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View Full Version : How much help is your Husband when it comes to child care?



Autumn Clair
August 3rd, 2004, 12:30 PM
I'm sure everyone has a story to tell about their husband and child care. So Lets have a poll.

Tzhebee
August 3rd, 2004, 01:28 PM
My SO is great with the older kids. Takes them to park, helps make lunches, etc. But...he prefers to not be around the baby.

I know, that sounds bad. But, he doesn't understand why the baby cries. He tries bottle, diaper, food, playing etc. and if the baby still cries he gets too upset and realizes that he shouldn't be around him. Now that the baby is 13 months old, he plays with him more and occassionally changes a diaper or bathes him. But when he was an infant...I was basically a single mom.

LacyRoze
August 3rd, 2004, 02:53 PM
My husband was wonderful when our children were infants. He didn't hesitate to change diapers or get up for 2am feedings. He was and is very loving to them and still gets in the floor to play with them whether it be video games or having a tea party. Now as for dressing them, well, Let's put it this way, I really wonder if he's color blind...:durrrr:

Sleet
August 3rd, 2004, 03:53 PM
There's two adults in the house. We both take our turns doing everything.

Jenne
August 3rd, 2004, 04:46 PM
My hubby's a peds and still I did most of everything, even when I wasn't a sahm. Now that they're older, tho, he takes them off my hands and he'll even dress them and bathe them. He's not a take-charge kind of guy when it comes to tasks...more of a "pass-the-buck"er...so that carries over into his fatherhood as well...

Linx
August 3rd, 2004, 04:49 PM
I could not ask for more when it comes to Lloyd caring for my kids. They are his babies. Send them away for a week, and he is crying to have them back :lol:

SilverClaw
August 3rd, 2004, 05:19 PM
My husband deals with it all!! Feedings when they were small, idapers, traingin pants etc... Clothes shopping, taking them out to do things. He also does a lot around the house to such as laundry, dishes, etc..

morrigen
August 3rd, 2004, 05:38 PM
There's two adults in the house. We both take our turns doing everything.

Same here. We've never had any sex-based division of labor.

In fact, the way the initial question was worded (How much help is your husband...) indicates an assumptin of the mother automatically being the primary child-carer, and the husband/partner "helping" her...

My parter doesn't "help" me....he parents his son, just as I do :)

PAGANFILES
August 3rd, 2004, 06:20 PM
I'm sure everyone has a story to tell about their husband and child care. So Lets have a poll.

I am retired. I raised three children by myself. Now, I am married to a lawyer and we adopted a baby 8 years ago. I was and still am principle care-giver for BJ. I can honestly say women can come down to the worst stereotype of any husband, if given half a chance.

Terry

Terry

Athena-Nadine
August 3rd, 2004, 06:31 PM
Well, since we don't have any children yet, I can't give you any stories or answer definitively. My fiance, however, is looking forward to doing just as much to raise our children as I will.

Mysticism Deity
August 3rd, 2004, 08:14 PM
After he got back from Iraq he didnt help me at all with the twins. I was still getting up, feeding, changing....ect......but it's okay I did that for 7 months alone. After a month of him being home I made him help me out. Now that they are a little older, 11 months, he is doing most the stuff while I get the cleaning done :)

He is wonderful at this mr mom stuff :):)

Amethyst Rose
August 4th, 2004, 12:03 AM
My husband will do anything I ask him to do, most of the time. He hasn't given him a bath yet, simply because I'm always there to do it. He doesn't really do anything of his own volition though. He actually surprised me one night when I came upstairs to find that he had put the baby in his pajamas and fed him (which was what I came upstairs to do).
I think that how much he does or doesn't do is actually my fault though, because I just automatically do everything. My husband actually complained to me once about my trying to do it all, and how it was just stressing me out. I really should try to let him do more, but sometimes it's just easier to do it myself and I don't have to worry about it getting done the right way ("the right way" being the way I want it done.)

FaerieGothMommy
August 4th, 2004, 03:02 AM
My boyfriend is actually VERY good, if he can see i'm tired he will always take the kids off me. Obviously, he can't feed our youngest, as he is breastfed. But if i ask him to do something or he sees i'm tired or just because.. then he does it! Change diapers, cooks dinner, takes the kids out, gets them dressed, puts them to bed and so on :smile:

FlyingBear
August 4th, 2004, 03:02 AM
Same here. We've never had any sex-based division of labor.

In fact, the way the initial question was worded (How much help is your husband...) indicates an assumptin of the mother automatically being the primary child-carer, and the husband/partner "helping" her...

My parter doesn't "help" me....he parents his son, just as I do :)


Brava! You beat me to it. :D

FaerieGothMommy
August 4th, 2004, 03:12 AM
Same here. We've never had any sex-based division of labor.

In fact, the way the initial question was worded (How much help is your husband...) indicates an assumptin of the mother automatically being the primary child-carer, and the husband/partner "helping" her...

My parter doesn't "help" me....he parents his son, just as I do :)

Nicely put :)

bansidhe
August 4th, 2004, 09:15 AM
My boyf's pretty good when it comes to Triniti, now that she's a bit bigger. Problem is that he not only works full time with a fair bit of overtime, but he has an eye disease which makes it kind of difficult for him to get up early, and things like that. But I really don't mind.

When he's here, before work, he's great, and he loves Trini to bits, which is really the most important thing to me.

Bans

Semele
August 4th, 2004, 11:02 AM
Well, I am lucky because my husband takes an active role in caring for his kiddos. In fact, he has them all week-end while I work. We have no need to pay someone else to hang out with our kids..so it is great for all of us to have alternate work schedules.

Now, he may not give them a bath all week-end, but really...what's a little pizza in the hair anyway?

Lady Jade
August 4th, 2004, 12:08 PM
There's two adults in the house. We both take our turns doing everything.

Ideally, this is what we do, although lately he is useless. I won't get started...

bluglass
August 5th, 2004, 11:45 AM
this is my diapering story from our first child. We were using Pampers. Then they had shiny plastic outsides with tape tabs. If you got them wet or got powder or rash cream on them they were ruined and you had to use another diaper. The first day at home we messed a few up getting the hang of it. Now you have to understand that my husband is a penny pincher so he was really frustrated at the waste of an otherwise perfectly good diaper. The second day we are home and this happens to my husband and he is really upset. So he picks up the baby, goes to the other room comes back with a roll of duct tape and proceeds to duct tape the diaper onto our son. I burst out in hysterical laughter, not a good thing to do 3 days out from labor.

We had bookshelves over the changing table and my husband put the duct tape on a shelf over the changing table where it stayed for another year (even though we never had another problem closing a diaper -- and shortly thereafter the reclosable tabs appeared on the market.)

Infinite Muse
August 5th, 2004, 12:07 PM
i don't have a husband or an SO so i go it alone
so my baby's father is absolutely zero help .. it might help if he had ever met her or something
not that i ma bitter or anything ;)
my parents help a lot
it is good that they live so nearby

Temair
August 5th, 2004, 04:05 PM
With his first two (my 2nd and 3rd), we worked separate shifts. I worked 1st and he worked 2nd. So we both felt like single parents, especially since we only saw each other on the weekends. On the weekends, he would complain about having to take care of them because it was "his" day off. Now with #4 I am a SAHM (day care would cost far more than any paycheck I could bring in), and Rowan is breastfed, so I am the one who does pretty much everything for her. But he helps out (when I think to ask him, after all, it's my job) with the older ones. Rowan is 5― months old now, and I think he has changed about half a dozen diapers for her, but he certainly did his share of those with Moira and Lauren. Lauren is Daddy's little girl and if he is home, she won't let me do anything for her. And often, Rowan will cry just as soon as he picks her up. He says she must hate him, but sometimes she does play with him. Sometimes I wish he did a bit more, but he probably would if I asked him to. My oldest's father whined and griped everytime I asked him to do something for her and so I got accustomed to being the only caregiver. So overall, I am certainly not unhappy with my husband's participation in their lives.

blugirrl1
August 7th, 2004, 06:15 PM
I am with sleet. we both do what needs to be done. of course my problem always lied with letting him do things his way and not getting upset if they weren't done my way.
as in we are heading out of house hubby dresses kids, "who are these vagrant children?" i ask, lol but for the most part he has been a hands on daddy. he did the diaper changin,feeding bathing. they are his kids too after all.

djmixon
August 7th, 2004, 06:41 PM
My hubby came around after the kids were older. . .now that they are teens and almost grown he just has the proverbial p1ssing contests with them. . .you know, alpha male bs. . .

Other than that, he is pretty good. . .for being a kid himself. . .

Annest
September 6th, 2004, 06:32 AM
Hm, I have two sons by two different men and I can tell you that neither gives a %&###!
My oldest son,Alvin, is six years old, his father was so proud when he was born, for like five minutes, then he went to get drunk and to cheat on me once again.Nedless to say I broke up after a while.He didnīt see Alvin very much and wasnīt really interested.When Alvin was two and a half his father had another son with his new girlfriend and then my ex decided to stop caring at all. They havenīt seen eachother since.

When alvin was four I meet a new man, he seemed such a nice guy.I got pregnant and I gave birth to Jacob, heīs six month now. I thought things were going to be different this time.Jacobs father was really happy to become a father,everything was just fine until i was four month pregnant. He changed overnight and I still have no clue what happened.He just bailed out.He wasnīt with me at the hospital, I had to bring a friend for support. When Jacob was a week old his father came to see him, he told me he wanted to be a good father. He came to seem him when he was 1 month old, he hasnīt wanted to see him after that and he doesnīt call or answer my calls.The only contact we have is that i send him sms on his mobilphone whenever Iīve been to weight and measure him, he only answered once, when I also asked if I should continue sending him sms, that he doesnīt answer.He wants me to send sms, because otherwise he doesnīt know what to say when his mother askes him about Jacob!!

So I take care of my kids alone. But itīs nice to see more happy stories, it gives hope.

asamananara
September 6th, 2004, 06:38 AM
In fact, the way the initial question was worded (How much help is your husband...) indicates an assumptin of the mother automatically being the primary child-carer, and the husband/partner "helping" her...

Thank you!
I am a "house-husband" by day and work full time by night.
My wife and I each do what we can, when we can, in a mutually
supportive environment. We both need to work full time to
make ends meet, and I chose to work the night shift (for eight
years now) for one reason only: so I could devote my days to
our daughter. I am not a helper.

morrigen
September 6th, 2004, 07:17 AM
Thank you!
I am a "house-husband" by day and work full time by night.
My wife and I each do what we can, when we can, in a mutually
supportive environment. We both need to work full time to
make ends meet, and I chose to work the night shift (for eight
years now) for one reason only: so I could devote my days to
our daughter. I am not a helper.

Indeed. I think my partner would be quite distressed to be thought of as a "helper" or as having a secondary parenting role to mine. The assumption places too much onus on the mother, and does not allow for the equal participation of the father, creating rigid roles that are unfair to everyone involved.

MorningDove030202
September 6th, 2004, 04:34 PM
I know how big of an issue this is, and it was an issue in my family too. Let me just say that things didn't begin to chainge until I stoped nursing which was at around 14 months. Now my husband is great with the child care, but it didn't start out that way.

Sometimes you just have to demand some time to be childless, even if that means putting baby in dad's hands and driving away.

(This is assuming you have a husband of normal emotional stability and is someone you trust.)

Dove

Ceres
September 6th, 2004, 09:13 PM
there is a great book called "mothering and fathering" by tine thevin that addresses the differences in the way men and women parent. it made me feel better after i read it because like so many mothers here, my husband wasnt much into the babies beyond bouncing them on his knee every now and then.
turns out thats pretty typical and that accepting that saves a lot of heartache! now they are older he is right into them, but those early years were lonely ;)
Theresa

Autumn Clair
September 10th, 2004, 06:43 AM
Indeed. I think my partner would be quite distressed to be thought of as a "helper" or as having a secondary parenting role to mine. The assumption places too much onus on the mother, and does not allow for the equal participation of the father, creating rigid roles that are unfair to everyone involved.
Actually it was worded as a question to all mothers. I'd love to start one for the father to see how much help their wives are. And Yes we are all HELPERS. That's what a family is all about pulling together and helping one another thru the good and the bad. It's not about who does more or who does less titles but is he a husband who is a hands on care giver.

And to all the guys who are the fathers with wives helping them, I think that's great! I'm sure you could give us some insight on subjects in here that we as women wouldn't have thought about. Being men and women think differently but I'm sure your out comes in situations are knowledgable and even something we might have past by.
It's good to see such caring husbands are out their, not all women are cut out to be mothers just as not all men are cut out to be fathers.

Bravo guys for being there for your children........................:sunny:

Starpixie
September 15th, 2004, 01:15 AM
Mine doesn't help at all. Of course it would help if we lived in the same country and in the same house! LOL

mama reflecting
September 15th, 2004, 08:24 AM
I have a dear lover who is chronically ill, so I spend most of my time with him. I don't get to be with my son as much as I'd like to (though it's not as though I'm absent from his life). His daddy is soooo wonderful. Baths, clothes, playing, meals, he'll even comb through M's curls! (And let me tell you, at shoulder-length, they tangle like a nightmare! I turn around, and they're a matted mess. But sooo beautiful when they're untangled... Would break my heart to cut them.)

I feel a little guilty sometimes, but my son is so happy, and we both cherish every moment we spend together. He'll always be my baby! :hugz:

OKmagnolia
September 21st, 2004, 01:49 PM
Well, my husband is a great father now that our kids are potty trained and can feed themselves. However with our oldest he changed one diaper whn she was 2 days old, and didn' agin until she was about 8 montes old. After that he was great. but the first time he had her all by himself wile i was at work i left him a list about 3 miles long with everything fom howlong to warm her bottle to how to fix her cereal that morning. With the next he almost had to deliver her so he was always holding her andfeeding her, but still not the diapers.

Fairyelf
September 21st, 2004, 02:05 PM
Hes a good daddy and helps in different ways..
very useful he is:smile:

lovemy1dane
September 21st, 2004, 02:38 PM
My kids are teens but DH will drop and pick the kids up from dances and work etc... (complains and grumbles but he does it) although I think the grumbling is more of good natured. He will feed the kids if I am sick. (pizza anyone?) and he used to baby sit when we had different schedules. He is not their real father but we have been togather since the kids were 4 and 5. He also will be the first to stand up for their rights and he just bought my 14 yr old a truck.(no he cannot drive yet, but he got an awesome deal on it and it is exactly what my son wanted.) Which I kinda thought was funny considering DH always said we were not going to help my kids get a car, they would have to do it on their own and the next thing I know he comes home with a $4000 truck and said it was Cody's.

Smiley Girl
September 22nd, 2004, 01:42 PM
Well, we don't have children yet, but he thinks it's cute when I get all excited about being preggo. :hehehehe:

He says that if I wake up at 3am when I'm pregnant and want some outlandish food, that he'll go out and get it for me. I believe him, too :)

Rhianna813
September 29th, 2004, 03:08 PM
We've got a winner! While I was home on maternity leave I did most of the care because he was a newborn and needed his mama 24/7 but DH took great care of me and the house. Because I had a better job and liked my job we decided the DH would be the stay at home parent. Our son is now 10 months old and Daddy is his main care provider for the last 8 months. I still do a lot and have to make sure his clothes get changed each day hehehe but DH is doing so great!!

Thanks Honey!!!

Rhianna

Kalika
November 28th, 2005, 07:21 PM
He does it all. :) For which I am very grateful I might add. When I'm busy, I don't have to drop everything because he can't change a diaper, get him dressed, or feed him... which is wonderful. We share our responsibilities... and honestly, I don't know what I'd do without him!

Mistress_Ravenshadow
November 28th, 2005, 07:59 PM
my husband helps as much as he can..since he is a first time dad and i have two older children he follows my lead because he is still learning.. the only thing he absolutely refuses to do is change poopy nappies.. he will do or try to do everything else .. some days our daughter wont settle for me because she wants daddy and as soon as shes laying on his chest she settles and goes to sleep.. in fact when she had colic he was the only one who could settle her and help get rid of the wind she would get from the constant crying.. he had the magic touch..he helps me bath her every day and plays with her to wear her out before bed (pillow wresting is her favorite game and only her and daddy are allowed to play)he feeds her and gets her ready in the mornings while i get the rest of the family organized for school.. he's finding the whole teething thing frustrating because her sleep patterns are all messed up and she gets grumpy alot but he's learning and if we have any more kids he'll know for next time..

pkm
November 28th, 2005, 08:00 PM
The only thing he can't do is the pregnancy and nursing.