View Full Version : My marriage is over ...

July 17th, 2004, 11:35 PM
And I've never felt so alone, lost or hurt in my entire life. I sit here and think, is this real? Are we really doing it this time? After 8 years (which to some I know it's long) of going back and forth on this, are we really taking the steps? And with tears in my eyes and a heart that I swear can't take much more hurt ~ all those answers are yes ..

It seems to be a catch 22 situation .. No matter what decision is made there's unhappiness .. I just pray to the gods that at the end of all of this there will be happiness once again ~ that the decisions we are making now are the right ones. We will be going to marriage counseling as a one last attempt at saving our marriage, but I'll be honest and say that I don't think it's going to hel. But at the same time I think it's worth a try ~ I'm not sure how to find a counselor though, I've never really needed one nor do I exactly trust them ~ but I am hoping that if I look for one w/ a sincere heart, he or she will come across my path at some point.

Anyways ~ I don't know if there is a point to this post, other than to get these words off of my chest.


July 18th, 2004, 12:39 AM
I'm sorry you're in pain. I've been there too. But as much as it hurts now....it does get better. I never thought I'd be happy again...and now I'm happier than I've ever been :hugz:

July 18th, 2004, 12:39 AM
I'm so sorry, it can be such an empty yet painful feeling in your heart in times like these. We're here when you need to talk, and getting things off your chest can really help.

Peace, and love to you :hugz:

dragonspirit 69
July 18th, 2004, 12:44 AM
I'm sorry you're in pain. I've been there too. But as much as it hurts now....it does get better. I never thought I'd be happy again...and now I'm happier than I've ever been :hugz:

This says it soo well !! I've been there too and can tell you that yes it does hurt but it will get better.:rubhead:

July 18th, 2004, 05:29 AM
i have no words for u hun

just a :hugz:

July 18th, 2004, 07:17 AM
Aww. I'm so sorry hun. :hugz:

July 18th, 2004, 07:44 AM
I don't know what to say. Hopefully time wil heal all wounds as Faeawyn said.
I will be thinking of you.

soilsigh aingeal
July 18th, 2004, 11:07 AM

Tea Leaf
July 18th, 2004, 11:30 AM
:hugz: I'm so very sorry!

Garden of Eden
July 18th, 2004, 01:54 PM
Good luck... save it if you can, but if that's not possible, I wish you strenght in letting go...

July 18th, 2004, 02:35 PM
Thanks you guys for all of your sweet thoughts and words, I really appreciate them. We will be going to counseling but for some reason I'm just not too hopeful ~ although I try to be. Right now I'm not quite sure what to do or what the next step is ~ but I suppose that is life for you! :)

July 18th, 2004, 02:47 PM
:hugz: and healing prayers for you...

Garden of Eden
July 18th, 2004, 02:58 PM
Life would be meaningless if we knew all the steps Flutterby... Have hope and it might pull the marriage through, and if not, at least you'll find out what went wrong and you can learn from that... Brightest blessings to you...

Strega Del Vento
July 18th, 2004, 03:39 PM
I'm so sorry, Sweetie. I've been there.


Rowan MoonDragon
July 18th, 2004, 04:05 PM
I'm sorry, Sweetie. (((hugs)))

July 18th, 2004, 08:18 PM
:hugz: :hugz: :hugz:

July 18th, 2004, 10:24 PM
Thanks you guys & Garden ~ indeed that is true.

He moved all of his stuff to the other side of the house today, and will be staying there for a few months .. as we were moving our stuff around I wasn't too bothered by it at first, but am feeling really out of sorts right now. He's been kind enough to take care of the kids for the day ~ I fell asleep at around 3 and woke up at 8:30 and I dunno I Just feel ... weird.

For those who have been through a seperation or divorce and sought counseling, just how in the world do you find a good counselor?

July 18th, 2004, 10:50 PM
My experience has been that you just keep looking until you find one you are comfortable with. Sometimes that could be three or four or more. . .

As for marriage counselors. . .the most important thing is to remember that this is not a I'm right, he's wrong situation. . .both have to give and take, including criticism.

If it is not meant to be, then the best thing you can do is separate amicably and let him go. As for him being kind enough to watch the kids. . .aren't they his, too? He has a responsibility that does not end with a child support check. . .and he needs to stand up to it.

Things will be very difficult right now, but the time will come that you will see yourself and wonder if it was all real. You will be a stronger person and you will be happier. . .

When I was a single mother in college, I had a professor that ended up completeing her Master's studies at the same time as me. We were study partners. She told me that she never realized I had gone through so much and would never have guessed my past from my present. The same will be true for you. . .your past does not define your present or your future.

Blessings. . .and know I will be here if you need to talk.


July 18th, 2004, 11:24 PM
That's about how I thought I'd go about it myself .. to just look until I find.

I guess what I'm having a hard time with is I'm impatient I suppose, I just wish I knew if our marriage really is supposed to "be" or not .. Part of me can't possibly see the future w/out him, we've been on such a ride together .. and yet the other half can completley see this & almost always knew it would end like this. *shrugs* I know in time, in time ..

Also what I mean by being kind enough is that he basically took care of them all day ~ I slept in until noon ~ got up took care of the kids for awhile had a talk w/ him, moved him to the other side of the house and then I feel asleep on my bed (didn't even realise I had) and so he took care of them. Yes they are his too and he takes on full responsiblity, for that I'm very greateful that he's such a good dad adn honestly he's a good person. Were just not good people together. But also recognizing that he's also going through a rough time and still took on the kids when I didn't.

Anyways .. Thank you for your response I appreciate it & your support.

July 18th, 2004, 11:27 PM
I have lived on separate sides of a house. . .it is not easy. I am glad things seem to be working amicably right now. Hopefully you will find a middle ground. . .sometimes just being married/committed friends for a while helps work things out.



July 18th, 2004, 11:41 PM
Deff. not easy ..

And yea ~ that is what I am hoping ~ time has a way of figuring things out so am putting trust into that..

July 28th, 2004, 11:55 PM
I love you!

July 29th, 2004, 03:38 PM
In order for any endeavor to succeed you need to believe that it can. People often say 'how can i have faith when...' the answer is you have -faith- because you need to. Faith is what you call upon when all the rest of your reserves are gone, when there seems to be no light in sight, no way out to find... faith is what you use to keep going.

I'm reminded of disney's Cinderella when she's crying out by the pumpkin patch. As she crys she expresses her sorrow and that there's nothing left to believe in, that she can't believe anymore- yet as shes letting this out there's a glimmer around her and her fairy godmother appears and says 'that can't be true, or else i couldn't be here'.

That is you right now... saying it's painful, it's over, - but its not-. You haven't exhausted all your resources, you still have one card more to play and this is a very very good card.
Going to a councelor can't hurt... but it can help. It -Can- Help. Say it with me. It -Can- Help.

If you sit and say that nothing can happen, you are setting up a roadblock to prevent something FROM happening. A negative attitude begets negative results. I'm not saying be happy, but being optimistic and being dedicated towards seeking a positive outcome is a huge factor to the success of any relationship.

The site is full of advice (http://www.drphil.com/advice/advice.jhtml?contentId=rel_marriagecovenant.xml&section=Relationships/Sex&subsection=Marriage)

Finding a councellor takes a bit of work. Call them up, ask to set up an interview or something where both of you can meet the councellor and briefly discuss policy and procedure. You might get lucky and find one right off the bat that you like and feel comfortable\safe with, it might take a few trys.

Best of luck

August 10th, 2004, 03:10 AM
Star ~ love you too sweetie!

Gwen ~ I am so sorry hun *hugs* I'm here for you too if you need anything!! I'm just a PM or an IM away :)

Storm ~ thank you for your words, I really apprecaite them. As well as the site, I love Dr. Phil lol :) We have found a counselor and things are actually going increadible well! We both hold a lot of faith that we will be able to heal from our past both before we were together and after and in doing so fix the problems that we've allowed to happen, mostly due to our past before we met.

Anyhow ~ lots of thank you's and hugs to all of the support and kind words I received from you all. They mean a lot to me! *hugs*