Are you there?

[DragonsChest]

I was so happy to see him come home safely, but after only a week, I am ready for him to leave again. I love him, but it's a safe comfortable non-exciting love and it works just fine long distance. If it weren't for the fact that the kids need their father around, and miss him while he's gone, I'd be just as happy if he travelled most of the time. We need his paycheck and mine to make ends meet, so I definately don't want to split up, and besides, I do love him. I don't want him to leave forever, I just don't think that we have any fun anymore.

He's always so unhappy (clinically depressed), with work with life with family, nothing cheers him up, and he's stopped taking his medicine because he says he doesn't like the side effects. He has no sex drive when he's on his meds, but his moods are so much better that I can really do without the sex and have a semi-pleasant person to live with. He smiles very rarely, and his face is taking on the downward mouth lines of the chronic grouch.

This is sucking the life and joy out of me. I have always been such a fun-loving person, I love to laugh and enjoy life. I can be a totally different person at work because the vampiric life sucker isn't here. The glass isn't even half-empty for him, it's bone dry. I tried to leave him about 11 years ago, and then didn't. Stayed together for the kids and for what I knew we could have together, he started really taking meds then and we went to counseling. I can't leave him, I'm trapped, I don't want to leave him. He's a good man, a providing man, and he loves the kids so much. We are more like roommates.

It's only about a month before he travels away again and I'm already counting the days. Please help me to love him again, be like we were when we were first married. 22 years ago I didn't know he had these problems (he hid them WELL), and I wouldn't have cared anyway. Can't we all just live all wind sauce and love pudding, or however it goes? I feel so very empty inside. Please show me how to feel again. To love my husband again.

Are you there? This can't be your plan for me, for us. There has to be more.....please answer......

[Earthy]

May you find the answers you seek,deep within your heart.:hugz:

[DragonsChest]

You must have given me the strength. Maybe all I have to do is call on you in real need. We had it out last night. It was the typical response of: I didn't know we had a problem. How is this possible? How can another person be so self-absorbed that they can't see the effect they are causing on everyone around them?

Now that we have hashed out some basic things (same song fifteenth verse - this has all happened before), please help me to keep an open mind. Please help me to remember that the changes didn't happen overnight to get to where we are now, and we won't magically get "better" today. I can envision us 20-30 years from now, retired, maybe travelling around the faire circuit, seeing things, being together.... he said he couldn't see anything only a year away. That hurt. But at least we are talking. But I can't help but think that since this is just another chapter in our saga, we will be doing this again in another few years. How tiring.

I have so much to be thankful for, and I really am, so please don't think that I am being ungrateful by asking for a bit more. Please give me the ability to see more good and not dwell on the bad. We are together, but I want to be "together".

Thank you for: my children, my home, my job, my dragons, my friends here, my work friends, my generally sunny outlook on life - this is what keeps me up and feeling normal, the talents you have blessed me with, and for not turning away from me when I need you. I'm not a church goer, I'm not even sure that who I'm praying to is the Christian God, or the Goddess, or Both, or Who, but I have always felt that there is someone out there who is Divine, and has my interests at heart. So I'll continue to just prayer to You, and You can take care of the rest.

[DragonsChest]

Mom, I miss you. I wish you were still here so I could talk to you. I know that you hear me, though, and that gives me some comfort.

[DragonsChest]

I wish I could help my son. He is 17. A few weeks ago he and his gf of over a year broke up, her choice, and he is heartbroken. It's hollow words from me to say that the hurt will heal one day. Right now he doesn't see it. Please help put the words in my mouth that will most speak to his heart! Please help me to be what he needs of me now.

Yesterday was a very good day. Things seemed so much more easy between us. Then we sat down to watch Bruce Almighty and he became depressed. Why? Why can't he be happy for even a stretch of hours? And when I answered his question later last night about how my day was, I spoke truth. I said I had had a great day, at work, at home, watching the movie, and he seemed unhappy that I hadn't been sharing in his depression.

I guess I need to build a protective place for myself. But that seems to negate the idea of marriage and sharing a life with another. I don't want to shut him out but I think I might have to, in order to retain my own little piece of sanity. Please help him to see how destructive this behaviour of his is. Please help him to feel your presence. Maybe if he would start his meds again, he would be better.

Thank you for your continued blessings in my life, even though I sound like a whiney baby. I have two more orders for dragons, the kids are happy and healthy, my job is great, and I get my first full paycheck in it since starting with the new management. I guess you need to test me in other areas, to see if I can learn to lean on you for support. I've gone it alone for far too long.

[DragonsChest]

Thank you! He's taking his meds again! Thank you.

[DragonsChest]

I woke up this morning and felt GLAD! It is going to be a beautiful day. Thank you for the opportunity to be with my friends and family. I am looking forward to this weekend. Hubby and I are going to a party tomorrow night, and he's actually excited. I know it's early days yet, but we both said we were sorry for being hard to live with and it felt like we both meant it. It wasn't just words, you know?

[Earthy]

:hugz:

[Druchii]

I woke up this morning and felt GLAD! It is going to be a beautiful day. Thank you for the opportunity to be with my friends and family. I am looking forward to this weekend. Hubby and I are going to a party tomorrow night, and he's actually excited. I know it's early days yet, but we both said we were sorry for being hard to live with and it felt like we both meant it. It wasn't just words, you know?

I am happy beyond words for you... :)
:hugz: I always have an ear for you if you need one.

[Nighthawk]

Right on.... so happy.. keep that fire burning....

[DragonsChest]

I'm in need of your help, and a spurt of energy. You know I need to get my inventory together for the upcoming faire, and although I have so many ideas running around my head for designs and things to try (thank you!), I feel paralyzed by the amount of work left to do and the time in which to do it. I can't get going with it.

I'm worried the most about the test issue, and how I'm going to get it all put together. He's going to be gone for all this, and I'll have to do it myself, with only maybe the kid's help. I'm scared and feel so overwhelmed. Please send me a measure of calm.

[DragonsChest]

I'm feeling......brittle.

[DragonsChest]

It's amazing how a few little pills can correct that sad chemical imbalance in a person's brain. He is still taking meds, and is an even, almost normal person. I know he feels that it somehow is less manly to have to take a pill to be like other folks, but I keep trying to tell him it's no different than having to take insulin, or high blood pressure tablets..... It's just that his problems have no real outward signs. If you didn't know him well, and you were to see him on the street, you would think nothing was wrong.

We aren't talking about his going away for the next business trip. It's like, the longer we can ignore it, the more it might not actually happen. Tricks, of course, but still...... At least this business trip will take him back to his home country, England, and he'll get a chance to visit with his mom, dad, and sister's family. Doesn't look like his folks will be coming over this year for Christmas, his dad is going to have a triple-bypass. (Sidebar: because of socialized medicine, he had to choose between getting it done for free but being on a waiting list for 10 months to a year, or going to a private doctor and paying for it himself, but getting it done next week. He took the private doc.)

My son told me last night that this summer was the worst he's ever had. GF dumped him, job situation is bad, and he just feels like crap. I'm wondering if he's really nervous about going to the high school building this year, he's a junior. Since he's the one who is going to church regularly, helping out with VBS, and the like, please show him a bit of extra kindness? He's doing the Divine's good works, and he doesn't have to, he wants to. Please let him know your presense.

Thank you for letting me whine at you. Sometimes you seem so distant, other times you're right next to me, listening. This is nice.

[Calyx]

:hugz:
You are in my thoughts, sweetie.

[DragonsChest]

Please send healing and energy sent to Calyx's daughter and our own Freyja. They are in pain and need You.

About two nights ago, I was agonizing over a decision on how to best spend the money in the business account. I really need a proper tent/pavilion and felt completely like throwing in the towel. I know it's not a grand problem of monumental proportion, but it was weighing on my mind.

Once again, You're showing me that if I call on You for help, that You will answer me, or help me to see the answer. My next door neighbor showed me a circular last night about a pavilion that would probably do me just fine and I'm off to look at it with my hubby. It's about half as expensive as the one I was looking at, and although it's not one of those proper canvas type pavilions that the SCA would use, it will certainly work for now. The business will have to grow up and into one of those. A good, properly kitted out one is over $1000.00. Maybe You are trying to teach me patience and growing.

Thank you very much.

[DragonsChest]

He's gone now.....

[DragonsChest]

He called from Gatwick! He's six hours ahead there. It's going to be a very long 6-8 weeks. I'm beginning to feel depressed.

[DragonsChest]

I have been remiss. Although I have received wonderful news that my FIL's surgery went well, I gave it a passing nod to thanks. I thank you for watching over him. For the fact that Richard is able to be there with his father. I know you tweaked the schedules so that when Richard's business trip to the UK came up, his father would go in amost immediately for the surgery.

This is not a coincidence, and so, I'm sorry that I didn't take the time then to say a proper thank you. That you have bent everything to your will and made this happen. That you protected him and gave him family around him. Thank you!

[DragonsChest]

I'm really aggravated at a certain someone, and I don't know what to do about it!!!!! :grrrrr:

[DragonsChest]

Why does it have to hurt so much? I don't know who to talk to about this. I wish Richard were here. Sometimes I feel like I'm back in 3rd grade and no one wants me to play with them on the playground. Sometimes I feel like I'm being immature. But it hurts! I want to, I try, to just rise above it and go on, saying it doesn't matter.

But it does.

[DragonsChest]

Thank you, it's not so bad now. I have decided to deal with it. And you said you would help. So, it will be okay. Somehow.

[DragonsChest]

Looks like you are taking him away again. He will be home for a month, then gone thru Christmas. Just when we had really started connecting again, he had to go. I feel very ... frustrated. The job market is so lean right now that he feels to say no to a trip would be to place himself on the altar of layoffs. This is almost like being an indentured servant.

I'm sorry I am feeling angry with you right now. I know you must be trying to get something through my thick head, but argh. Please, at least give me a glimmer of why you are doing what you are!

[DragonsChest]

I just read about the hostage situation in Russia and how it has played out. Why!!! Why do we do this to each other? And why do you allow allowe it to happen? Sometimes I think humanity is a blot on the face of the earth and that someday Earth will shrug us off as the viruses we seem to prove over and over again that we are.

why.............

[DragonsChest]

Thank you!!! Thank you.

[DragonsChest]

I love the people I work with in this job. If I have to work, and I do, then I thank You for giving me the best environment there is.

I've gotten to speak with my husband the other night, and he sounds so good. Being able to visit his family has been very beneficial to him. I wish we could afford to go to the UK more, so that he had more contact with them, but this has worked out just perfect in timing.

Thank You for the success in business, it's small but growing, and thank you for my family. Right now, right at this moment in time, things are encapsulated in a happy bubble for me and my family.

[Calyx]

:hugz:

[DragonsChest]

Hubby called today! He said that his dad is doing much better after his quad-bypass surgery, and is even starting to work in the garden again. The out-laws are now planning a trip out to stay with us in March. I know they stay a long time, but this trip will be special. Planning it gives him something to do and look forward to, to get really better for.

I'm getting excited. Richard comes back in about 10 days now. I've come a long way from not caring whether he's on the road, to realizing how much I miss and need him. Thank you for helping me to open my eyes and heart. He is the one I want to grow old with. He puts up with me, and he loves me. His next trip is only a month long, so that won't be so bad.

Since he won't be here on our 22nd anniversary, we're planning on a trip Eureka Springs with another couple friend of ours. A belated anniversary present. Haven't decided yet if it will be an overnight trip or not. We've never been there, but our friends have, so this will be really nice.

The days are getting shorter, and summer is winding down. I'm looking forward to the holiday season and making pecan brittle, sending Christmas cards, shopping, getting the house ready for Thanksgiving, the whole kit and kaboodle of seaonal fun. Please help me to remember that these are times to cherish, and to remember to take it slow, and enjoy.

:huddle:

[DragonsChest]

You know what I need. Please show me what the next step is.

[DragonsChest]

Hubby comes home the day after tomorrow! Please protect his journey to my arms. :hugz:

[DragonsChest]

Oh, thank you!!!! I have the possibility of a very large order coming in, and if it works out, I could get quite a lot of publicity from it and the group I'd be working with would have something very unique for themselves.

I think this would be very good - if it's meant to be, please help it along!!!

[DragonsChest]

Today is the day - he comes home!!! Please bring my husband safely to my arms. Thank you.

[Boogins]

:hugz:

[DragonsChest]

He's Home!!!! Thank you for bringing him to me safe and sound. :smoochypo He's tired from the trip (all the way from England) but it doesn't normally take him long to recover.

We are a family again!

[DragonsChest]

The faire starts tomorrow - please bless our efforts with Peace/Prosperity/Persistence, as is our mantra in the CEA. Thank you. :hugz:

[DragonsChest]

Thank you for the wonderful friends we met up with again, the beautiful weather, and the fun that we had this weekend. Thank you for the opportunity you presented us with and I think we came through to help out our fellow cast member the way you had intended. It felt so right, it must have been what you meant to happen.

[DragonsChest]

I'm still depressed. I'm trying not to be, I know that you had us there for a reason that didn't have to revolve around us, but still.....

I feel ungrateful, from this you have presented me with extra opportunity and I will be starting on it soon, so why do I feel depressed? I'm sorry, I don't know what's wrong with me. :wah2:

[Boogins]

:hugz:

[DragonsChest]

I haven't posted here to you lately, but we've been talking. :uhhuhuh: Thank you for your support and love in the last few weeks. It's been very nice with Hubby home now, and there haven't been any of the problems/feelings that were causing us issues from before. THANK YOU!

I posted an energy thread for the baby, but I also wanted to add my pleas to you directly. Please take care of Allie's baby. Help her to grow strong and thrive, so Mum can take her home. Thank you for the fact that the babe doesn't need a ventilator and has all her bits and pieces, but Allie can't take her home yet, not until her baby gains some birth weight. Please watch over them both, send them my love to their hearts, and my energies for growth. What a wonder! Another member of the family has arrived!! :hugz:

[DragonsChest]

O Glory Day! Thank you! :hugz:

[DragonsChest]

Trust in you, believe in you, when I do these things life usually works out for the best, in my view. Not always what I think will be best for me, but usually what turns out to be the best for me.

Thank you.

[Caffiend]

And on a similar note, I can really see the difference in you! Hang in there! :hugz:

[DragonsChest]

:hugz: Caffiend! I missed you, too.

[DragonsChest]

Thank you for the health of little Emily Grace! Please continue to watch over the little one and share your love with her. My prayers will be lifted up to you on her behalf!

[Boogins]

:hugz: :thewave: :hugz:

[DragonsChest]

Maybe I am manic depressive. From feeling like I'm on the top of the world, to now, when I feel like what's the use?

Or maybe just pre-menopausal. I don't know. I'm sorry I'm feeling low and like it doesn't matter how good I get, there's always someone better.

*sigh*

[DragonsChest]

My brother emailed me yesterday and told me that his oldest son has decided to sign up for delayed entry in the Army, with the idea of getting into the Rangers later, instead of going to college. He's a senior this year and when he graduates in May, he'll be off in June.

We are from a strong military family, and only my brother's horrible eyesight, and my bum ticker kept both of us out of the military. Our dad is a ret. Lt. Col. in the Air Force.

Please take care of him, bless him for his choice, give him the courage and strength to do this almost impossible task. I am so proud of him, and so scared for him at the same time. Be with him always.

[DragonsChest]

Thank you for the blessings in my life. Thank you for watching over my husband and son on their recent trip out of town, and bringing them back safely to me. Thank you for showing my MF family that there is hope and keeping our flame alive. Thank you for the people in my life.

Tonight I got to listen to my son's orchestra play. I was, as always, breathless when I watched this very talented group of young people play music and excel at it. To think that these are the youth who will run our country when they mature makes me feel safe and happy. And when I watched my son with his friends after the concert, I am so proud of them all. What a fine group of people. There is so much to be hopeful for, when there are youngsters like them to nurture.

[DragonsChest]

Things are a tad bit dicey at Hubby's work right now. Four more people were just laid off. The "survivors" are walking around on eggshells, waiting for the next shoe to drop.

Please send calming energy to my dear man, he doesn't need this aggro. Thank you.

[DragonsChest]

*sigh*

[Boogins]

:hugz: for progress and security.

[DragonsChest]

:hugz: for progress and security.

Thank you, m'dear. You are always so thoughtful of others. Think I'm just going through a blue period, I guess.

[Boogins]

I understand. Hope there are many reasons, at home and abroad to feel brighter soon. :hugz:

[DragonsChest]

Oh, please, you know my pain, and my tears. How I'm dulling that pain with other methods, please help me. So much turmoil, in my head, so many tears, what to do? Where to turn? Please... make it stop. I don't even know how to express what's going on, sometimes I don't even know what it is myself, how to define it. All I know is that it hurts. I'm scared, I don't know what the path is you want me to take. What am I to do?

[Kadynas]

:hugz:

[Caffiend]

:hugz: I'm here if you need to talk.

[DragonsChest]

There are things that I can affect and things I can't. So much has to do with the way I look at things going on around me, and I am in control of my reactions. I know you don't mean me to be using rose-colored glasses, but I think you are trying to tell me to start by first looking at myself before looking at others.

Why does this sometimes look so clear to me and other times I have to fight to understand this?

[Boogins]

Can I help, my friend? :hugz:

[Calyx]

:hugz: You know I am here for you if you need me, sweets. Lighting a candle for illumination and clarity of thought for you. :hugz:

[DragonsChest]

Ah, you all are so sweet, all of you. Thank you, it's always nice to know that you are there for me. Love to my friends! :hearthear

[DragonsChest]

I quit. I give up.

[Vetteman]

I think we need to set aside some quiet time and talk, no booze, just talk. I cant go on the road after reading this. I will talk to coach about possibility of delaying the trip. Maybe I just need to be out of the picture?
Crap I feel like we are back at bent tree all that time ago again.........

[DragonsChest]

I think we need to set aside some quiet time and talk, no booze, just talk. I cant go on the road after reading this. I will talk to coach about possibility of delaying the trip. Maybe I just need to be out of the picture?
Crap I feel like we are back at bent tree all that time ago again.........


You need to note the dates of the posts before you freak out on me. That post you were talking about was back in July.

Things are different now. You have been taking your meds regularly, we have been talking a lot more, what do you think being out in the garage is all about, with the heater going, no TV, no distractions, if not communication? It's not because I like hanging out in the garage.

Yes, we still fight. Yes, we still have disagreements, but neither of us can be Little Mary Sunshines all the time. I'm thrilled that you would want to talk, that's a great first step. And yes, you can still go on your business trips. It's your job, and unless you have something else lined up, we need you to stay employed.

And about being back at bent tree: how long are you going to hang on to that? Mistakes were made by both of us, neither of us were blameless, although I was more to blame than you. I have apologized over and over again, but I refuse to be dragged back down.

[LadyTrinity]

Most relationships are dull after the honey moon phase is over. It doesn't have to be depressing thou. Explain to him that it hurts you to know that he does not take care of him self like he should like keeping up with his medication. There are medications that do not take away sex drive. Maybe if he starts taking care of his self his mood might lighten up. Other than that don't expect fire works. Most relationships aren't romeo and Juilet :bigblue:

[DragonsChest]

We've been married for 22 years, LT. I'm pretty sure we are in this for the long haul. :hehehehe:

We do love each other, and if I ask myself the question that Dear Abby/Ann Landers always said was the litmus test for a relationship, "Are you better off with or without your spouse?", I always come up with a resounding, YES! I am better off WITH him.

[Boogins]

:hugz: to both of you. And hey, Suzy... maybe something better IS lined up. :)

[DragonsChest]

Thank you for the year behind me, and thank you for the year to come. I am blessed in so many ways, it's impossible to list them all. Some are, you know my heart and my desires:

My husband
My children
My immediate family
My home
My pets
My friends
My job
My MW family
My talents

Please help me to work on the flaws in my character that are detrimental to my becoming the person you want me to be. Please watch over my loved ones. Again, thank you for them!!!

Please help me to leave each day a bit better than when I found it. Please help me to always see the good in others before the bad. Please help me to reflect the light you have given me. Please shine your blessings on the world.

[Boogins]

You missed a real important gift of yours: your kind, generous and supportive heart. :hugz:

[Earthy]

:hugz:
Blessed to know you.