Is it harder to be in the closet or out of the closet?

[Faery-Wings]

I was just wondering about this and thought I would see how all of you saw this issue. I am very much in the closet at this point and am "out" only to my husband and my best friend and plan on keeping it that way for now.

I was at my cousin's yesterday. We were both raised in Catholic families. She is to married a guy who is very active in the Protestant faith. She told me that a few months ago she converted officially so she could be saved. I am very happy for her that she is so secure in her new belief. But as we were discussing this, I felt that I had to keep sidestepping the issues. I don't think she would be too open to my Pagan beliefs. So as she talked about being accepted by God now because she converted, how silly she feels being a Godmother to two new babies in her family, things the Bible says, and just general religious discussion, I felt like I was denying myself and the Goddess. It made me sad.

I know my family realizes that I have "wacky, tree hugging beliefs," but I don't think they realize that I have given up Catholicism completely. And even as an adult, I am not ready to deal with being out. But I feel very bad about being in.

Make any sense?

Have any of you felt this way? And how did you all deal with it?

Chris

[Semele]

I do know how you feel. I felt the same way until finally I just started telling people. Then that proved to be a whole different can of worms!!! Some people just say,"Oh I see" and maybe ask a couple of questions. Others are full of questions. Sometimes people judge you and tell you they will pray for you or whatever. I just say thank you and go on with my daily life. There is no way to sum up any religion or path in ten minutes or even an hour. The easiest thing for me now is to not really tell anyone unless they specifically ask me. If someone, whether it be a patient or coworker or stranger in the store, starts talking about something spiritual I just agree with them. Not saying I lie about my beliefs as I wouldn't see the point in that. But like if someone says "Isn't God great?",or "The good Lord will take care of me." I do agree. Sure I may call God by another name but I love him/her/them just the same. No need to explain everything to everyone...you know what I mean?

At times I also am so filled with love for the "allmighty" that I feel the need to shout it out to everyone I see. Usually from me though it comes out in the form of "Isn't the moon breathtaking tonight?"

[Tigerwallah]

I've never, really, been in the closet. I find that my openness is sometimes accepted, sometimes not. The Jahovah's witness lady drops off books and literature and stops by to save my Pagan soul. I'm growing weary of her. I was recently in LA visiting my mom, who is an actress. She, her closest friend, Jayne and I went to Venice beach to have dinner with Melinda, a semi-famous actress who is also good friends with my mother. Melinda is Christian, and in the course of the evening I revealed that I was a Pagan. Now, remember that I am a 33 year old woman. She reffered to it as a "phase" and was quite disturbed by it. It changed her whole attitude toward me. I ended up intensely disliking this close friend of my mother's. Other than the Jehovah lady, this was the first time that I found my personal beliefs come under such attack. Of course, it is easier for me, being the person I am, to be open then to hide something. So, maybe it just depends on the person. Until this instance, I found that when you are casual and open about it, people have little choice but to accept it.

[slvr_phoenix]

I was in a closet for a few years because I was afraid to tell my family. My mother was one of those born-again types that just don't think there's any other possabilities. And I'm sure that the fam already thought I was different enough just from the changes I went through from moving out and all.

But one day I was just tired of hiding it. So I stopped hiding it. I don't whout from rooftops or announce my religion on loudspeakers. I just don't hide it. If people recognize the pentacle, or my altar at home, then great. If not, then great too. Ultimately my whole family knows. (At least I'm assuming by now the gossip-mongers amongst them have finished spreading the news.) And for the most part everyone has been pretty accepting. My friends didn't really seem to care one way or the other, so long as I was happy. And best of all, I no longer have to feel guilty for hiding it. :)

So I'd say coming out is a lot better than staying in. I'd also have to point out that anyone who can't accept you for who you are must not really love you for who you are.

[clef0628]

I'm about half way out and trying to get the rest of the way. It is not easy to get people to understand. Sometimes I'll bring up the subject of paganism in general. I won't tell them I'm pagan, but ask them what think they about it, and if they seem open, I'll let them know I'm pagan. I like to test the water frist to see what reaction I'll get.

[Semele]

Originally posted by clef0628
I'm about half way out and trying to get the rest of the way. It is not easy to get people to understand. Sometimes I'll bring up the subject of paganism in general. I won't tell them I'm pagan, but ask them what think they about it, and if they seem open, I'll let them know I'm pagan. I like to test the water frist to see what reaction I'll get.

*Throwing you a lifeline*

"Come on in the waters warm!!"

[Mariposa De La Luna]

Right now I'm in the broom closet to my family. Mainly because two of my sisters have gotten very religious and its wierd. They believe alot of stuff now that they didn't feel adamant about before. But honestly if they asked I couldn't lie to them. Don't ask, don't tell is the policy at the moment.

The problem lies in that I would like to tell them because as my husband puts it "You are getting too Pagan to hide it" but I have issues with how they would react, right now. I love them and don't want to cause a rift between us because of religion.

As for other people, I'm too new to handle the situation. There was this class on counter evangelism, it was NOT to put down Christians just to help defend yourself against the righteous, at my community center but I was unable to attend. Now I'm looking forward for it to come back so i can attend. I'm not used to people reacting negatively to something I believe in and I know if I don't have some info in my head I'll just stand there and not know what to do. Kind of like the deer in the headlights.

[Andromeda]

I'm pretty much out of the closet as well, I don't go around screaming it, but If someone askes I tell. :) But no ones really asked so really my boyfriend knows and a few other people :) Everyone is ok with it :)

[Mooncrow]

Firmly in the closet for now by choice (see post allow me to introduce myself) as the problems arising from leaving the closet are too much to deal with at the moment. (besides with my Bride in the closet too, it's warm and snuggly)


BB

Mooncrow

[random]

Well, I'm out of the closet with half of my family. (my mom's side) but not so much my dad's. they aren't very open minded to anything... though, I have double cousins. (my dad and his brother married my mom and her sister) their family is very christian. their whole life rotates around their church. my aunt and uncle have two kids. both are around the ages of my siblings, so they're good friends. I am open with my paganism with my imediate family, so they told my cousins, which could have told my aunt and uncle, but i havnt seen them any lately so i dont know... its a drawback.... but, being open with the issue around other people feels a lot better. i am unable to decide which is better.

[Swanspirit]

Merry Merry,
But for me ..... it has been a tricky process professionally. When I was in pediatrics , I was working in a place where I KID YOU NOT< the clinical manager was one of the most bigoted people I have ever met in my enire life, to the extent that I wouldnt be surprised if she was KKK. So I kept my thoughts and beliefs to myself, from 1985 when I moved to the Eastern Shore of Maryland, which is like the deep south in many many ways.
The when I went back to my first love which was psyche........ I was working with adolescents, and I couldnt say a thing, not when in rounds the psychiatrists would discuss the topic as satanism. I would have LOST MY JOB so fast it would have made my head spin, and to this day I am not certain that some people at that place didnt know , and may have had a lot to do with the circumstances under which I left. I had to go with .... I am an astrologer; ......everybody loves astrologers LOL even Christians and they ALL want their chart done,,,,, so I just presented myself as a "new agey tree hugger astrology type person" And they ALL thought it was a HOOT I went to clothing optional festivals , so free you know.........
Occasionally I would drop the term neopagan , but never would I dare say witch in that closed minded crowd.
Now that I am closer to home and in a different work setting , I am slowly working my way out but there isnt any hurry .
My theory goes like this........
Religion is like your underwear..... I dont care what color you wear, I dont care if you wear silk or cotton , if you dont insist I wear the same kind as you .....I dont care if you dont wear any at all !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love and light
Swannie

[Niamh]

I'm pretty much in the closet as far as my family goes. But I make no attempt to hide things around the apartment if they come down to visit. If they see a pile of books sitting there all with either "magic" or "witchcraft" in the title and they don't say anything, fine. If they do, fine too. hasn't happened yet.

I've only had one instance where someone was going to pray for my soul. Basically, I said thank you. That person was doing what they truly believed deep down was right. They have found the perfect path for them. May the Goddess bless them! But don't start harassing my about my beliefs! That's different.

I do feel uncomfortable sometimes. I'll keep quiet when I really don't want to. I feel like I'm not being completely honest. It's difficult. BUt I'll tell my family when I'm ready, just as I'm sure you will. I've only been following a pagan path for about three years and don't feel fully ready to take all of the punches coming my way. I need more time.

You'll be just fine, I'm sure if it!

[feywytch]

I am open and always have been but both ways are fraught with bumps. I have several friends who are in and they have the same dilemma as you in that family members would not be so quick to recognize or accept their choice.

Even I at times merely choose not to speak about my path unless asked as I am aware of the climate in some situations. If I am asked I answer. But I can totally understand the sidesteppeing.

BTW>> new here!! Hello all!

[Danustouch]

Personally, I am not very patient. I tend to get a touch of anxiety every now and then. For those reasons, I've chosen NOT to be in the closet, but to come out, loud and proud as a pagan. I couldn't have borne "Wondering" what my friends and family would say or feel about it.

And I also had a feeling that hiding who I was, somehow, took away from my own power and worth as an individual. I am worthy of acceptance and love by my friends and family, no matter what religious path that I choose. If they treated me any differently..they weren't worth it..IMO. To live in fear of revealing your true self, almost makes you feel as if you are hiding a "dirty" secret. That's probably not the most mentally healthy situation, IMO.

However, this is a choice, you must make for yourself. Either way...out or in...there are sure to be some consequences, and some hard questions and harsh realities to meet with. Being Differen't is NEVER easy. But if we are following our own heart, the payoff is wellllll worth the trouble.

I wish you the best of luck :)

[Danustouch]

and..hello Feywitch.

[Earth Walker]

I am out, and have been for years, and I don't give a rats @$$
what anyone thinks about me being a Pagan.
If I get lectured about "going to hell" or other tripe, my response
is: I,m a Witch. Lick me and get a taste of real religion. :D


Curiosity killed the Cat.
Satisfaction brought her back.:)

[Swanspirit]

Blessings Welcome and Greetings :>
Love your name :>
You know .... I answered what I did earlier, but I didnt really talk about my feelings ....darn moon in capricorn......
anyway.... it is and was very hard to be in the closet...as much as I dont care what relgion ANYONE is.... I would like to be able
to celebrate mine with all the joy and deep bliis my soul can share ...making music with
tambourine .... dancing singing chanting around
a bonfire ..... and for those of you who dont want "smoke" hot rocks with water work wonderfully well in the cauldron to make steam .....
and I would like to see some more of my views on the healing of the earth shared without fear of being called a tree HUGGER as something to be looked down on....... ah well maybe the moon in capricorn doesn share feeling so often because they come from the depths and try and reach the mountain tops.....in one sentence ..
Love and HUGS
Swannie
also wish I knew the artist for this pic

[Niamh]

I agree with you, Danustouch, that keeping a secret to not *hurt* my family is in the long run probably harming me. I know I'll be ready to talk to them about being pagan soon!:)

[MammaStar]

I'm in, partially, by choice. The only people who know are my best friend, my Mom & and my boyfriend. I haven't told really anyone else probably because they haven't noticed, or it doesn't really matter to them. I stay in mainly for my Son's sake. We live in a very Christian town (IMO). Everyone he interacts with @ school and socially, is always talking about church, god, and whatnot. He has a tough time socially at school some times, he's kind of husky for a kid his age, so the other kids sometimes pick on him. If people found out his mom was a witch, I think it would just make matters worse for him. He's a real sensitive kid and I just want to do what's best for him.

However, I have been wearing my pentacle all the time now, and not always making sure it was covered by a piece of clothing. If someone's going to take the time and ask, I'll explain it to them, but I'm not going to openly seek someone out and say "hey you know what? i'm a witch"

I'm sure in good time, I'll tell the rest of my family. Till then, I'll keep on my path and try not worry about what the others think.

[eaglewolf]

Is it harder to be in the closet or out of the closet?

That depends on which side of the closet door the lock is on, and whether or not you have the key...

...believe me, I know.

~ew

[Isis]

MM and welcome!!!!

Well, I'm kinda out, and I'm kinda in. My son knows, he's a brilliant ten year old boy, whose too smart for his own damn good!!!LOL, my pride and joy, and I'm incredibly proud of him!!!!

I talked to him a little bit about it, and he understood. He also knows that he's not share that with anyone, because people aren't always as accepting as we are.

My father and I never talk about anything really consequential, just small talk and lots of blaming. I love my dad, but i just don't get him sometimes.

My mother told me that I dont know everything about Xianity, so that I should learn more about it. Don't turn my back on my god....lol, I told her that I'm just not Xian and that's not changing. She wasn't happy, but she deals with it, LOL. The only thing that really pissess me off with her is when I take my son in to meditate with me sometimes, she has him reading bible verses!!!!! Now the bible is cool by me, if that's what you believe...however she's never taken him in to read Bible versuses before out of the blue. After she found out I was Pagan its like she had to do that to counteract my Paganism. GRRRR, I was so hurt, but basicallly not surprised. I love my mother, she's a beautiful person, but we're so different.

I'm out at one job, the other job is too conservative. The last time I came out at a similar conservative type job well I was told that I was going straight to hell. After he stopped shaking with anger, and I stopped laughing hysterically we agreed not to talk about religion.

I live in the midwest, where difference is frowned upon. I mean I've been asked if I was a Satanic witch before, ROFLMMFAO!!!!!!!! When I explain there is no such thing as a Satanic witch, because witches dont' believe in the devil and that it's a Xian creation, they think I dont know what I'm talking about. LOL. I do have to stay in the closet somewhat because my neices mother is just plain ignorant, and will do anything to not let my brother or family see my neice.

Do what you feel is right, and best of luck to you.

By the way I'm Isis, and I talk to much.

Isis

[the herbwitch]

I wanted to shout it to the world!!!!

But then when I told my family (MY mom is cool about it) everyone else said "yeah riiiiight", like I was a crazy woman.

I feel sorry for the close minded people who think they are the ones who are enlightened...........

On the way out of work today on of the employees said to me, "gotta go to church tomorrow so I can pray." I had to say "You know, you can pray ANYTIME, not just in church!!!" He said said under his breath, "well that is what we are supposed to do is got to church"....like it was a chore to do each week.

Whatever.....

love,
the herbwitch

[Yvonne Belisle]

bump

[Nyx]

I'm mostly out, but still partly in. *hmm that sounds odd, ne?*
My mom has an idea, but has never asked, and I have never said. No one in my family knows. My boyfirend knows, as do all of my close friends, and a number of more casual firends.
I do wear a pentacle but, it's usually hidden by my clothing.
I'd love to be able to tell everyone, but, it's not always a wise choice.

In the end, when your ready, you'll be able to tell everyone.


~~Nyx~~

[Autumn Gemini]

I was pretty much out of the closet as soon as I found the Goddess. We have a decent pagan community in this area so we made friends quickly and learned alot. However, when we went to Ft Hood, Texas for 2 years it was almost 9 months before we met any other pagans. Thats what I got for telling Goddess I wanted to learn this on my own....LOL. Ft Hood had a big pagan community but we had to meet someone who was involved with the group. My husband was also open about it in the Army. That was interesting let me tell ya. Of course it was hard to hide my old car(Cutlass Supreme, 1985) with its 18 pagan bumperstickers. That was my political "say it loud, say it proud" phase. We got the "Jesus is Lord" yells as we rolled down the street. LOL We even got accosted by a leutintant our 1st day at Ft Hood as to whether the Army allowed my husband to BE a witch. That was the first round of many such discussions with my hubby's superiors. It did ultimately lead to us getting out of the Army. When my husband got a new NCO she went out of her way to harass him with little snide remarks about our beliefs. Then all these little crosses started showing up all over the office my hubby worked in. She kept pushing so I went to the chaplain. The chaplain said yes I had grounds for religious discrimination so she was taken out of the area. The chaplain was great and went out of his way to learn a little about our beliefs since there were about a dozen soldiers in the unit who were pagan. My mother is agnostic so she is OK with us. My dad, well, he and I have always had our differences. He never says anything unless his hunting buddies start picking on him about it. Then, we argue. Nothing new for he and I but my husband has had to grow a thick skin around him. My dad did get mad at us when we put 2 pagan bumperstickers on the car my little brother gave us. Hubby and I then asked "why?", which led to the "don't ever bring that car up in my yard or I'll shoot you"(mind you, this is the same redneck threat I grew up with about anything I did that he didn't like). Recently he has learned to "live and let live" since if he starts with me I smile and stick my fingers in my ears and walk away. Childish but effective! And I have a son....his first grandson. My ultimatum to him was "Treat me with common curtesy, leave my religion out, no more threats or don't have any part of your grandson's life." Harsh, yes but it put a halt to the threats and yelling at me. So, being out of the closet has had its moments but I'm glad I am out. If my being open can educate 1 person, then its all worth it. Sorry to ramble!

[Laiste]

I'm out to my family and friends some of whom understand others don't and I get the typical questioning and harrassing form the ones who refuse to have an open mind and think that only thier religion is right! THe ones who do understand only seem to be only interested in the Tarot...oohhh do a reading for me! hehe I'm really not complaing about that one, just joking. Anyway it is a little difficult for me to hide at this point...there is a nice size alter in my bedroom and a pentegram windchime on my door!! Ooops!! I guess I DID come out to my new neighbors!!! Oh well!
The only time I hise my pentacle is when I attend my sons cub scout meetings! I think the people there would fall on the floor. Oh and of course I hide it at his school as well.

All in all I have gained a lot of freedom by coming out. It was not easy and still isn't at times like Christmas with the family! But, it is worth it! I am proud to be who I am...A Pagan!!