Ethan and Love

[rantnraven]

This is an ongoing story of a man that may have found love. This post is for those who wish to read it.

Please post nothing here. There is a link called Fun Time that was initiated by Semele that you are more then welcome to post to. All are invited to post there, the ever changing story of Ethan. All are invited to join in.

As the story is read, each of those that have written are announced at the bottom of their contribution - to include the card they drew.

Blessings,
Rant

The story follows: It's long, sure, but worth the read.

[rantnraven]

It was another beautiful spring morning, with the sun shining brightly, yet not too hot. The birds were singing and children were running through the park laughing and playing without a care in the world. Couples walked hand in hand looking at the flowers in early bloom. There seemed to be a magical quality to the very air, affecting everyone who dared to breathe it in. Everyone except for Ethan.

Ethan was taking a shortcut through the park on his way home from the local market. He would have driven but his car had a flat tire and he decided it would be just as easy to walk the short distance. He was beginning to regret it now though as he lugged the awkward bag across the park. Several children almost knocked him over as they ran to and fro in some silly chase game. It irrritated him but he didn't yell at them, simply gave them a stern look and rearranged his package and started back on his journey.

Ethan was a single man in his late thirties. he had never been married though he had been close once. He often looked back at that painful memory and rejoiced in the fact that he had escaped that trap. That is exactly how he viewed marriage and family life. He had no use for such things. He rather enjoyed being alone and being able to eat what he wanted and sleep when it was convenient for him. No worries of getting the kids off to school on time or dealing with the problems in life associated with being a parent. He didn't dislike children necessarily, just had no use for them. As for marriage he often thought it would be nice to have someone waiting for him when he got home, but thought it was no where near worth the effort it took to substain such an adventure. He figured he was saving himself a lot of heartache by keeping his distance from people. No sense depending on someone else to love and protect you when you can do a better job yourself and not be bothered with protecting soemone else in the process.

Ethan was thinking of this now as he walked and begin to feel as though he were the only intelligent person left in the world. He glanced at a young couple walking hand in hand and felt sorry for them. they were full of hope and joy. He could see by the expressions on their faces that they were completely in love and having dillussions of grandeur, thinking that everything in life would be this perfect. What a shock they were in for. Just wait until the money problems started or the jealousy. Poor ignorant souls. Too bad they were planning a lifetime based on the magical feelings the had on this fine spring day in the park. Ethan glanced over to the walking path where a couple in their eighties was walking hand in hand seemingly happy. Ethan however, felt that the lines of age on their faces was another example of the hard times they had shared. How many times had they hurt each other unintentionally over the years? Sure they had made peace and carried on, but at what cost? What where they sacrificing to be together? And what of the children they had most likely raised together? Where were they now? Maybe they had great lives of their own. However the risk is always there that the children they raised with love had turned against them because of some insignificant detail over the years. What pain that must be. Or even worse what if they had to live to see one of their children pass on before them. What worse heartache than that?

No thank you, Ethan wasn't willing to sacrifice his lifestyle or comfort zone and chance the unwielding pain of such occurances. He mentally patted himself on the back for not falling victim to this fairy tale life of pain masked by small joys in life. Just as he was thinking of the wise decisions he had made a frisbee nailed him in the forehead. He fell to the ground fearing that he had been hit by some mugger about to rob him of all his worldly goods, not to mention the few groceries that he was struggling to carry home. He looked up to see a small girl about four or five with long blond hair and the biggest blue eyes he had ever seen. She said, "I am sorry I hit you. I am just learning to play and I'm not very good yet."

Ethan struggled to his feet mumbing something about her being more careful. Just then the little girls mother came running over, " are you ok? I am so sorry"
Ethan snapped at her that she should watch her kid better.

The woman had long blond hair and the same blue eyes as the little girl. She was breathtaking to say the least. The way the sun was shining behing her hair made it look like she literally had a halo. The nice warm smile she had offered at first was replaced by a look of shock and anger. She stated that she was sorry but that it is kind of hard for a four year old to control their aim when first learning. She also pointed out that they were in the park not his front yard. Ethan was outraged, yet he didn't understand why. He yelled," Perhaps your husband would be better suited to teach the child to play."

The woman looked at Ethan with all the emotion she could muster in her beautiful face and stated quietly that her husband was dead. She then apologized again and grabbed the little girl's hand and started off. Ethan watched them going and thought to himself this is perfect. I don't even know these people and I have managed to hurt them. Life is cruel. Did he have to go away to some secluded island to avoid hurting anyone? He had taken all the precautions in life to avoid this very thing and it got sprung on him in a private place where he was minding his own business. He felt anger towards the woman for making him hurt her and even towards the little innocent girl. Just then he looked at them thinking of screaming something about what he was feeling at the woman. But instead he saw the little girl looking back at him with a tear falling slowly down her little cheek, and she waved at him............

(Semele – Four of Pentacles)

.....Ethan looked dejectedly towards the ground. He wondered why that little girls eyes haunted him so. With a deep inhalation, Ethan continued his walk. He didn't have time for any of this. He had business associates to entertain this evening. With any luck, he'd close this account and be off on his vacation. Vacation. He hadn't been on a vacation in over three years. It's not that he needed or even wanted to go on the mountain retreat. The partners felt he needed time off and to entice him to go, they were flipping the bill. He reached his Condominium and unlocked the door. As he strolled into the kitchen to put the heavy bag of groceries on the table Ethan was thinking how much he hated entertaining, but this account was worth the hassles! He'd be made a full partner if he could wrap things up relatively quick.

As he was preparing the simple but eloquent meal, the phone rang......

(Dagda – The Chariot)

Erica ran her fork through the pile of peas on her plate. And again. And again. The fork made an audible screeching sound like nails on the chalkboard at the day care center. The meatloaf and mashed potatoes went unattended.

Again, the fork, screeched through the peas before dabbing at the potatoes.

Why was that man so mean? She didn’t mean to hit him with the Frisbee. It was, after all, an accident. Maybe his Daddy went away too. Maybe he was just mad about that and took it out on her. All Daddy’s leave at some point, she thought. Although her fiend, Jamie, still had a Daddy.

The fork screeched again.

“What’s wrong, sweetie?”, her mommy asked from across the table.

Screech!

“Baby, what’s the matter?”

She looked at her mother. She was the only person in her life – except for her friend Jamie. Jamie has a brother. Another of her friends had two sisters. She wondered why she had none. Just a Mommy. But, really, that was okay because her Mommy was all she needed. Right?

She turned her fork and scooped up some peas, as if to eat them. She didn’t like peas much but Mommy had said they were good for her – and she did not want to upset Mommy. All, but one, of the peas fell from the fork and the tears came.

Frustrated, she dropped the fork and, with a quiet tone, asked, “Why was that man so mad at me? And where is my Daddy?”.

So frail, she hunkered for a moment before darting off to her room where she cried. Tears flowed like never before.

She wondered where her daddy had gone.

(Rant – The Chariot cntd)

Ethan let the phone fall away from his ear, a look of utter despair on his face. One of his business associates had just called to inform him that the clients he was to be entertaining tonight had decided at the last minute to go with another firm. They felt that he had worked very hard, but that his heart just wasn't in it.
Ethan slumped dejectedly into a chair. "Why is this happening to me?" he thought. He would never become a full partner now. He would be the laughing stock of the whole firm. All that time and energy he had devoted to this account was for naught.
Ethan closed his eyes, and watched his dreams and desires shrivel up and die....

(Belladonna23 – The Tower)

Suddenly it was as if the world Ethan thought he had
shielded himself from so well was crashing in through his
wrecked defences. He had put all he was into his work,
believing it a safe haven. Unlike a women it wouldn't
lie to him, or cheat on he or make demands he wasn't
prepared to give. Work was under his control, it
depended on how much effort he put in and how hard
he tried . . .or so he thought. As his only refuge revealed
itself as a hollow pack of lies, he realised how very alone he
really was, he didn't even have anyone to tell about the
disaster that he just occurred. Ethan felt himself falling
further and further into the darkness, and his legs began
to move seemingly of their own volition. Ethan watched himself
put his coat back on, walk out of the door, down the
street into the place that had been forbidden to him all these
years. The store took his money and he returned with
the bottle to sit staring at it for the rest of the night. He made
it at least through the night just staring at it, seal still intact,
and as if the amber liquid had whispered some secret
message to him, he picked up the phone.

"This is Ethan, I won't be coming in today."

"I know it's not like me."

"Yes, that's right. I'm not well."

"It's a bit personal."

"See you tomorrow."

Stepping out of the shower, Ethan felt curiously relieved that
the bottle was still sealed. He put it in his dusty drinks cabinet
and locked the doors. With that he pulled on a sweater and
a pair of jeans for the first time in ages (he'd forgotten how
comfortable they were) and walked out of the door
towards the park.

(Wildwood – Temperance)

As Ethan strolled to the park his mind was racing. He couldn't quite figure out what he planned to do or what had made him feel so differently. He had felt as though his world were crashing in on him just hours before, yet now here he was casualy strolling to the park and taking in everything in his path. He listened to the birds with a newfound appreciation.

In retrospect it didn't seem so aweful that he had lost the important account and the vacation as well. He still would get the time off from work and he planned to use it wisely. Get some fresh air and maybe read a good book. Still he couldn't figure out why he had felt the strong urge to head back to the park. After all, that was exactly where his run of bad luck had originated... with the little girl and her mother. The more he thought about it the more clear the answer became. He needed to see them again.

He wanted to apologize to the little girl. Perhaps he could undo the damage he had done. Yes, that is exactly what he would do...make everything better so that they could all go on with their lives. It should only take a couple of minutes to right the wrong and he had the time to spare for once. Thoroughly pleased with himself Ethan began to scan the park as he mentally planned what he would do after he got this apology out of the way.

He didn't see them anywhere so he decided to sit on a bench and watch for them. After an hour he began to get irritated. He had taken the time to make an honest sincere effort for this woman and her child and yet he had no choice but to wait until they showed up again. He was a little irritated that he didn't even know their names so he had no other way to contact them. He briefly remembered hearing the mother call the child Erica... he thought. As he sat there getting more and more annoyed the sun started to go down.

Ethan stood up thinking about how much time he had wasted just so he could do what.. apologise to a little girl he didn't even know. And the mother would probably just insult him anyway. He started walking back towards the edge of the park still mentally cursing the woman and himself for being so softhearted. Suddenly out of the corner of his eye he saw the woman walking through the park. He was sure it was her yet he didn't see the little girl. He wasn't quite sure of his next move, if any. He really wanted to speak to the child, not the mother. He supposed he could give her the message. He studied her face and noticed that she looked as though she had been crying. Probably over some man who had hurt her in the past. Ethan did not feel like dealing with that so he decided to leave it alone. He started to turn the other way just as the woman looked up and stared right at him. Now he had to do something. he couldn't just pretend he didn't remember her...or could he?

(Semele – King of Wands)

Ethan felt he had no choice but to try to make amends for previous behavior. For some reason he felt he needed to. This was a new feeling for him. There was no way for him to duck out of it, she was walking up to him. It's not like he could hide behind a park bench and then justify that behavior if she marched up to him!

Sharon approached Ethan like a bull on the rampage. How dare he cause her daughter so much strife at her tender age!

Sharon stopped four feet from Ethan. The look on his face would have made her double over in laughter if she weren't so set on putting him in his place.

Before she could say a word though, Ethan blurted out a feeble apology. "Look, I'm sorry about the other day. How is the little girl?"

"The little girl has a name. It's Erica....and she'll be fine no thanks to you. Do you always insult strangers or is just a hobby saved for those precious few who have the ill-fortune of crossing your path? "

"Hey, I said I'm sorry." Ethan looked at the round trying to gather his thoughts. "My name is Ethan. May I ask the name of the person bent on putting me in my place?"

In a calmer voice "My name is Sharon. You'll excuse me if I'm not ecstatic over the introduction."

"Understandable. I ...um....I feel really bad. I'd like to apologize to Erica if you'd permit it."

Sharon was at a crossroad. This was it. This is what she wanted, for him to apologize to her and Erica. So why was she so afraid to let just that happen?

"I have mixed feelings about it. I don't want her to hurt, but I do want you to explain your actions to her. She's very confused right now, and you aren't making matters any better."

"Just give me a moment to apologize, and I'll be on my way. I'm not asking for anything else."

Sharon's left hand came up to her mouth and her right hand on her hip as she debated the request. Why did he want to apologize to her? She got the feeling that this was a one time offer though and was something he didn't do very often.

"Okay. Be here this afternoon around two-thirty. Over there by the fountain. I don't know if she'll want to talk to you, but I will let you try."

"I understand. Thank you."

Bowing his head, Ethan walked away. Why did he feel he owed Erica anything? Maybe it was because she was so young. Or, maybe it was because of the look in her bright blue eyes that haunted him. Oh, a world full of maybe's. Hopefully, once he got this done and over with, the could get back into the groove of things.

Maybe he could start his own business. Now there was an idea. It wasn't like he was terrible poor. He scrimped and saved for many years now. He had a good sized nest-egg. Only, he didn't have a nest! So what better way than to invest than in himself? His new goal in mind, he headed for the candy shop. What little kid didn't like candy?

Two-thirty came and went. Ethan sat by the fountain waiting for Sharon and Erica. They were no where to be seen. It was approaching Three-fifteen. Where could they be? Why was he actually looking forward to seeing them? What if Erica didn't accept his apology? What if Sharon changed her mind? He got the impression that Sharon was a woman of her word. So where was she? He picked up his newspaper for the 3rd time trying to read the same short article that lost it's interest and the third sentence. Maybe this time, he'd get it read through before he'd scan the park again.

Sharon let Erica play for a bit longer while she watched Ethan. Just how long would he wait for them? What was in the bag?

"Erica, come here honey."

"What is it Mommy? Is it time to go already?"

"No honey, it's not time to leave quite yet. Do you remember the man from the other day?"

"Yes Mommy" came the sad little voice.

"Well, he's sitting right over there. He wants to speak with you. We don't have to go over there if you don't want to. I'm going to let you decide."

(Dagda – The Devil)

Erica looked toward the bench that her mother had pointed at. Yes, it was that mean man that she had hit with the Frisbee just yesterday. She almost wanted to hit him again!

Who was he and what did he want?

Always take the dirt-road, she remembered her daddy saying not long before he went away. But what did it mean? She remembered little of her father because he went away when she was three. Less then a year ago, her mom had taken her out of school early and said that he had gone away.

Why?

She recalled a day that mommy had to go on a trip. “I’ll be back in a couple of days”, her mom had said. But her dad went away for ever, and ever. But while her mom was away, her father had taken her to this very same park and watched her play. She remembered him pushing her on the swing set. He pushed her hard and she went way high up. Scary, but fun.

Once, Daddy had let her flip a hamburger on the grill. THAT was fun.

She looked back at her mother who was kneeling down in front of her. Images of her father were thick in her mind.

“If I talk to him, can I have macaroni and cheese for supper?”, she asked her mom. “Daddy used to make that a lot when you had to go somewhere”.

“Yes, of course”, her mom replied in a tone that was both understanding and sincere.

She turned and looked at the stranger on the bench. She wondered if he was still mad about the Frisbee. He must be. Otherwise, why would he be here?

Erica looked at her mother. She loved her mother. For some strange reason, though, she wanted – needed - her daddy. How was she to approach this man that she did not know? What would she say or do?

“Mommy, do I have to?”, she asked.

“No, honey. I already told you that you don’t have to. But I think he wants to apologize. You know, say that he’s sorry for being mad at you?”.

She turned back towards Ethan. He looked a little mad like that time Daddy looked when she broke the glass while helping with dishes. He only looked mad, though and she cried. And he had hunkered down and asked, “Why are you crying?”.

“Because I broke a glass”, she replied while the tears rolled down her cheek and she struggled to find air.

Her father had looked at her with a loving face and said. “It’s just a glass, baby, we can get another”. And to make this point, he took another of the glasses and threw it into the trashcan. “See?”.

And she did. And she remembered.

Wiping her cheek, she took and step forward. Hesitated. Then walked towards the man on the bench. She still did not know what to say but, she remembered the broken glass. He wasn’t mad anymore. She was sure of it.

Besides, tonight she will have macaroni and cheese. And with a little luck, mommy will put some hot-dogs in it.

(Rant – Two of Cups)

At first there was a jolt. Then a small bump. Then nothing. It dawned on him that he was no longer dreaming. His eyes opened and he realized that he was no longer on the road – no longer on the ground. He was flying and it was dark.

The seconds before Ken Tucker’s car hit the canyon floor were like years, eons. Time had no meaning here and he knew he was about to die.

The meeting had gone badly. The contract was a bust. He couldn’t sell a product that he didn’t believe in, after all. Who wanted something for the bath-tub when everybody showers? It was rediculious. How stupid he was to take the project anyway. At the time it sounded good but, too many last minute redesigns and bullshit bureaucracy changed all of that. Yeah! It was a bust, all right. From the word. “go”.

Ken was offered a drink after the failed meeting. His friend Alex made a point to buy the first one. Alex had been somewhat of a player with this deal but, over all, it was Kenny’s baby. And what a baby that was.

The first drink was fairly non-lethal. The second had a little kick to it. Three made him forget why he was there and, was there a forth? He couldn’t recall. Fifth? Most likely a whole one.

He remembered his daughter, Erica, at the table that morning. At three years old, she was the spiting image of her mother. She had been eating a bowl of Cheerios when she suddenly decided to raise the bowl above her head dumping all of the milk – a trait she had learned from her grandfather when he drank the milk from the bowl.

Sharon! Beautiful Sharon.

Ken thought back to their wedding day. He remembered his mother wiping a grass stain from the trousers of his tuxedo right before he walked the aisle. He had now idea how it got there, only that it was there.

Sharon was pregnant at the time but no one knew. Not even her stepmother, Tamara, the wicked twin of the evil two.

None-the-less, he walked the aisle – though conscious of the grass stain his mother had attempted to wipe away.

And there she was. The love of his life. The woman he would swear to please. The mother of his child. He would never dare to ever walk out on her as his father did thirty years prior. There was no way he would cause her harm or let anything, or one, hurt her – or the child she carried in her belly. She was a gift that he would never exchange.

He remembered these things as though they had happened just yesterday.

A tree branch came through the windshield. He knew then it was to be over soon.

My dear Erica. So frail, soft. The product of love.

He would miss her. And his beloved Sharon.

(Rant – Ten of Swords)

Sharon thought she'd lost everything with the passing of her husband. She didn't know how she'd make ends meet. She had to get 2 jobs just pay for the funeral.

All of the sudden, she was a single mom with 2 jobs. The stress was mounting, she hardly ever got to see her daughter. That's when she decided that she'd have to go to college. There had to be better paying jobs out there, and she would do anything to provide for her daughter's present and future.

The money from the life insurance didn't go as far as she had hoped. She still had a nice nest-egg left, but was hoping to set up a trust fund with it for her Erica. Looks like she'd have to use it to get herself through college. She only had a year more to go. Architecure (sp) had always be her goal, before she'd gotten pregnant then married.

So here she was a year out of college and still working for a small company in a position that offered little more than what she'd started with.
The weight of the world was on her shoulders. The only shining bit of hope was Erica.



...Erica walked up to Ethan. She didn't quite know what to say, but she needn't have worried.

Ethan was getting to the boiling point when Erica walked up to him. He kept a very tight reign on his feelings. Not wanting to upset her again. Wouldn't that be the icing on the cake, he thought. Insist on apologizing to her, then blow up at her. How ironic that could have turned out to be.

He gave her a tight lipped smile. She looked so small, so frail. Her big blue eyes looked so innocent. Of course she was innocent, she was only four!

"Erica, will you come sit down please." Ethan motioned for her to sit beside him.

Erica walked slowly, not sure what to make of the situation. Why was he being so nice? Did he really feel that bad. He didn't even know her, how could he feel so bad?

"Erica, I'd like to apologize for the other day." Ethan offered Erica the bag of candy.

She wasn't sure she should accept it. Mommy and Daddy had always told her not to take anything from strangers. She looked up at her Mommy with expectant eyes.

Sharon nodded her head.

Erica took the bag, but didn't open it.

"I don't really know what to say to you, but that I'm sorry. I was having a very bad day, and my actions were uncontrollable at that point. Please accept my humble apology?"

Erica looked at Ethan, really looked. He was old. Older than Mommy anyways. He looked so very sad and lonely.

"Mister, are you always such a sad man? Did your Daddy go away when you were little, too?" She sat swinging her feet watching the fountain. Feeling uncomfortable with the question she'd blurted out.

"I'm sorry, my name is Ethan and you may call me as such. And no, my Daddy didn't go away." Ethan turned his head away. He was remembering his twin sister....may she rest in peace he thought. Could it really have been 25 years now that she was gone? How different his life would have been if he still had her. She was is source for inspiration, the one who pushed him so hard to 'do great things' with his life. That's why he'd gone on to college and gotten his degree. He was the best damn CEO in Arcitecural (sp) Design on the East Coast.

"Oh." was her small reply.

"Can I go play now?" Erica asked with more enthusiasm.

"Yeah, go ahead kid."

Erica gave the bag of unknown contents to her mom and dashed over to the slides.

(Dagda – Ten of Wands)

Ethan watched Erica scurry away towards the slide. He had a strange feeling, one that he was unfamiliar with. All this time, most of his life, he had patted himself on the back for not have been victim to marriage and child rearing. Only, now, he thought he was missing out.

He turned his attention to Sharon. Unlike yesterday, the sunlight shone directly on her face. He could see lines that told of her life and her raising of Erica. But how beautiful she was. He remembered that she had told of her husband being gone – or something to that fact. What a shame; Erica deserved a father and he wondered if she knew.

Again, he looked over to Erica who, with amazing fluidness, had climbed the slide. He rendered a small grin and looked back to Sharon.

“What happened to her father?”, he asked in a shy sort of tone.

Sharon looked at him. At first, she was angry. How dare he bring up her Husband – who was he to do so anyway? Then she thought about it. She saw the look he gave to her daughter. She recalled how he had looked at her just yesterday and how that same look changed today. This was a man that, really, had nothing – no one – in his life. Hadn’t Erica asked why he was so sad? Erica was an intuitive child and, at her age, had no problem with sharing her thoughts.

Sharon looked away as if to gather her thoughts. She heard Erica scream but new it was a scream of joy. She glanced toward the slide. Erica was scrambling back to the ladder.

--------

Winter had drug out that year. Ice was on the road and her husband was late. He had been late before but, certainly he would have called by now.

Erica had been stubborn about eating her vegetables so Sharon made her sit there until she did.

She didn’t. So Sharon sent her off to the bathtub. Equally as stubborn, Erica had no more desire to bath then she had to eat the green beans, Sharon was not about to argue with a three-year-old.

Sharon realized that she was upset by the fact Kenny had not called. She sent Erica to bed un-bathed and without vegetables.

It was now 8:30.

She looked at phone but it didn’t ring. Who would she call? Who could she call? She thought about 911 but, since they had moved to this God forsaken place, that was not an option.

She picked up the phone and placed to her ear.

Then she set it back down.

Who to call?

“Where is he?”, she screamed in her mind. She was sure he would have called by now!

(Rant – Ten of Swords Cnt’d)


Ethan snuck around the corner so he could get a good bead on his target – a Russian spy by the name of Yuri. He was toting a Super Tommy 37 and it was ready to fire. He knew that Yuri would be armed to the teeth. It was his mission to take this spy out. No mercy. It was do, or die.

He took position at the corner of the building. Peering around the corner cautiously indicated the coast was clear. There was a structure up ahead – about 15 yards. He had to make it to that structure before Yuri discovered his whereabouts.

Another peep around the corner. Nothing.

Ethan bolted for the structure and had made it half way when he heard the shots. Yuri!, he thought.

Immediately, he dropped to the ground and rolled; something they taught him in Naval Seal training. Then, in an instant, he was in a prone position and had Yuri in his sights. No time to hesitate and let this Commie get the best of him.

“Bam, bam, bam”. Three sudden shots from the Super Tommy 37. But Yuri didn’t budge.

“Bam, bam”. Nothing.

“I GOT YOU!”, Ethan yelled.

“No you didn’t. I already had you before you hit the ground”, Allan replied. Then added, “You’re dead”!

“Boy’s?”, Ethan’s mother cried. “Come in. Lunch!”.

The two boys dropped their weapons – nothing more then a couple of two-by-fours – and headed inside.

-----------------
Ethan sat across from Allan at the table. “I swear, I got you”.

Allan and he had been friends ever since he could remember and would be for the rest of his life. He remembered once when he and Allan swapped lunches. His mom had sent him to school with a bologna sandwich dripping with mayonnaise that had some dead lettuce on it. Allan had a tuna sandwich and Ethan loved tuna fish sandwiches. So, they swapped. Allan got the short end of the stick but, they were friends after all.

Ethan’s mom set a plate down in front of each of the boys and another at an empty spot on the table. That meant that Heather, Ethan’s twin sister was going to join them. Yuk! He couldn’t stand Heather. What with her Barbie doll’s and Let’s Bake oven. Sissy stuff. His G.I. Joe’s could take her Barbie’s on any day.

He watched as his mom went to the oven and opened it. The smell was wonderful, he knew exactly what it was. Open faced tuna sandwich on an English muffin topped with cheese. His favorite. Add to that and handful of Doritos and you had a meal. Add a Kosher style pickle and you had a feast. He realized he was hungry – oh yeah, he could eat.

-----------------

In the midst of their feeding frenzy, Heather walked in. Ethan caught her out of the corner of his eye and looked up. She was wearing her pink Ditto jeans and a small blouse that revealed she was starting to sprout a little. Yuk! Sherry, at school looked cute in her Ditto’s but, his sister? Yuk!

He looked at his friend and shock his head as if to say, what a dork. But he noticed Allan looking at his sister in, what appeared to be, awe. He then glanced back at his sister and noticed she was looking at Allan in a way he’d never seen before.

Another glance at Allan! Allan appeared to be mesmerized. In some state of trance. This was strange. Could Allan like my sister, he thought? No way! His sister was gross! How could he possible like her.

-----------------

Ethan snuck around the corner but Yuri was wise to that move. Yuri had come from behind in a surprise attack and…

“Bam, bam, bam”.

It was over for the spy-buster.

He dropped to his knees, grabbed his chest, “Ahg!” he muttered and fell dead on the ground.

Just then, there was a scream. Then, just as sudden, Ethan felt a sharp pain in his neck. He stood up, holding his neck.

Heather!

He and Allan ran around the corner of the house to find Heather lying at the foot of the slide.

Heather had been playing on the jungle gym their father had built two summers ago. She didn’t want to play Army, as he and Allan had been. Allan had invited her to join, which was against Ethan’s wishes. He was glad she declined.

Another sharp pain, this one stronger then the first. Ethan dropped to his knees, he was no more then fifteen feet from Heather. But the pain was so bad, he couldn’t move. He looked up to his friend Allan. It appeared that Allan was flailing his arms and screaming but, Ethan could hear nothing.

Suddenly he realized that there was no sound. No birds chirping. No cars passing. He couldn’t ever hear the soft hum of the interstate. All he could hear was his own heart pounding in his chest.

He looked back towards his sister as she lay at the foot of the steps to the slide. He gazed into his sisters eyes. He thought he saw her lips move. Then, lightly – like a gentle breeze – he heard his name, “E-e-thane”. And at the same time, he saw his sisters eyes go blank and the pain in his neck was gone.

He knew then.

He just knew!

And the sound returned.

-----------------

“E-e-thane”?, echoed from the past like a wave breaking in the distance.

Ethane looked up from the park bench and thought he saw an angel. It was Sharon and it dawned on him that he’d been crying.

He wiped the tears from his face and, with a sniffle said, “Sorry, I just feel bad”.

Ethan wanted to tell Sharon of the tragedy his sister suffered but, hadn’t she lost her husband? Who was he to have something happen more tragic then hers? And why, by the Goddess, was he feeling this way?

“Are you okay?”, Sharon asked.

“Yes. Thank you. I’ll be fine”, he replied.

Their attention was turned to a ruckus near the play-ground. Ethan and Sharon both turned their heads to see what the matter was.

Ethan saw her first. Erica was laying at the base of the slides steps; he was horrified.

Sharon shrieked and took off running towards the slide.

Oh no, Heather, he thought and took flight as well. Had he gotten to Heather faster, maybe she would still be alive.

Ethan remembered the pain in his neck and realized that, this time, there was none.

He saw that Erica was breathing but he dared not look into her eyes – that could kill her as it had Heather. Instead, he scanned her body for injuries. He noted a cut on the forehead; still avoiding her eyes. And a scrape on the knee; not bad. All in all, she looked okay. Then he heard her crying and that was a good sign.

Sharon had already lifted Erica into her lap and began saying something while patting her head. Ethan’s heart seemed to have stopped. But Erica, aside from a couple of scrapes, appeared to be just fine. He felt his heart start again.

Ethan sat down in the sand and thought about the pain Sharon would have suffered if Ethan had looked into Erica’s eyes as he had on the day Heather had died. But he had not and she was going to be okay.

Ethan looked at Sharon. What a woman this was. He then looked down at Erica – he dared to gaze into her eyes. Erica looked to him. Her big, beautiful blue eyes told of a little pain. They were soaked with tears but Ethan knew she would be just fine There was no smile but Ethan could tell – sense – that there had been a bonding.

A trust.
(Rant – The Star)


Well I couldn't wait. I drew the 5 of swords which disheartened me a little. This card to me is a card of loss. A sign that if you choose to fight at this moment you will lose. The fact that there are three people on the card and two walking away with one remaining tells me that Sharon and Erica need to withdraw just a little right now. Perhaps they just need a little more time to accept Ethan. Or maybe it is Ethan who needs more time but it will be the two girls who have to make the move. Here goes nothing:

Sharon looked at Ethan and wondered what could possibly be going on in his mind. What could have made him cry so easily? Erica was fine, just a couple of scrapes. The way that Erica looked at Ethan seemed to frighten her even more. The little girl had such love and concern in her eyes.

Erica had always been a compassionate soul, and her mother loved that. But she also knew that people get hurt by trusting and loving so much. Sharons own mother had been an Empath and felt the pain of total strangers. Sharon had watched over the years as her mom suffered time after time because she couldn't ease anothers pain. This was no gift as far as she could tell. She had always harbored some anger towards a God/Goddess who would give someone such a "gift". This gift had in fact been the very cause, as Sharon saw it, of her mother's eventual break down and subsequent hospitilization. Her mother had never been the same. Sharon feared that Erica had inherited the same tendencies to feel people's emotions. She had always guarded Erica from feeling her own Mommy's hurt. She didn't think it fair for her to suffer when she had her own pain to deal with.

Now, this man, Ethan, who had caused pain from the minute they saw him, seemed to be sending Erica his own pain. Sure he wasn't doing it consciously, but Erica, being the perceptive child she was, recieved it none the less. Sharon wanted to tell him to block his emotions for Erica's sake, but she didn't think he would understand. Why would he even care, even if he did understand what she was saying. Surely this cold, insensitive man had never experienced anything even remotely metaphysical and he would likely think she was insane. No, she couldn't spend her life going around educating everyone Erica encountered about the danger they held for her. She could protect her a little longer though, until the time when Erica could understand it herself and put up her own psychic defenses.

Sharon came back to reality from her thoughts and noticed Erica and Ethan playing in the sand attempting to build a castle at the bottom of the slide.

"What we need is some water", Ethan said.

"I could get some from the water fountain", Erica commented excitedly.

"No!", Sharon almost shouted. She realised she had startled them both. She calmly added, "we have to get home now, it's getting late." With that she started gathering up their things while Erica whined. Ethan was asking if they could meet again sometime but Sharon was so busy gathering up Erica and their things she didn't seem to hear him. Before he knew what was happening The two lovely women were on their way out of the park and Ethan didn't even know how to contact them.

He sat there at the bottom of the slide with a strange mixture of feelings. He didn't quite understand it but somehow all the pain he had felt with the sudden rush of emotional memories was gone, but he could very clearly grasp and hold onto the joy he had so long ago forgotten about his sister. For so long every thought of Heather had brought on the tears and guilt. This small child had helped him remember the good times as well, just by her presence. When she looked into his eyes from her mother's lap she seemed to instantly forget she was hurt. She looked at him with compassion unparalelled by any adult he had ever met. As Ethan looked into her tearstreaked eyes he felt relieved...but why? Probably because she was ok. Ethan sat there in the park for several hours contemplating his day and the emotional roller coaster he had ridden. He couldn't wait until he saw the girls again. Perhaps he could invite them for dinner or to the zoo. As he headed home Ethan was happy and carefree, with thoughts of fun outings filling his head.

(Semele – Five of Swords)


Ethan decided it was time to go.... he could always find Sharon and Erica here in the park, if he was lucky. He really was confused by all these emotions that had taken hold of him so strongly after all of these years. Maybe even a little thinking and seeking was in order. He wasn't sure if his attitude about marriage and companionship had been such a good one after all. Maybe there is more to life than the emptiness of work, it hadn't started out this way. He had actually loved his work and worked very hard to accomplish the goals he set for himself.

He entered the condo and stood there as if seeing the expensive but cold decor for the first time. Is this who I really am? Cold and unfeeling, not one stick of furnmiture or piece of art that held any warmth or hint of his personal character at all. Time to fire the decorator, he thought to himself. Oh yeah, I decorated this place, he chuckled at his silent joke.

Laughter was something he had missed out on after his sister had died. He had become very serious after that. He always felt like if he'd just gotten to her sooner or hadn't looked into her eyes maybe she'd still be here. He knew that wasn't quite true anymore but still felt a bit guilty deep down in his heart.

His heart had taken quite a jump when he'd seen Erica lying on the ground at the foot of the slide. Like time repeating itself, except that he refused to look into her eyes because of the old fear. And why was he so taken in by this little girl he barely knew?

Was it because without saying a word she seemed to know what he was feeling? When she had approached him at the bench she had been wary because she'd known he was upset for some reason. After her accident when they played in the sand together she seemed to be reassuring him that she was alright. How could such a tiny girl have such a gift with people?

By this time Ethan had wandered out onto his balcony over looking the city. He whispered, "I wonder what they're doing now."
______________________________

Sharon and Erica arrived home after a short bus ride. She hated to take the bus when they could walk, but it had started getting dark and she didn't dare take a chance on their safety, especially if they were to be out past dusk. The apartment was nice enough, and secure, but some of the alleyways nearby were crawling with muggers and thieves at certain hours.

"Mommy?"

Sharon started, and glancing down realized the pot of water was already bubbling rapidly. "Guess I should add the macaroni, huh?"

Erica giggled, bobbing her blond head excitedly. Sharon ruffled her imp's hair affectionately and poured in the macaroni noodles to soften. For some reason she felt a little guilty that there weren't a lot of choices for dinner right now. Another week before payday found them low on food again. Erica seemed to be eating more, which was good. She'd been so afraid of Erica's picking at her food and hardly eating anything for so long... she thought for awhile that Erica was pining away for Ken. But the little sprout had been steadily eating more and more, so Sharon hadn't had reason to worry long.

"Mommy?" Erica's big blue saucer like eyes stared up at her, "when can we see Ethan again?"

Sharon nearly dropped the spoon she held, "I'm not sure baby, I don't know that he even really wants to be our friend."

"Sure he does, he just hasn't realized it yet! He's all mixed up inside, like you are sometimes when you think about Daddy...." tears welled up in the little girl's eyes, "Why can't Daddy come back?"

"Oh honey, you understand why." Sharon kneeled down in front of Erica. "We aren't meant to stay in these bodies forever, things happen that can make us leave them early, and that's what happened to Daddy. His spirit, the thing inside him that gives him tears and feelings and happiness and laughter, left for the heavens when he was so terribly hurt in the car accident.

"The Spirit that is in everything is also part of us. He is still with us, watching over us." She held the little girl tightly for a moment and then looked into her glowing eyes.

"I see him at night in my dreams, like an angel. Is that what Daddy is now?" Erica asked, her eyes very wide.

"Something like that baby." Sharon replied and Erica smiled.
___________________________________

Ethan woke with a start. He'd been dreaming something, but it was still too fuzzy to remember. Nervous energy flooded though him and he began pacing the room. Whatever woke him was important.

"What was I dreaming about???" He paced vainly trying remember. "The woman and girl, uh... Sharon and Erica! Something about them, no ... something about Sharon. Something bad near the park! She's in trouble!"

Not realizing what he was doing, he'd thrown on his clothes and was out the door running towards the park. When he reached the swingset in the dim lights he realized that a dream had forced him out of his home in the middle of the night. He chuckled at himself and turned to start home when he heard a noise.

(Illyandra – The Hermit)


The street was his home and he liked it just fine, thank you. And if you smell bad enough, people leave you alone. And that was fine too. The only thing you needed to worry about was going hungry but, the local Fast Food chains usually threw out enough to accommodate. That too was just fine.

Eddie McKennitt had been on the street now longer then he could remember. After serving two tours in the war and loosing most of his left hand, he found it fairly easy to adapt. No need to pay rent, buy groceries, all that stuff that the “Norm’s” did. And that was just fine. If he really needed a shower, he could usually get one at the mission. And thank you, very much.

He got any necessary medical attention at the local VA, which was just up the street from the fast food joints. Medical and a meal. He laughed inside but something vexed him.

The other day, in the park, he had noticed a young woman that he hadn’t seen there before – maybe he just never noticed. But something strange happened. This woman had been showing a little girl – perhaps her daughter – how to throw a Frisbee and it walloped this guy in the head. He had seen this man before and thought he might be suffering from something. Maybe just from being a “Norm”.

Eddie had watched as the little girl approached the man. The man was not very nice. He couldn’t hear what was being said but he could read their faces. That was when it struck him! The girl seemed to have some type of power. He saw it again just earlier when she and the man were playing in the sand. He also saw that the girls mother knew of the power but seemed helpless to show her how to use it.

He wondered were the father was. He guessed that the father had gone away by the look in the woman’s eyes. He didn’t know how the father left – maybe dead, maybe a deadbeat. Who knew. Who cared. And thank you very much.

It was going to be a cold one tonight. His left hand spoke of it. He didn’t dare spark a fire or the cops would bust him, sure. No, just wrap up in the blanket and get some sleep. It was getting late and he was tired. Besides, he had to be up and at ‘em by 10:30 because that’s when the fast food places throw out all the breakfast.

He laid his head down and wrapped up in the blanket. The stars were shining brightly and the moon was full. He thought a little of his past but it really made no sense. Nope. These were his streets and this was his park.

He closed his eyes hoping sleep would fetch him soon. Yep. Any minute now, he would be asleep.

Here it comes.

It’s coming!

Yes, any time now sleep would take him away. Off to that dreamland. And thank you very much.

Yep, it was coming.

HE was coming.

Eddie sat bolt upright when he heard the foot steps.

It was him.

The man.
(Rant – The Hermit Cntd)

Ethan found himself in the middle of the park, in the middle of the night. Not a good place to be, he thought. None-the-less, here he was and there was something in the bushes over there.

Of course he didn’t know why he was here. He had a thought that he might run into Sharon and Erica but that was ludicrous. Who, in their right mind, would be out her at this hour anyway. Funny thought because here he was. Was he in his right mind? Perhaps he had dreamt something that propagated this. Never mind that, he was here now and there was something in the bush. Something he could feel watching him. Something with eyes and, with wit.

He slowly turned toward the bush. There was nothing. No movement. Nothing. But he could still feel it. He wondered if an animal had escaped from the local zoo. He wondered if he was about to be pounced by a bear or something.

No. It was more then that. This was a thinking creature. Something potentially dangerous. He thought to run but was sure it would catch him. He realized that he was too scared to run anyway. Should this creature move right now, Ethan was sure he would wet himself.

Nothing moved.

This must be in his mind. Nothing more. Hysteria. He was sure of it. But what had brought – lured – him here. Butterflies gathered in his stomach. It was as if the wind whispered his name.

He looked around. Over there was the slide that he and Erica had played near.

Erica.

What a joy she was.

And Sharon.

Suddenly, he felt sick. Had he wasted his entire adult life? This question was not new to him – he had this thought before. However, he never really entertained it. And the Show Must Go On!

Without warning, lights were everywhere. He could feel their heat. There was Nickelodeon music and laughter. The smell of popcorn and candied apples filled the air. He looked and found a thin cardboard cone in his hand that was covered with Cotton-Candy. His eyes were alight and the Carnival was in full swing. It was the year after he graduated high school and he could see her. Her! Janice. In all her sweet splendor. He was a kid again if only for the moment.

He took Janice by the hand and they strolled to the lemonade stand. They sat quietly as they watched the people pass by. This was great! Many people of every walk of life. Ethan was in euphoria as he planned to propose marriage by the end of this night. Marry Janice was his thought – His only thought.

He took a swig of Lemonade and ate some cotton-candy. The two didn’t go well together but, considering the ring in his pocket, that didn’t matter.

“Ethan?”, Janice spoke so softly he barley heard her.

“Yes, Janice”, he replied and looked into her deep, deep eyes.

He had no idea of what she was going to say. It really didn’t matter – soon, she would be his wife and they would have a big house with a fence. There would be a tire swing in the front and their children would be playing. This was going to be great. There was no doubt that she would say yes. This was a match made by the stars. Though still in school, Ethan was sure he could support her. This was, after all, the love of his life.

“My dad got orders to go to Europe. You know the military? I’m sorry but, I won’t be able to see you anymore”.

The light faded and the smell of candied apples disappeared. Ethan was alone. Alone and in the middle of a big scary park. He thought of Janice for awhile. He had heard she had married some Army guy about two years after she left. He was devastated and…

Something in the bushes moved. Ethan’s heart rate jumped by ten beats a second. This was it. This was where he would be stricken down and killed.

An old man emerged from the bushes. He appeared tired and wore clothing that was tattered and dirty. His eyes were sunken by torment – there seemed to be no life there at all. Ethan gazed upon this apparition and thought that he could out-run this man. But there was something else. Something in the empty stare that held Ethan at bay. And then it spoke.

“Ethan?”, the old man asked.

Ethan wanted to run now for sure but, something held him there.

“Is that your name?”, the abomination asked.

Ethan’s heart, only moments ago had jumped the gun but, now, had seemed to have stopped. There seemed to be no air to breath, no wind, nothing. Even the park seemed to disappear. There was nothing in this world except he and this loathsome man.

He reached deep – even groped – for a breath. He was an educated man. He had a Masters Degree but suddenly found himself facing a question he had never been asked, “Is that your name?”. He was sure he knew the answer.

“Yes”, he finally gasped. “And who are you”?

“I’m Eddie. Um, you’re not gonna kill me are you?”

Ethan pondered the question. He seemed to be thinking the same thing. “No”, he stated, “I don’t even know why I’m here. And how do you know my name!”

Ethan was now on the boarder of getting very, very mad or, going insane, but Eddie’s eye’s seemed to come back to life. He saw something that was very unfamiliar to him in those eyes – love.

“Guess, maybe, I over-heard you and that little girl talkin’, thank you very much. She’s special, that one. She has much to give you.”

This was strange. Who was this Eddie guy, anyway. Freakin’ weirdo, that’s who. Ethan was about to turn and leave when the old man suddenly started to ramble a bit.

“She’s the one for you, Ethan. Here me? She’s the one, that Sharon – and thank you very much! Erica is just a little girl that will make it happen. Use that, Ethan, use it. Heather is gone, Ethan, and Janice is a thing of the past. Look forward now, Ethan. Live, DAMN IT, LIVE. Get on with it, pal. The past is gone. Do you WANT to end up like me. NO! NO! Live your life and live it well, and THANK YOU!

As suddenly as he appeared, Eddie had disappeared.

Ethan stood for a moment not realizing if his heart was beating or not. It took a little time to regain his composure – not that there was any to begin with. What was that man, Eddie, raving about?

He didn’t know and, right now, didn’t really care. He was here in the park in the middle of the night and this really strange man just appeared and started yelling at him.

Ethan turned without any further haste and ran home.

(Rant – Three of Pentacles)

Sharon woke with a start. Was she dreaming or was that a noise she heard. She had been dreaming, she was sure of that. She couldn't remember what it was, but it wasn't a bad dream. She lay there and listened, the house was quiet.

Sharon got out of bed and crept down the hallway towards Erica's bedroom. She'd better check on her daughter, just to make sure.

She slowly tip toed into Erica's room and sat quietly on the edge of her bed. Erica was sound asleep. She had a tiny smile on her face. There were no little worry lines on her daughter's forehead that were there night after night.

Sharon realised that this was the most peaceful she had seen Erica since her father died.

A tear rolled down Sharon's cheek. Could this have something to do with the chance meeting of Ethan. Sharon pushed that thought from her mind. But she knew that tomorrow she would again take Erica to the park to play.

(Neek – Death)

Ethan sat at his desk and stared at the pile of papers in his “in” box. He had slept terribly the night prior. Images of that old man, Eddie, kept peering into his dreams. “She’s the one for you – and thank you very much”. He kept hearing it over and over like an old vinyl record being played with a bad needle.

“You coming to the meeting?”, A voice asked.

Ethan looked up from the paper pile. Meeting? What meeting?

“You called a meeting about annual sales Ethan”.

Ethan hesitated further. There was a long pause – one could have fit the history of the world in that pause.

“Geez, Ethan, you look awful. You okay?”

Ethan stood and looked out the window. He had completely forgotten about the meeting. The pile of paper on his desk seemed to make no sense. What was happening here? This was not at all like him. He was a hard core businessman with goals and deadlines. He had never, never, aloud something like this to get in his way.

This?

Something like what? What was “this”?

Ethan looked at his watch. 9:30.

Ethan turned toward the door. Tom Hanson stood there with a seemingly false look of concern on his face. Tom and Ethan had been friends now for eleven years. They had worked together for nine of those years but, somehow, Tom was unfamiliar to him now. There was something else but he couldn’t put a finger on it. Something strange and it floated around the back of his mind like duck shit on a pond. He sensed something very strong here but he didn’t know what it was.

There was a time when Ethan had that edge – that little bit of intuition that gave him what he needed to survive in the business world. He felt that edge ebbing away. Slowly. So slowly that it was hard to see. Here stood Tom Hanson before him. A man that he had known for years but felt threatened by.

Then it clicked. Ethan knew that he must find Sharon and Erika. This job was, after all, just a job. Something in his heart just went nuts. The meeting that Tom spoke of, the pile of paper, they meant nothing. This was elation! He had never thought about anything like this so strongly. Yet logic reared it’s ugly head. He knew he could not just walk out, though that was what he wanted to do. That was impossible. Simply impossible.

“Ethan?”, the Judas spoke.

“Uh”. Think, damn it. “Tom, could you cover me? There’s something I need to do”.

“What!”, Tom asked in a voice that was of both fear and delight.

“Yeah”, Ethan exclaimed, “there is someone I need to see”.

Ethan knew not why there was the need to return to the park and find that Eddie. He just knew there was the need.

Tom nodded and Ethan grabbed his coat. On the way out, Ethan looked Tom in the eye. They havered for a second then Ethan left for the park.

He simply had to find Eddie.

Had to.

(Rant – Desire)

Eathan sat in the middle of the traffic at the light. He had two more blocks to go before he was near the park. As he sat there, his mind whirled away a million miles a minute as he thought about the mysterious Eddie and Sharon. "C'mon," he muttered, watching the light with an impatient eye, "Get a grip, Eathan." His heart hammered for some reason and again, that uneasy feeling returned to him. Frowning, Eathan reached down and turned on the radio.

After yet another boring commercial and several light changes, Eathan was almost ready to get out of his car to find out why traffic wasn't moving. The distant wail of a siren told him that there had been a car accident. As he sat there, that unesy feeling in his stomach grew to be overwhelming. "That does it," Eathan sighed, turning off the radio and rolling down his window. The sound of a little girl's wail periced the air, sounding like it came from his dream. Eathan's eyes opened wide and he swore softly to himself, realizing several other things seemed to come together. He glanced at the corner as the urge to get out of the car hit him. Sitting there on the corner was Eddie, this time looking a little more care worn with an exhausted look on his face.

Eathan threw the driverside door open, ignoring the dark look from the cabbie and the screeching sound the metal made as the two doors hit each other. Stepping back, Eathan nearly felt violently ill as another part of that dream made it's way back to him. Slamming the car door shut, Eathan started running between the cars. Distantly, he was aware of the shouts of the drivers, but he felt a need to get down to where the accident was. As the siren drew closer, Eathan horsely whispered, "My god, Sharon."

(Cydira – Two of Cups, Clarifier: Eight of Cups)

How he knew Sharon was involved he'd never know. It was just that sinking feeling that comes over you, and you KNOW something is wrong.

Ethan finally came upon the scene out of breath after dodging past car after car and just missing getting hit by a couple opening doors. Vultures, all of them. Trying to see what happened, giving no pity on those involved. Just wishing they had taken a different route to get to there destination.

A crowd of people were around Sharon as she lay still upon the ground. 'Oh God, please no!' he thought, 'Not Sharon! Please let her be okay. Please, please, PLEASE!!'

He slowly pushed his way through the crowd to get to her side. He asked several times of the observers what had happened, but no one seemed to know....

The sirens were getting closer by the minute, but it didn't seem like it was getting there at all. Time seemed to be standing still.

Ethan reached down hesitantly. Was she even breathing?? Yes, there! Her chest was rising and falling...but it seemed too slow, too shallow. He took her hand in his. "Sharon" he said, "can you hear me? Are you still with us Sharon?"

Sharon's eyes fluttered open. In a raspy voice, she said "Ethan? Ethan is that you?" She tried to take a deeper breath. Her chest felt heavy and it seemed a chore just to breath. "Oh Ethan, I was on my way to get Erica. Will you please get her for me? She's at the day care."

Ethan put his finger to her lips. "Shhh" he whispered, "try to rest. Save your energy. You're going to need it."

"No, listen. Tell her I love her! Please! You must..." a fit of coughing overtook her momentarily. Ethan notice there was no blood and felt a little relieved about that! "You must tell her that much. Bring her to see me. She's all I have. I'm all she has!"

Paramedics were pushing their way through the crowd. They would have pushed Ethan back too, but Sharon insisted he stay close. The paramedics, Josh and Tyler, assessed her condition and told Ethan that she was lucky. She only seemed to have a few cracked ribs, a broken wrist and that her left leg was broken in at least one spot. There seemed to be no head trama. They put the neck brace on her and shifted her to the straight board to carry her to the ambulance. They told Ethan that they were taking her to Mercy General.

After Ethan have given Sharon a soft kiss on the forehead, he told her he'd go get Erica and be there as soon as he could.

Watching the ambulance pull away, Ethan looked for Eddie but he was no where in sight. Another day he thought. He had to get Erica and get to the hospital! All the way to the daycare, Ethan prayed. Prayed more than he had in at least 15 years.

(Dagda – The Star)

Ethan drove toward Erica's daycare filled with new, strange emotions. What were all of these feelings that had been going on inside of him? For the first time in years he didn't quite know who he was. It had been so long since he had let his heart be open.

Ethan realized that it was time to change. It was time to surrender and trust the Gods. Ever since Heather's death he had lived guarding his feelings. The one time he let his guard down, with Janice, he got burned again. "If he didn't let himself care for anyone how could he get hurt?" That had been the mantra that he lived his life by for the past two and half decades. Yet now, a voice within him was telling him to take a chance. To let go. To look at his life from a new perspective. Maybe, just maybe, the chance to care about someone... the chance to have someone care about him was worth the possible heartache. Could it be true?

His eyes began to fill with tears. Could it be that Eddie wasn't so crazy after-all? Has he wasted his life?!! Is it too late to change?

Ethan felt the tears burn in his eyes. How he had always hated crying. Yet now, he let the tears flow freely. It felt good to let down the walls that he had been hiding behind for so long. Release. All the years of hurt and guilt came gushing out at that moment. He sobbed so hard he couldn't see to drive. He finally realized that not loving didn't mean not hurting. It only meant hurting more because there was no love to take the hurt away. How stupid he had been! Yes, it was time to change, and it felt good. Ethan drew in a deep, long breath. He felt the air fill his whole body. He released the breath, and with it, years of pent up emotions.

As he dried the last of his tears he looked out the passenger's side window and thought he saw the old man standing in a field of trees. Ethan slammed on the brakes and blinked hard to clear the tears that were blurring his vision. He wanted to tell Eddie about the epiphany he had just had! He wanted to tell Eddie that he was right, and that now, Ethan understood! He wanted to thank the wise, old, strange man. Yet when he looked again all he saw was a clump of leaves in the trees. Yet, strangely enough, the leaves seemed to form the shape of a face. A face with a slight smile. Ethan knew he wouldn't see the old man again.

(Emerald Sky – The Hanged Man)

Ethan was driving down the road with a newfound determination. He had to get Erica and take her to her mom. He knew that the very existance of Sharon's life depended on him bringing her daughter to her. He knew Sharon wanted her to be near her, but he also had a feeling that Erica could somehow help her mother. That little girl was special. She had a great light inside of her. Ethan's only concern now was how to go about picking Erica up from daycare. Surely they wouldn't release her to a perfect stranger.

As Ethan turned the corner near the center his cell phone rang. He answered it absentmindedly. It was his secretary. She was frantically explaining that he had to come to the office right away. Something about an impromptu meeting called by his longtime "friend". His secretary went on to explain that he was trying to talk the board members into dismissing Ethan and putting him in charge of things. Ethan didn't have time to listen to this right now. He told his secretary he would have to call her back. She commented that the way things were looking right now he wouldn't have a job if he didn't get there immediately. Ethan said, "Then so be it! I can't come in now."

She continued to plead with him as Ethan saw a small blond girl running towards his car. It was Erica and there was a lady chasing after her. Ethan opened the passenger door and Erica jumped in and said, "Take me to my mommy!'

Ethan glanced at the lady running towards them and sped off towards the hospital. He got stuck in traffic and turned to Erica. He was going to ask her how she knew but decided against it. Instead he asked who was chasing her. "That's Miss Edwards, she's my teacher and didn't want me to leave, but I left anyway because my mommy needs me."

Ethan nodded and drove on as the traffic started to clear. He was almost to the hospital when he noticed a police car following him with his lights on. Ethan kept going because he knew there was no time to lose. he pulled in to the emergency entrance and Erica jumped out and ran towards the door. The officer pulled Ethan from his car and handcuffed him. Ethan glanced toward the door and saw Erica looking back at him. The look in her eyes seemed to be communicating with his soul. She quickly turned and ran in the door. Ethan sighed a sigh of relief as the officer shoved him into the back of the police car.

(Semele – The Tower)

To say she wanted it was an understatement. She needed it, craved it, dreamed of it. The sparkly dress, the eyeshadow, the matching shoes... she would stare in awe as they passed the toy store, absolutely transfixed by the wonder that was FaeryPrincess Barbie.

Sharon knew how her daughter longed for that doll. Her birthday was coming up, and it was the only thing on her wish list. Sharon couldn’t blame her—who wouldn’t want a Faery Princess who came with her own flying pony?

She’d tried. She really had. She’d scrimped and saved and worked overtime. But then the bills had come in, and it just wasn’t enough. It never was. Erica had been so dissappointed; she’d seen it in her eyes. She hadn’t said anything. She was too sensitive for that. She knew Sharon was embarassed and upset enough for the both of them, and she would never deliberately cause anyone harm, least of all her mother.

It was a strange day, the day that Erica turned four. There was a little cake and some candles and an old stuffed bear Sharon had had for years. And then there was bedtime, like every other night. Except that this night happened to be the first day of winter. As Sharon tucked Erica into bed, the little girl had suddenly gasped and pointed at her window. “Mommy, look!”

Sharon had followed her daughter’s gaze and seen the floating snow flakes outside. They’d both stared at the snow the way Erica had stared at FaeryPrincess Barbie, and then they'd looked at each other and smiled.

When they trudged back into the apartment a few hours later, wet, tired, and freezing, they’d had hot chocolate with little marshmellows and cookies before heading off to bed once again, cuddled together in the warmest blanket.

Sharon smiled now at the memory. It had been a birthday to remember, after all. She gazed upward, barely registering the sharp prick of whatever the paramedic was issuing her. The scenery around her had faded; all she could see now was her daughter. Laughing, playing in the park, smiling up at Ethan... when her eyes closed, she didn’t even see the blackness.


“Damn,” Josh cursed. From the driver’s seat, Tyler glanced back quickly.

“What?”

“She’s flatlining,” he muttered.

(Loopy – Mother of Water (Elamental Tarot))

The past before her was long and overgrown with vegetation. Nothing looked familiar, but it all felt like home. Such a deep feeling of peace washed over. The path was fairly narrow, and she was unable to see more than a couple yards ahead of her. Slowly, with determination, she made her way through the vines and bushes that entangled the path. The sun at her back was warming her and filling her heart with contentment. How she loved the feel of the sun on her shoulders. The vegetation thined out and opened to a small village. Such a unique and sleepy little place. There were only a small handful of people about. They looked at her, like they have know her all their lives. What a quiet, peaceful place this was. She could feel the love and contentment every where, in everything.

Out of the corner of her eye, she caught the site of a man leaning up against a building....it was Mr. Tucker....Ken himself.

"Where am I?" she thought to herself. She must be seeing things. Her husband was dead, yet here he stood. She only had a moment to contemplate the meaning of this when her Ken approached her.

"Sharon! What are you doing here?" he asked with a venomous tone. This definately wasn't Ken, or was it?

"I, I don't know" she stuttered bewildered by it all.

"It's not time yet honey. You have to go back!" he whispered.

"Back? Back to where?" Sharon was getting more confused by the moment. How could she go back? And to where was she going back to? Every thing was all so strange.

"Back to Erica!" he exclaimed. He lifted his fingers to her forehead to push back that stray tendril that always swept into her eyes.

A little light went off in her mind, she knew that name. "Erica? Oh, Erica! Where is she? Where are we? Why are you here?"

Ken proceeded to tell her, "We are in the waiting room. I am suppose to be picking someone up, but it isn't you. I don't know why they sent ME...."

"Okay, then how do I go back? I don't know how I got here." she said in that tiny voice she uses when she's scared.

Oh if only she could stay here with Ken. She's missed him so much this past year! She reached out to hold his hand and it was single most wonderful thing she's ever felt. His hand. The memories came flooding back from their youth.

"This way" he said and started walking her to a garden well. "...and Sharon, be strong. Don't be afraid. Ethan is a good man, and Erica loves him. It's okay. You have to go on and think about the rest of your life without me there. I'll see you again, when you come home for good."

Here he stopped. He looked her in the eyes one last time.

"Sharon, I love you." With that he hugged her, put her in the basket, and started to lower her once again.

"I love you too Ken, oh...how I love you." and she was lowered out of sight, through the darkness and the water that would prepare her for her decent.

(Dagda – Four of Swords)

Hilda Lundquist had turned 82 two weeks ago but, this morning she felt as giddy as a schoolgirl.

Tonight she was going on a date. Her first since her husband passed away over a year ago. She was nervous and, even though the air was crisp, her palms were sweating and she was fidgeting even as she drove to the salon.

Though early in the morning, she had so much to do – get her hair done, go to the clothing store and drop by the market because she wanted to try that Super Poly-Grip for her dentures. She wanted the evening to be perfect.

Her date was going to be with Ted Upland. At a strapping 85 years young – and fairly athletic – Ted was a gentleman and was fun to talk with.

A smile crossed her face at the thought of him as she drove.

She had first seen Ted at the Bingo hall down on Ruthaford and 1st. She had seen him there several times after that. Occasionally, she would steal glances at him only to find him doing the same. She would blush and return her attention to the Bingo cards though the thought of him remained.

Hilda later found out from her friends that Ted has just moved into the same retirement community as she. Excitement filled her. However, it appeared to have filled her friends as well. Sure, there was a sense of jealousy but Hilda knew, somehow, that she would prevail. She would do so because she was younger and prettier then the others. Besides, she saw them as a bunch of old bitties that sat around and gossiped all day. No, no, she was above that.

Last week, she saw Ted at a community event that she hadn’t really wanted to go to but did, despite herself. She was picking at the buffet when Ted walked up behind her in line.

“Hi”, he said with an aged but steady voice.

Hilda ignored him at first. Secretly, though, she nearly wet herself.

Ted had cleared his throat and tried again.

“Who, Me”, Hilda asked?

“Of course, you. I see you at Bingo all the time”. And, after a brief pause, introduced himself, “My name’s Ted”.

“Yes, I know… I mean, I’ve heard”. She felt the warmth in her checks and a yearning in her loin. “The melon is really good, don’t you think?” She was close to a panic state.

“The melon?”, he asked surreptitiously, “Cantaloupe, Water or, Honey Dew?”

There was a pause. A pause so long that Hilda thought she might turn 83 soon.

“Honey Dew”, she stated, as a matter of fact, though there was none on her plate.

And that was that. The two had talked on many occasions since and her girlfriends had become very jealous. The vote was in: she really liked Ted Upland.

Hilda took a right at the next signal and realized that she had meant to make a left. The thought of Ted had her so frazzled that she had made a wrong turn. Oh well, she thought and realized there was a man sitting in the backseat of her car.

Terrified, she could not look away from the image in the rearview mirror. She screamed but the sound got caught in her throat.

The man had one blue eye and one green – like that rock and roll singer, David something, that her daughter liked so much. His hair was a dark shade of brown but his skin had a pale yellowish tint to it – like his liver had given out or something. Expressionless, he stared at her with an upturned lip that exposed his dark, rotting teeth.

“You’re going to kill her, Hilda”, it spoke with a growling, almost raspy voice. A voice that reminded her of a dying man in a desert that just ate sand.

“You’re going to kill her today”.

A sharp pain shot through her left arm and she heard her heart stop, like the slamming of a prison door on death row.

Hilda Lundquist died before her car impacted the Import Parts store but, not until after she saw the pretty young woman bounce off of the hood of her car.

“Bingo!”, the phantom said. And before vanishing, it whispered, “What do ya think about that, Eddie McKennitt? How about that?”.

(Rant – Page of Spears)

Sharon opened her eyes because she heard something familiar. It was Erica she thought. Just then the nurse came through the door holding Erica's hand. She said, "Do you know this young lady?"

Sharon gasped, "It's my daughter...oh baby come here."

They embraced for what seemed like hours. Sharon winced a little when Erica pulled away. "Did I hurt you Mommy?"

Sharon smiled at her tender hearted little girl and said, "No baby, you could never hurt me."

Sharon relaxed a little and almost dozed off then. They were giving her Morphine and it was making her a little loopy. She was just so relieved that Erica had made it. ETHAN!! Sharon tried to sit up a little and asked Erica how she had gotten there.

Erica looked bewildered and said, "Ethan of course." Sharon asked where he was now and Erica told her that the police had taken him away. Sharon panicked. How could she have misjudged this man so horribly? He had gotten himself arrested just to help her daughter get here. These were not the actions of a man who would ever hurt anyone intentionally. This was a completely selfless act. What had he been doing at the scene of the accident anyway? Didn't he usually work during the day?

As Sharon lied there silently pondering these questions she suddenly knew that he wasn't there at that moment by accident. Someone had put him there. Then she remembered Ken from her "dream". Only now she knew it wasn't a dream and she knew that Ethan was a friend and maybe so much more and that Ken approved. Sharon sat there in this newfound revelation with tears running down her face. Just then the nurse came back in and asked if she was hurting. She shook her head, unable to speak. The nurse said, "Oh yes you are I can tell, I am getting you some more Morphine." Sharon said, "no please I'm fine..."

Erica chimed in and said, "She is crying cause she is happy." The nurse scoffed and asked why on earth anyone would be happy when they had just gone through something like that. Erica said matter of factly, " She is happy because she knows that we will be a family again and Daddy said we can be friends with Ethan and that would make him happy."

Sharon laughed and cried simultaneously as she hugged Erica again. How could she have ever thought this gift Erica possessed could be negative? This was truly a blessing. The nurse just rolled her eyes and started out of the room. Before she could go Sharon asked to use the phone. The nurse handed it to her and told her to make it quick because she needed to rest and was there someone to watch the girl?

Sharon called her neighbor Mrs. Harrington, an elderly lady in poor health. She hated asking her for help but she simply had to. The phone rang three then four then five times. "come on pick up" said Sharon getting nervous. Mrs. Harrington was the only person she knew well enough to ask for a favor this big. Finally after the seventh ring she picked up.

"Sorry to bother you, but I need a favor...I was in an accident.."

"Oh dear are you girls okay?"

"Yes we are fine I just need you to do something and I hate to ask but I don't have anyone else"

"Whatever you need dear"

"Well I am in the hospital and I will need someone to watch Erica for a couple of days.."

" In the hospital...Oh heavens...of course. I'll be right there."

"But there is one other thing and this is a doozie....I need you to get some money from my apartment and...bail someone out of jail first."

There was silence on the other end of the phone as Sharon worried that she had crossed the line with this request.

"Mrs. Harrington I know it sounds strange and I can explain it all to you later..I just...."

"Not a problem you have nothing to explain to me. Who is this person I am going to get?"

Sharon sighed with relief and said, "His name is Ethan...I'm afraid I don't know his last name."

"Very well then I shall bail out the cutest Ethan they have!!"

Sharon laughed and said, "I know this is strange and I will forever be indebted to you...I'm afraid I don't even know where you will need to go to get him."

"Never you worry dear I have bailed my son out more than enough to know how this works. Don't you worry and there will be no debt owed you hear me?"

"Yes Ma'am and thank you so much."

"No problem. Ethan and I will see you soon, you just rest now."
(Semele- The Hanged Man)

Sharon put the phone down feeling more and more herself and happy again. She had the biggest smile on her face despite being still quite ill, Erica in her arms (sleeping peacefully) and Ethan on her mind.. where could he be.. what would have happened to him?
Just as she was dreaming away about him, still huggin Erica with all her love in her heart, she caught sight of a massive beautiful bunch of flowers and a colour of a jacket she immediately recognised ~ "could that be? No, it cant be..."..
Her smile got bigger and bigger, then she started to laugh as Ethan opened the door!

"How did you get here?" she said in absolute surprise.. waking Erica up.. Ethan just smiled
Erica jumped up and hugged him very hard "Your back! Did they put you in jail?"
"Jail?" Ethan said, laughing and then realising... "Oh no, after you escaped through the doors, the nice Police officer asked me to explain why I was here and what had happened. So I did and then after speaking with his boss, he let me off!"
"Yeah, Wow thats great!" Erica and Sharon said in a unison of laughter.

Then they talked for ages of everything ~ the crash, the escape from school, the police officer, and Mrs Harrington ..

"Mrs Harrington! Quick hun, pass me the phone ~ i have to ring her to tell her not to find an Ethan!"
Ethan instinctively passed her the phone and Sharon touched his hand as he passed it to her, saying "Hun? Oh is that your new name then from now on?"

While Sharon was on the phone, Ethan and Erica talked more with excitement about everything and how they were going to make her mummy recover and back to her jumping joyfull self as quickly as possible.. but in the back of Ethan's mind were Sharons words ~ "Hun? Oh is that your new name then?" he would like it to be from now on! The real question is would she like it to be? & would Erica like him in their lifes?

Just as he thought all this Erica stopped mid sentence and put her arms around Ethan again "Ethan you are so great, please stay forever!"
Was that his answer?
(Silver...combo of The Lovers and Page of Pentacles)

After Heather died, Ethan’s world turned upside down. Everything became black and white, right and wrong, life and death with nothing in between. He had buried himself in school and, later, work. He had few friends and not a shoulder to cry on. Then again crying was black thus wrong.

Sharon and Erika stepped into his life and he began to see in varying shades of gray but they were confusing – ominous shadows lurking behind unopened doors. Indiscernible things of the night and a fear of the unknown.

A year had past since Sharon’s accident. Having lost his job, Ethan took care of “his” girls for a few months prior to finding another. Sharon had a little limp and was still in therapy but, that would pass with time.

Now, he saw in color. True color. Not that pasty stuff like they used to colorize old movies. This was the real thing. Color. Not Black, not white and, not gray. Color!

Ethan sat on a bench beneath the shade of an old oak. He watched as Erika and Sharon tossed the Frisbee back and forth, giggling all the while. It appeared the object was to keep the Frisbee away from the puppy he had gotten for them a few months back. The puppy was a brown hound with ears that drug on the ground and paws just big enough to step on them every now-and-again. And if the puppy got a hold of the disc, the chase was on, at least until he stepped on one of his ears at 20 miles per hour.

With his attention focused on Erika, Ethan wondered where she got her gift – the gift to see things to be. She was a very special child and…

THWAP! The Frisbee smacked Ethan in the head. This was how they had met! Odd! He looked at the plastic disc on the ground and wondered why he wasn’t mad.

“Sorry, Ethan”, Sharon spouted through a fit of laughter.

Ethan felt a small welt on his forehead and thought he’d gone mad when he discovered that he was laughing as well.

Erika ran up to him and he handed her the Frisbee. “Thank you”, she replied then turned away to continue playing. She had taken about three steps when she turn back toward Ethan and said, “Eddie wants to talk to you”. She then gestured toward the bushes to his right. Ethan looked and saw nothing.

“What are you talking about?”

“Eddie”, she stated matter-of-factly and said, “He’s there. Behind the tree”.

Ethan saw, in her beautiful eye’s that she was telling the truth.

Erika turned and ran away.
Ethan looked toward the spot Erika had indicated and, still, saw nothing. Yet, he walked over to the bushes and peered through and found the tree.

He stood there for a while and, was about to leave, when a strapping young man in an old Army uniform stepped out from behind it.

“Hello, Ethan”, the young man said as he made eye contact.

“Hello yourself. Who are you and how do you know my name?”, Ethan replied.

“It’s me, Eddie. Eddie McKennitt. Don’t you remember me?”

“I remember an old, homeless man with shriveled hands and sunken eyes”.

“Is that all?”, Eddie asked with a sullen voice.

“No”.

“Then what else? What more did you see?”

“I saw a broken man, one without a future. A man holding on to the past. A dead man walking, if you will”.

Eddie began to pack some of his things as if uninterested in the conversation.

‘What would you have me say?”, Ethan asked.

“Say nothing. You saw what you saw yet you still make no sense of it. You need the little girl and that woman. They’re are there for you and, you for them”.

“I don’t understand”, Ethan replied with genuine dismay.

A tear began to build in Ethan’s eye.

Eddie looked at him and spoke, “Give her the ring, Ethan. Give her the ring and all shall be answered.”

“I can’t”

“Why NOT!?”

“It’s too soon”

Eddie continued packing for a while. Slowly he stood and looked Ethan in the eye. “Allow me to tell you a little story”.

Ethan started to speak but, Eddie Shushed him.

“I knew a soldier, back in the war. He was in love with a young woman by the name of Hilda – a little Spanish woman that meant the world to him. His parents were against it because they were Irish and didn’t believe in that sort of thing. But, his love was un-dying. While on leave, he bought a ring, much like the one you carry in your pocket now”.

Ethan reached and held the pocket that contained the ring he intended to give to Sharon.

Eddie continued, “He came off of leave with the ring still in his pocket. His reason? ‘Now wasn’t the time’. You see, he kept putting it off until, one day, he was shot and killed. The woman would suffer loss but, never know of his undying love.”

Ethan thought of the words for a while then answered, “So, what has that to do with anything?”

Eddie thought for a moment then looked deep into Ethan’s eyes. Deep like the Abyss and said, “That soldier, Ethan, was me I lost a love because of my fear”.

Eddie stood and threw a pack over his shoulder. “Ethan, when you came to me, you were a dark man and, Sharon, a dark woman. Look after Erika. She needs you both, Thank you very much.”

Eddie turned and vanished as if into thin air.

“Bye, Eddie”, a voice said from behind.

Ethan turned to find Erika at his side.

“Did he tell you what you needed to know?”, she asked.

“Yes, Hon, I suppose he did”.

Erika’s smile seemed to grow ten-fold and she looked to him.

“We’ll never see him again, will we, Daddy”

Daddy, he thought. He never thought he would ever hear that.

Ethan gazed upon her and said, “No, Erika, I think not”

Erika took Ethan’s hand as they turned.

“Let’s go talk to your mother”. Ethan said.

“Do you have the ring?”, she replied.

“Oh, Yeah. You bet”.

Hand in hand, Erika and Ethan Walked toward Sharon with a special little look on their faces.

“Thank you, Eddie”, Erika said beneath her breath, “Thank you”.

“You are welcome dear Erika”, the wind whispered through the trees, “So welcome”.
(Rant- The Universe)