A new beginning? or too soon?

[IvyWitch]

I usually don't like to do this but I need some support and advice from someone besides my parents and my uber-christian friend.

Let me start off by saying I'm 22, I've lived with my parents for 20 years and I have been seeing my boyfriend Chad for over 3 years and marriage is in the near furture (not engaged yet though).
My parents were planning on moving, and I wasn't keen on going with them so I said that when they go I'd move in with Chad. But they decided not to move, and I decided to move in with him anyway. Here's my problem - I can't decide if I'm doing the right thing or not.
I've only been here a week and already I'm starting to question whether or not I should stay. I'm not very comfortable here and I'm feeling a little too housewifey (not that I'm saying it's a bad thing, I just don't want to get an early start on that aspect of my marriage if you know what I mean..). I haven't been feeling intimate at all since I got here and normally I'm ready to go with a good deal of frequency. And to be honest I really just feel like nothing has gone right since I moved in and I'm very homesick.
I really felt like moving out would help me fix the things I wanted to fix in my life without being stifled by my parents, especially in the category of faith. But I'm so nervous here in the apartment that I can't even begin to carve out some sort of personal space for myself in both a physical and spiritual way. I haven't even tried to set up my atar yet.
I feel like I jumped into this a little quickly, but by the same token I may just be afraid of the change and resisting adaptation.
What does everyone else think? :ugh:

[Blondie]

Breathe, calm, repeat some affirmations.

I'd give it a little more time before you rush to a conclusion. I think it's normal to be slightly uncomfortable or feel out of your norm when you move somewhere new.

[magicbabs]

I personally would move back home. I would want the man to commit to me fully via marriage or handfasting.

If you are feeling too housewifey...then you are possibly creating this feeling. Why do you feel like this?

You sound like you are a free spirit to me....dont let yourself fall into the housewife gig..unless it gives you pleasure..

I did the same thing at your age...but since we were not married or hand fasted...the relationship fell apart. There is something about the legality of marriage..makes you work harder...

However, there is a BIG plus in living with him...you get to see the real man...before you marry him...

I guess my advice would be to meditate and talk to your deity or deities....see what they advise...

good luck and blessings on you both
Babs

[magicbabs]

My intuition says that he is a good man and that it will work out....

Babs

[magicbabs]

The more I think about it...I was definatley your age when I left home...

I was scared to death....

when I figured out that the toilet paper had to be bought at the store and the toilet paper fairy did not put it in the closet...I was freaking...

I like the advice above....take it easy and breathe......

I will send you prayers if that is ok?

Babs

[Shanti]

I dont quiet understand your post.
You say your 22 and lived with your parents for 20 yrs. So I assume you have been living on your own for 2 yrs. If that is the case than it might but just an adjustment your going through.

But, it sounds like you have never lived alone. If you are moving from your parents home into your boy friends, you might want to live alone for a time first, because the best way to develope yourself, is on your own.
Just my opinion.

[magicbabs]

I liked Shanti's advice....

Yep sounds good....

[samiaminsane]

Why don't you give the apartment a good cleansing and set up your altar? Give your mom or dad a call (whoever you're more comfortable talking to) and ask them if they felt that way when they first lived together. I had the same apprehensiveness about Cliff's house when I first moved here, but now I am as happy as a clam.

[samiaminsane]

In addition.... I'm 22 also, but had already lived on my own for a couple years before moving here.

[Rockprincess]

Hmm. I had been with my husband for 2 years before we moved in together, and when we did, we knew we would be getting married at some point. We found a new place to live together (not his old apartment), so that it would be "ours" and not like I had invaded his space. We had a wonderful, strong relationship.

When we moved in, I was homesick, sad, and wishing we'd waited til we were married. It lasted about 2 months (getting steadily better as time went on). After 6 months, I was SO glad to be in my own space, rather than home wiht my Mom - even though I'd been really happy living at home.

We didn't get married until we'd lived together for a year and a half - and I"m SO glad I made that adjustment back then, rather than now, in the first blush of marriage. I would have attributed it to being married, and thought I didn't like it! Rather than the way it is now, where I love being married.

So, my suggestions are - give it a little while longer. Go home to your parents' when you need to (my husband and I slept over at my mom's quite a bit in those first few months). If, after a few months, you're still very homesick and uncomfortable, make changes. If it's a possibility, consider finding a new apartment for the two of you - it might really help if it was both of your space, instead of you feeling like you are a guest in his.

And...if it's all just too wrong and you're just unhappy, period...then go home. Don't be somewhere you're not happy :hugz:

[soilsigh aingeal]

I agree, give it a little bit of time, if this is the first time you've lived with your boyfriend, than it'll take time to adjust.

[Cappy]

I have to agree with both of you moving to a new appartement. When you move, there is an ajustment to be made, you don't always feel comfortable right away. I think it would be best if you were both uncomfortable :D and then slowly grow comfortable together.

[celticstorm76]

When I first moved in with my husband, pre-marriage, it was weird it was his place his furniture...his...his..his, so we too moved and found our place. I am a BIG believer in living w/someone before you make a lifetime comittment. It has saved me at least once from making a big mistake. If you know you are going to marry him one day, but you are uncomfortable living with him...you might want to do some soul searching, and make sure there is not a deeper reason for your discomfort. I agree with a lot of the advice givin already-such as the cleansing of the house, and setting up your alter, if getting a place of your own is not fesable at this time, try getting some of your things out in the open, hang pics, decorate a little, and let your man know sometimes you still need you time and space, if he loves you enough to want to marry you then he will understand. I have been married 2yrs and we still take time to ourselves on times, and it makes the time together more interesting.

As for the sex drive...try to spice it up make dinner light candles, great him at the door in a teddy...use your imagination...discuss fantasies...and try to make them happen for each other.

I have a very close friend who has been w/the same man for 8 years and do to work and kids they have scheduled sex days...sounds corny but has truely helped their relationship,does not mean they are not still spontanous on occasion...she gives new meaning to the car wash...haha:hmmmmm:

[IvyWitch]

Thanks everybody. I took someof the advice here and just went ahead and set up my altar anyway, and I'm actually feeling a lot better. I'm still feeling stressed about everything but I'm calmer about it if that makes any sense.

lol, and I just see now that I had a cat jump up on my altar. --;

[Gala]

Ok, my husband (now)moved in with me.
It was difficult at first.
Of course I didn't have to carve out my own space, but I wanted him to feel at home.

I think your altar is a great place to start. Put a few of your things around but don't take over... ya know. I think you'll start to feel better. It's a big adjustment.

[Dallin]

I agree with what a lot of the others have said here: give yourself a bit of time to adjust. It's a pretty big thing you've done on quite a few levels and that's sure to take some getting used to.

Also, and this is probably more important, try to determine EXACTLY what it is that feels wrong - often it's something incredibly stupid, but unless you actually acknowledge it, it's just one more worry on the top of the pile. If you recognise it though, quite often it's relatively easy to work out.

It'll all work out, one way or another - trust me on that ;)

Dallin