feeling a bit lonely

[bellamandu]

maybe its just one of those moments where you have that sudden urge to question everything, or the one thing, that makes you happy. :sniffsnif

[Brynn]

Awww sweety :hugz: :hugz: :hugz:

[Aedrais]

:hugz:

I have those moments quite a lot, myself.

[bellamandu]

i thought i had learned how to control these kinds of things, or at least fake them. and then i met someone who i was completely oblivious to. i dont know i cant explain it really i just...

there is someone who i love with all my heart and soul who makes me happier than anything, anyone, its something ive never felt before but for some reason out of nowhere i just feel so empty all of a sudden. and its not even in reference to this person its just that, well....

i guess im just afraid that my past is coming back, that im turning back into this person who i used to be, this horrible person. im just afraid because i dont want to hurt him.

[bellamandu]

*smack*

er, remind me to not post these things again publicly heh. i forgot that sometimes he reads the forums.

[Faeawyn]

I think we all have those moments. Don't fret hon....it passes and all will be well again...then you'll laugh and think "what was I so worried about" :)

[Aedrais]

Oh, I can relate even more.

You will cheer up eventually, hunn. Something'll make you laugh, and this, too, will pass. Until then, take a bath and relax? Or, better yet- listen to some good music? Loud, upbeat, dancing music. It's the best kind when you're down. Sad stuff just makes you more sad.

[bellamandu]

so everything will be ok, then?

[Tsuchimaru]

so everything will be ok, then?

If you believe it will be, it will.
:colorful:

[Blondie]

I'm feeling lonely too.

My boyfriend and I have hit a very rough patch. I'm not sure if things will be the same :(

[Nighthawk]

I am sorry.... Sometime we feel out of synch...and lost or lonely..yup... I understand... *hug*

[soilsigh aingeal]

:hugz: :hugz:

[Flaire-FireStar]

Yes.

:hugz:

[Fianna]

i guess im just afraid that my past is coming back, that im turning back into this person who i used to be, this horrible person. im just afraid because i dont want to hurt him.[/QUOTE]

You wont turn back into anything - you are who you are - those things you did before - were just that - things you did - they don't make you the person you are.

We all do things that we wish later we should have done different. It doesn't make us wicked or evil - just foolish or misinformed or drunk or hurting.

I think you are just a wee bit insecure - worried that you have been pretending to be a nice person but deep inside you are some kinda ogre - waiting to get out. But hey - guess what - you aren't.

Obviously this guy sees through you - those are your words - he sees the wonderful person inside - the real you and you are afraid that it might be true - that you might be nice after all. Then you have wasted all that time worrying you were the ogre. What a terrible waste. So STOP IT!!

Let this person love you and you love him back - and if you blow it - or make a mistake or whatever - it wont be because the ogre is back it will just be that you took the silly pill again

x

[Karbunkl]

after reading your post i thought to myself "wow, i know that feeling". i have a boyfriend who i'm totally in love with, and thinks i'm such a perfect, beautiful, caring person, etc. etc... but i have a low self esteem and i'm very insecure and often times for no reason i'll get depressed and feel empty inside and wonder why. i'm becoming more trusting though and i know that he loves me deeply, though i'll never believe that i'm "perfect" (because i'm not :bigredblu ).

just don't worry (which is hard for me, because i tend to worry alot, about everything, lol). just try to stay optimistic, and always remember that you're not alone. once the feeling goes away you'll think "Hey, he loves me. Me. I'm not alone."

::hugs:: :hugz: Hope you feel better soon!

[bellamandu]

heh. idk i guess i just thought it was sort of ironic because he's always talking about how he's such a horrible person, and i have no clue why. everything he does is what makes him human and i wouldnt take him any other way. everything he thinks he's done wrong he really hasnt. everytime he thinks he's screwed up or apoligized for something he shouldn't have apologized for.... idk its just.... i guess we are similiar in that aspect. in fact, more so than i think he realizes, we are just alike, we are almost the same person except for the fact that he has a penis. lmao.

but uh yeah, i guess i think the only difference between us is that, he has this constant desire to just let everything out, pour out his emotions and his thoughts and i guess... thats where im different. well, i'm like that, i have that same desire, but there is this wall. its like, i have this wall ive set up for myself after years of hatred thrown towards me. i used to be just like that, i let things out whenever i felt like it, i never bottled anything up. but everytime i did, bad things would happen. bad things that i really dont care to remember. so i built a wall, and i just sort of bottle things up now. and then one day out of the blue ill hit this low spot, sort of this inverted peak, where everything just explodes for no reason. sometimes it's triggered by something, an explosion of emotion, and sometimes is just there, seeping out slowly because the pressure has built up for so long, and then it just happens. its there.


its just, this wall ive put up, well in my past whenever i had these explosions, which i had them all the time back then, mostly triggered but im not going into any of the reasons why, i just became this horrible horrible person. and it grew to the point where i was almost permantly like that because i had these explosions so often. i wasn't violent, i didnt hurt anyone, not physically anyway. it was more of a mental thing. i toyed with peoples emotions. and sometimes i almost catch myself starting to do that, as a defense. ive never brought myself to do that, ive always caught myself before i went too far.

i just dont want to turn into that person again, its really scary i hate that person. it is the one thing that i despise the most, that is the type of person that turned me into what i became in the first place. i was in a bad relationship with a person just like that, and as a defense i learned to do the same i guess. but i dont like it. i dont want to hurt him like i was hurt, ya know?

which i know all this is probably stupid, i know that im not really turning into that person again, i guess i think i know that i wasnt even that person in the first place. it just scares me.

...is this making any sense at all? or am i just rambling?