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Antoninus
April 27th, 2004, 12:56 AM
Ok, I KNOW this is going to rattle alot of cages, but I am VERY VERY curious. My appologies in advance if this is offensive or it kinda causes a ruckus.

Do you think its a good thing or that its healthy for teens (16+) to have PROTECTED and RESPONSIBLE sex? I dont mean like 5 times a week, I mean like maybe once every two weeks if that.

I personally think it is. Sex on a regular basis helps keep your mind clear, you dont have hormones clouding your head as thickly. It helps you be more relaxed and helps lower stress. In-fact theres a whole LIST of things that sex can do for you (Ofcourse I would have this).

The Benefits of Sex


1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when woman make
love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which make hair
shiny and skin smooth.

2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis,
skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and
makes your skin glow.


3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic
dinner.

4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones
up just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than swimming
20 laps, and you don't need special sneakers!


5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases the chemical
endorphin into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving
you with a feeling of well-being.


6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually
active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones.
These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!


7. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE
EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM.


8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages
saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that
causes
decay, preventing plaque build-up.


9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release
the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain.


10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural
antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.

morrigen
April 27th, 2004, 01:17 AM
First question...lets say the teens in question are having protected sex...what difference does it make if they're having sex 5 times a week or once a month?

now, you've listed a number of "good reasons to have sex" It's just as important to look at the negatives...like not being emotionally prepared....

All the benefits you list above aren't worth squat if you've gotten yourself into a sexual relationship you're not mature enough to handle.

Of course, this being said...it *does* come down to individual cases...one, say, 16 year old may be able to handle a situation another 16 year old can't...

I really don't think it's a simple enough thing to say that *anyone* should be having sex for the benefits listed above...all of whichh can be achieved through various non-risk means...meditation, healthy diet, excersize...etc, etc.


If it's going to happen, it should be done for the right reason. Teen relationships often create memories that last a lifetime, so it's worth making sure that they are good ones.

As an aside, iif someone in said age bracket is capable of handliing the potential emotional fallout, I have no problem with it...

morrigen
April 27th, 2004, 01:17 AM
Somehow, it double posted...

Ravensnest
April 27th, 2004, 01:18 AM
I went and looked at your profile and surprise surprise you're 16 :) I can see why you'd think it was a good thing.

I have to say no, I don't think it's a good thing. I think to use a word like responsible when you're talking about casual sex is kind of funny. I think sex changes everything. It's giving a part of yourself.. you're sharing the most intimate part of yourself. I don't think most teens are truly mature enough to handle the consequences.. and I'm not even talking pregnancy.. just the emotional end of it. And the pregnancy part.. that can happen whether you use protection or not and I really don't believe most teens are capable of handling that responsiblity. Yes, there are teens who do but, most who do have a great deal of help from parents.

There is plenty of time in your life after you graduate for sex. While you're in high school no.

boerbabe
April 27th, 2004, 02:03 AM
Ok, I hatr to say it, but I have recieved that same list of benefits a zillion times in email forwards.. often with the Chocolate is a Veggie one...lol.

But on a more serious note, I think 16 y/os don't need to be having sex. It's a big thing and a lot of changes, physically and emotionally. I lost my virginity at 15, and while I don't regret it, I would wait if I could do it again.

Regulus
April 27th, 2004, 03:27 AM
Most if not all of those benifits can be acheived through maturbation. I don't think kids under 16 should be having sex with others. I can't say what they do on their own though. I figure a kid should be able to get an adult movie or magazine at 16. It would keep some of them from going out and getting each other pregnant or sick.

Isil Darkmoon
April 27th, 2004, 03:37 AM
I think the reason "for the release of hormones, etc" is a copout. There will ALWAYS be things in life to cloud the mind... stress, marriage, breakup with a SO, death in the family, work... there are always mental blockages and we have to work around them. Sex as a coping mechanism seems... cheap.

If you plain want to have responsible sex, and you REALLY are prepared to deal with any potential concequences (relationship woes, pregnancy, disease, emotional attachment, etc... for no 'safe sex' is 100%) then have sex. Come straight out and admit that you'd really like to physically enjoy yourself, or that you'd like to bond with a certain partner or whatever. I think if you can't be honest about it, then you're not mature enough for it.

Don't list "reasons" why having sex is a good idea. Sex justified as a coping mechanism is not a good idea. A chain-mail foreward--whether you meant it as joke or not--is CERTAINLY not a "good reason" and if anything points to a need to reconsider. (If you were indeed being humerous, that was a poor call. It weakens any valid points your argument had.)

mucgwyrt
April 27th, 2004, 06:15 AM
The depression bits' right; a very good pick-me-up :D

I lost mine at 14 (or was it 15, I forget). I dont regret it, dont see anthing wrong with it, and think its fine. Over here in the UK its legal to have sex at 16.

FaerieGothMommy
April 27th, 2004, 07:10 AM
I think it is upto the individual person, what i mean by that, is how much they know about the consequenses & how mature they are - i may get hounded here, but i want to have my say, seen as i am 17years old (yes, 17) and i am expecting my 2nd child (yes, 2nd)!

I lost my virginity young, which i DO regret, as it was for the wrong reasons & i wasn't mature enough, and i really really wished i'd have waited! If i'd have lost my virginity to my current boyfriend, i wouldn't have regreted it..... but i just went and done it with a complete loser & i should have known better!

But, i don't regret my children - they've made me who i am. And no matter what anyone says, i'm Gods damn proud of my children and the job i've done for them!

Do i wish i'd have waited to have them? Nope! I have an awesome boyfriend, a beautiful family & i am doing something with my life, taking a course in Parapsychology, and not sitting on my ass watching T.V, like alot of people think teen moms do.

I would never ever recommend for a teen to have sex young or have children young though - it's not something alot of people can handle, and it IS hard work! I won't deny that one!
I will teach my children about sex, but will also highly recommend that they wait for the right person & will drill it into them about using protection when they decide to have sex.

Phoenix Blue
April 27th, 2004, 07:25 AM
Everyone else has covered this pretty well.

Are you ready to be a father at 16? Then by all means, do what you want. :)

Druchii
April 27th, 2004, 07:57 AM
that mistakes can happen at any age,...
But when you are still really a child in many respects,
the reprocussions of an adult act going wrong...
can have residuals that will scar deeper than you may understand...
I waited until I was 19...
And even then didn't find true joy in it until the act of sex was backed with at least some emotion...

Avalon
April 27th, 2004, 08:32 AM
I could have very easily given in to peer pressure and had sex before I was ready. But I waited, and I'm glad that I did. The loves that you have in high school tend to pale after the last mortarboard falls down...

samiaminsane
April 27th, 2004, 08:51 AM
Lets see.... im 22 and started having sex when i was.....lets just say younger than 16. I dont think teenagers should be having sex, they're not ready for it, i wasnt. But i never realized that until i got a little older and a lot wiser. The times they are a changing though and kids are doing all kinds of things younger than we did. The worlds gettin a little scary.

mucgwyrt
April 27th, 2004, 09:08 AM
Surely just because 'you' weren't ready when you were however-old, doesn't mean that some other people aren't either? Everyone develops at their own pace... Just my 2c.

samiaminsane
April 27th, 2004, 09:11 AM
Surely just because 'you' weren't ready when you were however-old, doesn't mean that some other people aren't either? Everyone develops at their own pace... Just my 2c.

I know I know, don't be offended. There are exceptions to everything, but I believe that "in general" teens shouldnt be having sex, and I'm not talking about those ones in commited relationships. I'm talking about how most teens now have this view about sex being no big deal and meaning nothing and running around sleeping with everyone.

Nighthawk
April 27th, 2004, 10:26 AM
I would personally wish that mine wait until 18. THEN it is completely up to them to suffer the consequences. Unless, they wish to be emancipated earlier. I do not wish to take responsibility for their actions, and in America I see that a whole bunch. NOW, if you are like FGM, and take that responsibility and take care of your children, then fine and well.. I have no problem with that at all.

Phoenix Blue
April 27th, 2004, 10:30 AM
Surely just because 'you' weren't ready when you were however-old, doesn't mean that some other people aren't either? Everyone develops at their own pace... Just my 2c.
How many people do you think are ready when they haven't even graduated high school, macha? :) Seems the best career opportunities open for a family that young involve french fries and drive-thru windows.

mucgwyrt
April 27th, 2004, 10:55 AM
How many people do you think are ready when they haven't even graduated high school, macha? :) Seems the best career opportunities open for a family that young involve french fries and drive-thru windows.
Sex doesn't necessarily equal a family. I had sex when I was 14, and I've turned out ok.

Dont get me wrong, I'm not offended by anything anyone's saying, I just think people's minds are a little... closed... because of their own bad experiences.

edit - bear in mind I'm 20, not 15 ;)

soilsigh aingeal
April 27th, 2004, 11:23 AM
I lost mine at 16 and now, being older, I look back, and I wish I hadn't. You have to be emotionally ready, which I think most teenagers are not. I think a lot of kids do it all for the wrong reason. And if it was protected, you have to think about the fact that condoms can break and pills don't always work, even if they are used correctly.

I can only HOPE that my own kids will be comfortable to come to me in this kind of situation because you can say to them that they can't have sex but you can't always be sure that they're not. This way I hope I can have enough influence that they are being responsible.

scaerie faerie
April 27th, 2004, 11:31 AM
I don't think there is one answer for everyone...some people lose their virginity relatively early with no ill effect (provided we are actually talking barrier method contraception here, for health reasons as much as anything else), and others regret rushing ahead. Unfortunately, I think it's one of those things you only ever seem to learn by experience. I lost my virginity when I was 18, and I certainly can't imagine being in the middle of puberty's hormonal throes and having to deal with yet another emotional, physical and hormonal minefield...given my time again I'd still choose not to have sex earlier than I did.

Dextra
April 27th, 2004, 11:31 AM
I was 14 when I lost my virginity. I would have rather waited until I was older though. I didn't know what I was doing (and looking back on it, neither did he). I just wasn't emotionally mature enough to handle it, and I didn't even start to enjoy it until I was older, like in my 20s. I know everyone is different, and it's easy for a teenager to say that they are mature enough to handle it. I know I said the same thing. But hindsight's 20/20, and the stuff in front of you may appear better than it really is.

Antoninus
April 27th, 2004, 11:32 AM
I personally think sex helps you BE emotionally ready. Sex is part of a healthy happy relationship, and ive seen ALOT of highschool relationships crumble that could have actually had a decent chance of surviving if the people involved had decided to maybe try sex but be responsible about it. The guy and girl try to abstain from sex, but they both are trying to ignore thier own sexual desires as human beings, that creates sexual tension and tension between the couple. That tension can DESTROY relationships, even BEYOND highschool levels.

Im not advocating mindless sex or huge orgies. Im talking about occasional PROTECTED and RESPONSIBLE sex with someone close to you. Im not saying go to a party and say "FREE RIDE!"

We, as human beings, are used to sex. When we were cavemen, we would start breeding as soon as a girl hit puberty. Instintively, we are used to that, civilzation hasnt been around long enough to curb our breeding desires at such a young age. Thats why teenagers are so horny all the time, because for a looooong time, we would be having sex at our age. So by having sex younger, it satisfies your natural instincts and helps you. Sex clears your head, calms you down. And I DO speak from experience here.

Ben Trismegistus
April 27th, 2004, 12:10 PM
I don't think you can make generalizations. It depends on a LARGE number of variables -- how intelligent and responsible the person is, who their partner is, how long they've been dating, etc. etc. etc. I think that the biggest variable is the relationship between you and your partner. I wouldn't advocate casual sex at 16, but other than that, why not?

I was 15 when I lost my virginity. My girlfriend and I had been dating for 11 months, so we were obviously in a very serious relationship and weren't just hopping into bed. And I married her, so I guess it worked out fine.

If you're going to have sex, don't do it because it cures headaches and hay fever. Do it because you love the person you're with and want to share something wonderful with them.

Druchii
April 27th, 2004, 12:13 PM
The difference is, when you have sex that is all it is. It simply being reduced to a stress release, is just criminal! An act, that is a culmination, that is all too beautiful because wonderful things like children and the bonding of true love can occur from it...
THAT is what all younger people miss the message on it. You speak of breeding and carnal biological desires. All you have done is look at it from one side of the looking glass...
Teenagers that experience so much so fast never learn to appreciate the finer points of their signifigant others...
You speak of responsibility, but when so few ADULTS even persue sex such a frame of responsibilty, do you really expect today's youth to benefit from such a thing?
If you can enjoy sex for what it is then do so, but do not think that others could benefit from it. I was scared of it and for the most part really disinterested in the whole thing.
At a time when the vast majority of young people are still overly concerned with grades, style, and prom; casual ( if responsible ) sex is only another already present stress hurdle that causes more pain and questions at that point. And for many, it never goes away...
And what is "close" defined as when you are 16 or 13 or even 24? It rarely is the same for either person involved in the situation.
And from personal experience, take heed of this.
MOST women, hold in more pain about casual sex encouters, that ANY amount of joy that a man can derive from casual sex...

FaerieGothMommy
April 27th, 2004, 12:33 PM
I don't think you can make generalizations. It depends on a LARGE number of variables -- how intelligent and responsible the person is, who their partner is, how long they've been dating, etc. etc. etc. I think that the biggest variable is the relationship between you and your partner. I wouldn't advocate casual sex at 16, but other than that, why not?

I was 15 when I lost my virginity. My girlfriend and I had been dating for 11 months, so we were obviously in a very serious relationship and weren't just hopping into bed. And I married her, so I guess it worked out fine.

If you're going to have sex, don't do it because it cures headaches and hay fever. Do it because you love the person you're with and want to share something wonderful with them.

Very well said :) no one can make generalized opinions - i know i am alot more mature than alot of other 17 year olds.

With my current bf age has never been an issue, because it was serious! Age just didn't matter. But when i first lost it to a loser, age was everything! And mostly the cause of me doing it!

You can't really say "right your under 18, your not mature enough" or "your 18+ your mature enough to do what you like" it really is down to the individual.

Moon Momma
April 27th, 2004, 12:47 PM
Ok, I hatr to say it, but I have recieved that same list of benefits a zillion times in email forwards.. often with the Chocolate is a Veggie one...lol.

But on a more serious note, I think 16 y/os don't need to be having sex. It's a big thing and a lot of changes, physically and emotionally. I lost my virginity at 15, and while I don't regret it, I would wait if I could do it again.


Same here!! I was 15 and I wish I would have waited, at least another year or two.
It scares the crap out of me that my 13 yr old is thinking about sex!! But I am very proud of the fact that she came to me and told me she was. Now I just have to find a way to talk her out of it while giving her freedom to make her own decisions...I want her to make the right ones!

crashtime
April 27th, 2004, 12:55 PM
I agree a lot with what others have said. I'm 21 and I still don't think I'm prepared to be a mother...I know I certainly wasn't when I was 16! Also, try to put off having sex as long as possible....because once you start you aren't going to want to stop. ;)

You have your whole life to have sex...:lol:

skye*
April 27th, 2004, 01:06 PM
I Had Sexual Relations With Other Girls, And Had A Girlfriend For 4 Yrs. We Split Up And I Was Single Until I Fell In Love With My Best Friend Who Happened To Be A Guy. So I Didnt Start Having Sex With Guys Until I Was 21. I Used Protection And Still Ended Up Prego And Had My Son Atreyu. I Couldnt Imagine Having A Child At 16! Wich Is The Reg Age For Most Teens To Get Preg Now A Days. There Are Tons Of Teens Births Now, Everywhere You Look. Orgies And Teens Just Not Caring Who They Sleep With For Attention. Gee It Will Make Me Popular, Most Dont Even Care And End Up With Low Self Esteem Issues, Or Worse Rape!
I Was Raped At Age 14 By A Boy Who Was Giving Me A Ride Home From School. I Knew Him Well And Thought We Were Freinds. I Was So Scared That I Never Told, Not Even My Friends. I Had Major Depression And Was Hospitolized Because I Tryed To O.d. A Month Later. I Had Issues For Months After, Wouldnt Even Speak To Boys Or Let Anyone Touch Me For About 2 Yrs. Wich I Still Think That Beings Gay Probably Had Something To Do With That.

So Im My Opionion Im Def Against It! Wait Till Your Older You Have Plenty Of Time To Have Sex Later On In Life. There Are Olther Ways Of Releiving Stress.



Merry Blessings

Ravensnest
April 27th, 2004, 01:29 PM
I personally think sex helps you BE emotionally ready. Sex is part of a healthy happy relationship, and ive seen ALOT of highschool relationships crumble that could have actually had a decent chance of surviving if the people involved had decided to maybe try sex but be responsible about it. The guy and girl try to abstain from sex, but they both are trying to ignore thier own sexual desires as human beings, that creates sexual tension and tension between the couple. That tension can DESTROY relationships, even BEYOND highschool levels.

We, as human beings, are used to sex. When we were cavemen, we would start breeding as soon as a girl hit puberty. Instintively, we are used to that, civilzation hasnt been around long enough to curb our breeding desires at such a young age. Thats why teenagers are so horny all the time, because for a looooong time, we would be having sex at our age.-
Antoninus


First, if a relationship will fail or succeed on whether there is sex or not it's not a good relationship to begin with. There are many times in life when you will have to abstain from sex whether it's physical or simply emotional. If your relationship isn't strong enough to survive then it wasn't a good relationship at all. Sex is a part of it but when the relationship is good sex is a smaller part of the relationship. That doesn't mean it's not important anymore simply that the relationship is based on much more than sex. You are speaking of relationships that are based on sex.

Next, for the caveman analogy.. . well.. that's just the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. There were a lot of things cavemen did that I don't think you'd want to do or think were okay. It's kind of like bible thumpers justifying bigotry using scripture but not living exactly as it's written in the bible themselves. I point out to them.. you can't. Not only is it antiquated, a great deal of it would be illegal as well.

Cavemen may have acted on instinct.. that instict by the way was also an instinct to procreate. So by your analogy all teenagers should be trying to get pregnant because that's why the cavemen had the instinct so young.. to further the species. The fact is we are not cavemen. We are not just animals with no ability to think past our genitals.



Surely just because 'you' weren't ready when you were however-old, doesn't mean that some other people aren't either? Everyone develops at their own pace... Just my 2c.

Sex doesn't necessarily equal a family. I had sex when I was 14, and I've turned out ok.

Dont get me wrong, I'm not offended by anything anyone's saying, I just think people's minds are a little... closed... because of their own bad experiences.

edit - bear in mind I'm 20, not 15 -macha


Everyone may develop at their own pace but the one thing we all have in common is that we do grow and mature and down the road look back at the teens we were and laugh. Even those of us who were more mature.

And while sex doesn't have to equate a family it can. My mother used to always tell me "Never date anyone you wouldn't marry" it didn't make sense when she said it. I'd just laugh because I wasn't going to marry everyone I dated so why couldn't I just have fun with whoever? Now I understand.. because you never know who you will ultimately fall in love with or what will happen. And if you date people who do not have the qualities you want in a partner you might just find yourself in love with them anyway and usually find yourself divorced down the road. Or you think your in love with them, and you get pregnant.. your stuck with them forever.

Sex can equate a family and therefore unless your financially and emotionally able to handle that you shouldn't be sexually active. And yeah, I kind of feel that way about some adults too :lol:

Children are not ready to be in that kind of relationship. Even when they thnk they are. There is a reason teens go through so many relationships in school. And yes, there are people who dated in high school, married and have been together for many years but the odds are against you. If your relationship is strong enough to move you through high school, marriage and life then it's strong enough to survive abstinance.

KatCallide
April 27th, 2004, 03:36 PM
Children are not ready to be in that kind of relationship. Even when they thnk they are. There is a reason teens go through so many relationships in school. And yes, there are people who dated in high school, married and have been together for many years but the odds are against you. If your relationship is strong enough to move you through high school, marriage and life then it's strong enough to survive abstinance.
You're right, children aren't ready for that but some Teens are. In my opinion, it all comes down to the individual (like many have said). Some teens under 18 are emotionally and physically ready for sex.

I'm 17 and i'm still a virgin but that's because I haven't had a serious enough relationship yet that I thought was ready for sex. I don't think casuall sex at my age is right, actually at ANY age I don't think it's right but in a serious relationship... then yeah: Some can be ready for it at any age.

Oh and btw: I DO agree that sexual tension in any relationship (ANY age) can ruin or damage a relationship .... even a very strong and 'good' one.

boerbabe
April 27th, 2004, 03:57 PM
Ancient man were under the same law as other animals are now- survival of the fitest. Not only did that mean that had to be able to take care of each other, it also meant that they had to pass on their genetic line to suceed. Which means at least two offspring that will survive.

In order to do this, a lot of offspring would be needed because enviromental factors will take many of them, which means early and prolific breeding would be needed to ensure this because the life span was not anywhere near as long as ours is today.

Ancient man may have become monogomous simply the same way as some higher order primates may have. One mate = security & food = taking care and ensuring your (and only yours) genetic line is cared for and nurtured = ultimate goal of continuing your genetics. This may have been caused by females first learning to hide eustrus, and then later becoming "seasonal" in a way then ensured the current child would be raised before another came about and caused less then optimum care for the first one. Again, this would ensure that the line would have a better chance at survival.

So puberty = sex was probably not good enough reason. It was a simple act of animal survival to do it. But we are not animals like we once were, and we do not need to wear our bodies out by having dozens of children at a very young age to ensure out genetics. We have advanced far, far beyond that point.

Lai
April 27th, 2004, 06:50 PM
Sorry if I'm echoing earlier posts, since I have'nt read through every page. :)

I'm 16, and I honestly do NOT think that kids this age are ready for sex. My body tells me that it wouldn't mind in the least, but my mind knows better. There's always a chance of a child resulting--to me it seems unbelievably selfish to burden your parents with worry and expense, not to mention take away from your own education. Even if you give up the child, will you be able to handle the emotional distress?

As healthy and gratifying as sex may be, at this age we need to be focusing on our childhood... we're forced to grow up fast enough as it is. Why rush it by risking parenthood?

Then again... maybe I can say these things because I'm a virgin. :lol:

nomadicdragon
April 27th, 2004, 06:56 PM
Personally, I think that as a teenager, most teenagers are not emotionally ready for the impact of having sex. It's a game or something that is glamorous, something grown up. I think that sex is something that is treated far to lightly in this society. It's not just some new toy to play with(snicker). Seriously, I think that your first time should be well thought out. There are too many regrets that people have.

just my opinion.

Ravensnest
April 27th, 2004, 07:07 PM
You're right, children aren't ready for that but some Teens are. In my opinion, it all comes down to the individual (like many have said). Some teens under 18 are emotionally and physically ready for sex.

I'm 17 and i'm still a virgin but that's because I haven't had a serious enough relationship yet that I thought was ready for sex. I don't think casuall sex at my age is right, actually at ANY age I don't think it's right but in a serious relationship... then yeah: Some can be ready for it at any age.

Oh and btw: I DO agree that sexual tension in any relationship (ANY age) can ruin or damage a relationship .... even a very strong and 'good' one.


I agree there are some teens who at the very least think they are ready for it but they aren't thinking beyond the act itself. Even if you use birth control there is not only a risk of pregnancy but STD's as well. And the majority of teens are not ready physically, emotionally or financially to handle those consequences. And when you're 40 anyone under 18 is a child whether you call them a teen or not :lol:

I'm proud of you for holding out and not copromising your values. My problem with the "serious relationship" thing is that many teens think they're in a serious relationship anytime they've dated someone for awhile. They will go through many "serious relationships" before they graduate high school. They don't see down the road only the moment.

And I can see why at 17 you would think sexual tension in a relationship could damage the relationship. You do not have the life experience yet to see it any other way. And I promise you, 10, 15 and 20 years from now you will look back at who you are now and think "man, I had so much to learn" and you will smile about it. Everyone does. The basic core of who I am has always stayed the same but, there is so much that has changed over the years as well. And it's the same for everyone I've ever talked to. Especially those of us who kept journals as kids. It's almost difficult to look back at old journals and realize the things I though were important at that age. And I was mature for my age. I had to grow up fast. Helped raise my younger siblings and watched other children to help out with the family finances from the age of 12. Even still, so much that I wrote about, so much that seemed monumental to me then I look back at now with some years of experience and maturity and realize just how unimportant they really were. And see also that I was ultimately just a kid in spite of the fact that I had the responsibilities of someone much older than myself.

Ultimately when my daughter hits teen years I will tell her the same thing my mother told me.. It would be better if you waited to have sex until your an adult and in a committed relationship. Sex is not just an act between two people but, the sharing of the most precious thing you can share with another person.. yourself. You cannot take it back once it's done. BUT... if she is going to do it anyway please come to me and we will arrange for birth control. If she doesn't feel comfortable coming to me I will set it up with her doctor that he is authorized to give her birth control and charge me for it without telling me it's actually for birth control.

My mother raised 4 kids from birth (I have 3 adopted siblings who were teens when adopted) and out of the 4 only one had sex before they were out of high school. The other 3 remained virgins until our early twenties. For two of us it was with the guys we either married or thought we were going to marry. The one who did lose their virginity in school was on the football team. Those aren't bad odds.

I just believe that the bulk of teenagers are not ready physically, emotionally and definitely not financially for sex and the consequences of sex.

Mayru
April 27th, 2004, 07:09 PM
I think its all very personal and both partners should be mature enough to understand what they are doing and what it could lead to... not only STD's, and possible pregnancy
but (as shallow as it seems) reputation. I was 16 when i lost my virginity (with my first boyfriend) , I wish i hadnt, I really wasent ready, even tho i thought i was. I know it really isnt a big thing but it has plagued me ever since. I got reputation of being easy, it wasent true, but it still hurt. Guys i really liked would date me but would never take me seriously, they would spread lies about me. I thought that it would only affect me. But thats not true, its affecting my current relationship. Anyway...
Both have to be mature and you should know your partner, just to be sure they wont hurt you later on.

morrigen
April 27th, 2004, 07:11 PM
I personally think sex helps you BE emotionally ready. Sex is part of a healthy happy relationship, and ive seen ALOT of highschool relationships crumble that could have actually had a decent chance of surviving if the people involved had decided to maybe try sex but be responsible about it. The guy and girl try to abstain from sex, but they both are trying to ignore thier own sexual desires as human beings, that creates sexual tension and tension between the couple. That tension can DESTROY relationships, even BEYOND highschool levels.

Im not advocating mindless sex or huge orgies. Im talking about occasional PROTECTED and RESPONSIBLE sex with someone close to you. Im not saying go to a party and say "FREE RIDE!"

We, as human beings, are used to sex. When we were cavemen, we would start breeding as soon as a girl hit puberty. Instintively, we are used to that, civilzation hasnt been around long enough to curb our breeding desires at such a young age. Thats why teenagers are so horny all the time, because for a looooong time, we would be having sex at our age. So by having sex younger, it satisfies your natural instincts and helps you. Sex clears your head, calms you down. And I DO speak from experience here.

Is this a joke?

I'm asking honestly...it just seems as if the attitudes expressed here are...I mean *nothing* in this post has been thought through...analyzed beyond trite pseudo-theories and a desire for instant gratification.

There is so much I could say here...so much in way of explanation...but I m literally at a loss for words...I really am wondering if this is a joke, or a provocation of some kind...

If not.....My Gods! This post proves beyond a doubt that you shouldn't be having sex yet....

Mayru
April 27th, 2004, 07:21 PM
and I would like to add... What she said! I agree with Morrigen

Ravensnest
April 27th, 2004, 07:24 PM
This post proves beyond a doubt that you shouldn't be having sex yet....

:lol: :lol: I couldn't agree more and you said the same thing as me but with so few words and yet it's perfect :floating:

Druchii
April 27th, 2004, 07:26 PM
Is this a joke?

I'm asking honestly...it just seems as if the attitudes expressed here are...I mean *nothing* in this post has been thought through...analyzed beyond trite pseudo-theories and a desire for instant gratification.

There is so much I could say here...so much in way of explanation...but I m literally at a loss for words...I really am wondering if this is a joke, or a provocation of some kind...

If not.....My Gods! This post proves beyond a doubt that you shouldn't be having sex yet....

The caveman analogy is bizarre, out of context in this issue, and odd.

nomadicdragon
April 27th, 2004, 07:28 PM
LOL. Well said Morrigen.

Ravensnest
April 27th, 2004, 07:28 PM
I think its all very personal and both partners should be mature enough to understand what they are doing and what it could lead to... not only STD's, and possible pregnancy
but (as shallow as it seems) reputation. I was 16 when i lost my virginity (with my first boyfriend) , I wish i hadnt, I really wasent ready, even tho i thought i was. I know it really isnt a big thing but it has plagued me ever since. I got reputation of being easy, it wasent true, but it still hurt. Guys i really liked would date me but would never take me seriously, they would spread lies about me. I thought that it would only affect me. But thats not true, its affecting my current relationship. Anyway...
Both have to be mature and you should know your partner, just to be sure they wont hurt you later on.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. And yes, it's another reason not to have sex as a teen. That reputation does follow and hurt you. I still hate that you have to deal with it. And this is key to the point I've been trying to make "I was 16 when i lost my virginity (with my first boyfriend) , I wish i hadnt, I really wasent ready, even tho i thought i was."
I think a lot of teens "think" they're ready. They think the person they're with is someone they love and will be with for a long time and the bulk of the time the relationship doesn't last near as long as they thought and they weren't as "in love" as they thought. They were in love with the idea of being in love but, not really in love. Though at the moment it felt like they were.

You just continue to stand tall and don't compromise your values. Your body is the most intimate special thing you will ever share with another human being. Make sure they are worth sharing something so special with.

Mayru
April 27th, 2004, 07:32 PM
Thats why i posted, you dont really know what you want when your 16... Most of the time anyway.

Isil Darkmoon
April 27th, 2004, 07:35 PM
Also consider... for a teenage girl, *your* gratification may be a lot of PAIN for her. For many girls, the first few sexual encounters are, quite honestly, going to be horrible. No matter the skill of their partners, having torn tissue inside you is GOING to hurt. If you're with a first-timer, sex will NOT be good for you. It will be slow, awkward, and emotionally fraught. You'd get more of your "health benifits" and "clear-headedness" from self-gratification.

And, honestly, I do not believe ANY full, longterm, commited relationship that sex can "make or break" IS a full, longterm, committed relationship. Now, I have NO OBJECTION to sex for sex sake, or having a relationship with someone that's nearly wholly physical. But to say that abstinence made a relationship fall apart is hogwash.

There will be times even in the most loving of relationships that sex is just NOT POSSIBLE. A prologued illness, military deployment, business vacation. Now, the DISTANCE may cause some problems, but those are problems that would probably come out anyways... and are almost always problems of COMMUNICATION. The simple lack of sex will NOT make a true bonded relationship fall apart like that.

Dusk
April 27th, 2004, 07:45 PM
I first had sex as a teen. I'm not sorry, not at all.

Isil Darkmoon
April 27th, 2004, 07:49 PM
Dusk, I did too (although it was with my lifepartner; we're still together 6 years later). I'm not saying sex as a teen is a bad thing. I don't regret my choice.

HOWEVER, I think your reasons for doing so need to be very clear to yourself, and also honest. Most of the "reasons" antonious has been giving are to me (and many others) a total copout, used to cover the real reason of "I want physical pleasure". Lying--to self, or others--about WHY, is what's the bad thing. You need to have a better reason for it than an email chainletter foreward.

Ravensnest
April 27th, 2004, 07:51 PM
Also consider... for a teenage girl, *your* gratification may be a lot of PAIN for her. For many girls, the first few sexual encounters are, quite honestly, going to be horrible. No matter the skill of their partners, having torn tissue inside you is GOING to hurt. If you're with a first-timer, sex will NOT be good for you. It will be slow, awkward, and emotionally fraught. You'd get more of your "health benifits" and "clear-headedness" from self-gratification.

And, honestly, I do not believe ANY full, longterm, commited relationship that sex can "make or break" IS a full, longterm, committed relationship. Now, I have NO OBJECTION to sex for sex sake, or having a relationship with someone that's nearly wholly physical. But to say that abstinence made a relationship fall apart is hogwash.

There will be times even in the most loving of relationships that sex is just NOT POSSIBLE. A prologued illness, military deployment, business vacation. Now, the DISTANCE may cause some problems, but those are problems that would probably come out anyways... and are almost always problems of COMMUNICATION. The simple lack of sex will NOT make a true bonded relationship fall apart like that.

YES YES YES AND YES :hehehehe:

nvrgnabok07
April 27th, 2004, 07:51 PM
I mean, quite honestly, I think that sex is a good thing..or at least it seems to be (I'm still a virgin) if you use protection. Maybe that's just my horomones though :)

Tanoshii Gekitsuu
April 27th, 2004, 08:16 PM
I had one of my best friends over during the summer and he tried making me have sex. I was scared as hell, and now I'm glad I didn't have sex. REALLY glad. If I would have, I would have given myself to someone I really didn't love as a whole.
Personally, I think people should wait for the person they KNOW they'll be with. Nowadays, teens just say "**** it, I'm going to have sex because I feel like it!" People break up with others because they don't want the sex! It's silly, people are becoming so dependent on sex in a relationship. We should wait awhile before it's taken to that level, don't you think? I know I want to be in a relatonship with someone I can trust, not with someone to just be in bed with.

Dusk
April 27th, 2004, 08:22 PM
Dusk, I did too (although it was with my lifepartner; we're still together 6 years later). I'm not saying sex as a teen is a bad thing. I don't regret my choice.

HOWEVER, I think your reasons for doing so need to be very clear to yourself, and also honest. Most of the "reasons" antonious has been giving are to me (and many others) a total copout, used to cover the real reason of "I want physical pleasure". Lying--to self, or others--about WHY, is what's the bad thing. You need to have a better reason for it than an email chainletter foreward.

I wasn't replying to you specifically. My appologies if that is how it looked. :) I also didn't intend to imply that I was agreeing or disagreeing with any specific poster. I was only adding my own comment on the topic in general.

Cielamara
April 27th, 2004, 08:44 PM
I am seventeen, soon to be eighteen. I see nothing wrong with casual sex, or sex for sex's sake, or sex for emotional fulfillment. I don't have a problem with one night stands, or with long-term emotional explosions.
However, I agree with Isil. I don't see how it's possible for a young, inexperienced guy riding on a hormone high to give a young, inexperienced girl much pleasure, if any at all. And, I do believe that doctors would probably agree that sex at an early age causes physical complications for girls--that, sex before their bodies have fully matured, which doesn't really occur till you're about sixteen-eighteen, can cause damage. Just because your body wants sex doesn't mean it'd be good for it.
But, one condition that I have to make, regardless of age or emotional maturity or whatever--do wait till you're financially able to support the potential consequences of your actions. If nothing else.

Valkie
April 27th, 2004, 08:52 PM
I'm going to try to make this short... bear with me. I don't think sex at any age is nessesary... extreamly enjoyable, yes. Nessesary, no.

To be blunt about it, I popped my cherry at 16 with a one night stand with my future hubby's, bestfriend's boyfriend. Was it a magical, awe enspiring event... hell no! It was what I expected it to be... done to be done.

If you are debating on whether or not you're ready to have sex, you're not. It's that simple. It is one of those things that gets better when your older, have more experience, and know what you are doing.

And, as stated before, you have to be able to accept the responsibility that comes (no pun intended) with doing the deed.

KatCallide
April 27th, 2004, 11:34 PM
I agree there are some teens who at the very least think they are ready for it but they aren't thinking beyond the act itself. Even if you use birth control there is not only a risk of pregnancy but STD's as well. And the majority of teens are not ready physically, emotionally or financially to handle those consequences. And when you're 40 anyone under 18 is a child whether you call them a teen or not :lol:

I'm proud of you for holding out and not copromising your values. My problem with the "serious relationship" thing is that many teens think they're in a serious relationship anytime they've dated someone for awhile. They will go through many "serious relationships" before they graduate high school. They don't see down the road only the moment.

And I can see why at 17 you would think sexual tension in a relationship could damage the relationship. You do not have the life experience yet to see it any other way. .
I agree with what most of you are saying: That most of us aren't ready for sex. BUT I really hate seeing people say "All teenagers that age aren't ready" "No person that age is emotionally ready for sex"

It bothers me because no one can say that about every teen. SOME teens ARE ready (not think, are) for sex, it's as simple as that. People mature faster than others. Some people over 18 aren't ready for sex. It just depends on the person. I think it's wrong for anyone to assume that everyone under 18 is just not mature enough.

lol Don't worry... I don't think a serious relationship is just being together for a long time. The last relationship I had lasted for 2 years and I still didn't think we were close to being 'ready' for sex (which was a good decision btw cuz he flippped over me 'becoming' Pagan and practically ran away :rolleyes: )

The only reason I said anything about the sexual tension isn't because I think it can ruin or damage a relationship; it's because I watched it happen to people that were very close to me (and no they weren't my age) I'm just saying that it could happen to anyone at any age and just because it doesn't sound 'right' or whatever doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

If I have kids i'll tell them the same thing my mom told me also (lol I think most of us will follow our moms..... well most) My mom has made it clear that she wants me to wait, but she also understands that she can't stop me if I feel it's the 'right time'. So she let me know that I can always come to her if I feel the need to be on the pill. That doesn't mean that she'll approve though.

Ravensnest
April 28th, 2004, 12:23 AM
I agree with what most of you are saying: That most of us aren't ready for sex. BUT I really hate seeing people say "All teenagers that age aren't ready" "No person that age is emotionally ready for sex"



I do believe there are some teens (though I also believe it's rare) that might be ready. Unfortunately the teen they'll be doing it with probably isn't. I also know that what you think and feel as a teenager is greatly different than what you feel and think as an adult. Simply because life happens and you grow and learn.

Your mom sounds like mine did :)

FaerieGothMommy
April 28th, 2004, 04:56 AM
I agree with what most of you are saying: That most of us aren't ready for sex. BUT I really hate seeing people say "All teenagers that age aren't ready" "No person that age is emotionally ready for sex"

It bothers me because no one can say that about every teen. SOME teens ARE ready (not think, are) for sex, it's as simple as that. People mature faster than others. Some people over 18 aren't ready for sex. It just depends on the person. I think it's wrong for anyone to assume that everyone under 18 is just not mature enough.

THANK YOU!! I'm glad someone pointed this out :lol:

mucgwyrt
April 28th, 2004, 05:21 AM
THANK YOU!! I'm glad someone pointed this out :lol:

I agree wholeheartedly.
Just because the people posting on this board did not feel ready sex at whatever age, does not mean everyone else isnt too!

Gwyndara
April 28th, 2004, 06:02 AM
Having been raped at a young age I have my own oppinions about men and sex there for I will not give you My opinion about myself but here is what I think about the age thing.
I am 28, my sister is 23 and my brother is 14. Age has nothing to do with your maturity level, either you are ready or your not. My 14 yearold brother is at times more mature than my 23 year old sister, but by no means is he prepared to have sex he is just not ready for that yet.
He and I had a long talk about it, and a lot of his friends are having sex, he says he wants to wait for the right woman and I am both thankful and rileived that he wants to do it the right way.
weather it is two years or twenty years away doesn't matter, so long as he is emotionaly ready.

FaerieGothMommy
April 28th, 2004, 07:12 AM
Having been raped at a young age I have my own oppinions about men and sex there for I will not give you My opinion about myself but here is what I think about the age thing.
I am 28, my sister is 23 and my brother is 14. Age has nothing to do with your maturity level, either you are ready or your not. My 14 yearold brother is at times more mature than my 23 year old sister, but by no means is he prepared to have sex he is just not ready for that yet.
He and I had a long talk about it, and a lot of his friends are having sex, he says he wants to wait for the right woman and I am both thankful and rileived that he wants to do it the right way.
weather it is two years or twenty years away doesn't matter, so long as he is emotionaly ready.

Nicely said :)

mucgwyrt
April 28th, 2004, 07:15 AM
Having been raped at a young age I have my own oppinions about men and sex there for I will not give you My opinion about myself but here is what I think about the age thing.
I am 28, my sister is 23 and my brother is 14. Age has nothing to do with your maturity level, either you are ready or your not. My 14 yearold brother is at times more mature than my 23 year old sister, but by no means is he prepared to have sex he is just not ready for that yet.
He and I had a long talk about it, and a lot of his friends are having sex, he says he wants to wait for the right woman and I am both thankful and rileived that he wants to do it the right way.
weather it is two years or twenty years away doesn't matter, so long as he is emotionaly ready.

here here.

pawnman
April 28th, 2004, 09:18 AM
Here's what I think. I'm not a parent yet, so it may change.

I'm going to teach my kids this:

"Sex is not "just for fun". You should never have sex with someone you don't love at that moment. Do you have to be married? I don't think so. But you shouldn't be after sex just to have sex. Sex should be part of a much deeper relationship, not the end goal. You should never lie, cheat, or steal your way into someone's pants, you should be open and honest in all your dealings when it comes to love (and life, for that matter). Protect yourself, don't ever leave that to your partner. And always, always feel free to come to your mother and I with anything. We won't throw you out if you're pregnant (or you got someone else pregnant). We will take you to the doctor if need be. We'd rather you do it here, in your own bedroom, than out there in our minivan."

Like I said, I may have a different attitude after I have kids.

Bran83
April 28th, 2004, 09:33 AM
In my personal opinion I think kids should wait to they are at least 18. While the beauty and relaxfull treatment of sex is an intresting approach to the subject, you have to look at the fact of are they responcible enough to buy condoms? Also the issue of STD's and risk of getting pregnant.

Because lets face it.... kid buys a condom keeps it in his wallet for thirty days and has sex, the condom breaks and he is looking at being the only father on his little league team. I think at this age kids should be told the risks and given proper information on how to put a condom on let alone using one.

Also there is the issue of self gratification and its importance. They did a survey of Sweeden, which teaches middle school girls the rewards of masterbation, and when asked if they are sexually active, they said yes, but just with themselves. That they would like to have sex, but rather wait. The importance of masturbation and being taught at a young age is really learning what turns you on, builds endurance (so that your not a minute man and can actually enjoy the experience rather then feeling inadequate), and also alleviates much of that sexual tension that a person was reffering to before. I also believe psychologically it allows kids to recognize the fact that they can gratify themselves (not just sexually) and that they dont need someone else to do that for them.

pawnman
April 28th, 2004, 09:40 AM
Bran,

While I'm all for masturbation (perhaps a little too much :lol: ), I don't think I want some public school health teacher telling my kids how it works. I didn't have any instruction, and I figured it out just fine.

Smackthecricket
April 28th, 2004, 09:57 AM
Ok i'm going to reply because this are targets my group.. I am 18 and have been active I am emotionaly aware of all concequences and take everyting in to account I like sex and I love love and love making woth the right person.. I also know thta there is an large amount od presmisquiety (spelling?/??) going on where the is no protection and they hsve no clue who ther with and there not ready mentaly and emotionallly,.. I my self have gotten on birth control and aleays know who I'm with and use protection.. you can never be to careful!

Bran83
April 28th, 2004, 10:39 AM
Bran,

While I'm all for masturbation (perhaps a little too much :lol: ), I don't think I want some public school health teacher telling my kids how it works. I didn't have any instruction, and I figured it out just fine.

Well congradulations...would you like a gold star?

Of course many people discover it on their own.... but the issue comes with the majority of Christian teaching about sex and masturbation. The feeling of shame that is associated with it. By making it socially acceptable you could see a reduction of sexual promiscuity of teens.

Now your probably saying "Well there having sex and that isnt very christian." Well yes, but why are they having sex. Because society has made it a type of rites of passage for young males, and its an "adult" and a type of "rebellious" thing to do, to show how much of a man and how mature you are, by societal standards.

The real issue is not that teens are having sex, but the reasons as to why they are having sex. A hundred different reasons such as the need for intimacy (by having sex with this person it will show that they truely love me and want me), so that they'll look cool and so on and so forth...reasons and feelings that shouldnt be associated with sex, but are starting to.

Masturbation also has this image that its just something that you do when you look at porn. Well no, its also a psychological way of A) relieving sexual tension (something often associated with rape or poor dissions on the male's part such as not using a condom in the heat of the moment), and B) helps the person recognize in themselves that they can gratify themselves (kind of like the Freudian Oral Stage of development where a pacifier would be used to teach the child the ability to learn to calm and comfort themselves).

By teaching the kids the importance of masturbation, it will alleviate teh shame and probably cut back the sexual activity of teens till they reach an appropriate age (which could be from 15 on) where they have talked to teh person about the prospect, waited a period of time till both sides where comfortable (minimum a week), the condoms were bought, and they feel that its consentual and trust one another to embark upon this wonderful experience. There is a book where a Dr who counciled teens wrote of a story about a client of hers (who was Wiccan coincidently), and she went through the nine points with this 15 year old girl. Ill try to find it....but it wont be till a while till I do if anyone is intrested in knowing the title PM me and ill get back to when i can.
(I wish I remember the name of the woman that wanted masturbation to be taught in public schools....it was a couple of years ago, does any one know... she made a whole case about why it should.)

Valkie
April 28th, 2004, 10:53 AM
Well congradulations...would you like a gold star?

Of course many people discover it on their own.... but the issue comes with the majority of Christian teaching about sex and masturbation. The feeling of shame that is associated with it. By making it socially acceptable you could see a reduction of sexual promiscuity of teens.

Now your probably saying "Well there having sex and that isnt very christian." Well yes, but why are they having sex. Because society has made it a type of rites of passage for young males, and its an "adult" and a type of "rebellious" thing to do, to show how much of a man and how mature you are, by societal standards.

The real issue is not that teens are having sex, but the reasons as to why they are having sex. A hundred different reasons such as the need for intimacy (by having sex with this person it will show that they truely love me and want me), so that they'll look cool and so on and so forth...reasons and feelings that shouldnt be associated with sex, but are starting to.

Masturbation also has this image that its just something that you do when you look at porn. Well no, its also a psychological way of A) relieving sexual tension (something often associated with rape or poor dissions on the male's part such as not using a condom in the heat of the moment), and B) helps the person recognize in themselves that they can gratify themselves (kind of like the Freudian Oral Stage of development where a pacifier would be used to teach the child the ability to learn to calm and comfort themselves).

By teaching the kids the importance of masturbation, it will alleviate teh shame and probably cut back the sexual activity of teens till they reach an appropriate age (which could be from 15 on) where they have talked to teh person about the prospect, waited a period of time till both sides where comfortable (minimum a week), the condoms were bought, and they feel that its consentual and trust one another to embark upon this wonderful experience. There is a book where a Dr who counciled teens wrote of a story about a client of hers (who was Wiccan coincidently), and she went through the nine points with this 15 year old girl. Ill try to find it....but it wont be till a while till I do if anyone is intrested in knowing the title PM me and ill get back to when i can.
(I wish I remember the name of the woman that wanted masturbation to be taught in public schools....it was a couple of years ago, does any one know... she made a whole case about why it should.)

Well said.

pawnman
April 28th, 2004, 10:54 AM
Whoa, sorry Bran, didn't mean to ruffle any feathers. I suppose I can see the wisdom of telling kids that masturbation is OK in school (on the other hand, I don't think it will reduce the snickering or make kids feel any "cooler" about it). I just don't want my kids to be exposed to a how-to from some state employee. I think it's embarassing for the kids and the teacher. Really, how much is there to learn about it anyway?

I agree that it has a certain stigma, and it would be great to remove it. I just keep getting mental images of a 55-year-old health teacher strokinga banana and explaining the technique, and it does not appeal to me as something I'd want for my kids.

Dusk
April 28th, 2004, 11:29 AM
Telling people that masterbation is ok, does not mean that someone is showing them how to do it.

In all the sex ed I received in school, no one ever came close to saying "this is how you do it."

Smackthecricket
April 28th, 2004, 12:13 PM
Well Im 18 and of age and yes I do have sex I know the results and the responsibilities..Althought I can't speak for the majority of my peers... Iknow the peerson Im with...(for more than an hour like most!) I know the rprocussions and how yes sex does change everything.. Im on birth control and I always make sure my partner and I use protection.. I made the choice and was emotionaly and responsibily mature enough to make thta decision I love love making and love and sex but as I said before the majority of my peers dont they think its cool and in and out....

*A majority of children in the grades 7 and 7 admited they have no clue whats the A.I.D.S virus is.. Hell I knew what thta was long befoe that....

Anippe
April 28th, 2004, 12:17 PM
I have no idea what to say really, I still am a teen lol.

Cielamara
April 29th, 2004, 05:57 PM
I think Bran has a good point about masturbation education, and sex education.
I never received any sex education in middle school, or during the time I've been in high school. When I took health in middle/high school, we never discussed the reproductive systems. We never learned anything even about how our bodies worked. There were never even any special classes, or lectures, or anything,
to help girls deal with menstruation or self-esteem--even if they couldn't be bothered to have something for the guys, they should at least have something for the girls, don't you think? That's kind of a big change there! (Thank God for older sisters, right? What about the girls without older sisters?) There's never even been any sort of date-safety classes, any sort of papers handed out. It's like the only reference to sexuality allowed at school is a strict monitoring of the dress code. That's it.
I think there are probably a number of kids who, as mentioned, are ashamed of the idea of self-exploration because it seems "wrong" or "perverted." I would not be surprised if many of the sexually-active teenagers at my school--and in schools around the world!--admitted to having been sexually active because of a curiosity and need to know something more than they were being told, combined with the sexual frustration that comes from being exposed to commercialized sexuality, and not having anything to do with the hormonal rush that results--but have sex. Personally, I think that the conservative-minded school board members need to get off the abstinence-only bandwagon and teach kids something about sex. Teaching them abstinence only isn't going to do anything but result in more teenage pregnancies because the kids didn't know enough about birth control.
There's nothing quite so sad as seeing a girl shopping for a maternity evening gown to wear to the prom...
And now, I'm done ranting...for now.

boerbabe
April 29th, 2004, 06:14 PM
Whoa, sorry Bran, didn't mean to ruffle any feathers. I suppose I can see the wisdom of telling kids that masturbation is OK in school (on the other hand, I don't think it will reduce the snickering or make kids feel any "cooler" about it). I just don't want my kids to be exposed to a how-to from some state employee. I think it's embarassing for the kids and the teacher. Really, how much is there to learn about it anyway?

I agree that it has a certain stigma, and it would be great to remove it. I just keep getting mental images of a 55-year-old health teacher strokinga banana and explaining the technique, and it does not appeal to me as something I'd want for my kids.
When I was in 5th grade, they seperated the girls from the boys, and we all got to learn about why and how our bodies were changing- cheesey videos with badly drawn figures illustrating the developement of body hair and the like, periods for the girls, and what they mean, and I'm guessing erections and the like for the boys, though being a girl, I don't really know.

In high school, as a freshmen, we took the sex ed section of health as long as our parents allowed it. Most did, but there were a few that ended up with an extra unit of PE or something because the parents felt it was unchristian for that to be taught in school.

This time around, we learned about safe sex, diseases, preganancy, ect., though it was interesting because my health teacher was also the football coach, and embarrassed as all get out. He left the room when he showed the birth video.

Next door the health teather there talked about how wonderful it was to have sex with his wife when she was pregnant- nothing graphic, but his lectures revolved around how wonderful his wife is, and how you can have sex until the water breaks.

I think masterbation should be taught as an ok and accepted thing, albeit a private thing for the most part, and it probably would cut down on people not yet ready to have sex doing it. Even now at 23, I know one female friend who will admit to masterbating at all. It's just taboo and dirty in most people's minds, and the idea of anyone knowing you do it... :shhhh:

So there's a lot of difference between schools and teachers, but I think if the adults were more prepared to teach it, it would be better for the students as well.

And we did get to learn how to put condoms on bananas... :lol:

Araxie
April 30th, 2004, 10:53 PM
Sex may be good, but it's also takes a toll on emotional health and makes a break-up all the more painful.

Yvonne Belisle
April 30th, 2004, 11:47 PM
Everyone is different and emotial development is vital in this. My children have been told I have no problem with them having sex as soon as they can afford all the possible consiquences including a spouse and child. Prior to that self gratification is the course I would like to see them take.

A side note on that not every kid does figure masterbation out on their own. I had to explain it to my boys a situation they had no problems with but left me emotionally drained and badly shaken. It is not easy to explain something like that mess up too badly and you can give them hang ups, don't give enough information and they will go seeking it first hand. At this point with one of my boys if it were not for the fact that I think he would show it to all the neighbor kids I would probably get him a blow up doll for his next birthday. He isn't ready but his hormones have gone insane. :(

ArKane
May 1st, 2004, 08:45 AM
16+ is ok becasue the person is legal. It really comes down to weather or not your mature enough to make that big a step. Maturety dosent mean age either. I know plently of people that are adults and are as mature as a brick shithouse.

Sex isnt the most important thing in a realtionship like many teenagers think. Not all but the majority due to peer pressure and the like, beleive they have to have sex to feel 'grown up' or 'part of the crowd'.

You refer to makeing love as well. Casual sex, sex, ****ing [excuse the language] and making love can have very diferent meanings. All though all of those are fun, they can be quite differnet.

There are positives reasons and negatives reason like all things. Also alot of quesitons. Having sex doesnt always bring up those positive reasons. Take it from someone who knows. Being raped isnt going to bring up all the nice fluffy feelings is it? As I said makeing love and sex are two different things.

Also there are a heap of questions.

Am I ready?
Do I *truely* know what I am doing?
Am I doing this because I want to or am I being pressured into it?

It can be physical, emotional and mental. You dont want to look back on your teenage years and regret it.

I lost my *virginity* with another girl at 16. Not only for legal reasons but I wasn't ready to be intimate with another person until then. I wsn't peer pressured far from it and I have to say, I dont regret it.

All though I'm all for masterbation, I don't think someone telling you about it, is as good as finding out for yourself. Iwas 'doing things' to my body at a early age that felt good and I had no bloody idea what is was, only that I liked it. It wasn't untill a few years later fro mreading books and sex ed that I really knew what the hell I was doing.

Everybody has there own ideas about se. Everyone learns about it at some stage and in different ways. I was doing things with other girls at a early age and I had no clue what the hell it was. Masterbation is about exploring and finding out about your own body because if *you* dont know about your body then how the hell is the other person suppose to know?

I had sex educaiton is primary school but it basically was how not to get pregnant, how to put a condom on, what this was, what that was, how/why our bodies were changing etc..never how to do it.

MoonChild78
May 9th, 2004, 01:23 AM
my first time, as in I wanted it (as in not rape), I was 19 and to me it was just fun... not that I am 25, have been with the same person for 5 years, it has a whole new meaning. I know people that had it at 16 and I know people who had it at 40 and weren't prepared and those who were. It is all based on the person....

Gwyndara
May 9th, 2004, 07:56 AM
Also consider... for a teenage girl, *your* gratification may be a lot of PAIN for her. For many girls, the first few sexual encounters are, quite honestly, going to be horrible. No matter the skill of their partners, having torn tissue inside you is GOING to hurt. If you're with a first-timer, sex will NOT be good for you. It will be slow, awkward, and emotionally fraught. You'd get more of your "health benifits" and "clear-headedness" from self-gratification.

And, honestly, I do not believe ANY full, longterm, commited relationship that sex can "make or break" IS a full, longterm, committed relationship. Now, I have NO OBJECTION to sex for sex sake, or having a relationship with someone that's nearly wholly physical. But to say that abstinence made a relationship fall apart is hogwash.

There will be times even in the most loving of relationships that sex is just NOT POSSIBLE. A prologued illness, military deployment, business vacation. Now, the DISTANCE may cause some problems, but those are problems that would probably come out anyways... and are almost always problems of COMMUNICATION. The simple lack of sex will NOT make a true bonded relationship fall apart like that.
So TRUE

patc00123
May 12th, 2004, 03:57 AM
well upon a personal note i'm just going to over veiw the whole thing here sex is basicly the one thing given to us to releive every ailment just about but with this comes the limitations and there are so many as all have already seen listed and really teens dont really know what there doing most of the time to many things happening yes indeed sex would cure that or some of it im sure but looking to the darker side of this haveing sex once could lead to a major addiction to it that would be much easyer for a teen than any one else and they could go ot of controll but on the other hand sex is stress releif emotionaly and phsically healthy and just striaght fun there ma be bad things from it yea but along with that comes a greater good as well i leave faith in the ones who have to make the desicion but personally id say thats all you can do if you say no the child will do it out of spite you say yes and they will be paranoid and not talk about it to you so the correct answer in this is "what do you think is right for you in this matter?"

Kyra Kismet
June 22nd, 2004, 06:37 AM
Im 17 and still haven't been 'intimate' with someone..but for me thats fine I prefer kissing and cuddling!

MoonlightShadow
June 24th, 2004, 01:59 AM
I'm 17, and I first had sex a little before I turned 17. I also think that you can't generalize. I know plenty of people my age who aren't ready. My girlfriend and I had been together for about a year before it happened, and had talked about it quite a bit before it happened. She had been on birth control for a while, we used condoms, etc. We aren't ready for kids yet, but we wanted to see what it was like, and took whatever precautions we could. Sex certainly isn't the basis for our relationship, and if you asked me to go without it in order to be with her, I would say yes without a second thought.

punxzen
June 24th, 2004, 02:50 AM
Do you think its a good thing or that its healthy for teens (16+) to have PROTECTED and RESPONSIBLE sex? I dont mean like 5 times a week, I mean like maybe once every two weeks if that.

i wouldn't make a blanket statement and say its a good or healthy thing for a group of people of a certain age group to have sex. maybe its good and healthy for them to get excercise they enjoy, but that kind of thing is highly dependent upon the individual.

Smackthecricket
June 24th, 2004, 08:35 PM
well after reading the folowing postsI see thta cages have rattled ... I my self have nothing to hide. for 18 years old I have been told im ver mature for my age and it has been thta way all of my life "oh your so responible and mature for your age" well I am and I dont think like most of the "Children" of my age groupings. I lost my virginity at 13... yes I chose todo it protected and knew all of the concequences. I didn't become more active till I was about 16 withtthe same person for 3 years . getting me and my partner checked and on birthcontrol and using condoms. I believe sex is healthy as long as you are healthy enough (mentaly and physically) to do it responsibially. the kids of my age group are very unpredictable and immature and thoughtlessa nd never concider all of the conciquences. For example I hav no problem admitim I had a miscaraig when I was 16. that there is one of the %s of condoms not working anf I knew that what to do about it . other would just sit ther . I also think thta now the sex talk has to be better and more involved not just on sex but protection and masterbation and sexual preferance options. parents shun on sex but is thta not a call to go and do it any way to rebell. parents need to have a more involved talk to show thta there are options and that if they hav questions to go to them. insted of pushing them away . My mother is a single mom we had the period talk at 8 ( it runs in our family to mature early) and well we never ha the sex talk... I had known long before most people say someone should know.

lovemy1dane
June 25th, 2004, 05:52 PM
I say it depends on the individual. Although I lost my virginity at 16 and handled it fine. My best friend waited til she was 19 and could not handle it. However if MY KIDS were involved I would have to say at least 30 or 40 years old MAYBE! All joking aside I want them to wait until AT LEAST 16. I don't even want to hear about my 14 yr old french kissing his girlfriend on the bus, but thanks to my 12 year old blabbermouth DD I hear about it constantly!!