One thing

[Boogins]

I come here asking only one thing, but for many reasons.

The reasons are hard even to list, but I ask this for my beautiful Hawks--whose faith in me and support is endless--because I can't keep knocking his feet out from under him because somehow our cycles and psyches have become locked together in a fashion that moves me but I cannot understand... I ask this for my sister, Jessie, who believes so totally but whose situation may kill her before I live up to that belief... and I ask this for so many friends who have joined with me on an enormous project that could help so many of us if only I can keep it together...

All I ask is to be able to re-establish my control. The crashes are too destructive. Please, that is all I ask.

[Gala]

As We will it So Mote it BE!

[Nighthawk]

:hugz:

[Boogins]

I've always wished to be close enough to someone that this type of mental/emotional exchange could be possible--but I never considered that possibility as being between two ultradian manic-depressives. I'm so worried that I'm hurting him, making it harder, at least...

[Nighthawk]

:hugz:

[GryphonGirl]

:hugz:

[Boogins]

So many friends, so much caring, and so much love. I thank you for all of them.

I thank you for Hawks, with his steel-trap mind and soft heart.

I thank you for my sister Jessie, the impractical practical, ever protective.

I thank you for the gifts I have, and the fire that ignites them.

I redefine my request: help me to control, yes... but help me to organize. Help me to know what's best to do now. There's so much I want to give, and only so many ways to make it happen. If I must crash more, I will happily swap that time if I can know how to make these things happen.

Thank you... for listening.

[catphrodite]

:hugz:
:flowers:

[Boogins]

So many friends... tell me how to help. We're all human. Human problems, human hearts. I want to help.

[Boogins]

Why the fog? I know, on the practical end, what the fog means--the fog means a crash is coming. Is that my answer? Crash first, and then be granted some knowledge to bring about the change? If that is true, then I don't mind. I simply don't know. And with ignorance comes fear.

[Fang of Loki]

I will ask my deities to help bring you focus, Boogins.

I will also cast my runes for you.

It's the least I can do for a fellow Albertan. :D

[Boogins]

All right, this is the answer before the answer. I accept this.

And once more, thank you for my friends. They are beyond wonderful, exceptional...

[Boogins]

I repeat my thanks for my good friends. Every day they prove how special they are, and every day I am more grateful.

But please tell me what to do about Heidi. She has great need, but seems to feel it's unnecessary for her to earn her way in the world. I offered the opportunity, and I so hoped, because we were such good friends, that it would be a wonderful experience for us both; instead she's made me babysit her for FIVE months over two bloody pages of outline, and produced nothing but excuse after excuse. For all I know, tomorrow may be too late, and I will have to return to the first-season script I wrote off an outline from a friend who not only betrayed me, but used what she knew of my life and relationships to bring the nightmares back to Hawks.

So here is my choice: the lazy, the betrayer, or somehow managing to spontaneously replace that script myself from the script I produced in the first place.

All these good and honest friends, and here I am back in the fray with two who are not friends at all. I am so angry right now I can't see straight.

I thank you for my good friends. I thank you. Please stop me from kicking Heidi from here to Florida.

[Boogins]

Thank you. You have stopped me from kicking Heidi across the continent. You have helped to eliminate the betrayer again.

Once more, too, I thank you for my good friends.

[GryphonGirl]

:hugz:

[Nighthawk]

:hugz:

[Boogins]

Again, and joyfully, I thank you for my friends--an ever-widening circle of generous souls with extended hands offering sincerely to help and to share. I am constantly amazed and exhilarated. Bless them all.

[Boogins]

I know what my focus is: hope is a universal necessity, and so many people I know need hope, hope and release, the signposts to new possibilities. I am trying to light the path, and I know that is the right thing to do; creating the path is the greater difficulty. Help me, ease my doubts... show me the evidence of happiness to come for all the good people who mean so much to me. You know I will not stop trying.

I ask one particular favor. Hawks has been through enough in this lifetime, and in this instance he spoke only for me. I do not ask that karma find Ms. Lips; the greater shock for her is that we overcome. But he's tired, and his control is wearing thin. Please, just end this lunacy, and let him come home. Please.

Again, thanks offered for the many gifts you have given me, and I will keep trying.

[Nighthawk]

Awww.. hug to you both, my dear friend..

[Boogins]

:hugz: back...

And, please, not later. Now...

[Boogins]

I never thought, beyond those I know best, that anyone had ever noticed.

Thank you for all the kind hearts, and all those who are interested. Thank you. :)

[Earthy]

:hugz:

[Boogins]

I feel so uplifted tonight after the energy raising: again, let me thank you for kind, good, honest, supportive and generous friends. Many blessings to them. Let me create this thing for all of us to enjoy.

[Boogins]

I keep encountering sad people, people without hope or direction, people looking to be part of something.

The fire is lit but today it's just smoldering. Yesterday it burned furiously. Jessie says I think about this too much, but this is what I have to offer--how can I not think about it?

[Nighthawk]

:hugz: It is not the job of one to make it better. It is the job of all...

[Boogins]

But sometimes you need a starting point to bring them together.

[Gala]

It has been started.. we just need to "keep the faith".

[GryphonGirl]

But sometimes you need a starting point to bring them together.


:hugz:

[Boogins]

Never underestimate the will of the thing itself to be. It's growing--again. Once upon a time this whole situation was described by myself in a treatment as a one-off. Yesterday afternoon and last night it expanded into its third round of 24 (man, you'd think MF was drinking beer).

I know you're telling me to keep going, and I know you know I always do. I know this'll happen. You like to throw the odd spanner in my works just to keep my brain sharp, though, don't you? And I know--there's always a price to maintain balance. Okay, I'm ready this time... but may I please get these four scripts done before the next payment?

Hey, GG, I think I'm raising Kane! 8O

[Nighthawk]

:hugz:

[Boogins]

Sometimes you do something that seems to be so right it'll have you smiling all day.

This is a good day. A really good day. Now I ought to get something done!

[Boogins]

My baby Tiny is all right. Thank you.

[Boogins]

This is the sign, my direction, isn't it? I knew it would come through a friend! Thank you, thank you, many times, thank you.

[djmixon]

:ringaroun

[Boogins]

I see the direction, and I am prepared to act. I thank you for your aid, I thank you for my friends.

But again I must ask a grace for Hawks. He sounds so tired, and I heard the slur in his speech; the lithium dosage is too high. Please just let him come home.

[Nighthawk]

:hugz:

[Boogins]

My candles are lit, and now I speak to you again, with thoughts and encouragements from many friends to back me. I sense so much that is improving, and I give you thanks. I know, I ride the line, and for this I apologize; it's hard not to let fear and anxiety rule me when things go so badly for the one I love, and yet winning my goal here could cure that as well, and I understand that. But I can hear him. Please, if you can, a comfort in his direction.

I worked today, and I kept my moods as even as I could. All I can offer is my effort, and I know that is all that you ask. Please smile upon this, and upon us all. You know I will never give up.

Once more, thanks to you for my friends, and for the gift of the fire.

[Gala]

I sent help his way as well my friend.

:hugz:

[Boogins]

Thank you, hon. :hugz: Things feel a bit brighter that way too.:)

[Boogins]

Oh, gods, the worst thing I know is the rage. I just got angry--what I said was true, but it was never meant to be said to another. It's not mine to say! OMG, I just said it.

Oh, gods, I am so sorry.

[Nighthawk]

:hugz: and it is fine.. for it stops here...

[Boogins]

That's a heck of an answer. I thought you were indicating progress, not a step back. You mean I have to start again?

[Boogins]

My apologies. I know this is the right direction. The only answer is work, and I've always known that. I'm sorry, I let the fuel of my own energy fire my words for a moment.

I thank you again for my friends, and the support they give me.

[Nighthawk]

*hug dear* Hang in there...

[savannahrose44]

:hugz:

[Boogins]

This is a very... well, bouncy week so far. I feel like a child with new toys, but then, as my temper and my typing fingers may be too quick to relate, I know too well that childhood often isn't about toys. I have a headache that won't quite go away. And I'm certain it's communicated.

A hundred thousand thoughts as to how to help this situation. Hope. Worry. Bright, dark, bright, dark; manic, depressed, manic, depressed. I feel myself running, grass slapping against my legs, even as I'm lying in my bed at the dying of twilight to a chorus of purrs; I'm still there alone, and none of the other questions are solved either.

Can I possibly run any faster?

Oh, and could someone give Sam a swift kick in the butt for both of us?

[Gala]

:(

[Maeglin Ancalime]

Candle for you :hugz:

[Boogins]

All right, I start, or re-start today. I will do it. It will be done.

[Boogins]

And I did...

"A rose by any other name would smell as sweet," Juliet said; but Shakespeare knew nothing of the modern age to come. Hand a name, just a name, to some people, and they can appropriate that identity; hand a name to others and they can break a lifetime wide open. This we acknowledged in our original intentions. But we both have a love, and a pride in that love, and just for the joy of sharing that pride we've been forgetting ever since.

I am a fool for love, I guess.

I am also in deep kaka right now. Jess is firmly convinced I have deliberately sabotaged our car. Excuse me, but duh. She'll get home sooner or later, and I am not looking forward to this.

[Boogins]

If this little surprise for the day was meant to make me laugh, well...

It worked. Thank you. :)

[Boogins]

I believe in balance, but this qualifies as one of the strangest balances I've ever experienced. A migraine for a clear signal--a migraine on either end?

Still, it's like being close. It's also like the ultimate comprehension of what's been going on on the other end these three months now. It scares me.

Somehow we must end these troubles. All these troubles. I know the "no's" come first, but I hope there are "yes's" to come.

[savannahrose44]

:hugz:

[Boogins]

So I told my little story today, and yes, it's probably my fault, given my habit of couching things in humorous terms, but everybody laughed. Only one person seemed to realize that that was perhaps the most devastating thing that has ever happened to me personally... and only one other understood how it frightens me now, that that monster from my past--afraid of the knowledge that others hold as to how she won her dreams--has reached out and tried to destroy Hawks too... because he knows.

I was never concerned about being an ultradian bipolar, too--until that monster made Hawks being the same as me into an issue.

It's become more obvious to me I must make this sale, our sale, everyone's sale, in the States. All of the sudden I am aware that there is someone here who somehow found a tidbit of information, first about Hawks, then about me, and would use the stigma attached to it to harm us. Because we know. How can she be so paranoid about one act, however immoral, that she performed sixteen years ago?

I would never ask that harm be done to anyone. But can I not request protection, at least for Hawks and I, that this thing be done, for all these friends' sakes? Can I not ask your grace, for speed and ease, that this thing be done quickly?

[Maeglin Ancalime]

:hugz: for you mother I know it will be alright...you have shown me a love that is beyond words...you are to great a person for it to fail. :hugz:

[Boogins]

:hugz: You're a great son, did you know that?

[Maeglin Ancalime]

Only sometimes :D
:hugz:

[Earthy]

:hugz: Boogins.I love you.

[Boogins]

I can't say enough for my friends. I have been so blessed.

An odd, achy day. Still mixes phases, and so many questions. It didn't help that I had to get the motherboard changed today, but at least it's done. I know everything I have to do in the next few days, yet I feel without direction. What will the morning be like? There has to be some means of establishing control. Motivation I have a-plenty; without control it's all moot.

I hear the music calling. I can get a start, there, yes; but everything still hinges on the series. I have 21 scripts to finish, counting the replacement in the first season, to close out the second season, and I feel like I'm getting so far behind.

Sometimes all I want to do is ask the most basic question: do you approve? Am I doing this right and well?

[Maeglin Ancalime]

A hug for you mother :hugz:

[savannahrose44]

Big hug for Boo! :hugz:

[Boogins]

One of the major worries I have is Jess, and that her job is killing her. I know you know that... and certainly she needs time off... and I suppose a reason was necessary. Certainly it's better than a heart attack. Still, I'm a little bewildered.

'Course, it didn't help seeing Brian at the X-ray office. My ex-brother treated me like a little-seen friend, and was smart enough to get away as soon as possible. Still, we'll see them on the weekend, won't we?

I'd sure rather see Hawks.

Love that out-of-left-field management thing. Sometimes the most amazing things happen... and I comprehend the balance now. I only wish I could control my reactions a little better. Panic in the morning, WHOOSH at noon, brain that feels like a sheet of paper scrunched into a ball in the afternoon. Still, I'm almost finished that Act 4. I'll keep control. I think.

I know several things I could wish for, but I won't. I just wish I knew that you thought I was doing right. Well, time to feed the fuzzniks. Thank you.

[Boogins]

Progress, progress... I comprehend the necessity of progress. I've been, er, very progressive lately.

So, yes, I am working at it, however mad a week it was; but if I were to try to interpret all the happenings as signs--Jessie's back trauma, a wonderful possible contact handed to us, running into my ex-brother at the lab only to get some fast small talk and word of an upcoming tragedy for him while taking in his almost snow-white hair before he literally ran from me, three acts and one outline finished--I would end up shaking my head in exasperation. I'm presented with the situation we wanted most for a sale, an encounter with one of the people who has tried hardest to destroy everything I work for, and good (yes) progress on the project as a whole. More bricks in the road to the future.

I'm left of confident. Is it fair to ask for a sign--or even an indication a sign will be had? I am trying so hard not to be afraid.

[Boogins]

Thank you, thank you, thank you for Klucky being all right. Thank you.

[Boogins]

Sleepy. Wondering at people who think they're profound for tell others that talking to their gods will do nothing for them. I know I have to work for it, and I do.

But I truly appreciate the odd surprise. And this was a wonderful surprise. So I'm working, and I'm praying, and I'm checking my email a lot.

And I relate to the beans laboring so hard to breach the earth about them to see the sun.

[savannahrose44]

Big hugs for Boo....We love her. :hugz:

[Earthy]

We sure do.:hugz:

[Boogins]

Why does time disappear? I wish Jessie wasn't in pain, that she would get better--but it's she who persists in activities that aggravate the arthritis, and no matter how many times I say I have to get home to work she doesn't hear me. In a week or so she'll hear me. How much time disappears before I appear on her soundtrack?

I love her, she's my sister, but when will she realize that we do not have the same priorites for day-to-day life and that if these things don't get done we will be trapped here for the rest of our lives?

[Boogins]

I am astounded. In potential progress terms, I went from everything to nothing in five months. Then I went from nothing to everything overnight. And more than that... this one contact could mean everything for everybody, the ultimate emergence from the dark.

I thank you for my friends... how I thank you.

[Boogins]

Okay, I put the computer back together today. That was entertaining. Weights and balances, right?

I'm making that phone call tomorrow. I know it's the right thing. Thank you.

[Boogins]

That was the most amazing thing that's ever happened to me. Thank you. I promise to do this right.

[Avalon]

My candle is lit for you, and lots of :hugz: your way as well

Bendithion chan yr Tylwyth Teg!

[Boogins]

:) :hugz:

That was the first package I've ever prepared that had to contain a picture of me. :T I know we have to wait for absolute confirmation, but this feels so amazing... I am blessed by such good friends.

There's a lot of work to finish off, a lot. Today, though, I admit, I've been so sleepy. Guess I kind of blew out yesterday, didn't I? I probably looked like no more than a blur to poor Jessie; and besides that, I carried on the most one-track-minded conversations in my history. I exceeded speed limits massively on the side road (twice) and took a few financial chances.

Right now, I don't care. I can just hardly wait to tell all my good friends the real good news.

And I was hoping maybe Hawks could come home in time for the good stuff.

[Gala]

:hugz:

[GryphonGirl]

:hugz:

[Boogins]

Written a few pages... thunder rumbles outside the window and I'm glad for good surge protectors.

I can't work fast enough right now, but my system is still recouping from four days of mania excessive even for me. I tell myself that this is the second season I'm working on; but wait! I have to finish the replace #23 from the first season, and I'd better be quick about it! Almost all the outline slots are filled for the second season; I have distinctly three to do myself, possibly more depending on others' possible participation... I'm counting on three outsides, leaving me with a total of five to do and an even half the season entirely by my hand. I think that's good enough. :) Eighteen and a half scripts to finish for the second season, and 2/3 of one for the first.

There, a very simple layout of the necessities: why does it seem so unreal? I believe in this impossible miracle that apparently dropped from the sky; still, there is this normal, mundane work to be done, while I sit here looking at this screen in wonderment, with a cat pawing at my left arm telling me it's their supper time... how can everything be so everyday, now, when a month from now...?

It would be marvelous if I could finish a script every three days.

Good friends ask me how they can help with the scripting process... but they can't. I can't teach anyone the format or how to perfectly imitate speech patterns and detailing as I've applied them to this project--too many story arc points remain only as fixtures in my head, to be pasted into other ideas to be carried forward. And yet, still...

I'm thinking again of that one entry in another thread, that smug claim that the gods, or other people, will never help, never make it any easier...

... and I feel sad for that person that they believe that.

[Faery-Wings]

:hugz: and thinking of you....

[savannahrose44]

:hugz: and creative mojo for Boo...may she find her muse. :colorful:

[Boogins]

:lol: Many moons ago--heck, 19 years ago on Wednesday EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK-- I recall meeting Freddie Mercury. I'd never met anyone who defined all that is life with such pure joy and abandonment. Five years later he was dead from AIDS. So sad.

But I diverge. I just finished another script. Going to finish an outline yet today. And Jessie will be staying home for another month at least. Could it be that she'll never have to go back to Telus again? Starting another script tonight...

And another one's gone, and another one's gone, another one bites the dust! :fprtyman4

[savannahrose44]

Go Boogins! :D

[Boogins]

Am I being petty? I'm enjoying a wealth of work right now, so much to do--I love being busy! I could probably finish the second season in a month (guaranteed that I could sleep for four or five days afterward), and that's all I want to do... but there's one stupid sticking point.

The replacement ep, season one.

Bad enough to have to pull the original because I would not allow that self-superior, destructive, sadistic b***h anywhere me or Hawks again, but to have a friend ask to outline the replacement and then assume she could do it in her own good time (what, maybe a week before it was due to shoot? I don't think so!) given that I am her good friend and I would never be demanding... well, surprise! Okay, that's fine. It's a lousy outline she finally turned in and I'm rewriting the whole thing as I go.

Okay, yes, I'm being petty. I'm sorry, my Lady, I really am. No, I won't squander these incredible opportunities over my teeth-grinding for one script, but ack! Three acts to go, still! It's like pulling my fingernails out with pliers. Of course, the first season comes before the second season--I have to re-finish that first season off... but that ep has just come to represent all the problems there have been and... could you possibly send a large, muscle-bound Muse to kick my behind?

O, gods... three acts. Not even three acts. Two acts and ten pages.

[savannahrose44]

Send in the muscle bound muse.....:hugz:

[Xander67]

Maybe if you tell people , "look I need this Yesterday" then they will see that Time is of the essence and then you will know if you are asking the right person.

They have to see your Vision otherwise you are better off doing it your self, ...

Hang In There, and No I do not think you are being Petty!
If someone offers to help you, I would think they would understand you are in a bind and want to help..

[Boogins]

I'm going to finish this one sucker tomorrow! :sunny:

[savannahrose44]

Yeah Boo! You found your muscle bound muse after all! :hearthear

[Boogins]

Yeah, I think he passed by in a bus about 10:10 this morning! :lol:

[savannahrose44]

I'm very glad to hear that. Was he cute?! :heartthro

[Boogins]

He's always adorable. :heartthro :heyalove: :hearteyes I just need to see him around home more often. *Sigh*

[savannahrose44]

He's always adorable. :heartthro :heyalove: :hearteyes I just need to see him around home more often. *Sigh*

Im sure he will be.......Just be receptive and he will come. :D

[Boogins]

I'm really trying to decided if I should comment on that... er, I think I'll go finish off Act 4 now! :bigredblu

[Avalon]

I'm really trying to decided if I should comment on that... er, I think I'll go finish off Act 4 now! :bigredblu
:rollingla

[savannahrose44]

Oh Boooo! You're Baaaad! :heyalove:

[Boogins]

I'd be bad more often if Hawks could get home more often! Oh, well, Act 4 is almost done... one to go...

[Nighthawk]

Bad in your altar.. for shame.. *hug* to the lady who works so hard....

[Boogins]

Well, sometimes non-pristine thinking is good gor me. :halohead: Act Four is done, Act 5 begun!

[Boogins]

Gods, that's the problem. I am a very poor adviser today, NH. I'm writing, yes, and I'm keeping at least one section of my brain together quite nicely; but the back door is still unlocked. If the phone rang right now and Hawks asked me if I thought he should abandon ship today, my answer would be, "How fast can you get home, or do you need me to pick you up?"

Weights and balances, weights and balances. My sky is navy blue but the sun is shining bright.

[savannahrose44]

:lol: So often I find myself in the same boat. :sailing:

[Boogins]

It's done. The first season is restored to wholeness, Heidi doesn't answer my emails, and tonight is my Friday night phonecall, something I can always rely on. Tonight I'm not sure of the content.

Tomorrow I will get up and do my time on the treadmill, and then probably start 2/5. I will keep going. Things will be right at the end of this.

Thank you. Please keep Hawks safe and sensible this weekend.

[Gala]

Not sure if you both are talking about the same thing.

Boog you know you can call on me and I'll get it to you yesterday.

As I've said before... what ever.. you need.

[Boogins]

Not sure if you both are talking about the same thing.


Me neither. There should be a confused smiling smilie here.

Blessings to you, my friend. Things are much better now that that ep is finished, at least on that end of things. The rest... gak, I have a headache.

[Boogins]

My favorite Muse is a male elf witch about two inches taller than I am with bedroom eyes, a winning grin, a sentimental heart combined with a razor-sharp mind, and an irreverent sense of humor that occasionally goes way over other people's heads.

I believe we were born to each other. I understand how he thinks, and he me, not just because we're both ultradian manic-depressives, or because we share similar abusive backgrounds, but because it's our nature to know the other one. We know how it works. We know the fear combined with rage. The need for control and the horror of losing it. I speak in dialogue, he speaks in poetry, and we both relate in art. We have more love between us than the past taught us could ever be possible. Magick.

I hear him when he's not here. He hears me. Wonderful, but it's getting to be not enough anymore. I feel responsible; he sought to defend me to Ms. Lips, and took it in the teeth for it. He feels responsible because he let his sense of manic mischief get away for perhaps ten minutes in his life.

Jess won't say his name anymore in this house.

I feel so many possibilities, so much hope, so much need--I want every one to be fulfilled. I just want Hawks to be included in all that.

[Boogins]

Tired. That goofy old shoulder injury combined with the page misalignments on all the transferred scripts made for a long, boring day. But I still got most of an act done.

Ah, that fateful phonecall to be made this week. So many things could fall into place based on that one phonecall. Once more I thank you for my friends, and pray that all goes well. So much for so many. A thousand thousand reasons to smile.

[Boogins]

One situation to create. The elements are assembled, so now all that's required is the last stroke, the energy, and in one moment there can be generated comfort, bandages, homes, reasons, counseling and counselors, freedom, careers, music, words, images, smiles.

[Gala]

Great big :hugz:

[GryphonGirl]

:hugz: From a sister, to the Gods' ears.....

[savannahrose44]

Big hugs for Boo. :loveydove

[Boogins]

Every day there's another reminder of what what this could mean and do. One dear friend has said it's not my responsibility--but it seems to me, if I can do this, why shouldn't I take the responsibility? I only need so much.

[Boogins]

Tomorrow... tomorrow... tomorrow.

[Boogins]

I know the delay means nothing in terms of actual realization of all this. I know this. I even feel it, mostly.

I thank you for all I have been given, and for all the friends around me.

[Boogins]

Tuesday. Tuesday is it. Heat and headaches will not stay this messenger from her appointed rounds.

[Boogins]

It's so hot here. And every day I see those warnings on my lithium bottle to stay out of the heat. It's not like I can quite taking them; and we don't have air conditioning. It's hard to work when my head feels so thick and achy... and I have to work, have to maintain momentum, remain responsible.

Responsibility and vomiting from heat-induced lithium poisoning do not go hand-in-hand.

[Shanti]

Sorry Boogins. Gosh I am south of you and its cool!!!!

Hang tough, I know its hard without air conditioning, I dont have it either and please take some time to tend yourself. Can you get in a cool bath? I worrie for you Boogins.

[Boogins]

Jess and I have been taking turns having cold showers in our one bathroom--and we're not feeling "lonely", either. I skipped the final pill yesterday, but that was a bad idea: I was all revved up early this morning and more or less collapsed shortly after. Gak! I've written half a page of dialogue, and I'm starting to think my greatest achievement today will be holding the bit of fruit I had for breakfast down.

One nice thunderstorm, just to cut the heat...

[Maeglin Ancalime]

Im so sorry Mother :hugz: I wish i could help you :sadeyes:

[Earthy]

Oh sis :hugz:
Wish i could send some of my rain to you to cool you down.
Sending you cooling energies and lots and lots of love :hugz:

[savannahrose44]

:hugz: Thinking of you Boogins. Hope you feel better my friend. :smile:

[Boogins]

Thanks to everyone. :hugz:

Rain, rain and thunder, lightning splitting the sky in two. The temperature's dropped almost 12C in two hours. I slept all afternoon after having to pull over and let Jessie drive on the way home from Calgary; she had to almost carry me around to the passenger's side because the world was spinning so badly, and my knees wouldn't carry me.

But I wrote most of an outline in the car while she was in the doctor's. :)

It's supposed to be cooler for the next three days, then back up she goes.

It frightens me to think that Hawks has been suffering these same symptoms for the same reason (lithium) for over a month now.

[savannahrose44]

Oh Boogins....I hope you feel better. I hate to see people like this.... :smoochypo

[Boogins]

How fast can you go when you can't go at all?

[savannahrose44]

Yeah....it's that whole inertia thing isn't it??? :bumpsmili

[Boogins]

Yeah--I think I've been inertiated. :eek:

[Boogins]

Back in the swing until the next heat wave. The release forms are out. The call is in.

My energy level isn't perfect, but it does my soul good too see the excitement one project can produce. :)

[Avalon]

Back in the swing until the next heat wave. The release forms are out. The call is in.

My energy level isn't perfect, but it does my soul good too see the excitement one project can produce. :)
Sending as much energy as I can for this and still walk! :lol: :hugz:

[Nighthawk]

:hugz:

[Lady Jade]

Things will happen in their own time, Boog, until then we are all just gonna have to be patient! :thumbsup:

[Boogins]

:hugz: to everyone. I have the best friends!

[savannahrose44]

Back in the swing until the next heat wave. The release forms are out. The call is in.

My energy level isn't perfect, but it does my soul good too see the excitement one project can produce. :)

I'm glad there is some good coming out of all of this. Not to worry though I'm sure everything will be fine. The heat waves come and go....thank the gods they don't last forever. We are going to have one here for the next three days. Thurs 97, Fri 98, and Sat 99 degrees! YUCK! I want to go to Alaska! :crylaugh:

[Earthy]

Sending you all the strength i can,my darling sis.:hugz:

[Boogins]

Life is perfect at this very moment. My ego is swelling to unknown proportions, but life is perfect.

[savannahrose44]

As well it should be. :D

[Boogins]

Which--perfect life or swollen ego? :D

Tonight I'm tired and sleepy, and I'm dreading the weekend heatwave. But I got a pile done today! Sorry, Dallin, didn't quite finish #21, but I wrote the entirety for Dragonsinger's #11, and I think it's great, and will fit into the arc perfectly.

And I feel honored to have such wonderful and supportive friends. Thank you, and thanks to all of them! Every kind word keeps my momentum at full.

[Gala]

:huddle:

[Earthy]

We love you too.:hugz:

[Boogins]

Sleepy, so bloody sleepy already, and we're only into the second day of the new heat wave. My system's telling me it's not over the last bout with the lithium--sleepy, head aches, nausea, the shakes, dizziness... and so much to do.

I'm half-native but I should have been born all Eskimo. A heretofore unnoticed side-effect of global warming: the rise in temperatures will eventually kill all lithium-treated manic-depressives around the globe.

Sorry, another symptom: I'm really quite dippy too.

[Boogins]

Today is the day, again. Please grant me contact. I need a sense of progress. Everyone does.

[savannahrose44]

:hugz: Hang in there Boogins...we are here for you.

[Avalon]

:hugz: and :smooch: Boo. And :damncold: too!

[Boogins]

YES!

I just have to stop thinking of "Goodfellas" when I hear the term "make some arrangements"! :hehehe: :shaker:

[Boogins]

Thank you, my Lady, for everything.

[Nighthawk]

:hugs: and my dear... I would buy you freezers before that.. You would just live in one.. I take care of my pals... love you... really do...

[Earthy]

Hang in there,sweet sis.:hugz:

[Boogins]

Sleepy and dippy again, but the bills are paid and I've got a month's worth of cat food in the house, so all is well in that sense.

Reflecting on sleepy conversations at one in the morning... talking just to hear each other's voices. Hawks is definitely sick now, and I don't know what to do.

I keep telling myself: five outlines, 17 teasers, 85 acts (that still sounds obscene to me), and call the boss next week. The ticket. Many tickets. Hawks' ticket home, I hope.

[savannahrose44]

:hugz:

[Avalon]

It's gonna happen. And Hawk will come home. :hugz: :smile:

[Nighthawk]

:hugz: not knowing what to do..... Still here.

[LadyAutumnCat]

:hugz:

Boogins,

I know what the depression is like. I understand, and I hope the solution manifests.

Blessed be...

[Boogins]

Thank you. :hugz: These things manifest very briefly in me, being mostly manic... but there are so many concerns right now... many people, many concerns...

[savannahrose44]

Thank you. :hugz: These things manifest very briefly in me, being mostly manic... but there are so many concerns right now... many people, many concerns...

I know the feeling Boogins...Last night when I got home from work I got to ride an emotional rollercoaster myself. One minute I felt like crying the next I was pissed and then I was fine again... :)

[LadyAutumnCat]

Boogins,

Hang in there. The doctors suspect that I might be bipolar. I was diagnosed once, and my new shrink says I lack one of the symptoms, but have all of the rest, yet she's still not sure. I know what you are going through, I live the fear, doubts, shifts, and swings everyday. Stay strong, you are not alone!

Blessed be....

[Boogins]

LadyAutumnCat, I hope you get a definitive diagnosis soon. It helps a lot. I'm an ultradian cycler--50-60 changes per day, mostly manic... into the last few laps of selling a pagan TV series that a lot of onsite folk are involved in. My boyfreind, Hawks, is also ultradian--we make a high-speed pair, LOL; he's a musician, out on the neverending tour, and currently sick with lithium poisoning. So it's a complext situation, many influences, constantly shifting. I talk about it here... and I find a lot of support here too.

Hope you find peace yourself too. :hugz:

[LadyAutumnCat]

Thanks Boogins,

I am planning to rehash the conversation with my shrink next month when I see her again. I cycle a lot, but I don't know how many times in a day. I notice the changes in myself now that I am in therapy and it bothers me. I also have slight OCD, which the doctors think is not a problem, so for me certain "quirks" like worrying, inadequacy, fear, etc are constantly bombarding me. Sometimes I can't relax, it's horrible. I'm on meds now, Effexor XR, they do well in controlling my anxiety, but can't say they do the same for my depression etc.

Kitty :hugz: to you
Blessed be......

[Boogins]

And kitty :hugz: back, too. :) Good luck.

[Earthy]

I will keep Hawks in my thoughts too sis,hope he's feeling better soon :hugz:

[AuroraSilvermist]

:hugz:

[Boogins]

I will keep Hawks in my thoughts too sis,hope he's feeling better soon :hugz:
Thanks, Earthy. :hugz:

[Shanti]

~hugs~ for both of you Boogins.

[Boogins]

I can't get anything done. I have to get rid of this infection. I'm turning into a ball of worry.

[Boogins]

Okay, I'm getting something done. I will finish this teaser today if it kills me. Wait, I take that back--if it kills me I'll never finish the script.

[Boogins]

Still alive, and finished the teaser! I'll get into the first act in a bit. :) It seems we've acquired a costume desginer too, which is very cool: family within family.

Hawks and I talked about nothing but the new boss and the series sales potential last night. Deflection. Argh.

[Boogins]

Into Act Three tomorrow. Timing is everything, they say... I always doubt my pacing at this stage of a script, but I think things are going well.

Once again, thank you for my friends. Keep the Kluckster safe in Niagara--no barrels.

[savannahrose44]

Go Boogins! :hugz:

[Boogins]

I have to scream for a second here. Hate to come off like one of my characters, but bloody hell, can't anything go according to plan??? They want Jess to go back to Telus next week--half-days, admittedly--but still, that's the last bloody thing she needs. I call the boss on Friday. I have no idea what arrangements it is he's making, but I don't suppose they would include any immediate income for me so Jess could stay out of that hellhole?

[savannahrose44]

Oh Boo! Big hugs for you and Jess....Hope things sort themselves out...Here's to keeping Jess out of that place. :hugz:

[Nighthawk]

*hug to you both*

[Boogins]

I feel like you're testing my rage levels. You know how much I've put into this, but I would also think you'd know now is not the time to test my tolerances. I know, things could look very different Friday. But it's not Friday. Please, can you just let it happen this time?

[Boogins]

16 teasers, 80 acts. Today I plan on writing two teasers and starting one act.

And tomorrow is Friday....

[Avalon]

16 teasers, 80 acts. Today I plan on writing two teasers and starting one act.

And tomorrow is Friday....
:holycow: :ahhhh: :hugz: :sick:

[savannahrose44]

Hang in there Boogins....:hugz:

[Gala]

fingers, toes, hair and eye crossed.

[Boogins]

Thanks, all. Exciting day tomorrow! And Gordon... no funerals. I kick way too hard to require a funeral anytime soon. :D

[Boogins]

Gak. How many times have I had these antibiotics? But Jen's Act1 is almost done. Too cool. The call's in, and I should be a completely different caller tonight. :)

[savannahrose44]

Good vibes for Boogins.....:hugz: :floating:

[Avalon]

Gak. How many times have I had these antibiotics? But Jen's Act1 is almost done. Too cool. The call's in, and I should be a completely different caller tonight. :)
:hugz: :smooch: :heyalove: :thumbsup:

[Terestai]

I'm dying in anticipation!!!! :D

And I sent you the first of the treatments.... ;) FINALLY!

[Boogins]

This is so strange--my brain is working, my body is outraged at being disturbed... by anything: meals, walking, sitting up, lying down, even water. I'm beginning to wonder if I've manicked myself into an ulcer.

But I'm writing--usually about 3 pages at a time, with breaks for recovery--and things are getting done. My Friday night phone call with Hawks was abbreviated, too.

But tomorrow is Monday, and I have to pick up Jessie from Telus at twelve, and then try phoing again.

Could you please send Meerclar home to Yazza?

[Boogins]

All I need is a word... come on, phone, please! I've got so many people rooting for or participating in this, we need news...

And then as if that's not enough Sam emails me AGAIN. I'm going to kill that little bastard if I ever get my hands on him!

[Boogins]

Please make him phone! I'm sorry if I'm engaging in nasty revenge fantasies against Sandy, Sam, and Ms. Lips with NH... actually, correct that, I'm not sorry at all. I'm enjoying it enormously!

But I still need that phone call.

[Nighthawk]

He he he.. jest good clean fun :hugz:

[Boogins]

Very clean--especially the water landing! :hugz:

[Boogins]

Thank you. You know I will do everything I can.

[Gala]

:hugz:

[Boogins]

Please don't let it get too hot for too long. There's so much to do, and my system won't take it. Jessie's even telling me NOT to vacuum. Admittedly, she's "Shad", but that's another thing...

[Boogins]

15 teasers, 75 acts. It's almost too hot to move, and gawd, my head hurts. Thank you for the "bad" weather coming next week.

[Boogins]

Ha! 14 teasers, and a partridge in a pear tree.

[savannahrose44]

Just remember Boogins....at some point this will all be finished and you will have one major reason to grin and be proud of what you have accomplished. :hugz: and strength to you.

[Boogins]

This is a funny day. I've got an act started, and I'm perfectly aware it should be an easy thing to finish--heck, the whole script!--as it comes from my own outline, and I know what I was thinking of exactly at the time. Perhaps that's the problem: unlike my wonderful contributors' outlines, I don't have to be that inventive as I write. My creative process (outside of a few snazzy lines) is already done.

But it's hot, and my lithium is making me sleepy. I keep remembering this point in the creation of the first season, when I decided to ask for storylines at Free Rein... I need six, and that's what I got; there were only 32 members! This process for the second season has been much more fun! Thanks again for my wonderful friends. :) But I'd much rather be working from their outlines than mine, and I'm afraid ALL the scripts, preferably broadly chronologically, have to be done.

Can you help rouse me from this waking nap? I am so looking forward to the cool weather to come.

[Boogins]

Mixed state. Typing should be a blast... not. And how does one write with feeling while feeling everything, and nothing? This is the only time my bipoalr disorder galls me, especially since the cycling slows to s stop during these damn muddles. I feel the need and necessity to be responsible and get writing done... I have people who count on and believe in me--hecvk, usually I count on and believe in me. And then there'll be a phone call to Pete a week from today, to hear about dat big director guy...

It always comes back to the sdamre thing... please help me retain control. Help me slough off the muddle.

And thank you for helping me find my Mehitabel. Now, some sound bites of Jean Chrietien woudl help.

My lady, please help me out of this internal mess.

[Gala]

Mixed state. Typing should be a blast... not. And how does one write with feeling while feeling everything, and nothing? This is the only time my bipoalr disorder galls me, especially since the cycling slows to s stop during these damn muddles. I feel the need and necessity to be responsible and get writing done... I have people who count on and believe in me--hecvk, usually I count on and believe in me. And then there'll be a phone call to Pete a week from today, to hear about dat big director guy...

It always comes back to the sdamre thing... please help me retain control. Help me slough off the muddle.

And thank you for helping me find my Mehitabel. Now, some sound bites of Jean Chrietien woudl help.

My lady, please help me out of this internal mess.


:ballonsmi

[Nighthawk]

For the guidance to one special lady.... and take care of her...I don't give a damn about the money, if there is no peace...... Great Father, hear my heart... please

[Gala]

For the guidance to one special lady.... and take care of her...I don't give a damn about the money, if there is no peace...... Great Father, hear my heart... please

Hear! hear!

[Boogins]

For the guidance to one special lady.... and take care of her...I don't give a damn about the money, if there is no peace...... Great Father, hear my heart... please
There is peace when I can work...

[Boogins]

Please, you must understand--this has never been about success or money to me. These thing happen, then I'm going to share.

But the bottom line is I must do. I must be doing something. I'm a creative manic. I could choose to remain on disability and give up all hope of ever succeeding in getting off it, but to do so I would have to quit doing. If I did that, I would become nothing more than a mad thing. Writing keeps me from going insane. And that's literal. When things get in the way of my activity, then I'm in danger.

Hawks and I often remind each other of the primary lesson for staying in control: always remember what keeps you strong. Never give it up, or this little world within ends.

I will not destroy myself by killing my spirit.

All I need is to rebalance.

[Nighthawk]

:hugz:

[Gala]

DOUBLE :hugz:

[GryphonGirl]

And you will find your balance within you. You do have the strength, and the will. And also the love of your friends.We all hold you in our hearts - know this. You are being heard, with all of our ears. :hugz:

[Avalon]

Branwen, White Raven of Compassion, hold my friend's hand as she makes her way through this. Help her to calm her heart...

[Boogins]

Thank you again for my friends. Things are better today, close to my norm... thank you.

[Boogins]

I'm sorry, my Lady, I know I shouldn't have done it. However veiled, however innuendo-free it was, I was giving in to one of my worst manic-depressive impulses. But I so hate friends being hurt; I saw my opportunity to take restitution and I did it. I wish it didn't feel so damn good.

[Boogins]

Sometimes I wonder--and I do that this time with a measure of amusement--if I'm going faster than I think. Certainly, as Jessie went into the doctor's, I sat in the car in avoidance of possible appearances by my ex-family, but the real point was to get some prep work done on a script. And I have the page beside me filled with tiny handwriting to prove it! But when we got to the grocery store, Jessie told me rather brusquely that I should stay behind. Okay, fine, I had a few more notes to make, but... well, Jessie only tells me to stay in the car if I'm behaving overly, er, manically (not maniacally! I heard that!).

I know today's been a very, ahhhh, bouncy day. Very enjoyable after last weekend's muddle. So many things on my mind--so many projections ahead... I hope we can manage all the outlines before the end of next week, so that we have a better foundation for negotiating two fulls and an option. It would be nice if everyone had more than 1 season's work! It would also be nice for me to have two full years to prep that optioned third season... and anything beyond. :)

Thank you for this opportunity. I will not squander it.

[Terestai]

Thank you for this opportunity. I will not squander it.

And we're all here to back you up... thanking you for this opportunity. :hugz: I've offered up many prayers for this, and yesterday, I was given something that I think might be an omen. I ran into someone. Someone that I ran into the last time there was a great, positive change in my life. I feel so charged today, and I hope I can impart some of that to you.

The rest will come in a PM after I get this treatment done, which will be today. :D So much to tell you!

[Boogins]

Oh, this sounds incredible. I can hardly wait--for PM and treatment!

[Boogins]

It's phone call day!!! One hour, forty-five minutes to phone call!!

[Phoenix Blue]

**An incredible amount of blorfulation ensues** ;) :hugz:

[Boogins]

All this blorfulation... soon there will be nekkid brains everywhere!

The contact call is in. Gods, let him call back soon! If this director is who I think it might be, and he likes Middling Faire--well, I'll have a hernia and be grateful for that too!!! :yayhawaii :clapping:

[WandererInGray]

*laughs* No! No hernias. :hugz:

[Nighthawk]

Well, here we go... perhaps today is the day...

[Boogins]

You know, this is the way I always dreamed it would be: people would truly get involved, and we could share and enjoy the entire process... now, just as long as there are no heart attacks, things are perfect. Oh, and no hernias either. :T

[Gala]

I just can't handle all this BF'ing...

[Boogins]

The phone just range, and it was Jessie at Telus. I almost yelled at her. Almost.

[Terestai]

No news since 12:45?!?! :collapse: I've had this on my mind all day long! Gotta run to the bank now... busy, busy day.

[Boogins]

I'm going mad, mad I tell you!!! ... I'll phone again tomorrow.

[Gala]

I'm going mad, mad I tell you!!! ... I'll phone again tomorrow.

Going????


Just ......KIDDING!!!!

[Boogins]

Yes, I know... I've been there a while. :p Why would I have gotten into television otherwise? :T

[Terestai]

Yes, I know... I've been there a while. :p Why would I have gotten into television otherwise? :T

:fpraiseyo

[Gala]

:hmmmmm: :lookwhats :seehearsp :bug: :tv:

[savannahrose44]

Boogins you are the princess of Insanity.....thus sayith the QUEEN! :smash:

[GryphonGirl]

Here's a moment of silent Blorfulation, and a big :hugz: for the Lady Kitty Writer...........

[Avalon]

Another day, another chance at......blorfulation! :steppy:

[Boogins]

First level blorfulation: another contact call is in!

[Gala]

:blor:

[GryphonGirl]

:blor:

Yeah, what she said.....:hugz:

[Boogins]

I just finished 2/5 Act3... and I'm doing that :blor: thing...

[Terestai]

:blor: HEY!!! That's a smilie! :D Anyway, just checking... back to work for me now. :hugz: all around!

[Avalon]

:blor: HEY!!! That's a smilie! :D Anyway, just checking... back to work for me now. :hugz: all around!
Get out of here, pumpkin...well, you know. :lol:

[Terestai]

Get out of here, pumpkin...well, you know. :lol:

I still swear I have no clue who this girl is that's stalking me... :eek: She's loopy!! Oh... that gives me an idea. :D

BEWARE!

[Boogins]

Of pumpkin pie? I think we're all :blor: ing.

[Terestai]

Pumpkin butt pie?! :sick: No thanks... I don't even like pumpkin pie!!

:blor: :blor: :blor: :blor: :blor: :blor: :blor:

[Boogins]

The call is in... again... :blor:

[Terestai]

HUZZAH!!!!!! :blor:

[Avalon]

:blor: :ahhhh: :steppy: :hugz:

[Boogins]

People don't understand our smilie. :( I'm trying to educate them. :blor:

[Avalon]

Ooh. We're a secret society. :2G:

[Terestai]

Do we get to have a handshake and everying?! :boing: :dancy: :ringaroun

[Boogins]

We'll have stationery! :D

[Gala]

YES a secret handshake.... :colorful:

[Boogins]

Decoder rings too? :boing:

[Avalon]

Decoder rings too? :boing:
"BE SURE TO DRINK YOUR OVALTINE."

[Terestai]

"BE SURE TO DRINK YOUR OVALTINE."

Only if you want me to get sick all over the place. :sick: Oooh... do we get our own private bathroom with our own private keys? Oh please, oh please, oh please!!! :fpraise:

[Nighthawk]

Well, I also wanted us t speak in code, but thought that was over the top.... so, handshake it is...

[Boogins]

Only if you want me to get sick all over the place. :sick: Oooh... do we get our own private bathroom with our own private keys? Oh please, oh please, oh please!!! :fpraise:
We'd better get a bathroom!!!

[WandererInGray]

It's about damn time I'm part of a secret society. They're usually too hard to find! :blor:

[Boogins]

So what is t6he secret handshake?

[Terestai]

So what is t6he secret handshake?

I vote for the triple high five finger shimmy sham-a-lama-ding-dong with a perverse twist of lemon variation.

Who's with me? :D

[Avalon]

So what is t6he secret handshake?
You grab the opposite hand of the person in front of you, shake it, and take YOUR opposite hand and pat them three times on the top of the head.

[Avalon]

I vote for the triple high five finger shimmy sham-a-lama-ding-dong with a perverse twist of lemon variation.

Who's with me? :D
Mine's easier. :D

[Terestai]

Mine's easier. :D

Yeah, but mine gets more points in Olympic competition! :razz: ;)

[Boogins]

Unless the Romanians are judging. :D

[Avalon]

Unless the Romanians are judging. :D
Ooh! Smackdown! Ooh!

[Terestai]

Unless the Romanians are judging. :D

Why do I always miss everything...? :2G:

[Boogins]

:rollingla