During yesterday's meditation...

[Spirit Moon]

I committed suicide.

Once I got into my meditative state I found myself in a bed, I was in the stage between sleep and being awake. I felt the energy around me change, I knew someone was there.
This is what started it (me committing suicide…I don’t understand it): a kiss was planted on my cheek. I grabbed the arm of the person, now I was fully awake…I didn’t grab hard or tight, I didn’t want him to go. I don’t remember who kissed who first but for a minute or two it was great. He pulled away saying “he couldn’t do this.” Well, that led to me feeling hurt (don’t know how to be brief to explain why). I got up grabbed something to wrap around me and went outside…it was kind of a balcony. I was followed, a few words were said…then I got up on the ledge, hesitated…a few more words were said…and then I jumped. He grabbed my arm, we got into a little argument because I wanted him to let go and he wouldn’t. I took my other hand and dug my nails into his arm to make him let go…we were still arguing, but he finally said “fine.” I hit the ground and it swallowed me up. I didn’t come out of meditation. There was kind of a hole with light coming down. I tried to climb the walls to get out and fell on my butt each time, the hole closed up. I believe it was Hades that said you’re in the underworld, I didn't see his face only like an outline. After that I don’t remember anything.

I'm lost...

[Faeawyn]

:foh: that was the freakiest meditation I ever heard of :foh:

[Spirit Moon]

I’m going to meditate soon, try to fix things…although I don’t think there’s much I can do, but we’ll see.

[djmixon]

It sounds like a death to an old self or an old habit or an old relationship or something like that. . .and a chance to move forward in a new light. . .

[StephanieAine]

Man. Now I REALLY don't want to meditate. ROFL.

[aftershocked]

I hate when I have to say this, but...

what Djmixon said. :foh: I think of death as a transition, a chance to shed your skin and change yourself (darn astrology class kicking in :hehehehe: ) So, maybe your meditation was about you letting go of whatever this person was representing..possibly a smothering friendship or a boyfriend/girlfriend?

[djmixon]

I hate when I have to say this, but...

what Djmixon said. :foh:
:foh: :sadeyes: but what does that mean, exactly???

[StephanieAine]

I was wondering the same thing!

[Spirit Moon]

This person happens to be a God. When I meditated last night he punished me for digging into his arm...a mirror with a past experience. I touched the mirror and it zapped me. I fell to my knees and then bowed on the ground...as I began to cry walls formed on each side of me and behind me. When the mirror disappeared I don't know...I felt his hand brush my hair. I didn't look up right away; when I did he told me it was punishment. We talked...told him I feel like I'm in prison, the walls he said were for protection. From whom was the shocking part...Zeus, that's what he said Zeus. He said I should go and he said something else...I was walking away but I turned back and told him something. He had a worried look on his face. The walls started closing in around him. I walked away from it, as I did everything went black. I stopped where I was and sat on the ground...I saw a green gold glowing light so I crawled over to it, didn't know where it was coming from. I got up and wandered for a while...then the darkness opened up and I saw several pathways. I took one on the right and fell into darkness. Hermes caught me...I had to ask who he was. I couldn't see anything except for way off in the distance it was glowing orange and red. We flew over fire and lava. I asked what this was, he didn't say anything. I closed my eyes tight and wished I was home. My eyes were still shut but a blinding light was piercing through, so I opened them. He set me on my feet in the room, I didn’t understand and told him that and he said you will. I thanked him for catching me. This was the same room from yesterday. I went out to the balcony and looked down; I had like a flashback of hitting the ground. I backed away and went back into the room; I touched the bed and another flashback. I went to a corner of the room and sat down, something dropped and hit me on the head…it was an emerald cut peridot (sp?) with diamonds around it. I got up and put it in a drawer…another flashback but this time it was of another time I had been there. All sorts of things started flooding back. I sat down on the floor by the bed and cried my heart out. Somehow I found a dagger and slit my left wrist three times. I set it down, the blood was pouring…I picked it back up and slit my hand open. I dropped the dagger; I was still crying…I could feel my body weakening. I heard footsteps coming towards me, I didn’t look up...they stopped. A hand came to my cheek…still I didn’t want to look. I was being picked up and that is when I looked up…I’ll never forget the pain in his eyes. I told him I was sorry for everything, he said he knows. I said a couple other things and begged him not to leave me, which he said he wouldn’t. I began to fade, but I could hear him saying hold on and holding me closer to him. I hadn’t lost complete consciousness…he laid me down on something and asked Zeus for help. Zeus told him he had to go…I grabbed his belt with my right hand and said don’t leave me. And I told Zeus if he goes then let me die. I didn’t expect him to say go. I asked him if he was serious, he said he was. He said he’d go and he did. It was like female empowerment or something because I got up, I was holding my arm and walked away, I had my back to Zeus…I was looking at a blank white wall. He started to say how I need to let go of him. In a nutshell what I told him was I didn’t want to. I said dammit once and he said don’t use that tone with me. There were other things I said…after I said something my arm and hand started to heal. At first I didn’t notice it but I felt a heat around my arm. I looked at it and it was sealing up…when it was done it looked like nothing had happened. I turned to face him and he kind of faded into the background. Doors opened and a white light filled the room. He was standing in the doorway…tears came to my eyes. He started coming towards me…I ran to him and jumped in his arms. I said don’t ever leave me again, I know I wanted to start over but I don’t want to lose it all…he laughed.

When I came out of it I needed to wipe my eyes and blow my nose.

I’ve been feeling a lost connection with the gods lately. I’ve said I want to start over with them, but I didn’t know if it’s still the right pantheon for me. I think what I was being shown is what it’d be like without him…I’d be miserable. But djmixon and aftershocked were right too :)

[aftershocked]

:foh: :sadeyes: but what does that mean, exactly???

Oh! I didn't think it would be taken like that.. I hate posting in threads just to say the exact same thing as other people.. it wasn't meant as a personal thing, djmixon :hugz:

[djmixon]

Okay. . . just wondering. . .didn't want to have offended anyone and not known it - so I could fix it. . .

BB
Donna

[Swifthollow_Poe]

I had a strange experience too, recently. It was about 3 in the morning two nights ago. I couldn't sleep, so I was trying to meditate to relax. However my meditation quickly changed into a senace and the room suddenly filled with what I could only call as spirits. It creeped me out, its not the sort of thing I would want to do alone (have a seance, I mean). I didn't know if they were those of family, or the ones who do live in my house, good or evil. I left the room and watched tv with the cat and dog the rest of the night instead. I feel bad that I backed out of the experience, however, I'm just not ready for this sort of thing.

Spirit Moon,
I'm sorry that you feel you have lost a connection with your choosen Pantheon. If you don't mind me being nosey, how did you come by the connection with them in the first place?

[kazzeh]

being alone in a room with spirits... that's scary... well, to me, at least. i don't know... i've had a strange experience before. it was quite a long time ago, and i've never actually told anyone about it...
i went to the amusement park with my friends, and we were about to take a ride, when i felt someone tap my shoulder. i turned around to look, but there wasn't anyone. so i just turned around again to go on walking. to my horror, i saw myself walking with my friends, or rather someone who looks exactly like me, and all i could do was stand there and gape. it's like... i'm standing there watching myself walking with my friends... i hear that this is something like an out-of-body experience... anyone has an experience like that? i know this is getting out of topic, but i just wanted to know why it happens, or... sometihng like that. can anyone tell me? thanks...

[alesay]

That's a pretty intense meditation!! i can't meditate... well not very well! *LOL*

[gyroWang]

i saw myself walking with my friends, or rather someone who looks exactly like me, and all i could do was stand there and gape. it's like... i'm standing there watching myself walking with my friends... i hear that this is something like an out-of-body experience... anyone has an experience like that?.

That is interesting, there could be a few reasons for that. I dont really feel i'm able to say what it is without doubt though.

[Spirit Moon]

Swifthollow_Poe: Having the room filled with something...I've had that happen, seems more to happen when I'm staring into the darkness before I go to sleep. I've only been scared once, when I saw the face of a god...that was a few nights ago.

I don't mind at all. Although I honestly don't remember how the Greek pantheon really came to me. It seems like I've always had a connection with them, sometimes I think it was there before I was born because it is (or was) so strong. I keep asking what the heck I was in the past because of it, I haven't gotten an answer.
When the TV show Hercules was on it got me reading more about them. When I was in 6th grade it furthered my reading. That's when one in particular was jumping off the pages. To this day I'm told to pay attention more and listen more. At least a month ago I asked if this was the right pantheon for me, just to make sure...I got a very loud yes. I've told them repeatedly you're going to have to hit me over the head with a two by four for me to get it. Well, now that's been changed to a monster size truck.

kazzeh: That is strange. I wish I could help you.

alesay: Most of mine are intense, some more intense than others. You’ll get better at it…practice makes perfect.

gyroWang: What part of Scotland are you in?

[kazzeh]

hmm. sigh. has no one really heard of an out-of-body experience? oh well... nevermind. was kinda confused... (and pretty freaked out, then... i was only 11...) ah well. i suppose no one comes across this sorta thing anyway. (fwah. wouldn't it be scary... to see it happen to yourself... often???) well, better that no one has, rather than experienced it, 'cos it doesn't feel too good to me. and... i just realised that rather recently i've been losing touch with everything. i can't really feel the energy in myself anymore... *cries* is it because of stress, or something? i remember, especially when i was younger, i used to be more... (hm. err... how do you explain...) more "in touch" with stuff? and now it's like... everything's so unnatural to me, and i can't concentrate properly when i'm using my tarot cards (well. half a deck anyway.). is there anything wrong with me, or something??

[Spirit Moon]

I've heard of them and had one many years ago...haven't been able to have one sense. What you described I haven’t heard of before. Losing touch with everything including yourself sounds very familiar. My experience so far with it has been caused by way too much stress. For me it happens also when I’m overloaded…I’m a born empath. I haven’t figured out how to keep myself from getting overloaded. Things are just becoming unnatural to me…like I’m here but I’m not here. That hasn’t happened before. What’s odd is it has nothing to do with the Greek pantheon…if anything someone induced it, I think. I’m going to have to explore it later on today.

[kazzeh]

thanks anyway. well. i suppose i can browse around the web (although i still don't trust it that much) to look for info.

[Spirit Moon]

You're welcome. I hope you find something that will help you.