Gay marriages

[pawnman]

I was in political, and we were discussing gay marriage, and a few non-political questions entered my head. I found them a bit amusing, but I'm certainly not intending to "make fun of" gays in any way.

1. When a gay couple gets married, who changes their last name?

2. At a gay wedding, does everyone wear the same color? Or is there a separate color for the "bride" and "groom"? How do you decide who is the "bride" and "groom"?

3. When you meet a gay couple composed of men, do you introduce them as "Mr. Smith and his husband?" "Mr. and Mr. Smith?" How about lesbians? "Mrs. Smith and her wife?"

I'm sure I'll come up with more. By the way, for those of you who don't hang out in the political boards: I'm a huge supporter of gay marriage. I myself am not gay, but I don't see any reason why they should be allowed to marry legally like everyone else.

[Romani Vixen]

1. I've actually wondered that myself.....

2. Typically, one is more masculine and one more feminine... naturally... even if they both like the same body parts. I've seen them dress according to that. I've also seen two women in gorgous white dresses ($$$$$ ouch!) and two men in Tuxes.

3. Jane and Jill or Tom and George..... i guess...

I should e-mail Betty/Mattie... herm....

[SilentDreams]

1. I dont know, just who ever is up to it I guess

2.Usually the groom and groom or bride and bride wear the same colour clothes there is no bride and groom

3.I dont know

I am a gay male but eh i'm sixteen i really dont worrie about the technicalitys(sp) of marrige

[Black RiverWolf]

i went to a lesiban ceremony and was in one myself (got married big mistake) one was in a tux one was in a dress. when we did ours she wore black and i wore white but both in pants we did not change our names and am damn glad that i didn't cause it did not last

[WynterWynd]

The lesbian couple that live behind me are married, and they introduce themselves has *insert name here* and this is my partner *insert name here*

It really obvious with them who takes on the feminine and masculine parts of the relationship.....and I never asked them what they wore to their wedding:huh:

I agree tho, anyone should be allowed to get married...regardless of gender;)

[LunaPazFemme]

I was in political, and we were discussing gay marriage, and a few non-political questions entered my head. I found them a bit amusing, but I'm certainly not intending to "make fun of" gays in any way.

1. When a gay couple gets married, who changes their last name?

2. At a gay wedding, does everyone wear the same color? Or is there a separate color for the "bride" and "groom"? How do you decide who is the "bride" and "groom"?

3. When you meet a gay couple composed of men, do you introduce them as "Mr. Smith and his husband?" "Mr. and Mr. Smith?" How about lesbians? "Mrs. Smith and her wife?"

I'm sure I'll come up with more. By the way, for those of you who don't hang out in the political boards: I'm a huge supporter of gay marriage. I myself am not gay, but I don't see any reason why they should be allowed to marry legally like everyone else.


1. I suppose each person would hypenate their last names like a lot of straight women/couples do.

2. In a lesbian wedding, there are 2 brides. In a gay wedding, there are 2 grooms.

3. Mrs. Jane and Mary So-and-so. Mr. Dick and Tom So-and-so.

[pawnman]

So, those of you with married, gay friends: do they talk about their "old lady" or "old man" the way that a straight guy would talk about his wife? Or is there a different dynamic at work there?

[WynterWynd]

:lol: The girls in the back don't refer to each other as the 'old' what ever...but yeah, they do talk about the other partner just like male/female marriges do.

[Ben Gruagach]

I'm a gay man, and I have been with my partner/spouse now for fifteen years. (Our sixteenth anniversary is this autumn.)

We had a wedding ceremony in 1990 in Kingston, Ontario Canada where the chaplain at our university did the ceremony for us (a Wiccan/Christian one that I wrote up). Our families and friends were there just like any other wedding. We arranged for it and paid for the whole thing ourselves and kept it pretty small and simple.

We both wore dark suits with little boutoniere flowers on our lapels. We had corsages for our mothers, and boutoniers for the male family members who were there (only one of my three brothers was there.)

Same-sex marriages have only become legal in Canada since last summer in June. We had a civil ceremony (really short and quick, but with a justice of the peace) at Yule 2003 so we are legally married now. We had our families and a few friends there for that one too although it was much shorter and less elaborate than the first ceremony we had. But it is legal in Canada now.

When we did the legal marriage we were asked if we wanted to change our last names. We opted not to bother with that part as we've been using our own names for so long now anyways. It just wasn't an issue.

When we introduce ourselves we say, "Hi, I'm XXX and this is my partner, XXX." My partner is not out at work except with one person (he's in a corporate office) so he doesn't mention me at work although they know he's married. I just never go to business social events. They must think I'm agoraphobic or something.

One funny story: when we had our first ceremony back in 1990, we held the whole thing in a party room we rented in a local hotel that often did weddings and receptions. There was at least one other wedding/ reception going on at the same time in the room just next to ours, much bigger than ours with the whole ice-carving thing and all that stuff. Ours, being a gay wedding, had a lot of same-sex couples there who were dancing together. My partner's sister was in the hall and overheard some of the bridesmaids from the other wedding commenting on "all the cute guys at the little reception next door!" I don't think they clued in that it was a gay event. It's not like anyone was wearing rainbow-fabric outfits or anything. Suits and ties were the norm.

Oh, and same-sex couples don't automatically fall into stereotypical masculine/feminine roles in our relationships. Some do, certainly, but there are many that don't. There are many gays, lesbians, and transgendered people out there who you would never realize in a million years are gay, lesbian, or transgendered. It's just that people tend to notice the ones that stand out of a crowd more.

[Romani Vixen]

So, those of you with married, gay friends: do they talk about their "old lady" or "old man" the way that a straight guy would talk about his wife? Or is there a different dynamic at work there?
Most that I know are young and not committed for long... lol Though of the older, more settled ones, they tend to talk about them very loving... not the 'ball and chain' thang... unless they're playing.

[sarah-jane]

A subject close to my heart as I'm getting married to my partner in a few months :hearthear

This is what we've decided:

1. We're most likely going to use my last name (though I'd prefer hers lol)

2. We're both feminine, there is no 'masculine' side to either of us really, so we're both wearing dresses (i've already found 2 gorgeous ones) :)

3. And we'll be Sarah <last name> and her wife, Juliene <last name> , I don't like the formality of miss or mrs :hearteyes

[Llewyth]

In Quebec you have to hyphen your last name, or you can legally change it. There is no take your spouse's name anymore. If ever I do legally marry my husband of now almost 8 years. I'm going to legally pay to have it changed. Can't stand my last name: it's Guay! (Pronounced gay! :lol: )

As for what they wear, so long as it's something nice.

I think it's great that Canadians can get hitched to however they love! :woot:

[Gracecat]

Oh, and same-sex couples don't automatically fall into stereotypical masculine/feminine roles in our relationships. Some do, certainly, but there are many that don't. There are many gays, lesbians, and transgendered people out there who you would never realize in a million years are gay, lesbian, or transgendered. It's just that people tend to notice the ones that stand out of a crowd more.

It's an obviously natural conclusion when you see an uber-femme with a andro-butch lesbian but I've also known very masculine male couples and very feminine female couples. Frankly, I'd consider myself very feminate and the most beautiful woman to me is made-up, dressy with frills and lace ;).

A good gay friend of mine always said he loves his men to look like men and he's... pardon the expression... pretty doggone All American straight guy.

[Aidron]

I was in political, and we were discussing gay marriage, and a few non-political questions entered my head. I found them a bit amusing, but I'm certainly not intending to "make fun of" gays in any way.

1. When a gay couple gets married, who changes their last name?

2. At a gay wedding, does everyone wear the same color? Or is there a separate color for the "bride" and "groom"? How do you decide who is the "bride" and "groom"?

3. When you meet a gay couple composed of men, do you introduce them as "Mr. Smith and his husband?" "Mr. and Mr. Smith?" How about lesbians? "Mrs. Smith and her wife?"

I'm sure I'll come up with more. By the way, for those of you who don't hang out in the political boards: I'm a huge supporter of gay marriage. I myself am not gay, but I don't see any reason why they should be allowed to marry legally like everyone else.


Being that I am gay don't take my word as 'the law' since I have yet to meet one gay person I agree with in terms of how to handle things for the most part. If anything, I'm the odd ball of the queer bunch.

1.) From what I've seen it can go either way. Often it is the more feminine of the two, whether it be women or men, but still it's totally up to the couple. I myself would never change my name nor would I let my husband (I think I'm going to throw up just typing that) change his. My name will most likely be legally changed to Raven Greywind in little less than a year now and he can do whatever he wants with his name, minus taking Greywind as his last name. Just because we're in a couple I refuse to go around losing each other's individuality. In terms of children which is another aspect that may prove for this to be weird as in which name do they take, it would probably be mine since I would most likely raise them as witches. However, I'd fully support them wanting to change their name at around 16, whether to a craft name, their other father's last name, or whatever. I don't like the idea of splitting each child up like pastries on a buffet ("Oh, this one gets my last name and this one gets yours"), so they would all have one name for the sake of their own sanity.

2.) Again, this totally depends on the couple. In most cases there is usually one guy or girl who is more feminine and they may select to wear white while the other one wears a dark tux (I also like this idea since it represents balance). Then there are other cases where they may both wear the traditional attire (two, usually white dresses for women and a dark tux for men). Who is the bride? In a lesbian wedding both. Who is the groom? In a gay male wedding, both. Seriously, your gender determines those titles, not how feminine or masculine you are and I don't care what any queer tells you. Sure, I may even call myself a bride some day in jest (cause it's sooo funny), but that's it. Typically though this sort of thing will have been worked out long ago in terms of who might take on a more feminine or masculine role within the relationship. In great relationships you just 'know' cause the chemistry is there and your stronger side compliments their stronger side. In some cases they may both again be totally masculine (in the case of men) or totally feminine (in the case of women) or have an obvious balance of both-like me (I know how to use a power drill and I give myself manicures. Take that stereotypes!).

3.) Typically what I hear is "Oh hi I'm Jane Doe and this is my partner Jane Doe." The key word being 'partner'. Personally, I want to vomit every time I hear that as I feel it's stupid to whine about equal rights, have a ceremony (or legallly get married) and not acknowledge that they are in fact your husband/wife now. But eh, it again varies. If it were me he would be my husband or "John Doe" since I dislike the idea of identifying someone by their position in society in terms of where they fit into my little world. "This is John Doe, my husband." Notice how his name came first. Also, pity the man who ever calls me his 'partner' or 'husband' (first) since he's in for many long nights on the couch. It annoys me that much.