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softlyserpentine
May 18th, 2004, 02:40 AM
alright guys... didn't know where to put this question so i guess i'll spit it out here...but first: the prologue...

my best friend is a christian...he has known since the very beginning about my beliefs and practices and has been very understanding and open-minded about my religion...and i'm very accepting of his...he is a great guy, he's been through a lot of stuff with me, and he's the best friend i have ever had (i have not had many friends in my life)...we recently opened up about some romantic feelings we've had for a while and started dating...now he's my best friend AND my boyfriend...and everything is going really great and i'm really falling hard for him...he is a little older than me and is ready for marraige (and i have been thinking i might be soon too)...but sometimes i worry...a few times he has expressed concern that our differences in religious beliefs could really complicate our relationship, especially if we wanted to get married and have kids (the kids part later on in life :))...he loves me and he says that he knows we could probably work through it...and he knows i won't convert, but i know he hopes i will, and that makes me uneasy...i have faith in us and i try to stay optimistic, but am i just asking for trouble getting into this relationship knowing we will always differ this way? i don't want it to be to late and ruin our friendship...

do you think it's possible for a witch and a christian to have a lasting relationship?

:erin

Isil Darkmoon
May 18th, 2004, 02:57 AM
I think it's quite possible for two people of ANY faiths to have a lasting relationship if they both are willing to work, really work, remain open-minded, and COMMUNICATE.

Cross-religion-relationships I'm aware of in my own personal sphere of influence that are both current and long-term:

Jewish/Christian
Muslim/Pagan
Pagan/Agnostic (my sweetie and I are in this category)
Christian/Agnostic
Christian/Athiest
Pagan/Jewish

And I"ve known many Christian/Christian and Pagan/Pagan relationships to fail.

It's really all about honesty and communication... if you two are sincere about that, I see no reason why you can't have many years of happiness be unmarred by issues of faith.

Shanti
May 18th, 2004, 03:03 AM
I was in a christain/pagan relationship the first time around. It wasnt much of an issue except at every christian holiday, which I wouldnt partake in. And when it comes to kids, it was fine as long as they partook in all christian stuff and were not taught pagan ways. First 3 kids baptised. Needless to say..it ended up history after a long time of evrything being ok if I went along with his ways.

My second relationship is pagan/pagan...no prob last 2 kids not baptised not nothing christian.

My sons relationship was fine. She was a 'christian only during holidays' and he a pagan. All was ok. No baptism with the baby. No christian teaching with the baby but when thoughs holidays came around..fight. They fought because he didnt celebrate them and they fought because she wanted the baby involved in the holigays and he didnt. It lasted 2 yrs.

My best friend is in a pagan/christian relationship now. Its fine but she, the pagan, folows all his christian stuff. She can teach her kids paganism but she has to partake in christian holidays with him and the kids. He wont allow her not to. She says it ok.

So I guess it all depends on how you both are and what you both want. I do recommend talking about kids, christmas, what yous will do and so on. If you fight about any of it now, it probably wont be better later. If you can set up future synarios and not fight, then prehaps it'll work. So, what will yous do for christmas?..ask each other and remember ya got a couple of little ones. Talk about baptism too. Talk a lot. Thats what I think is best. :)

rain_fallen_tears
May 18th, 2004, 03:22 AM
I understand your concerns...and I wish their was something I could really say to help...I've never been in any real relationship so all I can confide is friendships...I lost a Christan friend over my beliefs...but I can't place the blame solely in her as we both were too quick to judge the other(she persisted in getting me to know I was evil, and ask her God for forgiveness; childish, no? I called her church practitioners of brainwashing and hate, again childish, no?:)) But I also have Christan friends who are very open to whatever I believe in...anyway a bit off the topic...I would say Yes it is possible to work...if he always respects your faith...as for children teach them both religions...and that they are neither wrong....let them celebrate Christmas(I still do in the presents and tree sense:)) but also celebrate Yule...besides when they are young they'll probably love having twice as many holidays as the other chllins:) and as they grow older let them decide which is right for them...hey you may end up with a Jewish kid, if they find neither right for them...:) this maybe way off but this is what i would consider the best option....hope i helped and I wish you all the happiness in the world for you and your hubby....:D

Koehnae
May 18th, 2004, 03:32 AM
I think it's quite possible for two people of ANY faiths to have a lasting relationship if they both are willing to work, really work, remain open-minded, and COMMUNICATE.

It's really all about honesty and communication... if you two are sincere about that, I see no reason why you can't have many years of happiness be unmarred by issues of faith.
I agree. The basis of any good relationship, romantic or otherwise, is communication.

Druchii
May 18th, 2004, 08:07 AM
Just be careful and take it as you have been. Understanding and openess are the keys to future roads in life. It can all work out.

Equinox
May 18th, 2004, 08:56 AM
Try to work out how it will go with kids and holidays for at least a year before any serious commitment Ė I mean to actually DO what you plan to do for a year for practice. Will you celebrate both sets of holidays? After all, itís an unbalanced relationship if one person gets their holidays and the other doesnít.

Why does it seem so often that in relationships like this, the People canít celebrate their holidays, while the Christian can? Will the kids be taught all the holidays? If not, then one person is being forced to hide their religion. Then the message to the kids is clear: ďThat other religion is Bad.Ē

The Bible is clear over and over that anyone who isnít a Christian goes to Hell, and that the one true faith is more important than family relationships. (Yes Iíve read the whole Bible). I've put a couple verses from the Bible below. I guess it depends on whether or not your boyfriend will follow the Bible or not. If not, then maybe things will work. But if thatís the case, will he still feel he is being a good Christian?

Just my 2 cents.

-Equinox

P. S. you might want to check out the local Unitarian Universalist church. They welcome all religions - Chrisitan, Pagan, Buddhist, etc. For many mixed couples, that is the only place where both can have their religion, and the kids can be taught that all there are many acceptable religious paths. He might not be willing to respect other religions, but if he is, then a UU church is worth a try.


Asa did what was right in the eyes of the LORD , as his father David had done. .... He deposed his grandmother Maacah from her position as queen mother, because she had made a repulsive Asherah pole. Asa cut the pole down and burned it in the Kidron Valley.

1Kngs 15:13




Jesus said "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters--yes, even his own life--he cannot be my disciple." Lk 14:26

(Jesus doesn't mean hate for the sake of hating - he's not evil. He means "hate" as in "if family and the gospel don't agree, the gospel wins.")

charmedkisses1
May 18th, 2004, 09:07 AM
Yes the two can be meshed quite wondrously. Look at me! :cutie: Be honest. Don't you secretly wish he'd be pagan? You both want each other to be like yourselves, so don't be saying only he wants you to change. Other than that it should be peachy, as long as no one criticizes each other. Raise your kids with what THEY want, make religion neutral ground. Shoving religion down a kids throat is equally bad, whether it be paganism or Christianity. Jesus is a good role model for anyone though. And always teach them to respect the earth... etc.:seehearsp
Love the Christian Witch

charmedkisses1
May 18th, 2004, 09:16 AM
Try to work out how it will go with kids and holidays for at least a year before any serious commitment Ė I mean to actually DO what you plan to do for a year for practice. Will you celebrate both sets of holidays? After all, itís an unbalanced relationship if one person gets their holidays and the other doesnít.

Why does it seem so often that in relationships like this, the People canít celebrate their holidays, while the Christian can? Will the kids be taught all the holidays? If not, then one person is being forced to hide their religion. Then the message to the kids is clear: ďThat other religion is Bad.Ē

Very true!

The Bible is clear over and over that anyone who isnít a Christian goes to Hell, and that the one true faith is more important than family relationships. That's because so many people easlity offend each other.

depends on whether or not your boyfriend will follow the Bible or not. If not, then maybe things will work. But if thatís the case, will he still feel he is being a good Christian?

What's the point if he doesn't follow it? HE doesn't have to compromise, and neither does she. Just understand each other.

lednevir
May 18th, 2004, 06:18 PM
It depends on the type of christian he his: judgemental
or
like Jesus said, "God is Love" "the way to tell if someone is a christian is they heal laying on hands,lift up serpents,drink all manner of poisons unharmed"
Jesus is just as real as any being in the spirit realm it's just humans that make religons wrong.

GaiaDea
May 19th, 2004, 01:54 AM
I think it is great that you found a solution to your dillemma!
I applaud your maturity and self-honesty in doing the deep thinking that making any relationship work takes! It is often difficult to see past our immediate emotional turmoil to see what our actions may bring in the future. I think you both made the right decision in choosing to remain close friends. I think you may find that true friends are just as important as being in a relationship, and that TRUE friends can be hard to find.
This was a big step in understanding yourself, and what you want vs what you need.

Congratulations......a very many people never mature so far!

1111
September 17th, 2005, 02:05 PM
Ok, my only recommendation is to seek help from a third party that does not have to do with his church! You made this decision based on love and were willing to compromise for this man, that has to still mean something. Work on working through this together with an unbiased party all the way around. There may be a compromise. I don't want you to rush into a divorce to then only regret that three months later. Look for someone you can both talk with at the same time and come to an understanding. He needs to be open and so do you.

Good Luck, you really sound like you love this man and if you can both come to some terms it would be beneficial to you both!

maybe?

1111

1111
September 17th, 2005, 02:25 PM
thanks so much for your input...and you're very right...i do love him greatly...and it's so very hard to even imagine someone who could bring as much joy into my life {at least right now} as he does...we have invested *a lot* into our relationship...and i don't want to just give up...

but he is not exactly the most open person in the world...i mean...okay...he's he most hard skulled, narrow minded person i've ever known...which says a lot, believe me...i feel like i have no options whatsoever...to him his pastor is wisest, most knowledgable person about almost everything...he stresses that constantly...which is why i feel forced to talk to him...i mean, i have to talk to someone...he seriously does not understand where i am coming from...we might as well be on two different planets...

that third party will probably have to be a professional marraige counselor...i don't know...i guess neither of us have a choice now...i know he loves me {or else it wouldn't be hard to just say "i changed my mind" and leave} and i know he wants to work it out...so maybe that is an option i should look into...

thanks again for your advice...i appreciate it...

:erin

Yes, it seems the church has a way of closing ones mind. But if you get him to agree to an outside third party, he will hopefully be able to open that mind back up. And you two can work something out. Once he sees you mean this and it is important to you, he will come around, but again you may need outside help for that.

Good Luck, I hope it will work out for you. Even if he will not agree to the outside help, maybe you can find someone to talk with you help you find your way.

An unbias party is the way to go here, because netiher one of you will feel the other is being attacked or ganged up on. Try and point out to him to change the situation around, what if he was the one who gave up church for you and now was having second thoughts, he would not want the one trying to help him find his way be some witch (for lack of a better term right this minute) that was on your side, so to speak.

Anyway......not sure if this is helpful or not.

Kuai
September 17th, 2005, 06:31 PM
I have a simular problem as my girlfriend was raised catholic and well I hate the cristian religion. Thankfully she is not a strong catholic and we can work threw it because well she is way more pagan then catholic and would probably change over if she accualy looked into it. Thats why I got her to register here. Love can be hard and its hard to work threw these things. In the end the choice has to be up to you. I suggest you talk to him about it. Thats the best way to go.

Pagan Mantis
September 17th, 2005, 07:03 PM
If he understands, like he says he does, why worry about the religious aspect?

MoonDust
September 17th, 2005, 07:21 PM
erin,
I say talk and takl honestly with him. Ask him if he's secretly holding out hope of you converting. Let him know it's not going to happen. If he says no, he loves you just as you are, the well.... part of love is trust. Is there a possibility you'll get burned? yeah, but if you can't trust him in this (it's pretty big), than maybe it's not meant to be.

LostSheep
September 18th, 2005, 04:44 AM
Erin, I think you're going to have to ask, what is more important to him? You, or his faith? it does sound from what you've said as if his church is the most important, and that his main priority seems to be converting you.

But being able to think about things rationally goes out of the window when love's concerned, I know that; so it can very very hard to do what you may know, in your heart of hearts, that you should. All I can suggest is, think of yourself; not in a selfish way, just do what's right for your happiness and peace of mind. That's all I think I can say. Hug going out to you. :hugz:

Romani Vixen
September 18th, 2005, 05:06 AM
It's very hard. But entirely possible. It requires understanding and both people looking for the unity in their different faiths... For example... compassion, understanding, generosity, selflessness, balance... a few things that different faiths try and teach their practitioners. Find those things, and you will understand each other.

I personally believe that all Gods are aspects of a Singular Divine. YWH and Bast are different faces of the same Whole. If you both share this view... it's really easy! lol

Good luck.

Don't rush into things!!!! Let them take their own course. You'll be fine.

:D

SSanf
September 18th, 2005, 10:04 AM
You asked for advice. Here it is. Run like hell. Don't look back.

Pesha
September 18th, 2005, 11:37 AM
Can this work...well yes and no. On the whole you need absolute open communucation between the two of you. You have to totally respect each others faith system. So can you both do this. That is the big Q here. If you can , then it could work, but if there is the slightest bit of doubt about anything in your relationship in this regard, then sorry dearone but it may fail. The ideology is so different and his veiw on life I imagine is very xian. So stop, think, with your mind and not your heart. And see what comes up. I wish I could be more positive for you, but this is a tough one. HUGS!!

BB
DS.

Mithrea
September 18th, 2005, 11:45 AM
Off Topic: I wanted to keep reading but your font is so small, my eyes were crossing. This is not a good thing since I will be turning 30 in less than a month and I don't want to feel old ;)

Moved to Family and Parenting.