Aedrais
May 20th, 2004, 08:56 PM
Gods... I just need time. Time to adjust. Time to figure what I'm so scared of. Time to get away, and get used to... I don't even know. I want to know why I'm so freaked out, why, why, why...
They're just guys. They're not scary, and yet, somehow, they scare the living daylights out of me. Nothing has ever happened to me, and yet, I'm so deeply frightened by the idea of any guys other than family in my life... I wish I could just understand.
And I wish that every single guy I've come in contact with lately would just back OFF, and not be so... needy, so close, so willing to carry deep conversations and walk me home and... Goddess, I can barely manage friendship right now, don't even CONSIDER anything else.
I need strength, I need time alone, I need to understand myself and my fears, I need to... breathe. Just breathe, and stand, and feel, and not be so rushed and pressured. I need to stand my ground and not run.
I need to find myself, again... I feel so close, lately, some days I even feel I'm there... but life always gets so damn complicated, and I get all this knocks and twists... please, I need, more than anything else, a hand. I need someone to offer me a hand, and show me a path, a way out of this darkness. I need to know that I'm not alone- no, I know that. I need to feel that someone, somewhere, is watching over, and has a plan for me, and is there to catch me when I fall. Someone to hug me and tell me everything will be alright, because I try my hardest to believe that, but sometimes, it's hard...
And you told me once, Goddess, Mother, Lady... that was your voice I heard, I know it. I've tried so hard, but Goddess, I need help. I need peace, and quiet, and space, and time...
Please. I'm so close to being on my knees today. I feel so lost, and alone... I feel like a little girl, scared of her nightmares. I need my Mama to come chase all the monsters away.
Spirits, be with me,
So mote it be.
They're just guys. They're not scary, and yet, somehow, they scare the living daylights out of me. Nothing has ever happened to me, and yet, I'm so deeply frightened by the idea of any guys other than family in my life... I wish I could just understand.
And I wish that every single guy I've come in contact with lately would just back OFF, and not be so... needy, so close, so willing to carry deep conversations and walk me home and... Goddess, I can barely manage friendship right now, don't even CONSIDER anything else.
I need strength, I need time alone, I need to understand myself and my fears, I need to... breathe. Just breathe, and stand, and feel, and not be so rushed and pressured. I need to stand my ground and not run.
I need to find myself, again... I feel so close, lately, some days I even feel I'm there... but life always gets so damn complicated, and I get all this knocks and twists... please, I need, more than anything else, a hand. I need someone to offer me a hand, and show me a path, a way out of this darkness. I need to know that I'm not alone- no, I know that. I need to feel that someone, somewhere, is watching over, and has a plan for me, and is there to catch me when I fall. Someone to hug me and tell me everything will be alright, because I try my hardest to believe that, but sometimes, it's hard...
And you told me once, Goddess, Mother, Lady... that was your voice I heard, I know it. I've tried so hard, but Goddess, I need help. I need peace, and quiet, and space, and time...
Please. I'm so close to being on my knees today. I feel so lost, and alone... I feel like a little girl, scared of her nightmares. I need my Mama to come chase all the monsters away.
Spirits, be with me,
So mote it be.