handfasting

[The Shadowy Dawn]

two of my friends want to do a handfasting because they are under age to be legally married. everyone is telling them that they are too younge but they dont care. they say that they want to be together forever. they are extremely happy together, and when they are apart, unless they are doing something, then they are both gloomy. or when they are apart, then they will both think and fantasise about each other. we are all telling her that he is a guy, (no offense guys) and that he might change his mind and you will get hurt. she just shrugs and says, if he were going to hurt me he would of already. he told her that he is never breaking up with her,, that it ends only when she wants it too, that he wants to spend his life with her, and such.. well, i am not going to stop them,, its just she wants some advice from me and i dont know what to tell her. i told her maybe she should wait,,, but.... i told her that maybe it would be better to just do a spell that keeps you two together as b/f and g/f. i dont know what else to say....a little help please.

[Myrddyn Emrys]

Well, Handfasting is only a "trial" marriage for a year-and-a-day, and can be broken off during that time by either party. After the year-and-a-day, the couple renews their Handfast as a permanant arrangement or goes their separate ways. I've handfasted more than one couple that decided not to continue things after the preliminary.

[Shanti]

Well I dont think its matters now. When they grow older everything may change but it might not. Some young people do find each other and stay together. A lot grow apart. Its hard to tell youth in love what to do because they wont here you. :)

[Tea Leaf]

I think they should do what they feel they need to do.
There isn't really a rush however I'v been with my b/f for 7 years, we both know that we are always going to be together and that we love each other and yet we are not in a rush to get married.

If they wanted to do something symbolic to show their love for each other, they could have some kind of 'dedication ceremony' or they could get engaged and wait until they can get legally married.

All in all it's their decision; they have to follow their hearts.

[Jenett]

I have friends (now married, and they've been together for 6 years now, if I'm counting right) who spent a couple of years engaged to be engaged.

They were very serious about each other, but they knew that people change a lot between the ages of 15 and 20 or so, and that going off to college can make changes in a relationship, and all sorts of other things.

They didn't want to make commitments that might end up hurting them.

So they spent several years being engaged to be engaged - she wore a simple ring as a token of the relationship, they were long distance all through college (Boston to Maryland), it was pretty clear to everyone who saw them that they were a great fit for each other.

I also knew several people who got to college (and since then, several people who've been in that age range) who *have* broken up, regardless of how serious about each other they were early on. My own experience is that the single best indication of how well a relationship will work out if folks start young is how willigthey are to allow for indepndent growth, and being willing to wait for a more long-term commitment.

So I'd suggest two things. Once is that they might come up with a ritual to commit to the relationship for a year. At the end of that time, they could renew it for a year, or go their own ways. Repeat until they're in a position to make the legal commitments responsibly (i.e. reasonably able to be financially independent of parents, have education if they're doing that, etc.)

At that point, they could either marry legally or not, but they'd be in a much better position to make a long-term commitment.

I definitely wouldn't suggest something to keep them together - these can backfire nastily. I know people who've done things along this line who have had problems getting rid of old relationship partners, even after the relationship turns abusive or self-destructive in some way.

[Klucky]

Here, make each of them take this test (preferrably away from each other). Maybe it will help them see things better. ;)

http://www.gagirl.com/quiz/inlove.html

-Klucky

[asamananara]

My wife and I were high-school sweethearts, and handfasted at
17. We've been together for 14 years, and grow more in love
every moment. We've never spent a day apart.
I hope your friends may find as much happiness in each other
as we have.

[RubyRose]

In my honest opinion. I think that handsfasting can last for as long as the couple ordain. Although Rhyce and I did originally get handsfasted for the traditional year and a day time period, we went back and renewed our vows for a (for lack of a better word) indefinate time period. And in actual fact I think the two of us veiw it more of a marriage ceremony than anything else.

[EJ1096]

My wife and I have known each other for 4 years now, and have been married for like 8 months. We got married what my mom thought was too young (23). We lived together for a year and a half before we actually commited ourselves to eachother. Everyday, I find I love my wife more and more.However, every day I find out something new about her. Sometimes its a sweet little quirk, sometimes its an annoying habbit. I found the first year we lived together to be a big learning experiance.We learned how to deal with diffences in opinion, and what do about the "great" money arguments (consiquently we decided no use in arguing about something we dont have) I found out alot about myself and wife. As I've heard before and experianced myself, you don't truly know a person untill you live with them.
My advice: have them wait untill they are old enough to live together and learn about each other on a daily basis before making a lifetime commitment. Because you never know at what point the sound of your soulmate picking at their fingernails will drive you insane. Untill then I think a sort of renewable commitment is a good idea. I started with a celtic promisory ring.