Lady of the Moon

[FairyMoon]

I kneel here before you because I am confused at the new set of troubles in my life. I am too lonely now. I long for a real friend I can talk to, especially another witch or Pagan or another Indigo who would understand me. I am alone. Me all of my troubles, and then him. He is the main cause of all of my pain. I don't know what you want me to do with him. I want to leave him sometimes, but then I know how alone he would be. When we are together, we can both eat and survive, but alone, he has no way to work, and no way to support himself and no family who can, or who will, really help him. My mom wont buy me and Ash food anymore either... for a year already! And without him, I make not enough money to last through a week alone. Not only that but I can't throw him to the wolves, when we are trying to do better for ourselves. I want to get out of my moms house and become everything that I know I am, fully. A Witch and a healer who is dependant of herself only. I want to be free. How could she feed her boyfriend and but tons of low carb crap, but not feed me and my sister? I thought it was because it took me two years too late to finally graduate, for a half of a credit!!! but when I finally got it, I didn't even get a "good job". People in my neighborhood don't even care about education, and it was her intolerance of me that led me to despair and fail. Everytime I look at her I think about how much she has hurt me throughout my whole life, and I can't take it. She doesn't care now. I want to do for myself now. The only friend I had was him, and now, he argues with me too. I never have peace, I hate being at work now, because of all of the people. I'm so sensitive to other peoples moods now, and they are always agravated at my store! So I am bombarded by negetivity all day long, in waves, at different intervals. Why? I know there is a reason. If I leave Tony, I leave him knowing he will suffer great life harshness, and so will I because I have a lot less money for food and stuff. He will break down and feel just like me. Hurt. I don't want to do that to him! WHY!!! wht is it that I can let people spit on me almost, but turn around and offer them the other cheek, because I don't want them to feel the pain they give me? What is it that I need Mother? Is it facing the challenge of really letting him go to face his own problems? Or is it to help to bring about more love and peace between us? I have been trying that same old song and dance trying to bring the peace, but he doesn't want it! I really need a sign Goddess, or some help really, because I have no way out of this mess withut sacraficing and starting my life over again, I mean with both mom and him. I need Strength,courage and your love to guide me through this, please stay close to me, I feel better when I can feel you there.

[FairyMoon]

Thank you Mother, for letting me release it all yesterday. As you know, there is only so much I can take before I start to lose it! Though I have not told him every detail of my life, I think telling him what I did yesterday makes him realize that I did have a difficult life before I met him, and that he will understand more and stop putting more pressure on me. I guess I don't really explain things to him too well anymore, but that's only because I was persistant in talking for months and I saw as every word I said went in through one ear, and out the other. He never listened. Anyways. I'm tired of talking your ear off about my problems with him. This story gets so old and dusty after a while, right? Well, on a more prductive note, Great Lady of the Moon, what can I do for you? I want to help out more than I am helping now. I saw palm trees being transported here to be planted. I never knew trees had to travel like that! And then they keep on building more stupid chains of everything we already have, adding on to our malls, and homes. Not that I think we don't need them, but I mean, we don't need all of them. They cut down everything I spent 16 years growing up around, and I can't help feeling a little sad. I mean, you taught me that everything and eveyone has a right to be here, and I want to help you to show that to everyone else. Even our animals like the raccoons everywhere I see dead a lot now, because they have no space to build their homes, and there are many roads and lights that are their graveyards at night. Please let me help with this! This is what I'd rather be doing than working for aggraveted people all day who just want to aggravate me too. I want to make a positive change. Thank you Mother, Blessed be.

[FairyMoon]

Lady of the Moon, It is over. At least for two more days, I don't have to go to work and feel all of that negetivity, or whatever it is that I feel in there and don't like. Yesterday I put in some long hours. I am asking you for help again Moon Goddess. I need a job that suits me more, and makes me happy until I can become Your healer. If You see something out there that you know I can do, please reserve the position for me :). I just don't like having to do something and then hate doing it. Tony seems to be trying much harder now to be considerat of me, and eventhough this is a positive sign, I can't help but wondering if he wont slip back to his old ways. It's because we've tried this same scenario at least 50 times over the past, like, 8 or so months and I've always gotten the same treatment as before. Horrible. I really long to be an independant woman so that I can be free to serve you. That's all I want to do anyways. But I have to tell you something. We are going shopping today, and here's the thing, I need you to please guide my hand again. If I go shopping without Your help, I always get something I end up not liking. Oh! I am so glad you helped me to find MW and the people in this community. It really is a big help to me to be around other Pagans and like minded people. I can be free in my expression here and don't have to listen to people telling me I'm going to... you know what they say :D Thank you for your open arms of love and your guidance Lady. Thank you for all of my lessons. And thank you for this life and all of the lessons, and especially for the free will to experience everything I want from the good things to the so called bad things that helps me learn too. Blessed be.

[FairyMoon]

Thank you Great Mother! Thank you for my day of peace. I've waited so long for a day of peace, where there is no stress or arguments or anything like that! Those days feel really draining, but today feels empowering. I keep having memories of how I used to "feel" when I was a child. I remeber how strongly I felt the energy of what I knew at the time as Christmas. I don't know if it is because that is my birth month, but I know I can feel it when it's here, and that's what I felt tonight as I walked through the wind. Help me to use this gift of empowerment Goddess, help me to empower someone else. Thank you for Your blessings and love, Blessed be.

[FairyMoon]

Mother Moon, I am going to try to clean out my room today. I can't stand all of the clutter, especially when I need to meditate. Thank you for the beauty of this Earth, Mother, and the home She provides for me. I would like a place of solitude in Your garden Mother, but everywhere I look, there is concrete, or there is nature, but no solitude or privacy. People around here don't understand the need to feel connected to You, to feel the sun and to lie on the grass, to feel the wind hug me, I can't remember the last time I did these things just to be... Is there somewhere that You know of Mother, that I can relax and enjoy all of Your life, never thinking about this world untill I'm ready to go? If there is, please help me to find it. Thank you for all of Your gifts and love. Blessed be.

[FairyMoon]

Great Mother, I want to thank you for the blessing I recieved today. I am aware of You teaching me that I need to learn to communicate better, and to stand up for myself better without feeling to need to be confrontational, and also to be more understanding of where other people are comming from. In all those lessons, I will have to learn the hardest lesson for me to deal with since childhood, and that is patience. I am thankful because I know that these steps I am taking are preparing me for Our future, when I am in a better position to help You and deal with people and the world with love and patience and understanding. That is why You see me trying to be more calm and trying to put myself in everyone's shoes when they take their agression out on me. It get's really hard sometimes, but I know You wouldn't give me the lesson if you thought I couldn't learn it, right? Thank you for being my teacher and guide, especially when I don't realize it. Blessed be Mother Moon

[FairyMoon]

Moon Goddess, I bring you troubling news. I am at odds with the love of my mothers life, and I can't shake this feeling. I can't help but feel that I need to sort something out between us so that I can move on from this grudge. Of course you know that I feel that my mother deserves more than what she's getting, but it is the fact that she allows him to interfere in my life and make descisions, and to always talk to me like I am a child... these things infuriate me! It also makes me mad that she listens to him, even if she disagreed earlier. Like, for instance, remember when I told her, finally, that I wanted to be a healer, and I was shocked because she was actually okay with it? Then he comes along and asks me what I want to do, and since it's hard for me to lie, I told him the same thing, a healer, and he laughed at me and said I was going to learn voodoo ( which I know he doesn't even understand..... See, how upset I am getting just talking about it again... When I think of ways to go around the situation, Mother, I think of saving up enough with my b/f to move out, if we can make it. Then I will be free, but I don't know. The fact that this is hard to visualize should tell me something... Do you see a better way for me? Your wisdom is really needed for this situation, I feel blinded without it because I can't see what to do next. Thank you for being here with me Mother Moon, Blessed be

[FairyMoon]

Lady of the Moon, were you with me last night? Did you help me to overcome this hurdle yet again? I told him...finally! I told him that I love him sooo much, but that my priority is to myself. I told him that we can no longer be together because I want to move foward in my life with no restirctions and none of the holds that he has on me. I feel tied down being his girlfriend now, instead of myself. I will still be his friend and still help support us, but that will be my choice for now. I wont tolerate anymore unjustified anger at me, and other unfair thing that go on. I just can't leave him in the cold, though. I know what it's like to have nobody and I don't feel right leaving him to totally fend for himself. I will try to be there as a friend and hope he respects my descision after more time passes, and hope that this works better than our relationship. That went down in a bucket of tears. Now, mom wants me to look at schools in other countries. She says because it's cheaper. I think she is trying to get rid of me and still have controll of my life. I don't know anything about anywhere really, and I said I'd NEVER take a plane again after 911. I felt the energy of that day, about a year before it happened and recognized it when it came back. I felt extreame uncomfort out of the blue and terror and fright. Many people probably think it's silly, but I really haven't liked any of our modes of mass transportation since that day. Moon Mother, will you help me with this. I just need some reassurance that the descisions I'm making are right for me and for my highest good, and for you to please help me whenever I get lost, to pull me back or show me the path again so that I can continue. I don't know why, but I feel like a lot is riding on the descisions I make now, and that is why it hurts so much if I go in the wrong direction. Please help me to listen to Your voice and my spirit to guide me in this life. Thank you Blessed Mother, for being with me and supporting me every step of the way nomatter how wrong or right I am in my choices, Blessed be

[FairyMoon]

What do I do? He hurt me. There is no one to tell. I have no friends. I cant tell his aunt, she wont believe me... My mom doesn't care probably, I am so alone. My nose! can it even be fixed? do I sit here, silent, like I have with everyone who has hurt me in the past? I feel like lashing out. This pain is unbearable. Not again. Please watch over me and guide me. I don't like feeling like this, or what people seem to be allowed to do to me without getting caught or in trouble. Had the situation been reversed, everybody would know and hate me by now. Why is this so unfair? What did I really do wrong?

[FairyMoon]

I feel like I finally got a break, but then again not really. As soon as I came in the door today, mom was harassing me about going to India again for 6 years to become a physical therapist, just so that I can become what I want, which is a healer. I don't want to do anyhing else or go to India for 6 years to be bored to death by school again!!! This is like slow torture. I HAVE to find a way out of this because I'm not going. She already talks as if I'm gone, about how she is going to switch to a day schedule, as if I she really ever needed to watch me. I am almost 21.... how is it that she has to work nights because of me. She definately doesn't feed me or buy me clothes... or anything motherly for years. I never ask either. So how could she feel like that? I don't really want to be here either. Mom is too in love with her boyfriend to be anything but selfish, and he is so fake, so I don't want his friendship, my little sister is... i don't know, but it's not comforting at times. Will I really starve if I am just a healer? I don't care about making lottery money or anything like that, I just want to be able to live on my own without needing help from anyone else, doing what I want to do ( healing, go to UU, and clean my room without being harassed for petes sake!) I just wish I could have some peace in my life. I'm so tired of her pushing me and nagging me and just plain getting on my nerves, any time she sees me she asks about school and what I want to do , telling me I need to make up my mind about what I want to do for school. I KNOW already, and in case she forgot I already told her. SHE wants me to have another job and go to school for this crap, not me. She says she doesn't want me to starve but, she hasn't bought food in over a year. I think she just wants me gone for as cheap as possible for as long as possible so she can have all the time in the world with her boyfriend. I'm sorry, but being in this situation day after day for years, is getting to me and it's hard not to dislike them, even though I should know better. I know I'm complaining a lot lataley when I was trying to be happy, but it is hard. Thankys for always listning to me whenever I need to talk, Blessed be.

[FairyMoon]

Dear Moon Mother, thank You for the gift of life, even all of the difficult times. Every now and again I am brought back to my senses by something or someone that reminds me of what a gift life is, and that we also have free will. What two better things? Please help me to remeber that I am Your child through my present situations and to have the courage to be alive anf free despite my surroundings, whatever they may be. Thank You, Blessed be.

[FairyMoon]

Thank You, Moon Mother for Your light and love. I feel that you have answered my prayers and are here with me. Thank You for helping me sort through my problems and giving me the support, comfort, and cheering that I need. Blessed Be.

[FairyMoon]

Moon Mother! I am somewhat relieved that I am no longer employed, but I worry if I really can find another job. And one I like too! I hate customer service I guess because of how rude most people can be. They look at me and expect me to go way beyond my job and become a personal slave.:foh: Not me. I just don't bow down too well I guess. Not everything is for everybody right? Especially me it seems. Please help me Mother, on my search to find a job that I like? Me and Tony might have it a little bit harder too. Please give us the strength to see this through, and please guide us to make better choices than we have in the past so that we can stay afloat. Please protect us Mother, from any negetive and harmful energy and anything that is not for our highest good. Thank you, Mother.:smile:

[FairyMoon]

Moon Mother,

I haven't had any luck even thinking of what I might like to do. I know I can thank you for taking care of me and Tony though. Through all of this, we are doing okay. His aunt is trying to sabotage us dearly by asking for so much money when we tell her how hard we have it. I don't like that. I mean, everbody in his family and life asks him for money, but who takes care of us when we need it? We have no safety nets anywhere. When we need help, everybody complains and can't do it, but we haven't asked for help this year at all because of this attitude. I have a lot of pride too I guess. Please take care of me Mother, so that I can one day take care of myself. Please watch over me and Tony and help us when we have necessities that we cannot meet. Thank you Mother, for Your blessing and love.

[FairyMoon]

Moon Goddess, I heard you last night when you spoke to my heart. I am alone for a reason. Thank you for hearing me when I told you of my pain and loneliness. Though I feel lonely sometimes still, I can deal a little bit better now that you've told me the reason. I realize it is up to me what I do from now on and I choose to accept your offer to get off of my butt and fix my life with no responsibilities to get in my way. No so-called friends to lead me astray ( as I noticed that can easily happen with me ) It is just me myself and I. And Tony helps a lot too. Thank you for helping me see the bigger picture because it is comforting to remember this when I feel alone.
Blessed be

[FairyMoon]

Goddess of the Moon, I kneel before you in thanks and praise. You have been my rock and support through many tough times that I've been going through recently. I thought about how it is a miracle that I am even here and sane and happy today, But it is because you are always here with me. Thank you for not leaving my side, especially when I am left wanting by Tony. Blessed be.

[FairyMoon]

Moon Mother, thank you for answering my prayer. I am glad to know that things are going as they should because I was getting worried at the lack of movement in my life again. I found a school that actually seems to be right for me too. It is amazing how things are slowly comming into play for me. I realize that I still have so much more to learn and do before I can get to that place I want to be in life, but I am learning to be satified with all that I have and all that I am now. Thank you Mother, for you see me through such hard times and help me to come out smiling. You are always there to help me bounce back Goddess... thank you. Blessed be.

[FairyMoon]

Goddess of the Moon, I am so excited at the rapid turn of evnts happening now in my life! One minute it seemed as if my whole world was upside down, then I could tell it was getting a little bit better as the obstacles in my way started to slowly clear themselves away. Now everything seems to be going the way I wanted it to. I am now enrolled in a great university that, if I complete everything required of me, I can earn a BS in alternative medicine! Who would've thought that this would happen so quickly, hunh? I was expecting, to hopefully find a school that would be able to live through by next year! Thank you for this gift and blessing. I have another chance to realize my goals and dreams. This happened so fast that I know there is no other way of explaining things except to say that you have been there helping me along and putting things into play for me. Thank you. Everyone expected me to just live in my moms basement forever with no ambition or even smarts to speak of, ( I think I'm very smart ) and to just live off of their left-overs ( hardley any to speak of ) forever untill I'm like, 35. We are proving them wrong right? Blessed be, Moon Mother.

[FairyMoon]

Goddess Moon, I have been trying to savor what's left of my relationship for so long that it is exhausting me. I really have realized that for him I am just an opportunity to get out of his situation and to one day do better for himself. He is spinning his wheels in the mud going no where and I feel him trying to do the same to me. He can never be completely happy for me. I think he is jelous of me and how well things are going for me, but that is selfish of him because my life, for a long time, has been very stressful. It's has been stressfull because of him too. Today he tried to keep me in the car today at his house. I hate taking him home now. I don;t have to do this. When I take him home, if we get into an argument, he stays in the car so I can't go until I show behavior he aproves of! He does a number of other Bossy things to me. He damands me answer him, demands I give himn respect, cliams every word that comes out of my mouth is a lie, and if I try to show him how he is acting, or worse, retaliate ( because I really can't take that after a while ) I have to go through his consequenbces, which he says I deserve!!! He drive MY car really fast on the road, and almost getting into accidents. When I was working he tried to make me late because I wouldn't talk to him. I really want to do well in school, but I am afraid that he will soon try to ruin that for me too and try to make me late just because he is mad at me. He is crazy!!! But if I leave him, I still have no job, and mom doesn't really know, so I have no way of getting to school. She won't pay for my gas and food after You helped me to get her to miraculously pay for my college education! The situation seems hopeless, unless I get another job, which is easier said than done. I want a job I will like, because I thought I could take it working for a place I hated as long as they were paying. Not true.
( they didn't even pay much ) I need out of this, because we have been together for a year and all of the hundres of talks we have had havent changed a thing. I don't know if he hears me and then forgets, or if he really doesn't care. It seems sometimes he does, but then why would he act like this to me. I cut myself again for the first time in years because I couldn't stand the stress of him talking and talking down to me, all morning long untill he goes to work, and the hour long drive home and even more talking down until whenever he decideds I can leave. It has taken me a while to realize that none of this is normal. At all. Normal people don't go through this many or these types of arguiments. Not if they love each other. Right? I also think he saw my cuts. He didn't sat a thing. Not that I care since it seems he doesn't, but I thought if you love someone and knew you were the reason they are stressed out enough to put cuts on their arm, would make you a little compassionate and make you think the next time you want to start yelling at them for no reason. Plus it doesn't show much caring about myself if I do cut myself right? But I do care about myself very much. I realize little by little ( even if I have to make myself) how unique and special I am. As is everybody else of course, but it has taken me a while to even bring myself up to the standards that I hold for everyone else. Which is sad. Why am I always around these mentally and physically abusive people? How come they are ALWAYS in my life, one after the other, replacing each other? My mother was the first and then it continued throught out my life. I am always in the position of needing them too, so I can't escape. I want to be more independant Mother, so I can leave his butt, and tell him what I REALLY think of him and where I think he should go ( If I believed in hell that is ) I am sorry to be so frusterated again and telling you the same things about the same guy, buy I need Your help once, more. I need You to help me get rid of him in a way that doesn't hurt him OR me. I want to have a free conscious, but knowing what I know about him now, if I have to hurt him, feelings or otherwise ( leaving him with no support ) I will because I have been his support day a night endlessly no matter how he's treated me, and this is the thanks I get... more tears and bitter treatment. Abusive bastard!!! I am sooooo mad..... I'm gonna go now before I explode with anger. I am exploding because there is NOTHING i can do about this now, except to ride it out. What I really want to do is something along the lines of erasing my evil boyfriend.:grrrrr: Thank You for being here for me when there is no one. I really have only You when it comes to this. Everyone thinks it is soooo easy to just leave him, but none of these peopole will take care of me untill I can get on my feet if I do leave him. They need to put on my shoes. Blessed be, Mother.

[FairyMoon]

Moon Mother, If it isn't one thing, it's another. We are preparing again to take another hurricane running over Florida. I know You have heard my prayers for everyone that is affected by this storm. I also pray for the people in San Salvador. The whole storm, eye and all, ran right over this little island. There is also another one named Ivan developing and it has already turned into a tropical storm. I pray it does not develop any further. It is really hard anticipating its arrival now that the system has slowed considerably. All I really want to do is go to school lol :D and know that everyone will be safe. Goddess, I pray for the protection of all who are in the path of this storm. May our homes, family, and all that we hold dear be kept safe and out of harms way. Thank You for Your blessing and Love. Blessed be.

[FairyMoon]

Goddess of the Moon, I am getting really nervous just sitting here waiting for this storm to come. It is moving so slowly, and it's the size of Texas! I don't really want it to come, but I kinda want to get it over with to find out if I have a home or not afterwards. I am thinking of all of the bad things that could happen now because I'm so anxious. This is one thing I hope to get rid of before I die. My extream anxiousness. It gets so bad I can feel it in my body, and I've been this way for as long as I can remember. It's getting old, even if I do have a good reason. It makes me feel like I'm afraid of life, too. Not good. Life's too short to feel like that, right? Well, I hope to talk to you soon and this storm is either over, or I'm over it, lol. Blessed be.

[FairyMoon]

Woohoo! I rode out that slooooooow extreamly sllooowwwww storm. All I have to say is I've never in my LIFE seen a storm that big. It took over the whole state of Florida! That is a huge storm!!! People even here don't seem to realize this. When the storm was in the islands, it was a category 4. When it reached Florida, it was a category 2. It did do us damage too. The houses in the islands are, fortunatelty, bulit of much stromger material than the houses and buildings are here in most of Florida. So it REALLY agravates me that most of the people I know are being so nonchallant of this storm. If she were here at a 4, I KNOW the U.S. would have lost Florida. I know this. You really have to have a certain respect for this storm. It was extreamly powerful even at a 2, and I still can't believe how large. Here in Broward, thank You, Mother, we along with the city of Miami-Dade experienced the least amount of damage. The winds shook my windows so hard and thee tree outside my window was swirling around and around I thought it was going to be uprooted.

Now... after all that... we have Ivan to worry about. I am praying for the islands to be very safe... they are so small and the storm surges with these storms are incredible. I am greatful for the fact that the hurricane is already down to a 2. It was at a 4 yesterday. It is on the same, well, almost the same path as Frances. What is beginning to bother me, ( and what is dawning on me for the first time really) is how many people in this world today, have their minds on terror? There must be many. All I know is that can't be too nice of a sign when I know whatever you think about basically grows stronger. When half the world is dealing with terror of some sort thinks about this.... I don't wanna guess. I have heard so many crazy things too about these storms that I dont think is so crazy anymore... Can storms be made or induced in some way by man? It sounds silly but it might make sense. It might also explain the strange actions of this storm. I've been here for 16 years and this is my first experience so... it makes me think instead of laugh at these suggestions.

Thank You for blessing and sparing so many that were, and are still being affected by this storm. This was scary for everybody involved from the islands on up, but by Your blessings, so much was spared. We still have our homes, our families, and we can move on. ( Thank You for listening to me ramble too. 'cuz no one else will )Thank You. Blessed be.