Handfasting?

[Dextra]

Okay, by now you've probably all heard that Carmelo and I plan to be handfasted during Beltane. While I am deliriously happy over this, I am also having quite a time trying to put together the ritual, as I am writing it myself. I just feel that this is one of the most personal, if not THE most personal ritual one can participate in. I'm just having a hard time coming up with the whole stinkin' thing!

I've looked all over the 'net for ideas. Found a site called Witches Wed that has a bunch of different examples of rituals from many different traditions. I'm an eclectic Celtic witch and Carmelo is just learning, but is leaning towards Celtic Shamanism. While the handfastings I have found online were nice, none of them really spoke to me, or even gave me any inspiration. I think I just have a bad case of writer's block, since this one is for me. I've written a couple of handfastings before, but they were for other people, so I had a more objective point of view.

I'm open to suggestions. Anyone?

[Mairwen]

http://pagan.drak.net/feymariblue/handfast.html

Complete with pictures if you look for them. :D

[belladonna23]

I found this one:
http://www.handfasting.com/ceremonies.htm

Hope that helps!
Congrats to both of you!!

[Amethyst Rose]

Here's a marriage prayer that you may find usefull...

Cherokee Prayer

"God in heaven above please protect the ones we love.
We honor all you created as we pledge our hearts and lives together.
We honor mother earth - and ask for our marriage to be abundant and grow stronger through the seasons;
We honor fire - and ask that our union be warm and glowing with love in our hearts;
We honor wind - and ask we sail though life safe and calm as in our father's arms;
We honor water - to clean and soothe our relationship - that it may never thirsts for love;
With all the forces of the universe you created, we pray for harmony and true happiness as we forever grow young together.
Amen."

[Star]

that's a really touching prayer Amethyst Rose .......
blessings,
Star

[Mairwen]

Originally posted by Amethyst Rose
Here's a marriage prayer that you may find usefull...

Cherokee Prayer

"God in heaven above please protect the ones we love.
We honor all you created as we pledge our hearts and lives together.


Amen."



There are two things wrong with this ... (aren't I a ray of Sunshine??!) ... First, Cherokee wouldn't use a word like "God", and they'd never end anything with "Amen". That's gotta be a Christianized version of ... something ....

[Lady Tana]

i agree with Mari...

being Cherokee i havent heard of anything that has those elements in them at all that is true Cherokee.

O Great Spirit maybe... but not God in heaven...

LT (hey its cloudy here in Seattle... no rays of sunshine anywhere! lol)

[Amethyst Rose]

Well, unfortunately I can't vouch for it. I got it from someone on a mailing list who in turn found it online :).

Of course it could be changed in anyway you want.... so it says Lord and Lady, etc. and Blessed Be at the end, or whatever would fit your beliefs.

[Silverwitch]

The "prayer" for handfasting is lovely, Amethyst Rose, so lovely in fact, that I am considering using it for my nieces handfasting at Beltane. Will have to make a few alterations as I can't hack the God bit, but that doesn't detract from the main text. Beautiful

[Dextra]

Yeah, I saw the "Cherokee Prayer" on the Witches Wed site - kinda struck me as odd too.....

[Mairwen]

I'm only like a "drop part" Cherokee, that I know of, but when I read that, my thoughts turned to a soulfriend who's a Chief. She'd have complete kittens over such a thing ... I know this isn't the place for ranting and raving ... Sorry, Dextra ...

[Dextra]

Originally posted by Mairwen
I'm only like a "drop part" Cherokee, that I know of, but when I read that, my thoughts turned to a soulfriend who's a Chief. She'd have complete kittens over such a thing ... I know this isn't the place for ranting and raving ... Sorry, Dextra ...

S'ok :cool:

My half-sister is 1/4 Cherokee, and I read that to her. She is on a mission to find the author and *ahem* "straighten them out"!

See what we've gotten started?! 8O

[Mairwen]

Maybe I'll send it to Chief and see what she has to say ...

[MystyPines]

Hi Dextra,

I was handfasted in September 2000 and would be happy to send you the Handfasting Program we did. The ceremony was written by my husband and I. We read our own vows and had a justice of the peace do the final recognition by the State of Connecticut. Our entire wedding was a Medieval wedding and all the guests dressed in period clothing. The Justice of the Peace even dressed like a Monk, he he he. We used such traditions as the lighting of candles, sharing of the wine goblet, tying of the hands with a white decorated cord, and the finale of jumping a crossed broom and sword followed an Honorguard of swords. We exchanged Celtic wedding bands called The Harvest depicting a wreath of oak leaves representing longevity, strength and wisdom. Although we did not cast a circle or call in the elements, we did have all the elements represented on our ceremony table (altar). If you need any information or ideas email me. MystyPines@snet.net

[Fawn]

Vows- To walk with on this life's journey; I pledge to feed you when you hunger; to nurse you when you are weak; to shelter you from life's storms, to shield you from loneliness as my friend I walk with you never ahead of you for I am not your leader nor will I follow you as I am not beneath you-I stand beside you as your friend, lover and wife (husband) I promise to share all of this life's journey with you and all that it may bring for even in the face of adversity You and I will overcome it for we will share our paths and our love for one another.


Brightest Blessings to you both and a wonderful life together!

[bananabrain]

someone wanted to know about 'amen'. as usual, it has been christianised, but it's originally jewish. aside from it's meaning of 'so be it', it's a hebrew acronym:

El (first letter 'alef')
Melekh (first letter 'mem')
Ne'eman (first letter 'nun')

EL is one of the Divine Names, denoting power and supremacy. it's associated, kabbalistically speaking, with the sefira of HeSeD, which represents a generous, benevolent, compassionate, masculine side of G!D. it is "associated with the bestowing of generous goodness upon our world."

MeLeKH literally means 'king', also one of the Divine Names, normally associated with the sefira of MaLKHuT or the SHeKHiNaH. although the word itself is masculine, the Shekhinah is understood to be a feminine aspect, as the recipient of forces from the higher sefirot.

Ne'EMaN means 'faithful'. it is from the same root as EMuNaH, meaning 'belief' or faith. this word is the same as the arabic word 'mu'aminun', referring to 'believers' in the islamic sense of the word, which embraces all who worship the Divine.

the whole phrase together embraces the covenantal nature of the Divine relationship with humanity as expressed in the 'noachide' covenant of the rainbow after the flood. in other words, G!D is Beyond in every sense of the word, but that faith is in some way reciprocal. not unsuitable for a commitment ceremony some might think. i should emphasise that this is my reading of things, with my own emphasis of aspects of the word that you may find useful - it contains sufficient universalist 'hooks' if you like for anyone! however, we have many other interpretations of it which may not speak to you. this does not prevent you from personalising your interpretation as much as you like! i think 'amen' contains a great deal for anyone who wishes to use it - you certainly don't have to be jewish to do so.

mazal tov!

bananabrain

[KyGreenWitch]

Merry Meet Everyone -

This thread has stirred a question . . . I was married 4 1/2 years ago (still married), but one day as a renewal of vows (so to speak), I would like to be handfasted. Is this possible/okay to do? Does this make any sense at all? LOL

And congrats to those who are to be handfasted, or by this time - have already done so!

Brightest Blessings -
(Oh, should I have started a new thread? ):confused:

[Mairwen]

Nah, tis okay. :D

And a handfasting/vow-renewal would be excellent. Mr and I attended the vow-renewal of his parents ~ and stood up with them ~ a few years ago, on their 25th anniversary. Not a dry eye in the church ~~ even the preacher had tears rolling down his face! It was an awesome event!! :cool:

[KyGreenWitch]

Thanks, Mairwen -

For the thumbs up! And, thanks for sharing about your 'rents' anniversary renewal of vows! Cool!

[Anwyn]

I am engaged to be married on Midsummer's of 2002, and I am looking for some handfasting and life-changes rituals. I have some basic ideas of things that I would like to recognize and give significance to, even if it is just to myself, or to myself and my new husband, but I don't really have anything concrete to stand on. I am the only pagan in my family, as is my betrothed, and so I don't really have any women to turn to who have been through this.
I am also looking for an officiant who can legally marry us, who will listen to our specific religious views, but who can also be tacktful with the nearly completely non-pagan wedding party and guests.
Also, I will be leaving the Maiden years of my life, quite literally, with this handfasting, and so I would like to be able to recognize that life change appropriately (maybe something similar to menarche..?).
Any ideas or suggestion would be well welcomed. In the midst of all the planning for this "big day," I don't want to forget the things that are most important to me. I want to begin this new phase of my life firmly rooted in my beliefs.

Thanks in advance,
Anwyn

[reanna]

Well, I know someone will have some great ideas for you here. Or they will be able to point you in the right direction:):)
I unfortunatley, do not. :(
But I wanted to welcome you to Mystic Wicks!!! :):):):)

Pleased to meet ya:)

[Myst]

Welcome and merry meet Anwyn. I too am currently working to design my handfasting/wedding, but it won't be taking place until Sept 2003 (as far as we know now :)). I believe MystyPines was the one who shared her handfasting pictures in the Just Talk thread, try searching for those, and if you can't find them I'd be glad to help. I look forward to chatting to you about this, as I don 't have very many people to discuss it with either (one of my best friends is Pagan, and got married last May, in a wedding that was a bit handfasting but not too much, some of her and his family don't know about their beliefs)......

[Myst]

Oh, guess I should explain a bit about mine :)

My fiance is not Pagan, and really doesn't follow a religion, but his own path, which he thinks of as the path of the Warrior. I am Pagan, most of our friends are Pagan, and even some of my family is. Both of us come from very open families that don't go to church. So it's pretty easy for us. My dad was still kind of hoping we'd get married in a united church but we haven't decided yet....

We'd like to get handfasted in a park and are currently looking at the prices of renting tents and setup and renting a hall or community center. We hope to incorporate a few Pagan rituals into our wedding, including the besom jump and candle lighting, and writing our own vows. Then we hope to include the details behind that in our programs for the wedding. I've also been trying to find good quality reasonably priced claddaugh rings or some similar design to reflect our beliefs for the wedding bands (my engagement ring is a simple diamond solitaire on white gold).

What traditions would you like to incorporate? What would you like your bands to be like, and where do you hope to have your wedding? We plan to have about 100 guests, how about you? Please share! :)

[Mairwen]

Here's the one we used:

http://pagan.drak.net/feymariblue/handfast.html

You might want to save the information, as I'm getting ready to switch servers. However, the new address would be:

http://xomusic.audio-stream.net/mari/handfast.html :D

[MystyPines]

Oh, I came across the following book, which I have not read:


Handfasted and Heartjoined: Rituals for Uniting a Couple's Hearts and Lives
by Maeve, Lady Rhea, Lady Maeve Rhea
(May 2001)


Could be a good read!

[Morgaine14]

Hi,
My husband and I didn't do a handfasting, as only one other person in our family is pagan. We had our ceremony in my Mom's back yard under her grape arbor. Although it wasn't an obviously pagan ceremony, we did incorporate some pagan ideas into it, including a sword ceremony.
The sword ceremony went kinda like this:
He offered me his sword into my service, and should he ever betrat me, his sword would betray him, and I accepted it "in perfect love and perfect trust." And then one of our friends sang for us. It went beautifully. And no one was offended, only two people there realized the pagan aspects of it.
Morgaine

[Anwyn]

Thank you all for the replies! I have looked at the webpage already, and I am definitely going to have to try to find that book.

Willow Raven: we seem to have quite a bit in common! My fiance is also not particularly religious, and follows his own path, which, if he had to put a name to it, would definitely be something along the lines of Warrior Path. I've known him for so many lifetimes now I've lost count, and in all the earliest of those lives, he acted as my protector. We share many of the same beliefs, its only our attitude toward diety that differs.

As for our rings, we haven't decided on bands that we like yet, though we have narrowed it down to a sort of infitinty sign folded in on itself, or something similiar. Something not to ornate--no gems--but not just a regular band, either.

My engagement ring is a cluster of 11 small diamonds, 6 round and 5 baggettes, in the shape of two five-pointed stars on top of each other, the points of the smaller star (made of the 6 round stones, one in the middle, and five surrounding it) are at the verticies of the larger star (made up of the 5 baggettes). Its only a 1/4 caret in total weight, but the baggetts make it look a lot bigger, just the way they stick out and such. Also, I have very tiny hands!

Of course, I am having to give this all to you from memory, since I don't actually have the ring. I picked it out nearly two years ago (the morning after our first, informal and private, handfasting, though that was a complete coincidence), and I got fitted for it and we ordered it a little over a year ago. So I have technically been engaged for quite awhile now, though only my bridesmaids know about it, since we are waiting until I have a ring to show before we make the official announcement.

My fiance has had it for a year now (two of my bridesmaids have seen it, and they told me that it is beautiful, and just as I described it, so I am trying not to worry), and he has been putting all sorts of spells on to it. He is really very good at putting spells of protection and binding and such onto objects (he has been doing it to my jewelry since we started dating), and so I am trying to have faith that it is worth the wait!

I mentioned bridesmaids--I'm having four, and I think I will probably assign each of them to one of the corners/elements. Of my bridesmaids, two are pagan, one is agnostic, and the other is a very libral Christian, who knows all about my beliefs, so I don't think it will be an issue.

We are also planning on having our ceremony outside, at sunset on the night of June 21st, 2002. I was in favor of having the reception in a tent very near by, but my fiance doesn't want to have to mess with the monster sound system that we require. So we are, too, looking for a hall or country club or something in which to have the reception. I think that we will be getting handfasted in the San Francisco Bay Area, where he lives, but that is still up in the air.

Well, you asked for information, and you got it! Having to keep it rather hush hush until it is official has made me jump at any opprotuntity to talk about our plans.

Thanks again, and keep passing on those ideas!
~Anwyn

[aquinnah]

Look in www.witchvox.com 's California page to hook up with someone who can legally do the ceremony. If you can't find a Pagan, a minister in the local Unitarian Universalist Church would probably help - as would members of their CUUPS group ( if they have one- the Covenant of Unitarian Universalist Pagans). Let us know how the plans go - if my partner and I finally tie the knot I'd like to do a handfasting, but his family is very Catholic - we'd have to have friends only and tell them we eloped. I've also found some really cool Celtic wedding bands on the web but can't remember where right now:crazy:

[bloodstone20]

For the changes, you could have white candles, surronding the handfasting candle. What i would do was light a change candle first, then go backwards in time, haveing the last change be when you met him, then have both of you light the marrige candle with the meeting him/her change candle. I am not sure how handfastings work, and if the tools i mentioned exist, but i think it would be nice.

[Flar's Freyja]

Originally posted by MystyPines
Oh, I came across the following book, which I have not read:


Handfasted and Heartjoined: Rituals for Uniting a Couple's Hearts and Lives
by Maeve, Lady Rhea, Lady Maeve Rhea
(May 2001)


Could be a good read!

I found it at Barnes and Noble a few days ago and it's on my list of "go back with money" things to do......

Here's one that we're considering using as a guide, and I'd appreciate it if anyone who's written their own ritual could share!

http://wiccanbos.home.att.net/bos/handfastingwedding.htm

[Flar's Freyja]

;)

[KyGreenWitch]

I am so happy for you!!:heartthro

I love being married. Don't get me wrong, we have had soem trying times, but I love my husband truly.

We plan to renew our vows on our 10 year anniversary by a handfasting ceremony. We will write our own vows, have a few of our closest friends attend, and probably have it down on my family's farm - out in the open country air with all of nature to share it with!

I wish you a most blessed ceremony and hope you'll be able to post pics to share with us.

Goddess Bless!

[Flar's Freyja]

:loveduv: Thanks! I'm really gettting excited about this. I've felt married to Flar since we made this decision, but I want a ritual to confirm our commitment to each other. In college, I took a Marriage and Family course where we looked at studies that proved that most marriages that include a ceremony with family and friends attending seem to be more successful - those where parents have refused or not bothered to attend seem to be at a disadvantage.

I'd love to hear from those who have written their own rituals or vows. We're going to write our own and would appreciate ideas! We've decided to have it at home, and I'm also looking for decorating ideas.

[Flar's Freyja]

Flar's decided that he definitely wants to go with a Cherokee ritual and thanks to a friend, we've found the one he had in mind. I have trouble accessing my favorites from his computer so I'll post it when I can.