Why hurt yourself?

[Shanti]

I never knew of anyone who cut themselves. I have rarely heard about it, but since I've been on this forum, I have seen many who say they do it. It upsets me because I dont understand it at all. Why would anyone want to hurt themselves like that. When ever I see a post about it I just want to reach out and say please love yourself. I love you. No person should feel that bad, that often. Its so sad. Why? I want to cry. :sadeyes:
I really dont understand. Beautiful people with so much to share and they hurt themselves.

I wish I could make it never happen.
Please hug yourself, please.
~hugs~ for all of you.

[rain_fallen_tears]

I've never understood...I've never hurt myself....but I figure that they are fighting a battle with themselves that I wouldn't understand...or so they seem to think...I've only met people online that do it...I've had no close friends that I know of who have hurt themselves...they would have to answer to me if they did....I love them too much to see the in pain....especially by there own infliction...I wish it didn't take place either but I wish alot of things... :nuhuh:

[Earthy]

For me,it was the only way i could release my pain.I had so much pent up rage and hate,and nobody to talk to,felt i was going to explode.
Doing it hurt like hell,but in that pain,i felt release,and the pain inside went away briefly.
I would like to say though,that i haven't cut myself in 5 years.i guess i've found other ways to release it.I don't hate myself in the way i used to either..i wouldn't say i love myself but i'm getting there.I can see i'm here for a reason..so i am important enough to Goddess.If i'm that important i shouldn't repay her by trying to ruin the life she gave me.
if all that makes sense. :sunny:

[fireswimmer]

I have never done the dep cuts but I have done the scratches until they bleed and things like that. I hurt so bad on the inside that it was cathartic to have it show on the outside. It does not make sense and is not wise. Unfortunately I do understand it.

Fireswimmer who is healing quite well, and has not done that in years.

[Brynn]

For me,it was the only way i could release my pain.I had so much pent up rage and hate,and nobody to talk to,felt i was going to explode.
Doing it hurt like hell,but in that pain,i felt release,and the pain inside went away briefly.

That's why I do it, and that's still why I do it.

[Boo Radley]

To all those who hurt ---
I would like to tell you to stop ---And not to do the things you do --- But telling isn't very effective --
Perhaps someday soon you will see who you are ---

An angel in aprehension --- A God in Divine motion --- A wonder to behold ---
A unique -- Absolutely Amazing --- One time only -- Special event in the evolutionary history of the universe. You were born at a time and place picked especially for you --- Did you know that your Natal Horoscope is so unique the Universe will not repeat itself for 4.3 million years? The divine made you, and divinity don't make no junk or mistakes. You are who you are because that is exactly what the Universe needs right now. To destroy yourself is to cheat the Universe out of an opportunity to become a better place because of you. To fail to reach for your highest destiny is to rob yourself of an opportunity for an awesome Life.

Boo

[FaerieGothMommy]

I don't cut myself, but i sometimes have a tendency to hit myself, i've never seen it being the same thing as cutting - but thinking about it, it kinda is... I do it out of anger. It's kind of a way to get my frustrations out...

I used to cut myself when i was younger, but that was more of a cry for help type thing. I felt as though no one cared & no took any attention to the pain i was feeling, so to try and get peoples attention, i'd do stupid things like cut myself with scissors, which i'd never ever do again!!!!

I have to be really really upset & angry to hurt myself though, and at the particular time when i'm feeling like that, my mind doesn't think properly and i just hit my face or scratch my face.

I've tryed to stop - and i'm getting better at hitting an object rather than myself.

[FaerieGothMommy]

Also, like earthchild71 said, i'm learning not to do it, because i no longer hate my guts, but then again i don't exactly love myself, although i am getting there.
I also have alot more to look forward to and more important people to think about in my life right now, and i want things to work out.

[RubyRose]

I never understood it either.

My sister had a brief period where she cut herself. And even now, when I know the reasons, I still can't understand how she could do it.

It took me along time, when Rhyce started to cut himself to even begin to understand why he did, and while I understand his motives and his reasoning, I can't help but think 'Why?' and 'Didn't it hurt?'

And yes, though I had to admit it to myself, even I have had a brief period where I cut myself ... well ... it was only once, and I'm not sure now, why I did.

[nomadicdragon]

I never knew of anyone who cut themselves. I have rarely heard about it, but since I've been on this forum, I have seen many who say they do it. It upsets me because I dont understand it at all. Why would anyone want to hurt themselves like that. When ever I see a post about it I just want to reach out and say please love yourself. I love you. No person should feel that bad, that often. Its so sad. Why? I want to cry. :sadeyes:
I really dont understand. Beautiful people with so much to share and they hurt themselves.

I wish I could make it never happen.
Please hug yourself, please.
~hugs~ for all of you.


I've never cut myself to cut, but I have been known to hit walls and such.. for me it's a release.. Sometimes, life just kicks you in the behind... and you can't get yourself back up..

[Mouse]

I have risen up purple scars all over my body from cutting especially on my arms.. Ive burnt myself too but it wasnt as satisfying.

For me it never was a cry for help, people i've known have cut themselves (or scratched rather) and then braged about it or used it as a cry for help/affection and it always pissed me off.. i always thought that if they are gonna take the effort then they should do it properly.. then again, had i done only scratches then in five years time there would be no marks left.. this wont be the case for me..

I have not seriously cut for two years.. and i miss it.. I think about it every day.. it is like an addictive drug, i crave it.
To me although there is phisical pain it doesnt actually hurt.. i love it.

If any one wants information i'll be happy to try and answer your questions.. I've studyed self harm, experienced it and helped friends through it so although im no expert im probly as close to one as ya wanna get..

As for being perfect creations of divinity, i beg to differ (and believe it or not, i dont actually hate myself, and i dont think i ever have).. if we are all perfect creations of divinity why do we love to kill thingsand hurt things, especally each other? many of us were acidents from broken condoms.. many of us no matter how hard we try will make nothing of our lives anyway. Personally i think that humans are probably closer to a devine experiment than angels in waiting, but that isnt really the point i guess..

Miriam..

[Sylvan]

I was a scraper. I'd take my housekey and scrape it along my arm all through a boring class until it started to show blood... At that point, it doesn't hurt so much as burn.. and if you stop to go to another class, only to start again, it hurts alot more...

I agree with what everyone has said so far. Inner turmoil and pain that it seemed the outer world didn't see at all. Bring the pain out onto the surface where it can be dealt with...

There was an episode of the Real World that dealt with cutting, recently.

[Tsuchimaru]

I've cut myself....or rather scratched so it bled. It hurts, but kinda feels better.

[nomadicdragon]

I've cut myself....or rather scratched so it bled. It hurts, but kinda feels better.


I think for me it's always been to just feel... Because numbing myself was always the escape..

[ArKane]

I cut to feel. I have been through so much shit in my years that I got to the stage that I no longer felt anything. Emotion, pain, life. Tere was nothing inside and all that was left of me was my body and inside was nothingness, a blank space, dark distrubing and empty.

I cut alot to feel pain because that way I felt something. My inner darkness was coming out and it felt bloody good to finally feel something. I was doing something I liked and wanted after so long of sitting on the sidelines watching my families life go down the shitter.

I never cried, I never vented, I took it. I was a cold hard vinidictive bitch [Ok so I still am] but cutting was the only way I could vent to the world. I would sit in the bush and scream at the top of my lungs damning everything and everyone for my own selffishness because I was a coward and couldn't stand up to my problems instead I kept them inside, my own personal secret, and I felt traped and lonely that I couldn't do anything to stop what was happening with my sisters addiction and I couldn't stand up to her and say 'No' when she asked me for money. I was a coward inside, when outside I was fooling the world into thinking I was tough.

I told people that I didnt care what they thought yet strove hard to please my parents so atleast they would have one daughter to be proud of but at the same time I hated being the 'goody good' and the source of my sisters hate.

So I cut. For comfort, for love, for passion, to feel. For alot of things. SOme do it because they are depressed because they have had a stupid fight with their parents about going out to a cool party but I was doing to for satisfaction. I hated it but loved it at the same time. It gave me a rush, the feeling that I was the bad girl and no longer the goody good.

Looking back now. I think that's where I got my blood fetish from. Sigh.

I stopped one day. I finally realised that I couldnt do that any more. That I had to get of my arse and stop being selfish. My own family was more important then my own little misgivings. I didnt suddenly wake up one day. It took a pretty big incident to get me to remove my head from my arse. I realised that with my sister gone [left the family] and everything else. My parents couldnt do it alone, so I grinned and beared it and was once again the strong one. But I had pride in that.

I do it sometimes. I give in. I'm not totally over it but atleast I am less destructive and more creative. I am a stronger person becasue of it yet weaker because I did something that I swore I never wouild. I feel better in myself even though I still dont feel anything.

But atleast I feel better for it.


Some cut to feel, some cut to express what they are feeling inside, a silent cry for help.


I think for me it's always been to just feel... Because numbing myself was always the escape..

For me it was the oppisite, I cut to feel because inside I was to numb. Feeling the pain made me feel good about myself because I knew that I was still a person.

Boo Radley..sometimes it is hard to stop. I still cut not as frequent or often as I used to but I still like to be able to feel and that is the only way I have known how. The only person that can help you is...you/ I got up of my arse and did something baout my problems. My problems have been sorted to the maximum extend but I still cut. It's not that I dont want to stop..I want to stop..I know that I shouldn't do it but I choose not to.

[RubyRose]

I remember the night I cut myself ... I remember taking the knife and playing with it, and thinking 'I just want to see blood.'
The thing that stands out most is Rhyce sitting not far from me and talking, and I was sitting there pretending not to listen to a word he was saying. It was a weird feeling, and I was in a weird place.

[FaerieGothMommy]

For me it never was a cry for help, people i've known have cut themselves (or scratched rather) and then braged about it or used it as a cry for help/affection and it always pissed me off.. i always thought that if they are gonna take the effort then they should do it properly..

Can i just ask, what exactly do you mean, by "do it properly"?

[Caliburn]

I cut myself when I shaved my arms this morniong...thats the closest I've ever come to gurting myself. (it's still bleeding, ouch!)

[nomadicdragon]

you know.. that's an excuse i actually have used for the one or two times I cut myself on my wrist... I always said the razor slipped

[Infinite Muse]

I hurt so bad on the inside that it was cathartic to have it show on the outside.
That is why I did it as well. There was too much going on: the abortion, the way he treated me, my job, lack of friends, extreme loneliness and isolation. I couldn't deal with it all on the inside. Making it appear on the outside, gave me something to focus on so I could try to forget what was going on inside. for a while. I still haven't dealt with all that stuff, still haven't managed to fix myself in there, but i have managed to forget enough, to make the sting of all those events less sharp enough to stop cutting. It was a way of letting the hurt out. :invisible:

[charmedkisses1]

That's why I do it, and that's still why I do it.

Well now you ALL have us to talk to and vent... Believe it or not alot of us understand and just want to support you.... don't forget that

[Druchii]

Does reinacting "JackAss" stunts count?... :smileroll
Nah, I have never hurt myself... don't understand why anyone would...
Been beat up before a couple of times, I didn't like it then wouldn't like it if I did it to myself now...

[Nighthawk]

This is so sad... I understand your reasoning, and I am not yelling, but I disagree with the reasoning. You are all beautiful people... I don't know what else to say, and like Druchi, I have never done it either, though I have friends that do/did...

[Brynn]

I find cutting addictive. I don't really want to stop, I'm just afraid I'll go too far.

[Morr]

I used to cut a lot more in the past...
mostly my left arm (anywhere from my wrist to my elbow).. I still cut sometimes.
Its just a way of releasing the pain inside.. It sorta gives me an excuse to really hurt and to bring it all out.. Without it, I usually dont even cry... Only after I cut I'm able to cry and let the pain out that way as well.
I also feel that I deserve the scars and the cuts, because I hate myself and the way I look.

Theres movies that I sometimes cant watch, such as - Interview With The Vampire, or Stigmata. Because of all the blood & cuts, etc.. It can really set me off.

I just need it.
Its hard to explain.
I enjoy seeing the scars on my wrists, I love the old ones I have.

[punxzen]

it sounds like its different for each person, and some cant understand, whereas some understand all too well. for me, i am driven to some rather extreme emotional response when i hear about this from people i know. like nomadic dragon, i am more of a hit the walls kind of person. but its never from sorrow or pain, rather i get a wee bit 'pissed off' and either tense me whole body into a tiny ball and grit my teeth and dig my nails into my skin until i bleed, or i scream. lucky for me i dont care too much if other people find my screaming or anything else offensive and have never had to quietly cut myself. if i were to cut myself when im feeling down id most likely cut waayyyy too deep and wayyy too much. i dont have that kind of control i guess.

my dad, hes an interesting character, he once leveled a house with his hands after his son's funeral. his son was kidnapped by a serial killer and stabbed in the back, and he took it rather personally.

mouse, no one is more or less than another.

[Avalonia]

I cut because as a child, I suffered depression for no real reason. No one believed me, and no one helped me, because I "bounced back too quickly". Which is why I still have bouts of it now, almost nine years later.

For me, cutting is a way to make the pain that's driving me insane inside visible on the outside. I don't talk about it, and because I'm so clumsy naturally, it's just accepted that it was an accident. It's just a way for me to cope, because I've endured this for so long.

I never really want the scars to go away. They're a part of who I am, how far I've come, and part of my own personal map, and I'm not ashamed of them. We all have to do something to deal, and that's mine. I know how far to go (never to bleed, just to sting), and I stop at that boundary.

[LightDancer]

I haven't read all the posts yet, but I thought I'd tell why I used to cut. Emotional pain is so hard to rid yourself of and so hard to explain....it almost seems unreal. Cutting brought tangible pain that wasn't just in my head, and seeing the blood flowing was a huge release
almost like my inner pain was brought out with the blood, but that feeling only lasted a liitle while. I haven't cut for 5 years now. I very often feel the urge to when life gets to be to much and during my more intense bouts of depression....but I have other things to keep my mind off of those things now:)

Jamie

[Crispy]

::sigh:: It also makes me sad that so many people SI, but yes, I can understand why because I also used to do it. :(

It started when I was going to college far away from home. I loved the city I was living in, loved my classes, and was doing well. Problem was, I made ZERO friends. Not the first year, not the second year, not the third year. I'd try reaching out to people, but my relationships never went beyond being acquaintences. I was also terribly confused over what major to choose. I had started out as Pre-Vet, but could NOT pass my math and chemistry courses no matter how hard I tried. My parents didn't mind if I switched majors, but they pressured me to feel like I HAD TO know EXACTLY what I was going to do with whatever major I chose RIGHT OUT OF COLLEGE. Since Pre-Vet was the only thing I ever wanted to do, I had no idea, so I ended up switching majors about 6 times.

Needless to say, I became extremely depressed by my second year of school and I felt like I had no one to turn to with any of my problems. I was angry, depressed, lonely, and a billion other things. So began a long struggle with cutting, and later bingeing, which led to a whole slew of eating disordered behavior. As others have mentioned, it was a way of during all my emotional pain into physical pain, which I felt was easier to deal with.

I don't cut anymore, and really haven't since September of 2002. Lots of counseling helped, as did medication, and many other things like ditching the boyfriend that only made me feel worse about myself. I had to learn it was okay to NOT know exactly what I'm doing with my degree in History and that changing schools/coming back home was not the end of the world.

The eating disorder is harder for me to beat, and I still struggle with it now, but I've been taking it a day at a time. And actually, one of the reasons I'm so glad to have found this site is because I used to spend almost all my online time at pro-ED boards, where the behaviors aren't necessarily *encouraged* but they feel very "normal" when everyone else that posts does the same destructive things. well, that's a separate rant, so I won't get into it.

That's my long winded story. I wish that no one had to go through the same things, but to anyone that does, stopping IS possible and it IS worth it. PMs are always welcome if anyone wants to talk further, about this or anything else. :sunny:

[Rua]

Ive been a cutter since middle school. When cutting stopped working, i moved to burning. Ive tried to explain why i do it to people when they ask but they will never understand. They always say that if i wanted to stop then i could and that cutting is stupid and pointless. Telling someone that hurts themselfs to stop doesnt help anything, it just hinders the situation. A lot of cutters dont know how to stop or whats causing it or dont know why they do it, so its just frustrating when you say to just stop. Im in a special treatment program to try to get help and have been doing pretty good.

[MoonAnu]

I've been a cutter since I was twelve years old. It started as a way to release myself from any emotional pain, a conducive way to deal with any stress or anxiety I was feeling. Then as time went by I started to cut deeper, to inflict more pain, and sometimes to risk suicide. I'm still a cutter, I haven't recovered, though I've tried many times to.

Sometimes also why I cut myself was the feeling of utter worthlessness. When someone would hurt me, perhaps call me a name, fight with me, etc, I would cut myself because I believed them, and my self worth over the years has dropped to a very low point now. When I hurt other people, I would cut myself because I saw I wasn't important enough to inflict pain on others. Or perhaps I was angry with someone, but couldn't bring myself to hurt them, and therefore I would hurt myself. There's really a plethora of reasons why I continue to do this, and none of them, rationally, add up. I know this, and that is one reason why I'm dumb founded at the fact that I can't seem to stop. I know that it's wrong, that it's ridiculous, it's a coping mechanism that isn't really coping at all. It's a cop-out. But I continue to do it, strangely enough.

[Antoninus]

I never knew of anyone who cut themselves. I have rarely heard about it, but since I've been on this forum, I have seen many who say they do it. It upsets me because I dont understand it at all. Why would anyone want to hurt themselves like that. When ever I see a post about it I just want to reach out and say please love yourself. I love you. No person should feel that bad, that often. Its so sad. Why? I want to cry. :sadeyes:
I really dont understand. Beautiful people with so much to share and they hurt themselves.

I wish I could make it never happen.
Please hug yourself, please.
~hugs~ for all of you.
Its usually different reasons for different people. Some people do it to release tension or to free themselves from emotional pain, some people do it because it feels good or because it makes them feel alive.

I rarely cut, I bang against things. My head against the wall or my hand against some hard surface. If you do it for long enough, the emotional pleasure you get out of it, In my case I did it as a distraction for my mind, it can transmute to actual physical pleasure.

Your mind starts to form a connection between pleaure and pain. Physical pain now feels actually good to me, I dont mind when people hit me because it doesnt hurt hardly at all. Small cuts feel good, on accident or on purpose.

Is it logical? No. Is it smart? Probably not. Is it good for you? Probably not.

[Boogins]

I've got friends who cut themselves, and, like nomadicdragon, I'm a puncher... so I do understand. My reasons are different, though--being an explosive manic, I'm just trying to channel the excess out.

But it does make me sad to think people hurt themselves, whether I understand it or not.

[nomadicdragon]

I've got friends who cut themselves, and, like nomadicdragon, I'm a puncher... so I do understand. My reasons are different, though--being an explosive manic, I'm just trying to channel the excess out.

But it does make me sad to think people hurt themselves, whether I understand it or not.


Definitely, I've been able to channel most of the anger successful.. but there are days, like yesterday when exterior life events sap all of my energy and al lthat's left is anger... Still feeling it on my knuckles, but hey, that's what happens when you hit brick.

[Lady Jade]

I have hurt myself because the pain makes reality real. I know then that I am alive.

[Xentor]

I feel sorry for all those who need to cut themselves or hurt themselves otherwise. I understand and sympathise completely. And I praise those who were strong enough to overcome the behaviour.

I've had my share of hurt. I've never cut myself - I had different methods, which armoured my psyche, and eventually hurt it. The causes and effects were alike.

To all those who feel inadequate:
There's only one of you in the whole world. Even when you think you are worthless, when it seems no-one likes you, the universe allowed your existence for a specific reason, one only you can fulfill. To the universe, everyone is important. So are you. :hugz:

[Pesha]

My darling son had deep depresion when he was in Norway. He began to cut himself. Tahnkfully he knew he need to get help and he did. I asked him why he did it to himself and he told me this: He felt it was a way to control the darkness that was over taking him and he wanted to die. So he cut into himself to try and stop it from taking him over. He is alright now. He got the hel he needed and takes an herbal prep to deal with the depression. The prescribed stuff did not work too well for him. He is now a happy husband and father and very good CNA. I am grateful he is ok. I could have lost him.

BB
DS.

[Tsuchimaru]

You know, I don't know about the rest of you, but talking about this feels great. :cool:

[Psyche Ague]

I cut myself on my ankles when I was 16 for awhile. I was so depressed and nothing felt real...not even my own body. I stopped when I started doing yoga, which seemed to remind me that balance in all things is necessary, but I started again in September-December of this year. Same reason. I hate depression.

[Shanti]

You know, I don't know about the rest of you, but talking about this feels great. :cool:
I am so happy to here this. If one person feels even a tiny bit better than good is here. ~hugs to all of you~

[Golden Princess]

It is not something that I understand so it is hard to comment . I can only offer those that suffer love. :huddle:


I deserve to be loved by myself and others
I am not alone, I am one with God and the Universe
I am a radiant being filled with light and love
The Light within me is creating miracles in my life now

[Shanti]

I would like to talk about purpose. Just something to ponder on.

There are atoms everywhere. The air has oxygen made up of molecules, and they are made up of atoms. Atoms are everywhere, all the time, they are everything. This is science. The air you are breathing is full of atoms. Now if you move your arm, go ahead..lift up your arm. You just moved atoms. All the atoms in the air around your arm just moved. And those atoms moved other atoms and those moved others and so on and so on. So now look at it as a domino affect. All these atoms are moving all over the world bcause you moved your arm. Think about this. How much has been forever changed just because you moved your arm? If just the moving of your arm causes such an affect, than what has everyday of your life caused? If an arm can have that much of an effect, that much power, you, your total self must have a major effect!!

What I'm trying to show is that just by being you, just by being here, you have changed the world and we all are needed for just that. Every person is important.

[Xeen]

I used to be a cutter/burner/etc, bigtime. Though I always say "once a cutter, always a cutter"

It's really hard sometimes to not fall into that rut... very very hard.

I haven't read what anybody else has said here, so I don't know if anybody else has said what I am about to say, but here goes:

People hurt themselves for various reasons. We do it to punish ourselves, because we think we deserve it, that we've done wrong. We do it to release a different kind of pain, like emotional pain. We do it to bring ourselves back into focus, so to speak. Sometimes we just feel so disconnected. Some people do it for attention, or entertainment, sadly enough. Some might want to do it, to leave a scar to remind them of something. There are so many reasons.

It gets hard... so very very hard...

Better to feel pain than nothing at all.

[FroggieThePunk]

Well, I've not cut myself in about a year, then again I've not had access to knives at the times where I felt low enough to do that again. I know it is bad for me, but sometimes it feels like it is the physical pain I feel that lets me know that I am real. I know that I should probabally get help when I am feeling depressed like that, but honestly, I when I feel that low I do not feel as though I am worth the trouble. And usually what makes me feel that wasy is just stuff that I shouldn't stress over anyway. I understand that others do not understand it, and that is why they want to help us so badly, but for some it is what we feel helps us to atone for what we have done wrong. I've never left a scar (or I would not be in the military) but I've dated a girl that left scars, and I've had some friends who cut themselves. I do not try to stop them but I will help take care of them if they cut themself to deep or something.

[Mouse]

I must agree, It feels good to talk about it.. It takes up a big part of your mind but it is so hard to explane. It so much effort, hiding it, it can make you paranoid.

What i ment by "do it proply" is, it makes me angry when people do it for attention, just for laughs.. It is a serious thing and it ofended me watching so many people doing it while i hid it and tore myself to shreds.. to me if you do it and then tell or show people then you arent hurting yourself, your hurting others! which is wrong.. make scence? At my school it was a fashon thing you were cool if you hurt yourself.. i just find it offencive. *gets frusterated* it is had to explain..

A honest cry for help is far different from a fashon statement

its a release, pain made tangable.. it brings you back to reality, or it takes you away.. it is fun, and frightening.. and oh so addictive.. it depends on how you look at it, it can be beautyful, or gross.. many people will tell you it is stupid.

i dont understand why every one thinks it is so wrong.

Miriam..
** No one can take from me my spirit, They can't take scars eather**

[nomadicdragon]

I would like to talk about purpose. Just something to ponder on.

There are atoms everywhere. The air has oxygen made up of molecules, and they are made up of atoms. Atoms are everywhere, all the time, they are everything. This is science. The air you are breathing is full of atoms. Now if you move your arm, go ahead..lift up your arm. You just moved atoms. All the atoms in the air around your arm just moved. And those atoms moved other atoms and those moved others and so on and so on. So now look at it as a domino affect. All these atoms are moving all over the world bcause you moved your arm. Think about this. How much has been forever changed just because you moved your arm? If just the moving of your arm causes such an affect, than what has everyday of your life caused? If an arm can have that much of an effect, that much power, you, your total self must have a major effect!!

What I'm trying to show is that just by being you, just by being here, you have changed the world and we all are needed for just that. Every person is important.


:wtf:

[FaerieGothMommy]

What i ment by "do it proply" is, it makes me angry when people do it for attention, just for laughs.. It is a serious thing and it ofended me watching so many people doing it while i hid it and tore myself to shreds.. to me if you do it and then tell or show people then you arent hurting yourself, your hurting others! which is wrong.. make scence? At my school it was a fashon thing you were cool if you hurt yourself.. i just find it offencive. *gets frusterated* it is had to explain..

Ok, i understand what you mean, but if my daughter felt she needed me and for some reason felt i wasn't paying attention and the only way she could think of doing it was by cutting, i would rather her cut a little to get my attention, than take it too far, which is why i done it.
I never ever bragged about what i'd done, my friends never knew... i wanted to do it though to make my mom notice me, and at the time it was the only way i knew she would deffinatly take notice and not just shrug it off.
It wasn't something i done for fun or to look big & hard with. Thing is, afterwards it never gave me relief, it just made me even more upset that i'd dropped to those levels just to get my family's attention - but i honestly didn't know how else to do it.

[nomadicdragon]

I must agree, It feels good to talk about it.. It takes up a big part of your mind but it is so hard to explane. It so much effort, hiding it, it can make you paranoid.

What i ment by "do it proply" is, it makes me angry when people do it for attention, just for laughs.. It is a serious thing and it ofended me watching so many people doing it while i hid it and tore myself to shreds.. to me if you do it and then tell or show people then you arent hurting yourself, your hurting others! which is wrong.. make scence? At my school it was a fashon thing you were cool if you hurt yourself.. i just find it offencive. *gets frusterated* it is had to explain..

A honest cry for help is far different from a fashon statement

its a release, pain made tangable.. it brings you back to reality, or it takes you away.. it is fun, and frightening.. and oh so addictive.. it depends on how you look at it, it can be beautyful, or gross.. many people will tell you it is stupid.

i dont understand why every one thinks it is so wrong.

Miriam..
** No one can take from me my spirit, They can't take scars eather**


Sometimes.. the only way you can get attention is to injure yourself... i agree though that if cutting is a "fashion statement" it is wrong.. but some people just really are not afraid to show their scars.

[Tsuchimaru]

I cut/scratch myself for attention I suppose. Hoping someone will maybe notice, and find out how warped and depressed I am inside. But no one ever does, and if they do, I lie about it. Only 17 and I constantly entertain thoughts of death.....how sad.....

[savannahrose44]

I have never done it, but from what I understand a lot of people do it because of the chemicals in your brain that it releases when you feel physical pain.

[savannahrose44]

I cut/scratch myself for attention I suppose. Hoping someone will maybe notice, and find out how warped and depressed I am inside. But no one ever does, and if they do, I lie about it. Only 17 and I constantly entertain thoughts of death.....how sad.....

Tshchi that is not good. I'm sorry to hear you say that. You should know that you are important and there are people out there who care for your well being. If you ever need someone to talk to please please PM me or email me. I am here if you need me.

[Maeglin Ancalime]

For me it started as attention long ago...but it got to be a sort of bad habbit...i would just hurt myself when i got depressed...and i get depressed when i am alone...so it got bad....i have to fight myself not to do it..but as soon as the school year is over it get better me thinks. My arm is marked kinda bad..but my way right now is using a pen and making a mark and drawing the 'blood' it reminds me of what not to do and it seems to work

[Brynn]

I don't do it to get attention, noone in RL knows I do it

[savannahrose44]

You guys are breaking my heart. Please know that you are loved. :awwman:

[Earthy]

I never did it for attention either..i did it to feel the pain,because that proved i was still alive.
I just wish i could hug every person here who does still cut,and tell them that i care.:hugz:

[Vanessa TPD]

Like other people have already said - if you hate yourself enough, you'll want to do it.

I stopped quite a while ago.

[savannahrose44]

This is called self mutilation, and it's a disease. You litterally become adicted to it. medical science has discovered that when you inflict pain on yourself there are certian chemicals in your brain that are released in response. They are adictive. Please I encourage all of you to seek professional help. It can be very hard to admit when you have a problem, but it is better to seek help than to continue to hurt yourselves in this manner. If anyone would like someone to talk to please PM me. Know that you are loved.

[Xeen]

I never do it for attention.

I used to hang out with a guy in HS though that did it for attention. He wasn't too bad, though.

[Gala]

The first time I hit myself until I left bruises I was in my later thirties.

I was sore for weeks.

I didn't do it again till the middle fourties. I still do it. I'm 51. So it isn't just something that the younger gen does.

I beat my shoulders, chest and legs. I hit myself with wooden spoons and coat hangers.

I bought those things that diabetics use (lancetts) and jab myself with the over and over again.

Sometimes life hurts so bad, that the only alternative, for me at least, is to hurt or bleed, either that or my head and heart might explode.

I went for about 6 months this last time without doing it.

I've tried to strangle myself, knowing that I'd passout before dying, I've stapled my legs.

I'm not saying this to get attention.

I just say what I do. I say if I'm happy too. My mouth is a seive that everything comes out.

but my husband watches me closely. I have to be very down to do it now.

[PeleRising]

I dont cut myself, but i have over the years given myself quite a few scars from scratching till I bleed. It pretty much happens only when i am really stressed or depressed. For me it stems from self hatred. Sometimes everything builds up to the point where pain and bleeding is what lets it out, almost a bit like releasing demons. I dont know how else to explain the feeling of release? if that word describes it well enough.

[Gala]

I dont cut myself, but i have over the years given myself quite a few scars from scratching till I bleed. It pretty much happens only when i am really stressed or depressed. For me it stems from self hatred. Sometimes everything builds up to the point where pain and bleeding is what lets it out, almost a bit like releasing demons. I dont know how else to explain the feeling of release? if that word describes it well enough.

that describes it for me...!!

[morrigan]

cutting is a way that some people deal with emotional pain.. I know because i to was like this.. I have learnt for the most part better ways to deal with pain but this sort of behaviour doesnt just stop over night it is hard to stop as it is all the cutter knows as to how to deal with things.. it can also manifest its self as excessive peircing and tattoos. now whilst not everyone who is peirced and tattooed is doing it for these reasons some ppl i know had excessive tattoos and peircings for these reasons i had a friends who would get needles and scratch her arms till the were raw and another who would take safety pins and put them all over herself becasue it made her feel good... another reason ppl cut is if they have blood fetishes but that is a totally different matter.. cutting isnt healthy no matter how much a cutter protests that it is, emotionally every cut they make causes more damage but the physical dangers are real too. one cut in the wrong spot at the worng depth could end the cutters life and then they will feel nothing eternally.. take it from someone who hit the bottom.. cutting isnt cool cutting isnt safe and it isnt the way to deal with things.. there are better ways to deal with pain you just have to be willing to find them and put in the hard work to stop..Blessed Be ~Morrigan~

[skyewindflower]

I used to cut/beat myself when I was younger....It started as an attention thing...because my mom never paid attention to me....she worked 2-3 jobs at certain times and my dad well i hadnt seen him since i was 7 ( he was in jail)...
I took a razor blade to my head ....and tried to say that i fell in the shower....I hit myself in the face to try and say i got in a fight .....but it didnt really work for me....then I went on to taking needles and carving things in my body....not for others for myself..then just to cutting....the thing is...then I did not feel pain....now that I look back on it ...it didnt hurt to do these things.....

When I moved back to ohio though....things were bad at first....but i fought with myself not to do anything....then i met Cali and for the years we have been together...I havent even thought about doing anything ....until last week....because things are going so wrong lately!!

All I want to do is cut myself to make me feel better....I know to people that havent done it ,it sounds insane....but for me....I am someone who always takes care of my family friends,etc....
And now with everything going on in our lives .....i have no control over anything, I can not make things better any more and it is so frustrating!! Everything is going down the drain lately....and I just dont know what to do.....So I told Cali what I wanted to do....I dont lie to her....and by telling her I think it made me stronger to try to not do it for her sake...but when I am alone at home....its hard to get the thought to do it out of my head.....so for now I am fighting not to do it....although I crave to do it as a release....of all the anger, hurt , and frustration I have inside....and as a way to show that i have control of something....?? I myself know that this is not rational also....but for a SI the release is worth it at times....until afterwards some of us hate ourselves for giving in....
BB,
Skye

[blueiris]

I haven't cut myself in several months...it was never deep, just scratches because although I desperately wanted it to scar I didn't want my parents to see - sometimes they bled. I did it, and I still have that urge that is so hard to resist, because I had/have so much anger and grief and sadness. I still have depression but I'm fighting it. I also did it because sometimes I didn't feel anything at all...it was a way to make sure that I was still here because sometimes I felt dead.

[elfmage]

I do it (quit for a while, cutting again) for two main reasons:

- I actually enjoy the pain

- To punish myself (often for being fat, for not being smart enough, etc)

[~BEBZ~]

I started cutting when I was a teenager. For me it was strange, I was in so much emotional pain that I would become numb to physical pain. Cutting myself helped for some strange reason to relieve that mental pain. At first I wouldn't feel the cuts so I would keep cutting until I did feel the pain, but it felt good. I didn't do it often and I only ever did it on my left fore-arm. I didn't go super deep but I did go deep enough to bleed and leave scars. I have many scars. That is why I got my butterfly tat, it covers up most of one of my worse, so now I don't have people asking about it all the time. The last time I cut was the year before last I think. It had been a very long time since I had done it. I thought my husband was leaving me so I took a knife and got in a hot bath and started carving on myself. I cut myself over 20 times. My mother called him and told him what I was doing. He came in the bathroom and there was blood everywhere. He said that that was not something he could handle and if I ever did it again he would leave me. I will not ever do it again. Not only because of him but because of my kids. If the wrong people see that you can get your kids taken away for being a nut job. I now find other ways of dealing with my emotional pain.

I've seen a few people comment on how some people seem to do it to get attention and brag about it because they think it makes them look cool. I agree, that makes me sick. It's not cool, it means you have problems and need help. I hate posers.

[WingedTigerChild]

I've cut myself from time to time and my friends and I would set ourselves on fire, do hard drugs and get piss-drunk. Some of us did it because we couldn't handle our pain, others because we needed to feel pain, and still there were those who did it "just because." I don't mind people who do it just to get attention (as long as they're not making fun) because attention is something every human being needs now and then...maybe they don't get any at home?

I vary between cutting or whatever to feel pain and doing it to escape pain. I've had to deal with a lot of crap and even with my writing, music, councellors and antidepressants...I still need to let it all out. I don't mind the pain because it's something that I have chosen to do. I could run into the middle of the street and scream at the top of my lungs and still feel like I need more because once my mind has been made up as to how I'm feeling and exactly what it needs to express that, there isn't any other way the feeling's going to leave.

[elfmage]

I realised I forgot the main point!! Control. I think that is probably the second or third biggest reason that people SI.

[FaerySong]

It is sad, and it is hard to understand if you haven't had those feelings. And sometimes its sadder if you've gone through it, and see other people still going through it. In my case, I was having a bad few years, and I was at an emotional rock-bottom. As a human, it is hard to comprehend that kind of pain when you can't see it, and cutting is often just making the pain easier to understand. "I'm bleeding, therefor I am hurt. And I can understand this pain", pain also lets us know we're alive. And then again, there are the people who either cut for attention or for the adrenaline rush [sad to say, there is one].

I know this has probably been addressed by alot of people, but I thought I'd put my own 2 cents in.

[LadyTrinity]

Dr.phil sez its an addiction that helps to hide a negative feeling because hurting ones self is a release.. it feels good. It not a matter of breaking the habit but to replace it with a much healthier one :fishsmack

[ravynbynorthwynd]

I do it because i feel out of control so much in my life. there is not a lot i can control, but i can control how deep/how much i cut, and to me that is a relief.
so when things start getting out of hand, my first thought is if i'll be able to get rid of those feelings of being out of control or if i'll turn to that old familiar sting.

[Shanti]

May your pain be replaced by happiness in your lives. This is my wish.

[Stormcall]

I do it because it's my only option. There is nothing else to keep me sane. My family life is such that I have no support or stability, besides that, I'm a loner and have no one else to reach out to (besides you all here at MW, and you've been wonderful!!) and it releases all the stress and frustration. I don't hate myself. I never have. All I hate is that I cut, because I know now that I am an addict... Just like my father and my mother and my brothers, I swear it's the family curse, and that makes me upset. I thought I was better than that. I refuse to become THEM.
That's why I'm trying to stop. I don't think you quite understand how truly hard it is, to be alone and afraid and unstable with nothing and no one to hold on to, and the only control in your life comes from harming yourself (which you KNOW is wrong and you shouldn't be doing) but you can't stop yourself anyway. There's no way anyone can know that feeling unless they've been there.
And it IS awful. I AM stopping. It's hard. It's really hard. Thank you for caring. It means a lot.

[forbidden_vengence]

Well the reason I self-mutilate in the form of cutting......well the only reason i do it is because I have bi-polar disorder and have been refused the use of medication for the problem.....It's the only effective way that I have found to lessen my depression.

[savannahrose44]

Well the reason I self-mutilate in the form of cutting......well the only reason i do it is because I have bi-polar disorder and have been refused the use of medication for the problem.....It's the only effective way that I have found to lessen my depression.

That's pretty screwed up that they wont give you the meds...have you gotten a second opinion?

[DandelionDame]

It is sad, and it is hard to understand if you haven't had those feelings. And sometimes its sadder if you've gone through it, and see other people still going through it.
That's exactly how I've felt reading this thread - perfectly worded, FaerySong.

In late high school and early college I cut myself. It got physically uglier as time wore on -- while working at a video store in the summer with short sleeves I'd exclaim, "New kitten! Scratches a lot!" when people would ask "What happened to your arms?" My family has always been great - no issues there. I actually felt kind of bad being such a freak because I knew it would hurt them to know what directionless anger and confusion I felt due to just being alive and slightly different than a lot of people. Cutting was just a release and a distraction.

But it has been 12 years since I've cut myself and I've changed what I didn't like about myself and accepted what I can't. It's been a long road and I still struggle with some stuff (like everyone), but I'm at a good place in my life and I don't want to hurt myself anymore.

Please have hope, sweeties! It WILL GET BETTER as you figure stuff out and learn to love yourselves and change what you don't like. It takes some work and soul-searching, but you will come out strong. :hugz:

[Tsuchimaru]

I'd use it to release frustration. I've recently given it up, though I miss the sight of blood...

[Arc]

Because I like the pain. I don't see any problem with it, I'm not hurting anyone so what is so wrong with it?

[Xeen]

I've been a very good girl for quite awhile now. I think it's been... 4 years.

I can't say that I haven't been tempted. It's so very very hard.

The only reason why I haven't done it is because of one person. If I did it, and he found out, it would devastate him. I can do it to myself, but I don't to want to hurt him.

I've often thought about where/how to do it on my person so he wouldn't see, but it's too risky.

[WingedTigerChild]

Well the reason I self-mutilate in the form of cutting......well the only reason i do it is because I have bi-polar disorder and have been refused the use of medication for the problem.....It's the only effective way that I have found to lessen my depression.
That's messed up about the meds. I think you should get a second opinion, as someone else said earlier.

[blueiris]

Because I am numb and I can't feel anything, I've shut myself off. That's why I cut. I can only wear long sleeves now.

[-Ember]

I sometimes will admit to borderline. I pick at myself, sometimes until I bleed, pull hairs, and I'm "clumsy". I've never started cutting or any more serious mutilation, although I have thought about it, because I know myself well enough to know that I would take it further than I want to go... that and there probably is an element of self torment in denying myself an easy... no, not easy, a simple...way to address the problems.

I can understand all of the reasons given, but for me a main reason has always been focus, a way to pull myself out of a mental quagmire. Distraction in a way, something fixed (or as others have said, real) to draw my thoughts together around. Kinda like the traditional slapping a hysteric individual to draw them out of it. It pulls me out of my head when what is going on in it is far more self distructive than walking into a wall or creating a bald spot on my arm. It gives me a chance to breathe and stop the cycle from continuing to build.