Why?

[Brynn]

I don't know what I did to deserve all of this. Why me? ..... *sigh*

[Brynn]

Are you trying to teach me a lesson? Have I done something to offend you? Did I really deserve these 8 years of this? I am no good this way! Do you want me dead because believe me that is where I'm headed!

[Brynn]

I am screaming! I am crying! Can you hear me? Are you listening?

[Brynn]

spero melior....

[Phoenix Snowrose]

I am screaming! I am crying! Can you hear me? Are you listening?
yes I hear you, yes I'm listening...but the question is...what are you saying?

BTW, bummer you have that sign in your signature :boing:

[Brynn]

Dum spiro, spero...

[Brynn]

Deo, spero. Cetera desunt.

[Brynn]

Sorry about all of that. It all comes out sometimes, even when I don't want it to. My past just won't leave me alone, I try to escape, but I'm dragged back each time. It makes me feel so alone so dejected so despised. Why can't I get out, I try so hard. I could use a helping hand. Help me, please. A daughter's love is all I have from one so lost, I hope it suffices.

[Tsuchimaru]

I wish I could help you.....I don't know if I can or not....I'm pretty useless.... .

[Brynn]

Thanks for the small victory today!!!!

[Brynn]

Thank you so much for giving me the courage to do that!!! Hopefully that ends that chapter of my life.

[Brynn]

Please give me the strength to end my addiction to pain. I have too many scars by other's hands, why must I continue what has been started? I feel the pain, I love it and hate it, help me over come it.

[Brynn]

*sobs* Why do I hate myself so much? How can I love the monster I have beome? Why am I so cold? Why can't I care? Why do I hide? How can I live with the past if I can't live with the present?

[Brynn]

I'm going to be honest with myself. Without it nothing will change. I hate myself. I hate what has been done to me. I hate not knowing myself. I hate how I look. I hate my apathy. I hate my ignorance. I hate my whining. I hate my voice. I hate where I am. I hate who I've become. I hate cutting. I hate numbness. I hate caring. I hate smoking. I hate drugs. I hate the pain. I hate the scars. I hate being around people and being alone. I hate throwing up. I hate how I react or don't react to things. I hate emotions. I hate stress. I hate not knowing where I'm going. I hate lying. I hate my lack of self-esteem. I hate my lack of will. I hate thinking. I hate blood. I hate my abusers. I hate nightmares. I hate flashbacks. I hate boredom. I hate pointlessness. I hate what I've done to myself. I hate addiction. I hate being cold. I hate pushing people away. I hate being noticed. I hate people caring about me. I hate arrogance. I hate laziness. I hate being hypocritical. I hate talking. I hate strangers. I hate asking for help. I hate people who don't listen. I hate crying. I hate keeping everything to myself. I hate people in my personal space. I hate people who are overly happy. I hate fear. I hate my family. I hate my lack of friends. I hate judging. I hate bigots. I hate embarassment. I hate shame. I hate the way I act. I hate being nervous I hate wasting people's time. I hate belittling myself. I hate not knowing what I believe. I hate depression. I hate not being able to forgive. I hate hating so much.

[Brynn]

Hopefully that ends that chapter of my life.
Well I was wrong about that.

[Brynn]

I think I really need help, I'm just too afraid to ask.

[Brynn]

I am so confused.

[Brynn]

I'm feeling very unreal right now, I hope I can hold out.

[Brynn]

I am so messed up and all I can do is laugh. Just thinking about me is cracking me up. I'm not sure if this is a good thing, but at least I'm getting amusement out of it. :lol:

[Brynn]

I know what I'm starting to do, I've always done it. I wish I could stop it, it's ripping me in two. Now I have no idea what to do, who do I listen to? This is why I always end up alone and I know it...