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nomadicdragon
June 7th, 2004, 11:34 AM
This is something that's been on my mind for a while... so I thought I'd put it down on paper so to speak. First background on my parents so you understand the whole thing a little more..

My father is 61 years old this year. Born and raised in NC, he has 2 older brothers, a younger brother and 5 older sisters. My grandparents were farmers. My grandmother was famous across the US among missionaries because any missionary that came through Princeton, NC stayed in her house. When my grandmother died, the family received telegrams from across the world from missionaries that stayed with them. His two oldest brothers went off to Bible college to become missionaries. My dad once he graduated decided to follow suit, after getting his bachelor's in theology. He joined the Air Force and was sent to England, enter my mother.

My mother is 59 years old, born in Canada when she was three or four, her father paid someone to kidnap her and take her away to England. She was placed in a home where she was basically a maid till she left home as an adult. She met my father in England and they got married.

My parents adopted my older brothers and I from separate famlies. When I was adopted my father was 36 and my mother 34 (if I did the math right. LOL) My parents became Independent Baptist missionaries when my oldest brother was around 3. When I was 6 weeks old, I was on a plane to England where they were missionaries. It's funny, my first memory is when i was about 3, my mother had my brothers and I lined up in the kitchen bent over chairs and she was spanking us with a cricket bat. I don't remember what we did, and I don't remember how long she spanked us for. my father came in and pulled her away from us. Which is strange, because my father would punish us in the same manner. I think i was the only three year old in the world that could sit in church for over three hours without moving, and the only reason i could was because I was terrified of my parents. My parents believed that you should spank a child until they cried softly, which depending on the child can take a little or a long time. My father stopped spanking me when I was 14, because the last time he spanked me, I stared him in the eye and refused to cry. Being a girl, I was to sit up and shut up. Girl's do not have opinions, they are to listen and obey men according to my father, and of course my mother would never disagree with my father. But I was never ever that kind of child, I have always had my own mind.

I love my life, and I love my parents. But I seem to be struggling with how much contact I want to have with them. I feel guilty, I'm adopted and I feel like I owe them that. But it's hard to want to have contact with people who don't acknowledge that you have no life separate from the church, and if you don't go to church then you are a terrible person. They insist that I have conversation with my oldest brother, pedophile that he is, but i refuse. I feel guilty for it though. *sigh* ok i'm done now. :rant:

Bainidhe Dub
June 7th, 2004, 11:46 AM
*hugs*

Shanti
June 7th, 2004, 11:51 AM
Thats so sad.
I dont know for sure what to say. But the way your treated is wrong. I guess you just gotta handle it in a way you feel you can. I wouldnt feel guilty about anything. You have the right to be your own person. They dont own you. No one does. You have to live with you so do whatever is best for you.

You can ask yourself why feel guilty? Do you do things for people just to make them owe you? Did they adopt you so you would forever owe them? Did you ask them to adopt you? I know I didnt have kids so they would be forever in my debt.

~hugs~ to you. I know its hurts.

Faeawyn
June 7th, 2004, 12:38 PM
I'm so sorry ND. In my beliefs, we choose which family we come in to....even tho you were adopted, your path was chosen by you before coming into being. Your childhood, altho terrible, made you into the wonderful person that we all know and love :). The human side of me is outraged that people who supposedly worship a God of love and kindness, can inflict such cruelty on such a small child...a baby really. But the spiritual side of me tells me that this was all part of your growth process and theirs.
The spirits of your parents chose to come back in this life as they are....because there was something they needed to learn from it. Perhaps the day will come when your parents understand what they did and grow from it. In this way, your spirit helped their spiritual growth....and that is, afterall, what we're all here to do. Just stay the wonderful person you are....and if you want to forgive them, then do so....if you're not ready...then don't. Just remember to always try to take the high road for your own spiritual growth....and everything will be fine :hugz:

nomadicdragon
June 7th, 2004, 12:57 PM
I'm so sorry ND. In my beliefs, we choose which family we come in to....even tho you were adopted, your path was chosen by you before coming into being. Your childhood, altho terrible, made you into the wonderful person that we all know and love :). The human side of me is outraged that people who supposedly worship a God of love and kindness, can inflict such cruelty on such a small child...a baby really. But the spiritual side of me tells me that this was all part of your growth process and theirs.
The spirits of your parents chose to come back in this life as they are....because there was something they needed to learn from it. Perhaps the day will come when your parents understand what they did and grow from it. In this way, your spirit helped their spiritual growth....and that is, afterall, what we're all here to do. Just stay the wonderful person you are....and if you want to forgive them, then do so....if you're not ready...then don't. Just remember to always try to take the high road for your own spiritual growth....and everything will be fine :hugz:


I respect your beliefs, and appreciate your thoughts. I disagree with you though, my beliefs on how we arrive to our families is a little different. But in any case, I have forgiven my parents, and have spoken with them about it on many occasions.. my current quandry is something i've thought about for a long time, how much contact is too much.. In reality, those are questions that I have to answer for myself. I don't think there is a high or low road, there is just the road that you take for better or worse.

Faeawyn
June 7th, 2004, 01:26 PM
Ok...well then just delete all that other part, and keep the parts that say I'm outraged that they spanked you and that we love you and any other stuff you like.....:hugz:

Gracecat
June 7th, 2004, 04:09 PM
:hugz:

nomadicdragon
June 7th, 2004, 08:43 PM
:hugz:


Thank you.

nomadicdragon
June 7th, 2004, 08:44 PM
Ok...well then just delete all that other part, and keep the parts that say I'm outraged that they spanked you and that we love you and any other stuff you like.....:hugz:



why delete them? I respect what you said and appreciate your words, they were kind and well thought out.. :) ((hugs))