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Shanti
May 8th, 2004, 03:11 PM
I was just on the multitasking thread. I stated I am on a mommy burnout period.

I really am. So... I am tired of cleaning and recleaning 30 times a day while the kids and hubby follow behind and mess it all up again.
You get the living room all nice, go and clean the kitchen and come back to the living room and its a mess again!!!!!
Doing dishes suck. 2 minutes after they are all done, someone starts dirting them all over again.
I dont even want to think about laundry...AHHHHHGGGG!!
We live in a tiny place. It doesnt take much to trash it.
Its a never ending cycle. It sucks.

And I hate it when the trash is over flowing and everyone keeps adding to it!!!! AHHHHGGGG.

I cant get sick and rest...house will fall apart!!! I cant take a day to enjoy myself....house will fall apart!!!!!
I have to clean from sun up till sun down to keep it clean and nice.
Lately though I havent felt like going 100% and the house is a mess!!! I hate the thought of busting butt just to have it start all over again tomarrow!!!!
I always say I want a weekend off...ya right and then triple the work on Monday!!!!!!
Major burnout!!!!!!!

How about you? Any cures for burnout besides b$tching, I do that all the time!!!!

Oh and the kids are to young to be of real help and hubby likes being lazy when it comes to picking up after himself. He dont mind a mess. I am a neat freak! Its Oscar and Felix!!!! With small additives!!!!!!!!

Calgon take me away!!!!!!

Shanti
May 8th, 2004, 03:14 PM
Oh and hubby is taking the kids out today so I can do some major cleaning. Shame it will all be a mess by the time Monday rolls around again, unless I dont let my 'keep it clean guard' down for even a second!!!

What a way to spend a beautiful warm Saturday!!

Yvonne Belisle
May 8th, 2004, 03:45 PM
Are you sure you are a seperate entity? I am going through the same thing here. I am so tired of doing it over and over again. I am looking for a job so I can get out of the house some.

Shanti
May 8th, 2004, 04:45 PM
Out of the house? Whats thats?:lol:

morrigen
May 8th, 2004, 05:21 PM
Oh, me too. :)

I know exactly what you mean.

Any cures for burnout? I don't know any either, I'm afraid.

My mother ussed to go on strike, and refuse to do anything, until the rest of use had the place back to spotless...

and then one day, after 20-something years of ironing Dad's clothes without thanks, she decided that she wasn't doing it anymore, and started leaving it in a seperate basket for him. They pilled up to about waist height, before he went out and bought a bunch of cotton-kniit shirts that didn't need ironing.

Still, it solved her problem :)

vulfsung
May 8th, 2004, 05:26 PM
I hear ya Darlin'..loud and clear. Same thing here, only I work from home as well, so I don't even get out to work! :lol:

Sometimes, you just have to let it go, even if only for an hour or two...that's what I do on friday nights...to heck with it all, and I go grocery shopping.... :lol: how sad is that?!? My relaxing time is grocery shopping...sigh!

:huddle:

Shanti
May 8th, 2004, 05:33 PM
I hear ya Darlin'..loud and clear. Same thing here, only I work from home as well, so I don't even get out to work! :lol:

Sometimes, you just have to let it go, even if only for an hour or two...that's what I do on friday nights...to heck with it all, and I go grocery shopping.... :lol: how sad is that?!? My relaxing time is grocery shopping...sigh!

:huddle:
I hear that. Getting out of the house to do more chores!!!!!! And then when you get back from grocery shopping, you get to put it all away and start the dish dirting again!!!

Llewyth
May 9th, 2004, 06:35 PM
Yay! I'm not the only one!

I think I'm a little nastier than you though. Every now and again I dump the kids on my hubby stating: "I am leaving now, this and this has been done this and this needs to be done. I am coming back at this hour. Deal with it. If you have not met the requirements I will be pissed."

I come feeling feeling much better. He knows the consequences of not holding his end of the bargain. Giant mother of all nasty looks.

:)

Flutterby_whispers
May 9th, 2004, 07:14 PM
Yay! I'm not the only one!

I think I'm a little nastier than you though. Every now and again I dump the kids on my hubby stating: "I am leaving now, this and this has been done this and this needs to be done. I am coming back at this hour. Deal with it. If you have not met the requirements I will be pissed."

I come feeling feeling much better. He knows the consequences of not holding his end of the bargain. Giant mother of all nasty looks.

:)

LOL I've done this as well ~ although I guess there are days I feel really spoiled b/c he helps out A LOT .. Granted he didn't start out that way, but when I first moved in w/ him I refused to be the maid, so he helps w/ laundry and he also irons his own shirts lol But I pretty much do the rest unless I'm needing a little help ~ it's taken 8+yrs for us to get here but I can't complian.

Granted I do so understand about the mommy burn out ~ my 3 boys keep me busier than ever and there are deff. days I wanna scream and run away lol Although I've found that by putting them in the tub, or having them all sit down and read books or color ~ that after 5 minutes of a little quiet I'm able to regain some level of normalicy agan lol

and .. yes bitching is a wonderful stress reliever sometimes!

Yvonne Belisle
May 9th, 2004, 08:00 PM
My one neighbor wants to know how my kids do it. She has come over and seen me finish the livingroom in the ten minutes it takes her to use whatever she came to borrow they have destroyed it. I also do the that is enough if you want to eat tonight you will clean the mess you made.

FeatherGoblinglimmer
May 10th, 2004, 06:49 AM
ugggh. I know exactly what you mean. It seems to be my life too. I try to give myself a bit of time online a day at least. And what i s worse is that my washing machine has broken and is unfixable, so there i am stuck doing all the washing by hand too...

Llewyth
May 10th, 2004, 09:15 AM
ugh! I've been there...

Shanti
May 10th, 2004, 12:32 PM
ugggh. I know exactly what you mean. It seems to be my life too. I try to give myself a bit of time online a day at least. And what i s worse is that my washing machine has broken and is unfixable, so there i am stuck doing all the washing by hand too...
Years ago I was to poor to have a washing machine nor could I afford a laundry mat. All my laundry was done by hand with a scrub board in the bath tub. I did that for 2 years......never again, that was hard as hell.

blugirrl1
May 10th, 2004, 05:04 PM
lol, i think we all have those days. well when i started staying home, deal was house, kids are mine, lol, bills work is hubbys. well he took that to mean literally i am on duty 7 days a week, 24-7. i try to get some me time at night after the kids go to bed or early am. i am an early bird or else i would be having major burnout.

docdoo
May 11th, 2004, 04:58 PM
I feel your pain hon, honestly the frustration levels that occur after doing the same chore over and over with zero thanks is infuriating! When my husband lived with me I found that I was far more furious with HIM doing nothing than with the children...mostly because kids dont seem to really 'get' the whole cleaning thing. HE on the other hand was fully aware of the work that I put into the house to try and keep it together and yet he STILL left his dirty underwear on the floor for me to pick up!!! *mutters and growls a little*

Anyway I'm currently trying to play catch up on a house that hasnt been properly cleaned for a month at least!!! Some days I feel like I'm trying to spoon the water out of the ocean with a measuring cup *big sigh*.

Oh well, I wish I knew what to do for burnout...normally I take a few days off and spend them outside but really that doesnt cure the root of the problem and THAT is feeling as though you've been seriously put upon when nobody bothers to notice the work you've done or even bother to respect said work by reasonably maintaining the cleanliness. The only advice I have for you is to give em all hell until they fall into line and realize that your purpose in this life isnt to pick up their filth.

Or you could go on strike!! :strike:

Best of luck to you hon,

fahawk
May 11th, 2004, 05:03 PM
So glad to see this post- somedays I feel / felt the life was being sucked right out of me !!

I dont think house-beautiful comes until the kids are grown- and maybe by then I will not care anymore, or want to put the effort into it anyway :)

It is such a mixed bag- being the 24/7 maid -but then, seeing the kids grow--
well, glad to know others out there have days like I do :)

Shanti
May 11th, 2004, 05:15 PM
I got news yesterday. My SO is planning on remodling the living room. It'll takes weeks, perhaps months and that sure will help me with keeping the house clean and keeping a 3 and 6 yr old out of trouble....AHHGGG what next?

FlyingBear
May 11th, 2004, 06:42 PM
I hear this alot from begraggled Moms and I've got to ask. Why aren't the kids or the husband doing their part of the house maintence? I mean, they live there too and you certainly didn't sign on to be the maid.

Just curious!

:floating:

savannahrose44
May 11th, 2004, 06:46 PM
I was just on the multitasking thread. I stated I am on a mommy burnout period.

I really am. So... I am tired of cleaning and recleaning 30 times a day while the kids and hubby follow behind and mess it all up again.
You get the living room all nice, go and clean the kitchen and come back to the living room and its a mess again!!!!!
Doing dishes suck. 2 minutes after they are all done, someone starts dirting them all over again.
I dont even want to think about laundry...AHHHHHGGGG!!
We live in a tiny place. It doesnt take much to trash it.
Its a never ending cycle. It sucks.

And I hate it when the trash is over flowing and everyone keeps adding to it!!!! AHHHHGGGG.

I cant get sick and rest...house will fall apart!!! I cant take a day to enjoy myself....house will fall apart!!!!!
I have to clean from sun up till sun down to keep it clean and nice.
Lately though I havent felt like going 100% and the house is a mess!!! I hate the thought of busting butt just to have it start all over again tomarrow!!!!
I always say I want a weekend off...ya right and then triple the work on Monday!!!!!!
Major burnout!!!!!!!

How about you? Any cures for burnout besides b$tching, I do that all the time!!!!

Oh and the kids are to young to be of real help and hubby likes being lazy when it comes to picking up after himself. He dont mind a mess. I am a neat freak! Its Oscar and Felix!!!! With small additives!!!!!!!!

Calgon take me away!!!!!!

:hugz:

savannahrose44
May 11th, 2004, 06:49 PM
I got news yesterday. My SO is planning on remodling the living room. It'll takes weeks, perhaps months and that sure will help me with keeping the house clean and keeping a 3 and 6 yr old out of trouble....AHHGGG what next?

Remodles suck a$$. Trust me I know we spent an entire winter with no walls in the downstairs of our house...we were tearing down lathe and plaster to put up isulation and sheet rock. Talk about a mess! I feel for you. Any way you could bribe them into helping? :hehehehe:

Amethyst Rose
May 11th, 2004, 07:06 PM
I hear this alot from begraggled Moms and I've got to ask. Why aren't the kids or the husband doing their part of the house maintence? I mean, they live there too and you certainly didn't sign on to be the maid.


I have no idea why he doesn't do it. He has only done the laundy once since we've been together. He'll help me clean if I ask, but he won't do it by himself. He'll clean the kitchen by himself on occasion, if it's really really bothering him.
I asked him once why he doesn't clean, and he said "because I don't want to". Like I WANT to!!!???
It's just eaiser to do it myself than to try to get him to do it.

Kaylara
May 11th, 2004, 07:20 PM
A few things here...
If you don't tell them, they will not know there is a problem. If you tell them, and they still don't listen, then you have a much bigger problem. I was completely burntout not that long ago. I was working, going over my mothers to spend time with the brothers, (and babysitting a bit) And then having to come home, and clean up after Traz. Now mind you, I was working full time, and he was not working during the day. He had a part time job at night that gave him 2-3 hours a night, and he spent the entire day playing video games instead of looking for a job, or cleaning up after himself. I finally got so fed up, I told him flat out that I was not doing it anymore. I categorically refused to do anything at all. There was no reason why I should be working and busting my butt, and then have to come home and clean up after him. Our place got absolutely disgusting, and still I refused to do anything... He started complaining, I told him I wasn't doing anything about it. Finally, he started cleaning up, but it took suffering through a while with the filth. Now that we're both working, we both pitch in, which works perfectly fine for me. If it reverts to the way it was, then I will put my foot down again. I guess it's different if you're a house wife, but if you stop cleaning up after them, and let them see how much you actually do, perhaps they will be a bit more considerate, and clean up after themselves.

Shanti
May 11th, 2004, 07:55 PM
First, the kids are 3 and just turned 6, They cant REALLY help. As for SO he works his butt off hard at work. He works nights, comes home, sleeps, wakes up and eats and he's back out the door. He leaves a mess behind him but he is really pressed for time. His hours are long and he commutes.
So 2 little kids (one just mastered the potty for crying out loud) and a very busy SO.
I'm left holding the mess.
It will be great when the kids are older and can really help, but for now, I will do the floor scrubing and laundry and dishes and so on. They can do their little stuff like pick up the toys.
Thats why this remodling will be a pain. My SO will only be able to do it on the weekends so all week I will have a ripped up living room, thats why it'll take a long time from start to end.

I'm tired just thinking about it all.! :)

Autumn
May 11th, 2004, 09:59 PM
I was in Mommie burnout today because the three year old made an outing to burlington hell on earth...I love her to bits but when she wants to be an unholy pest she excells!

My husband does not contribute to the mess, usually. he's capeable of doing dishes and cleaning the kitchen without disasembling the stove...but he won't do the laundry! nope he won't, If I try to make him something silk or cotton will be destroyed!

My six year old can and will tidy up, bless her!

but what really fries this mommie is that hubby likes to complain about the nights I work...how hard it is with the kids and all...but me go per-diem? NEVER HAPPEN! "we need the money"

****runs shreiking!!****

blugirrl1
May 12th, 2004, 03:01 PM
I think it also matters how your raise your kids. My close friend with three teenage boys and hubby, well she never raised the kids to do anything and i mean anything and she wonders why she is left holding the bag. well i fall intot he camp that we all live here so you will help out. my son asks for an allowance i don't even get paid to do work around the house. lol for the most part i do do everything because i am the mom , housewife. but if i ask for my son to put his clothes up or take the trash out. then he will. and my daughter likes to "help" mommy clean when she sees me doing something. is mainly messy hubby that burns me up.

Shanti
May 12th, 2004, 03:37 PM
My adult son is one of the best house keepers around. I totally agree you have to teach them. But very young ones are not Truely a help when the house needs heavy duty work and 6 yr olds and glass dishes dont mix, nor can they scrub floors nor would I have them scrub a toilet. The mommy burn out I'm talking about is when the kids are little, before they can tote a mop. When there 1, 2, 3, 4 and raising kid hell!! Espacially when you have more than one little one at a time and they both are on a drive mom nuts craze.

How many moms find talking on the phone almost impossible when wee ones are on the run?

My 3 yr old just got done knocking over a full garbage can in the kitchen, on a freshly washed floor of course. I was busy fixing a window and my 6 yr old ran to clean up the mess. I finished the job after I got that dang window back in. A day with things like that happening while your to do list is huge, is the mommy burn out I'm talking about.
:)

Lunacie
May 12th, 2004, 03:59 PM
Nope, can't talk on the phone with little ones around. Even if you park them in front of their favorite video and go off into another room, they'll come looking for you. But my hubby used be even worse. He'd be reading or watching tv or using the computer and not talk to me for hours, but as soon as I answered the phone he was at my elbow wondering who it was, or what there was to eat, or some damn thing. :T

My grandkids are two and six and they help around here. Not much, but even picking up their own toys and books helps. The six year old can even run the vacumn over the carpet. She's not very good at sweeping the whole carpet but at least while she's running the vac she isn't making another mess, eh? She's not old enough to take out the trash yet, but she can put in a new bag while I take the full one outside.

And she's been helping unload the dishwasher for a couple of years. She can put the clean silverware away, also the plastic bowls and plates that the kids eat off. Even the two year old has helped unload the dishwasher and hand things to me to put away. They can both pull things out of the dryer and put them in the laundry basket, and bring it to the couch where they hand things to me to be folded. I let the six-year old practice sweeping with the broom out on the porch.

For awhile I was making up a weekly chart with three chores for the one that was five years old then. She got to put a star or other sticker on for each chore she finished... picking up her toys, helping put away the dishes, and feeding the pets. Kids love stickers and if she had a certain number at the end of the week she'd earn a treat, like going out for an ice cream cone or a ride on the merry-go-round at the mall.

Some days I still feel like I do it all, but that's usually when I didn't get enough sleep the night before. Mostly I'd rather do it myself anyway.

Linx
May 12th, 2004, 04:52 PM
I go about it all different I suppose. I used to be this neat freak kinda mom. I went around cleaning up after everyone. As soon as something was took out and left to its own demise, I would rush to clean it up. Course my kids were much younger. Those days are long gone.

Now, THEY clean it up regardless. I do NOT and will NOT clean up their mess after them. They are almost 12 and almost 7 and know how to do it themselves. They have watched me enough, and I have worked with them enough. So they know. They clean their own rooms, even if not as often as I would like, and they clean up after themself or they suffer the consequences.

I still do my share of cleaning, but I reserve it for certain days. Mondays are my cleaning days, unless i have company coming, then I will tidy up a bit if needed. I keep up with dishes and all through the week, but everything else is Mondays. Then I let it go. Whatever happens, happens.

My son is almost 12 and is responsible for feeding the dogs and making sure they have water, and changing the cat litter. He is responsible for taking out the trash, cleaning the bathroom he and his sister share with guests, cleaning his room, folding and putting his own clothes away, mowing or weed eating and helping his dad or I with whatever jobs we may be doing on the weekends around the house. He also does dishes on weekends. He does all this without complaint. He doesn't complain because when he wants something, if i have the funds for it, he gets it. he will also not hesitate to babysit his sister if I need him to. He also likes to cook, if it is something he can make. Great kid!

My daughter almost 7 and is responsible for her room. She is also responsible for putting the clean dishes away, feeding her cat, putting her own clothes away (she don't quite have the folding thing down yet), picking up after herself, and cleaning up any trash in the yard. She also helps on weekends by being a gofer to get us tools or other things we need. She will sweep and mop when asked. I really couldn't ask for better kids.

Lloyd doesn't do much inside the house. Most of his work is outside. We all pitch in and help him. He is the backbone in all our upgrading, construction and landscaping. He does the dirty work, and the hardest work. He will pitch in if he is needed around the house. He also works a more than full time physical job.

I work part time, and go to school, but somehow it all seems to work out, and I never (anymore) feel overwhelemed by the work that needs to be done at home. I know it will all get done in time. AND if anyone who comes to visit me, cares more about the appearence of my home, then about my company, I would just assume they don't come at all.:)

ivygarland
May 12th, 2004, 08:36 PM
I don't know what is like where you are, but where I used to live, a cleaning service was pretty cheap. I had them come in twice a month, and they would scrub everything really well, and vacuum and dust. It made keeping things picked up a lot easier, and I knew that if nothing else, the place would be fairly clean. If you can scrape together enough for even once a month, that is what I would recommend. It was so nice to be able to not have to do everything all the time.

SummerGemMoon
May 13th, 2004, 10:01 PM
Wow, am I with you on this one.

I know exactly what it is to chase both my son and my husband through the house, cleaning up after them, then clearing and doing the dishes after dinner. It can be very frustrating and seemingly endless. I just try to take it one day at a time and try not to think about what I'm not getting done. All anyone can expect of you is your best and if it doesn't all get done today, then there's tomorrow. If tomorrow doesn't come...well...then it won't matter to anybody anyway. :hugz: And more :hugz: for enduring.

Arinya
May 13th, 2004, 10:13 PM
It may not be a husband and kids I'm cleaning up after, but it sure as hell feels the same!
I have two roomies and a boyfriend that I live with. We all have jobs, but no one else seems to clean. Ever. The other female roomie will on occasion, and bless her thank the divine she does! But the men won't at all unless they're begged to by one of us. It's really depressing, I don't even have kids yet but the dishes are still stacked a mile high after one day and the laundry is insane. Sigh. Maybe I'll just put my foot down too and keep my own little area tidy so I don't go nuts.

Sowelu
May 13th, 2004, 10:15 PM
Calgon take me away!!!!!!my kids ARE old enough to clean up after themselves...and yet they still play the "let's see how high the trash in the kitchen trash can can pile up before falling over onto the dam floor" game
:lol:

Shanti
May 13th, 2004, 10:29 PM
I don't know what is like where you are, but where I used to live, a cleaning service was pretty cheap. I had them come in twice a month, and they would scrub everything really well, and vacuum and dust. It made keeping things picked up a lot easier, and I knew that if nothing else, the place would be fairly clean. If you can scrape together enough for even once a month, that is what I would recommend. It was so nice to be able to not have to do everything all the time.
I used to work for a cleaning service. I cleaned rich people homes. I was paid to clean up after the maids!!!!! LOL

I'd be damed if I let anyone come in and touch anything in my house. I'm wierd that way. :)

Autumn
May 14th, 2004, 12:30 PM
My kids have telephone radar too. No matter how engaged they are in any activity, if I get on the phone they are either at my feet instantly or they get into a screaming fight or someone falls and starts shreiking to wake the dead...

How do they do that?

frigga
May 14th, 2004, 12:50 PM
This is what I do. My husband and I have designated two days a week when I go out for a few hours and do whatever it is I feel I WANT to do. I have a pagan group I meet up with and we just sit back and relax for a while, sometimes talking with like minded individuals gets the whole mommy syndrome out of your head! The important thing is that you do what you want to do no matter what! So there's a few erronds you could do without the kids, DON'T! This is your time, period, no excuses, and no buts! Most of what you will do without them you could do with them and the time for you is the time you spend rejuvenating yourself for the next week and reminding yourself that you have your own interests and desires, and other aspects of yourself.
I often laugh at the thought of the world without moms, the things we do behind the scenes are the most unrecognized and we can be sooooo under appreciated. I'm lucky in that I have a WONDERFUL husband who always acknowledges my work at home, but I still know if the roles were reversed he would be bald, crazy, and ready to run out the door screaming everytime I came home! :wah2:

Shanti
May 14th, 2004, 02:09 PM
This is what I do. My husband and I have designated two days a week when I go out for a few hours and do whatever it is I feel I WANT to do. I have a pagan group I meet up with and we just sit back and relax for a while, sometimes talking with like minded individuals gets the whole mommy syndrome out of your head! The important thing is that you do what you want to do no matter what! So there's a few erronds you could do without the kids, DON'T! This is your time, period, no excuses, and no buts! Most of what you will do without them you could do with them and the time for you is the time you spend rejuvenating yourself for the next week and reminding yourself that you have your own interests and desires, and other aspects of yourself.
I often laugh at the thought of the world without moms, the things we do behind the scenes are the most unrecognized and we can be sooooo under appreciated. I'm lucky in that I have a WONDERFUL husband who always acknowledges my work at home, but I still know if the roles were reversed he would be bald, crazy, and ready to run out the door screaming everytime I came home! :wah2:
Man do I wish I could have time for myself. My SO schedual doesnt have time for it. I see him 1 hr before work. After work he's available but there isnt much for me to do between midnight and 4 am!!!!
The weekends are impossible. He either works at his job or has to help ourfamily members. This weekend 1/2 of Saturday he will be working for his dad and the other 1/2, his job. Sunday is the only free day and there is a yard he has to mow and windows that need new screens and a buch of stuff he needs to do. He doesnt have time for him either. I slave to the house and kids and he slaves to jobs and duties.
Time for each other has to be stolen! :)

frigga
May 14th, 2004, 06:17 PM
Wow, thats hard. I thought I had it bad with my husband working 12 hour shifts 3 days on, three days off, but gosh, I really feel for you! Is there any way you can ship the kiddos off to the Grandparents for an hour or two?

Shanti
May 14th, 2004, 06:26 PM
Grandparents are part of the demand. Help us with this and help us with that!!
Veritas built their house even.. for real. A 2 story victorian home, by hand from scratch and it took 4 yrs...He did it just by himself...It was a nightmare!!!!!

frigga
May 14th, 2004, 08:42 PM
Good golly miss Molly! I can see you sittin gin the middle of the living room with your hands as high as your arms will let them go asking,"Why? Oh why?". I've sooooo been there, but alas I get a break once a week. How old are your kids and would you be willing to haul them off to a daycare or friends home? :idea: What about putting them in their room, turning on a movie, throwing a bag of popcorn in there and heading for the hills? Thats leagal isn't it? :gagged:

Before anyone gets upset, that was a joke!

Shanti
May 14th, 2004, 08:53 PM
My kids are 3 and 6.
We could aford daycare right now, if we wanted it. Plus we dont know anyone we trust with our kids. We have only one friend that has a newborn and 3 yr old, so she has plenty of her own probs, and we have little family. Half of the family depends on us to help them out and the other half is messed up bad.

Actually we have cable and toons all the time, not to mention DVD's and all sorts of kid activities.

Its a demanding life.
In the first hour we were up today, my sister in law came to use our suv, my father in law called to have my SO come over and fix his lawnmower and my SO had to be out of the house and on the way to work in 15 minutes!!! I had kids yelling feed me and dogs begging to go out and a hungry SO that didnt have time to eat!!! :)
A day in the life of Shantis nut house :)

Temair
May 14th, 2004, 09:25 PM
Wow does this all sound familiar! My kids are 5, 2, and 3 months. My hubby is gone over 12 hours a day 6 days a week, so I know how you feel. I found that my 5-year-old likes to wash floors, though. My last mop head fell to shreds months ago and I haven't been able to get a new one since. But I do have a large utility sponge and so I use that to "mop" the spots on the floor once every week or two. My 5-year-old (Moira) saw me doing this and then wanted to take over. Both of them help put the dishes away, with the two-year-old (Lauren) putting the baking racks in the drawer under the stove or putting away the silverware.

One thing that will help is to stop thinking that the kids aren't doing right, or aren't getting it clean enough, and praise them profusely every time they help even a little. After all, we like to get thanked when we work around the house, so if we thank them and tell them what a great job they did (even if it is sloppy, don't tell them), then they will be more eager to help next time.

Another idea is to make a game of it. Set a timer for five minutes and tell them that you are going to see how much stuff can get put away in that 5 minutes. I found that a totally trashed living room can be picked up in no more than three "races". Moira then often asks for a surprise, which she often defines as a hug and kiss, which I am more than happy to give her.

If you want more ideas on how to get the kids to help, because they can if you set reasonable goals for them, check this out. Hopefully it will help you regain your sanity. http://www.flylady.net/pages/askflylady2.asp

Judy

frigga
May 14th, 2004, 09:28 PM
I just noticed your location. I may be moving to Bayfield here in a few months. My Husband is going to be shipped(he's military), so I'm moving back home for a bit. Can you imagine, all alone not knowing ANYONE, going to college AND raising healthy kids, No thank you!

Shanti
May 14th, 2004, 09:30 PM
Wow does this all sound familiar! My kids are 5, 2, and 3 months. My hubby is gone over 12 hours a day 6 days a week, so I know how you feel. I found that my 5-year-old likes to wash floors, though. My last mop head fell to shreds months ago and I haven't been able to get a new one since. But I do have a large utility sponge and so I use that to "mop" the spots on the floor once every week or two. My 5-year-old (Moira) saw me doing this and then wanted to take over. Both of them help put the dishes away, with the two-year-old (Lauren) putting the baking racks in the drawer under the stove or putting away the silverware.

One thing that will help is to stop thinking that the kids aren't doing right, or aren't getting it clean enough, and praise them profusely every time they help even a little. After all, we like to get thanked when we work around the house, so if we thank them and tell them what a great job they did (even if it is sloppy, don't tell them), then they will be more eager to help next time.

Another idea is to make a game of it. Set a timer for five minutes and tell them that you are going to see how much stuff can get put away in that 5 minutes. I found that a totally trashed living room can be picked up in no more than three "races". Moira then often asks for a surprise, which she often defines as a hug and kiss, which I am more than happy to give her.

If you want more ideas on how to get the kids to help, because they can if you set reasonable goals for them, check this out. Hopefully it will help you regain your sanity. http://www.flylady.net/pages/askflylady2.asp

Judy
Thanks I like the race game. Usually the goof off for hours and accomplish 0.
I do the every little bit helps with the kids and make a big deal out of it. They like helping but I have to redo a lot when they aint looking!! LOL

Thanks for the tip. I'm checking out that web site now. :)

Temair
May 15th, 2004, 09:31 AM
Thanks I like the race game. Usually the goof off for hours and accomplish 0.
I do the every little bit helps with the kids and make a big deal out of it. They like helping but I have to redo a lot when they aint looking!! LOL

Thanks for the tip. I'm checking out that web site now. :)

As hard as it may be, don't redo what they do when they aren't looking. I know it's hard, but Focus on something else instead. If they put the dishes in the wrong places, that's okay. You can find them and the next time they get put away, you can put them in the right places. If they sweep the floor and miss a large section (or five or six), just wait until the next regular sweeping time to get them.

Another thing to do is to remove some of the things they use to trash the house. If they have a lot of toys that they only use to trash the house, box them up and put them away somewhere else. I found that my kids had an entire medium size tote of Happy Meal toys that they just threw around the room to find the toys they wanted to play with. I threw all the Happy Meal toys in the trash, and voila!, much less mess to clean up. (And they never noticed they were gone, either. Shows how much they played with them.) Most children have far, far too many things. And it takes years to learn how to keep it all neat, so they get burned out, just like you, but instead of crying, they take it out by destroying the rest of the house. I'm sure there is some rational child logic behind this, I just haven't figured it out yet. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Or, in this case, five minutes of prevention is worth hours of cleaning.

I really hope you can find some peace in your home. I feel for you, having been there myself. But I was introduced to Flylady and she led me out of the disaster to the acceptable home I have now. Maybe she can help you, too. I wish you the best of luck.

Temair
May 15th, 2004, 09:33 AM
Great, I just reread that and I sound like one of those ads for the Mormons :). Sorry about that.

Temair
May 15th, 2004, 09:54 AM
I noticed that I didn't give her main link: www.flylady.net

Shanti
May 15th, 2004, 11:50 AM
One thing thats funny is that my children are not average I guess.
I had to put a padalock on the fridge because they will both go in there, when I'm busy like going to the bathroom, and they will make a mess. My kids are very creative and too smart and its very entertaining to use ketchup as paint, mixed with mayo you get pink!!!! :)

Did you know that you can use toothpaist as glue to decorate the bathroom walls with toilet paper. Precisely placed dots of toothpaist on the corners of the squares of TP makes for a good way to do TP tiling on walls!! :)

Get the picture? LOL

Valkie
May 16th, 2004, 11:33 PM
Good god woman!!! I didn't realize that you had your hands that full!!

I will say that all of this sounds sooo familiar (the trash is overflowing as we speak :lol: ) and flylady.com is a great site but from the sound of things you're going to need more than a cleaning plan.

Do you have a house or an apartment? Is there a yard? Do the boys share a room? You have two very active and imaginative kids there and I think that the first thing that you are going to need to do is get a handle on them. First of all, they are never too young to start to learn how to clean. I've got my 17 month old wiping off his tray at the end of meals and washing his face and hands. It's the little things that make a huge difference. Even if you can get them to put away thier toys when they are done playing with them it would be a big help.

If you're like me, you probably stay up a few hours after the kids go to bed to clean, right? Here's what you do. Take a week off and sit on top of those boys!! Grab yourself a couple of books, knitting, anything that is relaxing, portable, and requires sitting. Plop yourself down in whatever room they are playing in an just watch them. If you see them leave something, remind them to pick it up and put it away. It's a great way to break bad habits before they get out of control. Any major cleaning or daily cleaning (dishes, laundry, ect.) you can do after they go to bed. Get coloring books, drawing paper, anything that will let them use that creativity in a positive manner. Spend a week with them so they know what they can do without getting in trouble and they can learn what to do to make mommy happy... and give yourself a break. The world won't end if the house isn't clean, but you will go insane trying to keep it that way if those around you don't help.

when my 2nd was 6, he got into the habit of thinking that he could leave the food that he didn't want to eat behind the couch. Believe me, it was disgusting beyond imagination because I didn't find it for weeks. Have you ever tried to scrub dried pudding out of a carpet? It sucks. After finding the moldy pile for the third time, I snapped. I made him clean it up himself... including scrubbing the dried pudding out of the carpet. After that, I followed him for 3 days, hounded him every time I saw him put something back there, and checked every night before he went to bed. If there was anything there, he cleaned it. There is no point in doing meaningless work over and over again. You've got to teach them that there is no need for a meaningless mess.

PM me if you ever want to talk. Best of luck :hugz:

Shanti
May 17th, 2004, 12:16 AM
Valkie, your sweet for trying so hard.
First of all I live in a trailer....small trailer. Our living room is 10x14 ft.
Our kitchen is 10x3 ft. Thats the hole place. 2 bedrooms and a bath/w washer and dryer in the bath room (thats fun !). But hey I have 1 acre outside! :)
We are rural. Got mud and no sidewalks and the roads not paved!!!!!

Its country life, chickens and all and we love it. :)

Any how. My 2 terrors are a girl and a boy, 3 and 6. And I have a 27yr old daughter and a 26 yr old daughter and a 24 yr old son. So I've done this before!!!

These 2 little guys (meaning guy and gal) are just a little faster (or I'm slower...woe!) and they're smart as hell and creative and they love mud pies, bugs and anything messy.

They sneak chickens into the living room to watch tv!!!! :)

Anyhow with a little trailer (hope to have a house some day if money allows it) you get a trashed room easy...a couple of toys, some paper scrapes from an art work project, a towel on the floor and the hubbys socks under the couch and its a mess because the room is small.
As I said earlier we are getting started on remoldling (which will really make a mess!!) and we're trying to get more space out of a box ( I call the trailer our box. LOL) so, in time, we will hopefully have it a little better and the 2 terrors will be a little older!!!

Its not that bad but there are those days when everyone is in messy mode and your just tired.

Thats mommy burnout days.

And as for being right on my kids, LOL again, we live in a box and are constantly tripping over each other!!!!!!

Mommy burnout comes and goes and I think all moms have it occasionally. I sure do. And winter sucks in a box!!!! But homeschooling keeps us all busy!! :)

Valkie
May 17th, 2004, 01:27 AM
I don't know how you do it... you're kids sound like me when I was little, I just left the chickens in the coup :lol:

I know that I was the bane of my mother's existance. I remember full blown mud fights (having to be hosed off before taking a bath), bringing home salamanders, and my slug farm (yes, I kept slugs as pets :sick: )

Hey, at least it's warmer and you can send them outside to play... just make sure they keep the slugs outside. :lol:

Shanti
May 17th, 2004, 01:33 AM
I don't know how you do it... you're kids sound like me when I was little, I just left the chickens in the coup :lol:

I know that I was the bane of my mother's existance. I remember full blown mud fights (having to be hosed off before taking a bath), bringing home salamanders, and my slug farm (yes, I kept slugs as pets :sick: )

Hey, at least it's warmer and you can send them outside to play... just make sure they keep the slugs outside. :lol: My sons on a worm kick right now. Everytime he is outside he goes hunting for the squiggly worms and he finds them! After abusing the poor worm then its mom can it be my pet? Then its the 'put it in the pocket to sneak it in the house' time. I found one he forgot about in his pocket once..Yuk!!!!!!!
Now its...check the pockets before entering the house!!

My daughters into beetles but at 6, she knows that after she is done looking at them that they are best off free.
But she's the 'sneak the bantam into the house for tv' kid!!!!

They do make me laugh!!!!!!!

Oh yeah mud!!!! We were outside today gardening. Well my 3 yr old son was not interested in flowers and veggys...he liked the mud puddles!! We had tons of rain lately and my son is so happy! He was covered in mud by the time we were finished and had to go in for the day!!
He had his bath but then we went out for our 'almost' every night bon fire. Not a good idea. Bath last thing to do before bed not before your gonna go out for a fire. Duh :) He got into the ashes ( before we started the fire, of course).Then he was sitting so quiet and playing so nice, I finally had to get up and go look to see what was playing with. It was just fire light and he had his back to me. Anyhow he dug a small hole in the grass between his legs and pored his cup of drinking water in it and had a tiny pit of mud!!! He did some nice face and arm painting with it. And it looked lovely with the ash highlights!!! :)

Bath #2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

Ravyn Sylverwyng
May 23rd, 2004, 07:40 PM
Oh, man, do I ever know how you all feel! I have three children, 7, 5, and 2. I clean and they mess up, then I clean, and they mess up. Then, I have to have dinner on the table when my husband gets home from work at 7:00 p.m. Then you add to that, the laundry of five people, dishes for that many and he wants to complain that I never do anything. I get so burned out just thinking about it. Every once in a while, I will get the house completely cleaned up, then tell him when he comes in, I'm going out for a while.
What do I get to come home to an hour later? A completely trashed house! So, I have just spent the whole day cleaning, cooking, doing laundry, and everything else for nothing. Why bother? Because if you don't, you have to listen to the complaints. I just want a jeannie in a bottle to do it all for me, just one day. Is that asking too much? Obviously it is.

Shanti
May 23rd, 2004, 07:43 PM
Oh, man, do I ever know how you all feel! I have three children, 7, 5, and 2. I clean and they mess up, then I clean, and they mess up. Then, I have to have dinner on the table when my husband gets home from work at 7:00 p.m. Then you add to that, the laundry of five people, dishes for that many and he wants to complain that I never do anything. I get so burned out just thinking about it. Every once in a while, I will get the house completely cleaned up, then tell him when he comes in, I'm going out for a while.
What do I get to come home to an hour later? A completely trashed house! So, I have just spent the whole day cleaning, cooking, doing laundry, and everything else for nothing. Why bother? Because if you don't, you have to listen to the complaints. I just want a jeannie in a bottle to do it all for me, just one day. Is that asking too much? Obviously it is.
Now THAT I understand!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I had the house caught up. ONE day I wasnt feeling good so I didnt do much.......Next day I looked around...A weeks worth of work was waiting for me.

I always say one day off and you got 7 days worth of mess.:eek:

FeatherGoblinglimmer
May 24th, 2004, 05:30 AM
I've signed up to the flylady website and in a way it's helping. So thanks for reccomending it.:)

blugirrl1
May 25th, 2004, 07:42 PM
well last week i took a mommy night and spent the night at my MIL for some girl night out fun, well when i got home in the morning my house previously cleaned was trashed, my DD had gotten into my makeup, and took a bottle of nail polish tried to do her nails, and also did the tub at the same time, hubby was frazzled and it was only 7 am. keep in mind when i left house was clean and kids were sleeping. but i did enjoy my night out. :)

Shanti
May 25th, 2004, 07:52 PM
One time I went out by myself for garage sales! My SO had some time before he had to go to work. I figured a little shopping for junk would be a nice break away.
Anyhow, when I came back, my SO and the 2 kids desided to have a mud fight. They were all covered in mud and were atanding out in the yard when I pulled into the driveway.
My jaw dropped. I knew what I would find when I went into the house, yup, the mud was all over. They were all running in and out. My SO said we had fun. The kids loved it! He had to get ready for work, so I got the mess!!!! yuk!!!!

I have since then partisapated in a few mud fights with this wacko family of mine but I kept the house off limits!!!!

Cappy
May 26th, 2004, 10:19 AM
I noticed that I didn't give her main link: www.flylady.net

Teehee! I'm a flybaby!!!!

FeatherGoblinglimmer
May 26th, 2004, 12:41 PM
me too. lol, we can be flybabies together. Have you shined your sink? lol.

Cappy
May 26th, 2004, 12:56 PM
me too. lol, we can be flybabies together. Have you shined your sink? lol.

*hangs head in shame* No, I haven't. But I have a good excuse!!!! My washer's broken and we pulled it up to see what was going on at the back. We left it there so that the repair man can see it, but in the mean time, it's in front of my sink all the places I need to go to actually do my dishes.

misschief
June 5th, 2004, 06:25 AM
if anyone has seen any of my other messages.. you probably know, i am a mom of many. i have a sometimes lazy hubby who just plays on the computer all day.. and i know what you mean. i dont know what kind of family you have ( i am lucky there i guess ), but i send everyone to a grandma for a few days when that happens... it helps alot

Tanya
June 5th, 2004, 07:10 AM
Shanti...
as a mom of a one year old and a clueless hubby..... here's what keeps me sane....

1. The Wheel.... As i'm down on the floor picking up semi chewed cheerios each morning as i do every morning, instead of being depressed that the floor will be shitty as soon as 'SHE WHO MUST BE SERVED' returns from the dinning room... i try to meditate about how life circles around and round, year to year, generation to generation... 'did my great grandmother do this? my grandmother, my mother.... and now here i am in the mudane circle of the raising and loving of yet another daughter... and as she spills her bowl of cheerios on the rug in the living room i catch my self smiling and loving her... i want to love her now... cause someday the wheel is going to get her too...

2. Appriciate the momment... AND as i'm cleaning finger paint off the cabinet doors i try to remind myself that its 10 am and lots of mothers are at work... busting there asses for someone they hate and aching for their babies.. and mine is two feet away from me covered in red and blue paint and giggling....and I realize... I am BLESSED.

3. and i know this isn't easy, cause goddess knows my mother never got this right... the hubby MUST help.... I like to frame it to mine as "I need you to do X for me" and really be there and listen to him and do special things for him, and be reasonable and struggle not to be shrill (even when I feel it inside) but not for one second let him think his day is done.. cause yours sure ain't! I think mine finally 'got it' when i told him it had been a week since i took a crap by myself....hehehehe

4. Let some things go
I never knew how maniacal and fussy i was until my daughter was born... does the throw blanket really need to be folded accordian style????

5. INSIST ON TIME OUT
i NEVER get a day alone either.. but I do get 1/2 hour EACH day.... maybe at the gym, or writing or reading while Little one is at the playground and is ignoring me...sometimes i even take a bath alone.... BLISS!

6. OK... now maybe you thought i was really well adjusted with all my advise and here's where i'm gonna undercut all my moral highground....get a maid... maybe just a few hours a week to iron and clean the bathrooms... or alternitively send the kids to a sitter one afternoon a week and doo all the crap you can't do with them underfoot.... i know money's always an issue with this.. but humans evolved in groups, not nuclear families.. we just aren't build to cope 24-7 with baby poop and someone hanging on our legs... we used to have aunts and sisters and grandparents to unburden on .....if you can't afford help... hehehe maybe you can enlist it from family.... i try the Vulcan mind trick on my mother... "I thought you and Pookie might enjoy an afternnon telling eachother secretsbut i can only let you have her until five.!"

Gotta go... baby crying,....

Tanya
ps. good luck

Shanti
June 5th, 2004, 11:18 AM
I love hearing the ask for help thing. For me its a joke. I havent had a lick of help in 6 yrs. My SO had to go straight back to work whne the second kid was born. We went to the hospital, gave birth, (had 2yr old present with us), rested a few hours, came home, he went to work and I soloed with a newborn and a 2 yr old. No rest, no help, and nothing changed since. We live pay check to pay check so hiring some one isnt even an option and family is a joke. I dont have any family(my grown kids are all I have and they are all living out of my area, making their own lives) and my in-laws are the most useless group of people I ever have seen. They are always hounding us to help them and we are always argueing with them because they have the attitude that we have tons of free time and nothing else better to do.
I have managed on my own most of my life and probably always will. For me thats just life as it is. :)

Tanya
June 6th, 2004, 08:23 AM
Let me tell you my horror story.
I lived with a man for 6 years who NEVER had a job and NEVER cleaned up... once he cooked dinner... and ONCE he did the laundry... i tried striking.. until i couldn't get to the kitchen sink for water because the dishes were piled so high...
Finally I told him that i was falling out of love with him because he was contributing zippo to the household in terms of $$ or work... and the next day i was hanging laundry and i noticed him cleaning out his car, and i felt like "Wow, he finally has heard me" and he came up to me with a bundle of clothing out of his car and stood over the clean laundry basket and asked if the basket was heading inside. "Yup" i said and turned around to hang another sheet.. silly me thinking... 'how nice he's gonna take the clean laundry in when he goes inside..' When i turned around he was GONE...but the bundle of clothes he had been carrying where in the laundry basket of clean clothes...and they were FILTHY!!!!
That was it... I walked inside... gathered my dog and some clean clothes and left him.

a year and a half later when i happened to be passing by i stopped in just to say 'Hi" sitting on the porch was the bag of garbage i was taking to the curb the day i left him... I KID YOU NOT.... my little mind still boggles....

Tanya

misschief
June 6th, 2004, 08:40 AM
i understand the no help thing... i didnt mean to sound in my previous post as if everyone has this amazing support system. it's not a perfect world.. if it were we wouldnt need to be here... lol. i was with someone 'once upon a time' that my family hated, and he was no good for me. (thats not saying the man mentioned here is no good, just telling my situation...) anyway.. during that time.. i got no help.. he was lazy, wouldnt work.. the whole nine. one day.. i came home from working 13 hours and found my one year old son, who is now 4, so severely beaten he was barely concious. big wake up call. after the two hour combat it took for me to get myself and my children out of the house... i have never looked back. he hasnt seen his two boys in over 3 years, and we couldnt be happier. i guess the point was... if the situation doesnt make you happy, the only way i know to fix it (because its what worked for me) is to get out. please dont think im saying thats the answer.. im sure my situation was probably far off from yours, or at least i hope it was.... but, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

Shanti
June 6th, 2004, 09:18 AM
I had stories like that in the past. Its just awful. I'm not in a bad situtation. My SO works so much he's hardly ever got time and when he is off work, we live in a 30 yr old trailer thats falling apart due to the fact that we were very poor for many years and couldnt fix it, so he's fixing it now.
Last weekend was spent re-doing a section of the living room.
Lack of help comes from the fact that I dont have family.
His family helps their daughters. I'm not one of his parents daughters, so I dont get help. Instead they ask me for help and I say no becuase I have my own to do.
My SO is the source of income so its not like I'm gonna say dont work so much. :)

Yvonne Belisle
June 7th, 2004, 04:46 AM
Let me tell you my horror story.
I lived with a man for 6 years who NEVER had a job and NEVER cleaned up... once he cooked dinner... and ONCE he did the laundry... i tried striking.. until i couldn't get to the kitchen sink for water because the dishes were piled so high...
Finally I told him that i was falling out of love with him because he was contributing zippo to the household in terms of $$ or work... and the next day i was hanging laundry and i noticed him cleaning out his car, and i felt like "Wow, he finally has heard me" and he came up to me with a bundle of clothing out of his car and stood over the clean laundry basket and asked if the basket was heading inside. "Yup" i said and turned around to hang another sheet.. silly me thinking... 'how nice he's gonna take the clean laundry in when he goes inside..' When i turned around he was GONE...but the bundle of clothes he had been carrying where in the laundry basket of clean clothes...and they were FILTHY!!!!
That was it... I walked inside... gathered my dog and some clean clothes and left him.

a year and a half later when i happened to be passing by i stopped in just to say 'Hi" sitting on the porch was the bag of garbage i was taking to the curb the day i left him... I KID YOU NOT.... my little mind still boggles....

Tanya


That sounds so much like my youngest sons father it is frightening.

FaerieGothMommy
June 7th, 2004, 06:42 AM
I know what it is like too, but i really really feel for some of you people, it seems like some of you have it 100 times worse than me.
I don't ever go out, only with my partner, so i think thats why it gets to me alot of the time... I have S.A.D though and can't go out without someone with me.
If i am on my own with my daughter, then it's ok. I can keep the place looking relativly clean, and when she takes her nap i go mad with the cleaning... but right now, it's a pain in the bum because im 36 weeks pregnant, so doing the slightest thing kills my back.

I guess i am lucky with my partner, he always washes the dishes, irons his own clothes (sometimes our daughters), sometimes does the hovering... a lot of the time i have to keep asking him though, but at least he still does it. If he sees i am struggling, he will tell me to sit down and relax....... which i'm very lucky for!!

And because we are actually living at my moms (shes usually at work or at her bf's) but when she is here, she lets me do NOTHING and she does it all!!! I suppose it is because she had a hard time with us kids when she was with my dad, and she knows what it's like, she doesn't want me to suffer and so lets me get a lot of rest.

Here is a HUGE HUG for all you ladies who have such a hard time, it's gets stressful, and i probably have it real easy compared to you guys... although i know that won't last when i had two kids running round and our own place to maintain. ugh.

FeatherGoblinglimmer
June 7th, 2004, 08:10 AM
awww, your such a sweetheart((()))

MoonWeed
June 7th, 2004, 10:29 AM
Gr this is just what I needed,cuz nobody in this house even knows how frustrated I am with being the maid,waitress,nurse,finder of all things,cook , gardener,driver,drink getter girl.
I think cuz I have done everything myself for so long they dont realize I am getting really mad now LOL
I find myself geting really mad when he says things like "I need to make a salad???"with this look of "help" on his face..Or " I need a shirt" LOOK in the freakin basket..Ya know that thing that holds all the clothes I wash for you LOL
I used to feel as tho my home was my sanctuary and some distant clean corners still are,but this is like a groundhog day episode that never stops.
I bought 600 paper plates and 300 cups from Sam's,think that cut down on dishes,NOPE cuz now I have to walk around and pick them up to put them in the garbage.LMAO
Yes he always takes out the trash,cuz thats jsut the rule..But its kinda like cuz he gets to leave and go to work that he doesnt have to do anything else.I work from home,so theres no leaving for me,still income..But I am stuck LOL
Its so boring anymore,I used to enjoy this stuff and now it jsut makes me depressed.
I did like to spoil my family,but now they are gettting to big for their britches and its pissin me off.We only have one child and shes at her dads half the week,but as soon as she gets home it starts all over again.(which is tomorrow)
I think I have created a house full of monsters and not the nice kind;)
I need to scrub and bless to get out of this funk, any tips???I feel as tho if it was once ok for me to do these things,I need to find that happy place again within me.I need to get centered & focused.
I know I cant change them,I have tried and I dont want to start fights over housework.We never fight,but I feel as tho I am getting mad so something needs to change.
Gonna go open the windows,turn on some soundscapes LMAO and try to have a good productive day,hope everyone else does too;)

Shanti
June 7th, 2004, 10:48 AM
flicker, You are after my own heart. I know so 100%. I have been feeling less yuk lately but I usually bounce back pretty good from yuk times. I hate feeling yuk so eventually I just stop thinking that way. Harder to do than to say.

People have used the expression with me, 'miss suesie homemaker' and I scream. I aint no miss suesie homemaker and I want to choke who ever miss suesie homemaker is.

I would like to know what ever happened to those 50's women that smiled and cooked and cleaned and made the 'gag me with a spoon' tv comercials for soap? And they had those tv shows were everything in the house is always perfect and mom is always happy to bow down and please the world!!! Gag me.

June Cleaver was on drugs!!! LOL

DragonsChest
June 7th, 2004, 12:35 PM
I would like to know what ever happened to those 50's women that smiled and cooked and cleaned and made the 'gag me with a spoon' tv comercials for soap? And they had those tv shows were everything in the house is always perfect and mom is always happy to bow down and please the world!!! Gag me.

June Cleaver was on drugs!!! LOL


Well, in a sense you are correct, she was. A lot of women from that age took valium for "nerves", or they drank too much.

MoonWeed
June 7th, 2004, 01:10 PM
I think thats where valium got the name "mothers lil helper" LMAO

Temair
June 8th, 2004, 09:11 AM
I think really it is a matter of attitude. Women have been taking care of the home for thousands of years while the men worked the fields and tended the livestock. Then, with industry, women kept the home while men went to the office or the factory to make a living. It seems to me that it has only been since women have tried to enter the man's world of work that they have become discontent in the home. Granted I was born to be a homemaker, and once when I was trying to describe my perfect life, someone said, "Oh, like June Cleaver?" Exactly.

I think there is a lot of stress generated from women trying to live in the "men's world", while everyone, men and women, still expect women to run the "women's world". There are more women entering the men's world than there are men entering the women's world. I think that if the transition were equal in both directions, there would be less stress on today's women. But I ramble now, so I will shut up and don my asbestos suit. :hehehe:

Shanti
June 8th, 2004, 09:21 AM
I think really it is a matter of attitude. Women have been taking care of the home for thousands of years while the men worked the fields and tended the livestock. Then, with industry, women kept the home while men went to the office or the factory to make a living. It seems to me that it has only been since women have tried to enter the man's world of work that they have become discontent in the home. Granted I was born to be a homemaker, and once when I was trying to describe my perfect life, someone said, "Oh, like June Cleaver?" Exactly.

I think there is a lot of stress generated from women trying to live in the "men's world", while everyone, men and women, still expect women to run the "women's world". There are more women entering the men's world than there are men entering the women's world. I think that if the transition were equal in both directions, there would be less stress on today's women. But I ramble now, so I will shut up and don my asbestos suit. :hehehe: Theres one fact to society that I really hate...even if you want to be a full time homemaker, you often cant because the economy forces a 2 income household in order to make it in todays world. I think that is one big draw back to the modern society. Moms arent around all the time to take care of all domestics, including kids. Moms are going into over drive just to have a family.

One income is not always a livable income. :(


Another differance today to is that in the past women relied on other women for help. Todays homemaker is often alone as her counter parts are all working. :(

MoonWeed
June 8th, 2004, 09:34 AM
Well the times were a changin' therefore women had no choice but to go out and work.Remember World War 1 took all of the workers (men) therefore thrusting women of the time into how did you call it "the mans world".
Also June Cleavers life was written and produced my older white males,so she really never had a place in real society.
I do agree that women tended to the hearth and the men were the providers,but women had no choice but to work outside of the home at some point.Most have raised there children to work ,that was an important thing at those times.Our country would not have survived the War had it not been for all of those supposed "Junes" leaving the home.And in some ways the mentality progressed.Once "the mans world" realized that they could use women for menial ,low paying positions they jsut ran with it.
I do believe it's common to ask any working mother if she would rather stay home and the resounding answer would be YES.
Society makes it not acceptable for women to stay home..Ever hear a SAHM tell people shes a SAHM.they do it quietly and almost act like thats all they do.Society has brought shame to the women that need to stay home and raise her family ,as tho she isnt doing enough.
Its your "mans world" that makes it harder for people with one income to do this.
But there is this thing called full circle and I think that we are heading back to alot of women staying home to raise their own kids and as Martha would say "thats a good thing";)

Temair
June 8th, 2004, 09:44 AM
Theres one fact to society that I really hate...even if you want to be a full time homemaker, you often cant because the economy forces a 2 income household in order to make it in todays world. I think that is one big draw back to the modern society. Moms arent around all the time to take care of all domestics, including kids. Moms are going into over drive just to have a family.

One income is not always a livable income. :(


Another differance today to is that in the past women relied on other women for help. Todays homemaker is often alone as her counter parts are all working. :(
I hear you there. I became a homemaker because I couldn't earn enough to pay for daycare after our last baby was born. We are struggling through it with help from the state until I finish my classes and can go into business for myself here at home. It's a terrible pattern: women go to work to afford the things that most people feel are necessary for a decent life, but then have to pay money for daycare so even if women are paid the same salary as a man, they bring home far less. And they have to have the conveniences that are so expensive because they don't have time at the end of the day to do something the old fashioned way.

Personally, my family is looking seriously into homesteading. My parents did it for a few years when I was little and I have longed for it ever since.

DragonsChest
June 8th, 2004, 09:50 AM
I would love to be a SAHM and just take care of the house and my teens, and make dragons. BUT..... on one income (I can't count the dragon income - it isn't making it) we can't survive. And I don't mean that we have new cars, vacations to take, designer clothes, eating out all the time.....etc. By surviving I mean a house that is just big enough for us in a safe neighborhood, a used car for each of us (work requires we all have our own vehicles) and saving every month just so we can have a Christmas. College savings are nonexistant, so the kids know that if they want to go to college, it's a scholarship or nothing. Sorry. Retirement savings are only in our 401Ks from work and we are darn lucky to have them.

I simply do not know how my parents did it. I feel like my generation took two steps back and I am a failure.

DragonsChest
June 8th, 2004, 09:51 AM
I hear you there. I became a homemaker because I couldn't earn enough to pay for daycare after our last baby was born. We are struggling through it with help from the state until I finish my classes and can go into business for myself here at home. It's a terrible pattern: women go to work to afford the things that most people feel are necessary for a decent life, but then have to pay money for daycare so even if women are paid the same salary as a man, they bring home far less. And they have to have the conveniences that are so expensive because they don't have time at the end of the day to do something the old fashioned way.

Personally, my family is looking seriously into homesteading. My parents did it for a few years when I was little and I have longed for it ever since.

True, it's a vicious cycle. Can you explain the homesteading? Haven't heard about that since the pioneer days in OK.

MoonWeed
June 8th, 2004, 10:10 AM
Dearest Dragon your not a failure..
We have a generation of single moms that raised kids alone.The fathers of those kids are failures.
But the good thing that may come out of that is that those children will grow and realize that the women need to have the choice to stay home.
We as women need to proud to be SAHM's and society needs to embrace the fact that yes a woman does belong in the home and not the work force if thats her choice.But not held there by men.
I am kinda torn here because I used to work 3 jobs to support my child ,but now I am a SAHM.I used to love going out to provide and have freedom.Alll the while thinking I would love to be home with my baby.I love staying at home being the drink getter girl..I jsut dont like my family acting as tho they have no legs or hands to assist themselves in the mundain things they need. LOL Educationally & proffessionally speaking I can save your life and perform surgery on you,but you want me to find the toenail clipper for you, when I jsut told you where it was ???LMAO
I wish all mothers could stay home,but in this time its jsut not possible...But things will change and our kids will see how important it is to change society to have mothers raise their own kids and take care of the hearth with pride.
And women will embrace this someday ,instead of looking down on her counter part as tho she doesnt do enough.
Your right the support has left and that is sad,because we all know how powerful we chicks can be when we help each other;)
just my .02;)

Shanti
June 8th, 2004, 10:20 AM
Needs are the tough part. Like my friend I mentioned earilier. She isnt working and leaving a new baby for extra anything. She has to help with bills. Her SO makes 14 an hour but when they take out for insurance, union dues, uniforms, taxes, and other misc mandatory stuff, his check is chopped into a small piece of what his so called pay scale is. She was off of working (without pay of course) for 2 weeks to have the baby and those missing pay checks put them right into a hole. They are struggling to crawl out. It breaks her heart to hand over her new baby everyday for 9 hrs to another person. I feel so bad for her. :)

MoonWeed
June 8th, 2004, 10:32 AM
http://www.bellalites.com/kys2.jpg
This is my lil' friend Kysmet.I babysit her everyday from 11-10pm for her mama.She's my BF and a single mom. I put my own personal things and business on hold to help her out.I get paid next to nothing,but its the best thing I could have ever done for her. When I had my child I was also a single mom and had a good friend who I trusted and worked for pennies to take care of my child and it was the only thing that got me thru it all.
She's my sunshiney friend and I love the fact that things in my life are possible to be able to be part of her life;)And I know how my friend looks everyday when she walks off my step and it saddens me.

Shanti
June 8th, 2004, 10:43 AM
This is my lil' friend Kysmet.I babysit her everyday from 11-10pm for her mama.She's my BF and a single mom. I put my own personal things and business on hold to help her out.I get paid next to nothing,but its the best thing I could have ever done for her. When I had my child I was also a single mom and had a good friend who I trusted and worked for pennies to take care of my child and it was the only thing that got me thru it all.
She's my sunshiney friend and I love the fact that things in my life are possible to be able to be part of her life;)And I know how my friend looks everyday when she walks off my step and it saddens me.
So sweet....awwhhhh.

I wish I could do that for my friend. I cant with my physical disability and my 2 little ones. It would be to much to cope with,(4 kids from newborn to 6yrs old, way to much for a lame chick) if it wasnt for that I would do it in a minute.

Shanti
June 8th, 2004, 10:45 AM
Glad you can help your friend out and that little face is soooo precious...:)

Nightmelody
June 8th, 2004, 11:31 AM
I have a very difficult time working full time--my house gets crazy, and I really hate that. Plus I'm tired alot. I recently dropped to part time, and like it so much better. I feel I am a better influence on my kids than the child care I can arrange.

I would love to be at home full time, but then we don't have enough money, and something always comes up that needs money.

Shanti
June 8th, 2004, 11:33 AM
I have a very difficult time working full time--my house gets crazy, and I really hate that. Plus I'm tired alot. I recently dropped to part time, and like it so much better. I feel I am a better influence on my kids than the child care I can arrange.

I would love to be at home full time, but then we don't have enough money, and something always comes up that needs money.
~hugs~ I know how you feel and it sucks.

blugirrl1
June 8th, 2004, 01:31 PM
flicker, what an adorable baby, and you are so kind to do this for your friend. :)

MoonWeed
June 8th, 2004, 11:54 PM
Thanks , she's a great baby;) I just want to know that if I can help, I will. Just because someone did it for me.Plus she cures my baby fix LMAO
My first babysitter worked for greek salads from the restaurant that I worked at LOL she was very cool;)

Temair
June 9th, 2004, 10:12 AM
I'll start a new thread for homesteading. I just don't know how to link threads yet. Sorry.

DragonsChest
June 9th, 2004, 10:14 AM
cool. Let me know where you put it and what it's thread name is. Thanks!!

Temair
June 9th, 2004, 10:28 AM
I just posted it and called it (remarkably enough) "Homesteading".

DragonsChest
June 9th, 2004, 10:40 AM
I just posted it and called it (remarkably enough) "Homesteading".

Gotta love it! :hehehehe: