this will be my first post.. Im young, not exactly brilliant and I need help..
Its been about a year since I began studying the internal martial art of Tai Chi Chuan as well as Chi Gung and Nei gung, Through these practices ive developed some pretty sweet grounding techniques as well centering and sensing techniques.. Recently I asked one of my teachers about Astral travel. (Somehow I got this confused with lucid dreaming and thought they were both one and the same..) Anyway, He seemed reluctant to give me much information and warned me of the dangers of the astral plane.. This got me thinking alot, so I asked another one of the students in my class (one of the only students that seems to know what hes talking about) about astral travel and he said that he had once been Wiccan and was into all sorts of magick and meditations.. He told me that if I planned to practice Astral travel safely that I should learn how to cast a circle.. Hearing this I became very excited, no one has ever seriously talked to me about magic before. I came home and have been searching for circle casting as well as astral travel techniques since then.. Looking over these forums I became increasingly interested in other types of magick spells and techniques so I decided to register..
Now what i need help with isnt so much the circle casting or astral travel (though i would apreciate any information anyone could give me on these subjects) its more of a personal (now seeming very silly) problem that I have.. Around five years ago I tried to take my own life by overdosing on a mixture of a hundred or so pills and cocaine. It didnt work and I can honestly say that im happy im still here (though sometimes i question if im really still alive or in some other reality that people go to when they try to kill themselves.. heh doesnt seem likely though..) Anyway, I started homeschooling and this led to me not seeing other people much. Wich as I found out around a year ago also led to me having severe social anxiety. I do have friends and have had many friends since my bad choice long ago, however, Most of them only know me as a smoking buddy. I developed a love for pot even before I had tried to kill myself. Untill recently it was a huge part of my life and in my opinion one of the reasons it has been hard for me to grow out of old habits and leave the house. (I get very quiet and pretty dumb when im stoned wich doesnt lead to very interesting conversation)
Now, with all that said I quit smoking and am begining to be more serious about getting back into school/ getting a job. But It seems impossible to look people in the eyes or even talk without my face twitching, my body tightening up, and my breath becoming quick and shallow.. especially when facing attractive girls my own age (I understand being shy is normal, but its more than just being shy..) I also know that a good way to overcome this is to get out more (wich i have been doing) but its so draining that I become easily depressed and feel like giving up on myself.. I guess after all that what im asking for is help with anxiety, a spell/technique for confidance or to feel less vulnerable, less emotional even.. Im not sure what it will take but any helpful ideas that anyone out there has, please post... I just want to begin living a somewhat normal life. I am prepared to devote a very large amount of my time to trying to fix this problem as it consumes most of my time already.
Thanks for reading and again im sorry for the length, it just came out that way.
Im a newbie to magick as well as forum use, this will be my first post.. Im young, not exactly brilliant and I need help..
Its been about a year since I began studying the internal martial art of Tai Chi Chuan as well as Chi Gung and Nei gung, Through these practices ive developed some pretty sweet grounding techniques as well centering and sensing techniques.. Recently I asked one of my teachers about Astral travel. (Somehow I got this confused with lucid dreaming and thought they were both one and the same..) Anyway, He seemed reluctant to give me much information and warned me of the dangers of the astral plane.. This got me thinking alot, so I asked another one of the students in my class (one of the only students that seems to know what hes talking about) about astral travel and he said that he had once been Wiccan and was into all sorts of magick and meditations.. He told me that if I planned to practice Astral travel safely that I should learn how to cast a circle.. Hearing this I became very excited, no one has ever seriously talked to me about magic before. I came home and have been searching for circle casting as well as astral travel techniques since then.. Looking over these forums I became increasingly interested in other types of magick spells and techniques so I decided to register..
Now what i need help with isnt so much the circle casting or astral travel (though i would apreciate any information anyone could give me on these subjects) its more of a personal (now seeming very silly) problem that I have.. Around five years ago I tried to take my own life by overdosing on a mixture of a hundred or so pills and cocaine. It didnt work and I can honestly say that im happy im still here (though sometimes i question if im really still alive or in some other reality that people go to when they try to kill themselves.. heh doesnt seem likely though..) Anyway, I started homeschooling and this led to me not seeing other people much. Wich as I found out around a year ago also led to me having severe social anxiety. I do have friends and have had many friends since my bad choice long ago, however, Most of them only know me as a smoking buddy. I developed a love for pot even before I had tried to kill myself. Untill recently it was a huge part of my life and in my opinion one of the reasons it has been hard for me to grow out of old habits and leave the house. (I get very quiet and pretty dumb when im stoned wich doesnt lead to very interesting conversation)
Now, with all that said I quit smoking and am begining to be more serious about getting back into school/ getting a job. But It seems impossible to look people in the eyes or even talk without my face twitching, my body tightening up, and my breath becoming quick and shallow.. especially when facing attractive girls my own age (I understand being shy is normal, but its more than just being shy..) I also know that a good way to overcome this is to get out more (wich i have been doing) but its so draining that I become easily depressed and feel like giving up on myself.. I guess after all that what im asking for is help with anxiety, a spell/technique for confidance or to feel less vulnerable, less emotional even.. Im not sure what it will take but any helpful ideas that anyone out there has, please post... I just want to begin living a somewhat normal life. I am prepared to devote a very large amount of my time to trying to fix this problem as it consumes most of my time already.
Thanks for reading and again im sorry for the length, it just came out that way.