lucidia's moment of soul searching (a thought to ponder)

[Lucidia]

In this day and age, words that once meant so much are now thrown around like a hackysack in Union Square Park(1)

How many times have you met someone in person, or even online, and then the minute they seem down and out, all of a sudden you find yourself saying "you shouldn't feel bad, we all love you so much..."

I have no doubts that people can love on another without actually knowing each other's deep dark secrets and without being aware of their negative personality traits. After all, none of us are perfect.

But when was the last time you knew you'd give everything you'd ever had in life just to see them smile again.

When was the last time you knew you'd give up your life without a second thought, just to save theirs.

When was the last time you cried happy tears because your soul was overwhelmed with joy for them.

When was the last time you really forgave someone, and honestly tried to forget?

When was the last time you said "i love you" and meant it unconditionally.

We say we love people all the time. It's a phrase to denote thanks, or appreciation, happiness, and in some cases, actual emotional "love".

There have been so many definitions of love, and people who say there are many types of love.

But is this simple word losing it's meaning? Are we simply taking it's deeper inner meanings for granted?

the last time you said you loved someone... did you say it because you'd sacrafice anything, or did you say it with the same feeling you have when you say "i love cheese fries" or "i love these boots"

These questions are for you to answer to yourself. I have no doubts that many of you have sincere and deep "love" for people whom you have never met. I have experienced such feelings myself. I also have no doubts that some of you have said the word "love" to soothe a wound or fix a proverbial "foundational weak spot" in someone's emotional state, but in all honesty, might not even notice if that person dissapeared into the night like a passing storm.

That was my lucidian moment of soul searching for the day (or week, or month... never do know when i'll come up with another one of these things.. they just pop into head randomly)
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footnote: (1) A reference to the groups of people I have seen for years, playing hackysack (this game involving a small beanbag thingie, where you have to sort of kick it up into the air around to each other in a circle, catching it now and again on your foot and kicking it up into the air again, trying not to let it hit the ground) in a popular little park in NYC (14th street, Union Square). This spot is also popular with skateboarders, since there are lots of rails and steps to do stunts and tricks on.

[sarhea]

What a great topic.*smile* My "core" group of friends(the ones who really are my friends, not the ones I'm freindly to) talk about this a lot. I agree that the word love is thrown around way too much. I'm glad you brought this up*smile*

[Mariposa De La Luna]

Love your pondering, and I mean that.

I think the word is too heavy for some situations and to light for others. It doesn't make sence to use the same word for everything yet we have no other choices. We can't truly convey what it means to us personally when we tell someone, we just hope they get it.

[slvr_phoenix]

Hmm...

I think the last time I used it was telling my wife that I loved her. I'd die for her. I'd live for her.

(There's another deep thought, not would you die for someone/thing, but would you life for them/it? Death is an easy out.)

Actually, I think pretty much every time that I use it is telling my wife that I love her. Heh heh.

I guess I don't love much else enough to say it. Heh heh heh.

But in the defense of the flagrant abusers of the word, love has many levels and many different meanings. It's not really their fault if the English language itself is insufficient for expressing one's feelings.

[Swanspirit]

Merry Merry,
We have very few "words" to convey deep feelings in our language, but I tihnk the point you have made is that the ACTIONS convey more than the words ever can.....people throw words around on line like toys and weapons..... love "true love" soul mate best friend blah blah....
but sometimes I wonder if they ever met in person what the outcome would be....
My real life closest and dearest friend is someone I have known for years.... that we have been through so much together... deaths in the immediate family my parents, her child.. and births of my grandhcildren and her two beautiful girls.....
And some people when they "they love you" dont mean the same thing as you do , at all..........
Love and Light
Swannie

[Danustouch]

heheh..swannie....the princess bride....

"and Wuv...twu wuv......"..

sorry.

Actually, I also think that love is an attitude, as well as an action. So often times, when we tell people that we do not know so well, that we LOVE them, it's a way of saying.."I'm loving you, right now at this moment, I'm behaving in a lovely manner, I'm acting lovingly..or I'm feeling love for you, at this moment.".

Love ISN'T just a word, and it's not just reserved for the people closest to you. Love is a feeling, an attitude towards life, and a way of being.

People like Ghandi, Jesus Christ, Mother Theresa, Martin Luther King, and Countless others, Loved More people, by their actions, that they could ever reach with words alone.

Saying "I love you" to someone you are not particularly close to, isn't always a false statement. Because by telling them that, you are telling them that you see value in them. You see worth. And that in itself..is an act of love.

*****bangs the side of her head to get the rocks out*******

Don't know if that seemed like one large ramble or not....lol.

[Swanspirit]

Merry Merry,
There are levels ......of involvement and intimacy..... it is not true that everyone that say "love " to has to be in your most intimate circle , and I think what you said is so lovingly said.....:>
You put it beautifully......
LOVE and Light and HUGS
Swannie

[Danustouch]

((((((((((((((((SWANNIE)))))))))))))))))))))))))))) :)

Thank you muchly!

[Swanspirit]

Merry Merry,
And you know what? Sometimes it doesnt matter how much you love someone... if they arent accepting of the love you have to give. You can have the most devoted "willing to live and die for" love, and if the other has too much emotional baggage, or cannot deal with intimacy OR are just having an adventure at your expense..... , they will opt for the cheeseball version, or just opt out of having to return real love.... and settle for the arrangement that affords them the least amount of emotional investment.
Which comes back to the original pondered thought... you know you are telling someone you love them with all your heart, you mean it , and they are at the Cheese Fries Or Fish and Chips level , but they SAY the same words so you think they mean the same thing ........NOT ... lol ahhh feels good to laugh
Love and Light
Swannie

[Lucidia]

:heartthro :heartthro :heartthro :heartthro :heartthro :heartthro :heartthro *loves cheese fries... might make some later..... :heartthro :heartthro :heartthro :heartthro :heartthro :heartthro :heartthro

[Lavender]

You make perfect sense, Lucidia. When I ask someone how are you, I really mean how are you. I never ask that unless I'm prepared to listen to their response. I find that phrase used so often that it's empty for most people. I never say things unless I really, truly mean it. I never offer help unless I'm 100% fully prepare to do so. It's a tough way to live but I'm happy with myself.

[Twig]

Lucidia

No breaking your post into quotes or trying to psychoanalize[sic] your thoughts. no false understandings or comfort.

These questions you are asking yourself and shaking your head over, time and again, WILL be answered. THESE are key questions in your search. Good luck and Love.

Peace,
Twig
:elf:

[Lucidia]

well.

i wasn't asking myself these questions.

i wasn't looking to anyone for answers.

my "soul searching" posts will generally be thought provocing statements or questions that are not necesarily rhetorical in nature, but really meant for inner searching by the reader.

not to say i haven't asked myself these things in the past.

i just thought that I'd share the concept with you guys.

I dunno if perhaps the way i stated it made it seem like i was searching myself at the moment. although writing something like that does make you think.

I hope that everyone who reads it gets some benefit from the thoughts that it creates in their minds.

Ick, i'm not typing very well at the moment.. need lunch... mmm.. cheese fries.

[slvr_phoenix]

Swanspirit, your statement about what if they ever met in person gave me something to ponder over for a while, and I believe I have a reasonable answer. Listening for the words of, "I love you.", is not really enough in itself to express the depth of love that I believe you are talking about.

It should be in all of the words, even if they don't speak of love at all, that says if they love you or not. It is said that actions speak louder than words, and I believe that this still holds true over the internet as well. Maybe I'm just a good judge of character, but I believe that it should be relatively easy to tell how much a person loves you by the way that they talk to you in and of itself.

And so, it would be relatively easy to tell what would happen if they met in real life. In real life I've met two people that have shared love with me across the internet. In both cases I knew that they loved me before we met, and our meeting only expanded upon that love. And I honestly believe that if I hadn't known their love by their words to me on the net, then I would have never met them in person.

So maybe it's just me, but I believe that it's entirely possible to know how much someone actually loves you even through the internet and with no physical connection.

[Swanspirit]

Silver Phoenix,
You have missed my point. I am not talking about "quantifying love ", I was talking about someones ability to express it. I dont think you can "quantify love" Even the cheesball variety might mean it , but when it come to the ablity to be able to express it with actions over the long haul, they cannot, either for reasons of dysfuntion or fear.
Look at the incidence of married people having affairs on the net . If they were happy at home would they be out looking for their "soul twins"? ( their terms not mine)
How would you feel if your wife said " I love you dear" and you are my "soul mate" but this guy over here on the computer is my "true love".
How is that for cheeseball love?
And as lucidia said .... these are answers for each of us to answer, ourselves,,, you cant come up with my answers,please dont feel that its neccesary to do so :>.
And sometimes we cant tell in real life who is a friend and who is not , people that we know and trust and even ALLOW to live with us turn out to be different than we thought, sometimes, so life is like JAZZ music sometimes, you never know where the next odd note will go :>.
Love and Light
Swannie

[slvr_phoenix]

Swanspirit, I'm sorry if you thought I was coming up with your answers. I thought I had made it pretty clear that those were my personal thoughts on the subject that you proposed. But if that wasn't clear, then I appologize.

To reply to your post and answer your questions:

I believe love can be quantified, to an extent. I don't think it can be specifically measured in any reasonable expression, but I also know that I love my wife more than I loved my first love. **shrug** If that isn't quantification, I don't know what is. :)

I definately don't see everyone having the exact same amount of love for everyone and everything though. It's not some universal constant. You can love someone more than someone else, and love someone else less than both of those. Or at least I can. I suppose I shouldn't speak for everyone, but I'd find it hard to believe I was in a minority on this one.

So, to me at least, it's not much about the ability (or lack thereof) to express love, but more about the quantity of love felt. I suppose some people do have problems expressing love, but if you love them back then you'll find a way to help them express it. :)

Also love, just like people, can change. It might be immensely strong one day, and reasonably weak the next. I suppose it depends on if you've changed, and if the person/thing that you loved changed. Maybe add in a twist of cosmic fate, and who knows? **shrug** Love is a mystery that is as fun as it is painful to explore. People can fall out of love just as easily as they fall into love. And love isn't everything anyway. There's also compatability.

If my wife were to tell me that she loves me, but she found someone else that she loves even more, I'd have to just accept that for what it's worth. She wouldn't say something like that if it weren't true, at least not if she loved me. So I guess I'd then have to sit down with her and we'd discuss if she wanted to continue the marriage or to break up and seek this other peron's love. It'd be painful, no doubt, but because I love her I'd want what makes her the happiest. So if letting her go makes her happier than holding onto her when we she'd be happier elsewhere, it's what I'd do. I'd probably spend the next who knows how long on the verge of suicide or something equally dramatic, but eventually I'd get over it and look for love elsewhere.

That's just the nature of the game. How can we appreciate love if we've never lived without it? :) And how can we know how much we love someone if we don't try at some point to love someone else? Heck, that's what growing up is about. You date everyone humanly possible to find out what you want in a mate and what you don't like, and how much you can love someone, and what they can do to make you not love them anymore.

Then, armed with that knowledge you look for a relationship with someone that you hope you'll love enough to want to spend the rest of your life together. If you're lucky, you'll end up finding that special someone. But it's almost a garuntee that there will be numerous failed relationships before one finally works.

[mydemand]

This is a REALLY OLD post, I concur, but I've been feeling pretty much the same way recently, and this post was muchly needed.

Thank you for reaffirming how much I love the ones I love...

*hugs*

B*B, Tiara

[flar7]

heheh, Necromancy at work.

[Kadynas]

I tend to be really cautious with the "L-word" myself... sure I say "Oh I loved that movie" and other such phrases, but if I actually go up to another human being and say that I love them, you can be darn sure I mean it in every sense of the word... the few that I truly love, I would take a bullet for if the situation required it. And as an empath as well, I tend to feel their pain as my own... This phrase really struck a chord with me... "But when was the last time you knew you'd give everything you'd ever had in life just to see them smile again." I feel that so often you wouldn't believe... :)