Asking "Why?"

[Antoninus]

Do you think its ok to ask why? If someone tells you to do something, and the reason is not clear, is it ok to ask why?

Good example, today in class, a girl in my RS class was browsing around www.witchesway.net shes curious about being Wiccan and shes just gathering information. The teacher came over and saw her on the website and told her to get off. She asked why and the teacher said "Because I dont want you on the website". The girl replied that all her homework was done and she had nothing else to do, no other work. The teacher again demanded she get off the site. The girl complied but kept asking why. The teachers answer ammounted to no more than "Because I dont want you to be on that site." Finally the teacher got fed up with the girl asking why and sent her out.

Do you think its ok to ask someone in a position of "authority" why if they tell you to do something and they dont give you a reason. Like a teacher, parent or boss.

Annother good example. Say your at work and your boss comes in and tells you to move your stuff to the other wing of the building, thereby distancing you from your team members and people that you need to work with. When you ask why, he says "Because I said so."

So, is it right to ask why?

[Tzhebee]

Being a mom who is constantly asked "why" (pet peeve), this is a very difficult question to answer, but I'll try.

It depends on the situation.

If you are told no and ask why in a snotty or whiney manner, then it is NOT ok-ever.
If you are told no and ask why for knowledge, then it is OK.
Say there are two authority figures and one says not to do something, the other should not ask why in front of the person(s) told not to do it, because it lessens the first persons' authority.

Also, I try my hardest to never respond with "Because I said so". I try to give a logical reason.

Perhaps the teacher could have said "Because I am uncomfortable with you looking at that sight and would prefer that you do something else". Then there is no reason for further discussion unless the student wants to be difficult. Just my opinion. :)

[Antoninus]

Ah, thank you Tzhebee, you reminded me of something I forgot. Is it ok to ask why IN THE CORRECT TONE OF VOICE? I dont mean snotty or condescending or rude, I mean actually asking why because you want to know.

[Tzhebee]

:D I'll pose a question back at you....Say you are told not to do something. You politely (:)) ask why and are given an answer you don't like. An actual answer, not the "because I said so" crap. Would you continue to question them?

[Yvonne Belisle]

Although I doubt this is the reason they told her to leave the site the school can be held liable if the parents don't approve. Depending on the lawyers there are several things they can use including seperation of church and state. Religion is not to be taught in schools by allowing her to go to the site they can claim they were condoning it. Pretty twisted but some of those lawyers out there are really good at twisting things. Not to mention if they can prosicute pagans teaching the craft to minors without the parents concent they can twist it to apply to schools.

[Antoninus]

:D I'll pose a question back at you....Say you are told not to do something. You politely (:)) ask why and are given an answer you don't like. An actual answer, not the "because I said so" crap. Would you continue to question them?
I wouldnt like it and I might put up a little bit of a fight, but if the reason was valid then Id accpet it. I just get angry when people do the "because I said so" to me, that translates to "I dont have a better reason, or a reason at all, I just want you to do it."

[Phoenix Blue]

Do you think its ok to ask someone in a position of "authority" why if they tell you to do something and they dont give you a reason. Like a teacher, parent or boss.
Yes - I think it's okay, though I don't think it's the best way for someone in a position of authority to use that authority. However, you don't have much choice but to do what they ask in that situation. Additionally, if you're going to ask why, ask privately so that you're not seen as trying to undermine their authority.

It seems pretty clear, at least to me, that the teacher didn't have a valid reason for asking your classmate not to browse that website.

[Nighthawk]

Well, I think the teacher was more interested ion control and keeping her values higher.. The teacher must not be pagan...

[Antoninus]

Well, I think the teacher was more interested ion control and keeping her values higher.. The teacher must not be pagan...
The woman is SEVERELY in need of a re-adjustment, shes not a good teacher. She takes offense at the SKIN brand t-shirts.

Is it that people think your trying to make them look bad if you ask why?

[Phoenix Blue]

Is it that people think your trying to make them look bad if you ask why?
Sometimes, yes. Sometimes, people just think it's "not a child's place" to question a teacher's authority, nevermind that a teenager really does deserve a rational answer to a rational question.

[Antoninus]

Sometimes, yes. Sometimes, people just think it's "not a child's place" to question a teacher's authority, nevermind that a teenager really does deserve a rational answer to a rational question.
I get that ALOT "You dont NEED a reason! Im telling you to do it, you do it!" **Fights the urge to do the Nazi salute**

[Illuminatus]

Individuals typically don't respond well to blind, unresponsive leadership. They have every right to ask "why' when ordered to do something. The leadership has every right to decline an answer.

It's a bad policy however. When the answer is 'because I said so', those who follow catch on more quickly about the basic rules of their relationship - that they are mere serfs, pandering to the will of their obstinate betters. This makes them more likely to feel disconnected from their leaders, and more likely to be derelict in their duties or even rebellious.

In this example, the teacher probably had a good reason to kick the kid off of the internet. However, she was either unable to articulate them (teacher is stupid) or was refusing to communicate them out of spite (teacher is mean) or perhaps school policy instructed her specifcly NOT to tell students what they can or cannot seen (school policy is broken). This same policy is currently broken in public libararies, where librarians are bound by law NOT to inform their patrons that they are being spied upon by Patriot Act provisions.

There's a price you pay when you alienate your lessers. Clearly she doesn't have a problem paying it. I think it's fine, the youngster gets a valuable lesson in how the world works, and develops a healthy disdain and suspicion of authority. Those are valuable traits that stay with you your entire life. Kid learned more that day then most do in a month. And isn't the purpose of school too educate?

- Illuminatus!

[Phoenix Blue]

I get that ALOT "You dont NEED a reason! Im telling you to do it, you do it!" **Fights the urge to do the Nazi salute**
:rolleyes: Wow, I bet that's good for a morale boost.

They should at least be able to say, "I'll explain it later, but right now I need you to do what I asked." Granted, not everyone asks "why" simply because they're curious about the teacher's reasoning, but that answer should suffice for them as well. The kids who do want to know why can ask after class, and the kids who were just looking to be defiant can still be dealt with appropriately and without escalating the situation.

[Antoninus]

Well the teacher does it ALOT, she does ALOT of ridiculous things for no reasons. Shes paying the price, our class is almost ready to rebel. We hardly ever listen to her and we have VERY frank exchanges of opinion with her. She refuses to discuss anything and has NO clue what to do.

But "Because I said so" seems to be the Leadership Lollypop (The Lollypop is your emergency parachute if your main parachute fails in skydiving). If youve got nothing else to use, you bank on your authority and say "because I said so", you pull the lollypop

[AnaRQy]

Depends on the situation really. Like when someone with authority over you asks you to do something, I guess it mostly depends on whether you respect their judgement. For instance, my boss treats me fairly, so if he asked me to do something, I wouldn't question that unless it caused harm to someone/thing. I might offer a suggestion on the method I would think most efficient for doing said task, but that's because we're a team for the company we work for, and me taking charge of the situation makes his job easier and allows him to focus on other things.

As it relates to school, I wouldn't sweat it too much. Its best to know which battles are worth fighting and which to not lose any sleep over. If one possible outcome is all computer activity during class be banned completely, I'd tread lightly and appreciate the places I can surf. Who knows, maybe the teacher will come around at some point in the future and allow it, maybe he/she was just having a bad day today.

[Illuminatus]

Depends on the situation really. Like when someone with authority over you asks you to do something, I guess it mostly depends on whether you respect their judgement. For instance, my boss treats me fairly, so if he asked me to do something, I wouldn't question that unless it caused harm to someone/thing. I might offer a suggestion on the method I would think most efficient for doing said task, but that's because we're a team for the company we work for, and me taking charge of the situation makes his job easier and allows him to focus on other things.

As it relates to school, I wouldn't sweat it too much. Its best to know which battles are worth fighting and which to not lose any sleep over. If one possible outcome is all computer activity during class be banned completely, I'd tread lightly and appreciate the places I can surf. Who knows, maybe the teacher will come around at some point in the future and allow it, maybe he/she was just having a bad day today.

I can understand that. My boss is an idiot, some of the time. I don't correct him on it any more. No point really. I just go with the flow. So when he says "Let's execute my stupid idea" or "let's waste a lot of time and resources doing this pointless thing" I just say "OK BOSS, LET'S DO IT! YEAH! GO TEAM!"

Perhaps the greatest lesson you can learn from this type experience is not to care. Apathy can be your saving grace. It is also, not coincidentaly, the road to SLACK.

[AnaRQy]

Perhaps the greatest lesson you can learn from this type experience is not to care. Apathy can be your saving grace. It is also, not coincidentaly, the road to SLACK.

LOL Go Bob Dobbs! ;)

[WandererInGray]

:smoke:

Am I the only one who sees "Because I don't want you on that website." as a valid answer? It's not an "Because I told you so." It's a personal/professional decision.

It is the teacher's class, and they are allowed to set the rules in their class as they see fit. *shrugs* Just because someone has done all their homework, doesn't have anything else to do in class doesn't mean they get to do whatever their little heart desires.

....At least it didn't mean that in my day. :D

Just the DA point of view.

[WrathofCirce]

Do you think its ok to ask why? If someone tells you to do something, and the reason is not clear, is it ok to ask why?

Good example, today in class, a girl in my RS class was browsing around www.witchesway.net shes curious about being Wiccan and shes just gathering information. The teacher came over and saw her on the website and told her to get off. She asked why and the teacher said "Because I dont want you on the website". The girl replied that all her homework was done and she had nothing else to do, no other work. The teacher again demanded she get off the site. The girl complied but kept asking why. The teachers answer ammounted to no more than "Because I dont want you to be on that site." Finally the teacher got fed up with the girl asking why and sent her out.

Do you think its ok to ask someone in a position of "authority" why if they tell you to do something and they dont give you a reason. Like a teacher, parent or boss.

Annother good example. Say your at work and your boss comes in and tells you to move your stuff to the other wing of the building, thereby distancing you from your team members and people that you need to work with. When you ask why, he says "Because I said so."

So, is it right to ask why?

I, honestly, think that it is not only OK, but it is imperitive.

When I was young I asked why and got the same ridiculous responses. Now that I am the adult (?) I try to answer those questions honestly and thoroughly. "Because I said so," is not an answer. If the adult/authority figure is annoyed it is because of their own unwillingness to give up the ridiculous notion that they are above honesty and in such a position of power that "Because I said so" is a respected answer. Maybe I would accept that answer from my goddesses, but that is it.

[Gala]

Perhaps the greatest lesson you can learn from this type experience is not to care. Apathy can be your saving grace. It is also, not coincidentaly, the road to SLACK.

Well said.

When raising my kids, I couldn't get away with , because I said so, they didn't accept that and I am proud of them because of that.

If the site had been a Christian site, how much do you want to be that the teacher would've been hunky dorey with that?

And as a teacher I have probably used the ... BISS tack, however only when the student was just being a twit. There is a difference between and honest "why" and a "just being a pain the the A** "why".

[Ben Trismegistus]

This is probably going to be an unpopular answer, but I'm sure that the school and the teacher could get in SERIOUS trouble for allowing a student to view a site they've deemed "inappropriate" during school hours. It's irrelevant whether or not the teacher approves of the site -- what's relevant is whether it's possible for anyone on the school board or the administration to object to the site, which I'd say is pretty darn likely.

So in that case, "I don't want you on that site" seems like a pretty reasonable answer. I say that if you want to view controversial sites, do it on your own time.

[Caliburn]

Of course it's okay to ask why.
Humanity is nothing but a 'why?' if you think about it.
Without that word or expression, we'd be apes, nothing more.

[Gala]

This is probably going to be an unpopular answer, but I'm sure that the school and the teacher could get in SERIOUS trouble for allowing a student to view a site they've deemed "inappropriate" during school hours. It's irrelevant whether or not the teacher approves of the site -- what's relevant is whether it's possible for anyone on the school board or the administration to object to the site, which I'd say is pretty darn likely.

So in that case, "I don't want you on that site" seems like a pretty reasonable answer. I say that if you want to view controversial sites, do it on your own time.

I agree with you too, I guess I was always too honest with my students.. I'd just say, Hey I could get in trouble for you looking at that site...My students usually don't want me in trouble.
:)

[Antoninus]

I agree with you too, I guess I was always too honest with my students.. I'd just say, Hey I could get in trouble for you looking at that site...My students usually don't want me in trouble.
:)
The site isnt blocked by any filtering software, so, by school policy, its allright. And would it REALLY have been so hard for her to say "Because I could get in trouble"?

[Ben Trismegistus]

The site isnt blocked by any filtering software, so, by school policy, its allright. And would it REALLY have been so hard for her to say "Because I could get in trouble"?
You probably don't have filtering software on your system. So would it have been acceptable for you to watch porn?

[Antoninus]

Oh trust me, there IS filtering software on the school computers. Im on one right now.

[Ben Trismegistus]

Oh trust me, there IS filtering software on the school computers. Im on one right now.
Well, regardless, just because a certain site happens to get through the filter doesn't mean it's ok to visit it.

Look, I know you don't want to hear this, but the nature of school is that the teacher HAS to be the authority figure, whether you agree with her or not. The organizational structure of the classroom is that the teacher is entirely in control. You may not like it, but you have to do what she says. That's the way it works.

Part of the reason why public education has gone downhill in the past 10-15 years is that teachers are no longer able to wield the kind of authority they once had. Students are suing teachers for giving them bad grades, etc. Yes, a teacher should *earn* their students' respect, but any student who goes into a classroom already planning to be adversarial can't possibly get anything positive out of the class.

[Antoninus]

Look, I know you don't want to hear this, but the nature of school is that the teacher HAS to be the authority figure, whether you agree with her or not. The organizational structure of the classroom is that the teacher is entirely in control. You may not like it, but you have to do what she says. That's the way it works. Im not debating that at all. Im saying that its a problem when they mis-use that authority for private reasons and give NO reasons publically

[Ben Trismegistus]

Im not debating that at all. Im saying that its a problem when they mis-use that authority for private reasons and give NO reasons publically
And I'm saying it's not a mis-use of authority. Frankly, when you're in school, you shouldn't be surfing ANY websites that aren't related to class.

Having gone to school before the internet age, I'm shocked at the amount of people (here at least) who seem to surf the web all day in school. People turn up on the chatroom when they're supposed to be doing an assignment in class. The whole thing is completely bizarre. Have the times changed that much in a dozen years?

[moonmorgan]

Well, I always hated when my parents would say because I said so when I asked why and so I said that whenever I dealt with children, I would answer their whys. I don't have children of my own yet but I work with children ALL the time and so I hear why quite a lot. I answer them as best as I can but sometimes I have said because. It get's annoying because you answer them and they ask why about that etc... on and on. In general, I think we have the right to ask why is a respectful tone and we should be told why or given a basic explanation but then we should respect that answer, whether it makes sense to us or not.

In the case of your friend, while the teacher's reason for not wanting your friend on that site may seem wrong to us, she gave an answer, she said she didn't want her looking at that page. It's pretty obvious why she doesn't want her looking there, she has something against Witches or is scared of them. Your friend should have gotten off that website.

THEN, she could go to the principal.