Fear Of Being Alone

[PRINCE_SALO]

My one true fear is to spend the rest of my life alone. A year ago my fears came to light. My wife of six years left me for another man. Now everyone tells me I should look at this time as a time for growth. (in other words I should be alone) At first I thought if I faced my fear I would either get over it, or I would find a new love. But neither has happened. With every day that passes it gets harder to deal with. I write this message, cause I feel every thing that happens is a divine lesson. But I don't have a clue what I should get out of this.

[MistOfTheSea86]

I hear you on this. Though I have never been married, it is one of my constant fears that I will never find someone. And right when I lose all hope. Someone comes along. It seems right in the grim of times something good happens. When you have not one ioda of hope left. Something will come along and show you there is something to keep hope for. Do not worry my friend. Have a hug *Hugs* And know that you always have friends here. to help you through everything

[Mairwen]

Originally posted by PRINCE_SALO
My one true fear is to spend the rest of my life alone. A year ago my fears came to light.

I know what you mean. I think a lot of people have this fear and supress it ~ and then it manifests as other problems. I know because I have separation anxiety, myself. Otherwise, I'm independent and go my own way, but if I feel threatened in anyway whatsoever, I become clingie, irrational, depressed and totally dependent. We're working on this problem, and I am gettig better. It's totally psychological. The hardest part of the whole thing is admitting that you have the problem in the first place! I mean, I know to my deepest core that I don't need other people in my life in order to be whole ~ I AM whole. However, thanks to trauma left over from my childhood, I have these totally irrational fears. I have just begun to recognize some of them, and healing is going to be a long process. But it's a welcome one! :D Any progress is good!! :cool:

[ladyrowan]

Originally posted by PRINCE_SALO
My one true fear is to spend the rest of my life alone. A year ago my fears came to light. My wife of six years left me for another man. Now everyone tells me I should look at this time as a time for growth. (in other words I should be alone) At first I thought if I faced my fear I would either get over it, or I would find a new love. But neither has happened. With every day that passes it gets harder to deal with. I write this message, cause I feel every thing that happens is a divine lesson. But I don't have a clue what I should get out of this.

Prince, I know how you feel, i was in a very similar position 10 years ago when my marriage ended. I was the one who ended it, but that didn't stop me being lonely.
I assumed I'd find someone else before too long; it was the first time i'd been without a man in my life for over 20 years and you do get used to being part of a couple.
Your friends could well be right, maybe you are meant to be alone at the moment. It can be easy to rely on someone else for our happiness, and although i didn't understand this at the time, we have to learn to love ourselves first.
I had a few disastrous relationships in the first 6 years, usually with men that i wouldn't have gone with if i hadn't been so 'keen' (some might say desperate!) to find someone else. During that time some friends did tell me that maybe i needed time on my own to sort myself out. I didn't listen until something happened 4 years ago to make me listen. I then started a lot of soul-searching and found i'd been following the same 'pattern' for years that was totally wrong for me. There were also some deep-seated problems that i had to come to terms with.
I made a conscious desicion to give relationships a rest for a while, at least until I'd finished the exams i was studyng for. By the time they were finished i began to see what these friends had meant. I was finding things out about myself that i hadn't acknowledged before, and decided to stay alone for a bit longer.
I won't turn this into an even longer story than it already is (what i found out is irrelevant here, you've probably got different lessons to learn) except to say that in the last 4 years i have learnt so much about myself, and have changed into the person that had been struggling to get out for many years. I have now found an inner peace that i never had before and i know for certain that i wouldn't have achieved this if i'd carried on looking for someone else to make me happy.
It might be that the lessons you have to learn, or issues you need to address, can only be done by yourself. For many of us relationships can get in the way of the learning process.
You seem to realise that things happen for a reason - maybe you just haven't given it long enough yet. If you can stop searching for someone else and start searching for yourself, you might find the answer to what it is you should be doing. Counselling can sometimes help if you're having a really bad time.
It might just be that you've not gotten over your wife leaving yet. It's not a good idea to find someone else too soon because the same problems will very often crop up, over and over again in many cases! It's what we call 'baggage' over here. You're much better waiting till you are happy in yourself before you start with someone new. Do what friends have probably already told you, just start enjoying your life as it is now, go out with friends, have a laugh, have fun, and learn to enjoy your own company.
I'm so sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear, but it might be what you need to hear. Your 'one true fear of spending the rest of your life alone' hasn't happened - you are simply alone at the moment, you've still got a long life ahead of you and you will find love again when the time is right, I promise you.

BB

[Dria El]

Originally posted by PRINCE_SALO
My one true fear is to spend the rest of my life alone. A year ago my fears came to light. My wife of six years left me for another man. Now everyone tells me I should look at this time as a time for growth. (in other words I should be alone) At first I thought if I faced my fear I would either get over it, or I would find a new love. But neither has happened. With every day that passes it gets harder to deal with. I write this message, cause I feel every thing that happens is a divine lesson. But I don't have a clue what I should get out of this.

Maybe that's the lesson?

Just because you don't have a significant other, doesn't mean you're alone. You probably have family and friends that are right there with you and you are (for the most part) shutting them out.

Just a suggestion...

[Tigerwallah]

Well, maybe it's not exactly a fear. I love being alone. I love to have the freedom that comes from being by myself.

My relationships are usually very brief. My longest was 7 mos. I had an on again off again boyfriend for 10 years, but it was mostly off again and I was free to go my own way.

Being alone, for me, is wonderful. I currently live with my mom since my dad died last year. Before that I lived alone, and loved every moment of it. I lived in a big apartment building where I saw and knew no one. I have friends, and I enjoy my friend time, but I cherish my alone time. Being alone, for me, is very indulgent. Like, I'm going to NY next week to visit my friends. I planned to get into the City early in the morning so that I could spend my first day roaming Manhattan and the Metropolitan Museum of Art all by myself.

My best friend says that I'm not human. She and everyone else I know has some anxiety about being alone. I have to say, though, that I am the most non-anxious, content person that I know. So, maybe there is something to being content with yourself.

This is not the end of the world for you, Prince. If you truly want to be married, you will be married again. We always get what we need. It might help if you look at this time as a transitional time and not permanent.

[bluecat]

I was divorced in 1997 after being married for over twenty years. My ex and I simply became different people over time. While the separation was painful for both of us we have both moved on with our lives. I have been in a couple of relationships since that time and have found that being with someone is not always what it is cracked up to be. I don't have a fear of being alone, I rather enjoy the solitude at times, but I'm not a hermit; I think it's important to have a circle of friends.

I have found that when I look for someone it does not happen, or it does not happen well, but when I quit looking is when it happens. I'm not sure what I am looking for in a companion, but I know I am too trusting and that has really hurt in the past, but I will probably continue to do it anyway.

You will do fine, just don't let the alone bite you, keeping a circle of friends will help a lot.

Blue

[ASR]

Spending my life alone has been one of my biggest fears, too. To the point where I've stayed with boyfriends LONG past what should have been a breakup point. And when I did break up with them, I usually had someone else waiting.

Then my last bf dumped me with little notice and I was stuck by myself. And I DID use that time for personal growth, that whole....long....boring....frusterating...year. I learned about myself as Amanda, not Amanda & Tony, or Tony's girlfriend. I was me -- just me.

And two weeks ago, an old acquaintance walked back into my life and suddenly I'm not alone anymore, I'm head over heels...

It does happen. But you have to lose the fear before you can gain real love. Otherwise you just become dependant.

[AngelsBratt]

Let me tell ya, I know exactly what your saying, and how your feeling!!!! I have asked guys out only to be turned down, I have seen them watch me, but they do not say anything. I am a very friendly person, but for some reason, they just won't approach me. I know its not me, I have just pretty much said forget it, and move on. Its not what I wanna do, but what else is there to do???? Blessed Be, Angel

[Socharis]

Perhaps the Goddess is trying to get you to spend more time with your religion, when the same happened to me it made me go even deeper into my religion and i dvoted more time to practicing and studying it.

Just my opinion.

[Dria El]

Originally posted by Socharis
Perhaps the Goddess is trying to get you to spend more time with your religion, when the same happened to me it made me go even deeper into my religion and i dvoted more time to practicing and studying it.

Just my opinion.

Oh good point! Maybe there is something that you're neglecting. And maybe it's not even religion. Maybe, this is a hint.

Think about it...

[AngelsBratt]

Well then that must be what she is trying to tell me!, I just feel it'll happen when it happens. Thanks for the responce, Angel

[rosebud]

Hello well I don't really post anything on here cuz well I've never had the chance to check everything out. This is probably an old post but its a really important subject to me. I'm only 16 years old and I feel alone every day. I know all my family loves me and all but its like I kneed someone else to love me that I can express my love to them. Does that make sence? I know I still have all of my life to find that person its just that I already know who I want to love. I can't tell him cuz well he doesn't even know I exist and he lives far away from me. I live in Arizona and he lives in Florida. I know you people will probably think of me as a stupid little girl who doesn't know what love is and who is such a teeny bopper but really I'm not. Yeah the guy I love is a singer and I don't love him for his career or his money it's the person inside. I don't know how to explain this but everytime I see him on television and stuff I can see him ( the person inside) and it looks like sometimes he's hurting and then sometimes it looks like he need someone to love that will love him back. He currently has no girlfriends (as far as my knowledge goes). I don't know what to do I mean he is 7 years older than me but I truly love this man. My parents and relatives say it's just a little crush and that when I get into the world I'll find someone else to love and I would of forgoten about him. I don't think I'll ever forget him. I truly love him and I just want to see him happy. Well the reason I'm writing this is because I wanted my fellow wiccans opinions on what I should do. Should I forget about him and go on with my life? Or should I get through my schooling, move to Florida or maybe visit for a while and see what happens? I know where he lives and all and I know all the things he likes to do so it won't be hard finding him. If you have any thing to say please feel free and say it. Love you all and talk to you later!
Rosie

[Dria El]

Welcome to Mystic Wicks rosebud!!! So glad to see you made it ok!

:)

[rosebud]

Thank you for such a warm welcome! I feel that I'm going to enjoy this club. Well got to go Take care okay!

[PRINCE_SALO]

I too would like to welcome you to this world. As to the situation you're in do not worry. The Goddess & God have funny ways of doing there blessings. Look at me. I was born and raised in Brooklyn NY. I got married when I was 20, to the girl I had been dating for three years. To make a long story short. Here I am seven years later in Texas with no wife. So much I have learned and done from there to here. As I look back on it all it was preparing me for my now. So my advise to you is relax. Sit back and enjoy the ride of your life. If this love is to be you'll cross roads some how in do time. Until then live your life. Cause you never know how life will play out. The thing you may learn along the way may just bring you two together.

[rosebud]

Thank you for your reply PRINCE_SALO your probably right and thanks for your feedback. Maybe if I just do what you said to do I'll find someone. Again thank you and Have a great day. Love you!