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Windigo
August 26th, 2004, 11:44 AM
The post I made about how many children we wanted got me thinking about this. A lot of people sited the age differences between them and their sibling(s) in their reasoning. Whether it was a close age difference or a large one.

Do you think there is an ideal or perfect age difference between siblings?

What do you think is too close or too far of a gap?

How many years apart would you like between your children?

Any particular reasons for your answer?

And if you have children, what are the age differences between them?

I know there is no way you can predict exactly how many months, years, your children will be apart but just say what you would like it to be.

Elistariel
August 26th, 2004, 12:08 PM
**Do you think there is an ideal or perfect age difference between siblings?**
No

What do you think is too close or too far of a gap?
It depends on how close you want them to be, the lesser the age difference, the closer they may be. If you have, say 10 years difference, the older sibling make take a more caring attitude to the sibling, as opposed to the best-friend attitude.

How many years apart would you like between your children?
If I have kids, no more than 5 years difference

Any particular reasons for your answer?
Not really.

And if you have children, what are the age differences between them?

I know there is no way you can predict exactly how many months, years, your children will be apart but just say what you would like it to be.[/QUOTE]

There was no question about our siblings if we have any. So,
I was raised as an only child(1983). By my father and J.D. I have a sister(1990). We e-mail sometimes. By my father and T.S. I have a sister (1998) and a brother (2000). I'm not really close with them, as 1998 is only in first grade, and 2000 can't even read yet.
I send 1998 little knick-knacks sometimes. I'm not the best to ask about siblings. I've never met any of mine. I feel more like an advice giver to 1990 than a sister. Then again, although I am half one, I really don't know what it's like to be one.

My friend, Tiffany has a sister who is 9 years older than she. Tiffany was a "surprise". They do not get along at all,then again her older sister is rather moody.

Just my two cents

*Rain*
August 26th, 2004, 12:12 PM
Studies have shown that 2 years is the ideal age gap. Don't know why it's just something i've read.

In my family kids 1,2 +3 were born very close to each other - 18 months and then 13 months apart. Then there is a much bigger gap down to kid 4 (one was lost in between) and then 4 and a half years down to the youngest (me). The oldest 3 are very close to each other but not as close to the youngest 2. I'm close to the one just older than me and the youngest of the older 3, but not so close to the oldest 2 due to the massive gap. We have nothing in common.

I'd like my kids with close gaps as I can see the benefits from within my own family.

Tsuchimaru
August 26th, 2004, 12:17 PM
My siblings and I are all two years apart. I'm not having children.

Shanti
August 26th, 2004, 12:18 PM
Let me see. Kids are 4, 6, 24, 26, 27...
The only place the age gap is good..between the 2 youngest and 3 oldest!!
No sibbling rivalry with 20 yrs inbetween!!!
As for
1 yr apart..rivalry
2 yrs apart...rivalry
3 yrs apart (me and my sis)...rivalry

Zoritsa_Nepenthe
August 26th, 2004, 12:25 PM
My kids are 8 1/2 years apart...though I would have preferred about 3 to 4 years difference.I had hoped that with them so far apart that the sibling rivalry wouldn't be so bad,but so far that hasn't been the case.They fight and scream at each other just like my sister and I did,and we are only 3 1/2 years apart.

I think there are pros and cons to both sides of the age gaps,it's all up to what the parents can handle at the time.Like for instance,my sisters two kids are two years apart...I would have gone insane with them so close,but she is handling it fine.

*Rain*
August 26th, 2004, 12:29 PM
No sibbling rivalry with 20 yrs inbetween!!!
Ooo so not true in my family, there is a 17 year age gap between my sister and I and she gets unbelievably petty and pathetic through jealousy of things i've done/achieved. In fact both sisters are like that and they pit their own kids against my achievements. Seems silly to me as we are all completely different people.

RogueSpirit
August 26th, 2004, 12:58 PM
Do you think there is an ideal or perfect age difference between siblings?

Honestly, I don't know. I think it's more about personality than age difference.


What do you think is too close or too far of a gap?

Well... I don't know... I've seen siblings who were close in age get along fine and others who hated each other. I've also seen siblings who were further apart in age hate each other and others who got along fine. My younger brother and I are exactly a year and two weeks apart. We got along great as kids, so much so that when he started junior high, people assumed he was my boyfriend because siblings aren't supposed to get along that well. Our youngest brother is four years and three months younger than me and we never got along. However, my nephews were born four years apart and they get along great. I seriously think it's due to environment and personalities. The older of my two brothers and I grew up without a lot of friends around. Our dad was in the Navy and we moved a lot, losing our friends quickly, we were all we had that was constant. Also, our parents didn't treat us any differently. Our youngest brother was a baby when our dad got out of the service and our parents treated him better, gave him more attention and more stuff than we got. He was spoiled rotten and we couldn't stand to be around him. And he couldn't stand for us to get any attention, it was all his. So naturally there was animosity. My nephews are mostly treated equally, though they say that the younger is special... and I understand what they mean by that. However, the older has a personality that allows for the younger to receive more attention without it affecting him and the younger has remained unspoiled and unselfish even with the extra attention.


How many years apart would you like between your children? Any particular reasons for your answer? And if you have children, what are the age differences between them?

Well, I only have and only want one... so there won't be an age gap. But she does have a half brother who is four years younger than she is. They've never met so I don't know how well they get along.

Starbaby
August 26th, 2004, 01:08 PM
I have 3 kids, 19,14 and 11. If I had to do it over again, I would have had them closer together. The two oldest fight like cats and dogs!! My only daughter is the middle child, so she has the "attitude".

I am a twin, so we got along ok, while we were little, we weren't as codependant as some twins, as we grew older we grew apart, me being the rebel, and the wild child while she was the good one, who got good grades, etc... We had different interests, and fought like crazy. But let someone else mess with either of us.. lol. Now we get along great, but it took kids, marriage and growing up to make that happen.

Tzhebee
August 26th, 2004, 02:16 PM
Do you think there is an ideal or perfect age difference between siblings?
From a child's perspective I think that children closer in age is best. From a parents perspective, I think spacing them out is better.

What do you think is too close or too far of a gap?
More than 6 years, unless you have them in groups. Like one kid at 16 and one at 2 is just too much for me personally. But if you have 16, 13, 9, 5, 2, then that's better.

How many years apart would you like between your children?
I'd like my kids to be less than 2 years apart.

Any particular reasons for your answer?
I grew up 6 years older than my sister and 10 older than my brother. None of us got along because we were so far apart in age. By the time my sister liked Barbies, I was too old for them, etc. etc. Being the oldest sucked because I was always watching the younger ones, the youngest sucked because you always watched your siblings do things you can't, etc. etc.

And if you have children, what are the age differences between them?
My older kids are 8, 8, 7. And they get along great! They have the same interests and there is always someone for them to play with. Now...when they reach 16, 16, 15 or 19, 19, 18 I probably won't think it's so great! :lol:

My son is 14 months...and if I had it my way, I'd be 6 months along with another right now, so that my youngest doesn't feel left out. We purposly waited afterthe first 3, so that we could have "a breather". But #4 showed up a little earlier than planned...

Aedrais
August 26th, 2004, 04:36 PM
I'm the oldest- I'm 3 years older than my first sister, 6 years older than my brother, and 15 years older than my baby sister.

I always got along well with my sister, I think we're the perfect age apart. Six years is a bit more, so in regards to my brother I'm a bit more maternal than friend-like- that will change as he gets older, though, I think, he's only 10 now. I know that he still looks up to me as a motherly-type figure, and he used to come to me with bad dreams and stuff when he was little. (He slept in my bed with me every night for a couple years.)

As for my baby sister, she's only 7 months now-- well, she could be mine, and most people think she is, because she looks almost exactly like me when I was a baby, same dark colouring and stuff. I don't think we'll ever be close in a sisterly way- think she'll always look up to me as a mother figure, and I'll always look at her as almost my own child. I don't mind, since I don't want kids of my own, so she's the closest I'll get- she's the only child I think I'll ever have, and I love her dearly. I think that generally, though, 15 years might be a bit too much.

Ideally, I think 1-3 years between kids is perfect. But everyone's different, and it depends on the kids, too.

soilsigh aingeal
August 26th, 2004, 10:51 PM
Do you think there is an ideal or perfect age difference between siblings?
2-4 years
What do you think is too close or too far of a gap?
mine are 15 months apart and I can't imagine if my daughter was any younger (for example, couldn't walk)
I am the baby the gaps are 8yrs, 10yrs, 11yrs, 15yrs. I am not close with my two oldest siblings and have only grown close to the third child since having my kids. The youngest (other than myself) and I were kind of close since I was 16 until about 20. Now that I have kids and he's married, our worlds are just a little different, I guess. I guess I just hope my kids can be close
Well, at least, if there's a big gap, there should be at least two so they can keep each other company! :)
How many years apart would you like between your children?
my children are 15 months apart
Any particular reasons for your answer?
They were surprises
And if you have children, what are the age differences between them?
15 months
I know there is no way you can predict exactly how many months, years, your children will be apart but just say what you would like it to be.
Ideally for me, they would have been 3-4 years apart... the oldest would have been done cutting teeth and potty trained!

Aowyn
August 27th, 2004, 10:50 PM
Do you think there is an ideal or perfect age difference between siblings? no not really.

What do you think is too close or too far of a gap? maybe a year between would be too close but i don't think there is a too far, My oldest sibling a brother is 37, then there is another who is 33, then me 26 then my third brother 23 and finally my youngest sibling the only sister is 20 we all get along really well. From what I am told he was a great help to my mom with the younger ones, me included.

How many years apart would you like between your children?2 or 3 years

Any particular reasons for your answer? Want to have some time with each when they are young where I am not absolutley nuts

And if you have children, what are the age differences between them? Only have one so this doesnt apply to me.

Temair
August 28th, 2004, 11:44 AM
Well. let's see. I am the oldest of three, the younger two are almost 3 years, and 5 1/2 years younger than I. I always liked the 3 year spacing. It makes the siblings peers, so even if there are no other kids around (like when I was growing up), they still have each other to play with because they have similar interests. My best friend is 4 years older than her sister and 20 years older than her brother, and she didn't like the 4 year gap. My own kids are ages 8, 5, 2, and 6 months. The last was planned, but she jumped the schedule. Another reason I like 3 years is that then I don't have two kids in diapers at the same time for long. My first potty trained when her sister was about 3-4 months old, and then she trained a few weeks (her own choice) before her sister was born, and then *she* trained at 18 months old or so (difference between cloth and disposable), so she was pretty well trained before her sister was born 3 months later. She did backslide for a couple weeks, but now once again only wears diapers to bed. I think that 18 months or less is too close, because they have too many of the same interests, and more than 4 or 5 years they wouldn't really have much at all in common. My husband comes from a family of 6. The first 5 were within 8 years, then 8 years later, surprise, there was my hubby. I have heard such horror stories about them growing up, especially between the two who are 364 days apart. And I would want to give my body more of a rest between kids. When I got pregnant with #4, I hadn't quite weaned #3, and that was very tough, physically. I weaned her the day the test was positive, but she only nursed at night, so it wasn't too traumatic for her. I have been changing diapers now for over 8 years, I don't want to get out of them just to start back up again a few years down the road.

So in short (like I can make any post short, ha!), I think 2-3 years is good.

AbyssRose
August 28th, 2004, 11:46 AM
Okay heres the deal..my brother is 28 my sister is 27 and i JUST turned 20.. we dont get along at all.. and I believe its because they are sooo close.. I dont even feel like their sister anymore..we have no interests..we talk on the phone sometimes..but other than that I think the age difference did pull us apart :( I would say not more then 2-3 years between kids.. dont want my youngest to go through what i did .

HorseCrow
August 28th, 2004, 05:30 PM
I'd like to have my (4) kids 1- 2 years apart.

colusaskye
August 28th, 2004, 05:47 PM
There's almost 5 years between me and my sister (I'm the oldest).
I don't mind it at all.
I think it's easier on the parents bcause they don't get 2 terrible teenagers at once :D, but I don't know.

I've never picked a fight with my sister, as I don't think it's a good use of my time. My sister, however, is in the whole 'the world owes me everything even though i've given it/them nothing' phase so whenever she senses any sort of small injustice, she blows up about it. Imagine being parents to 2 kids in the 'explodey' stage!

I babysit a lot, and one family has kids about 1 1/2 years apart. Fighting, fighting, fighting. They rarely get along.

Then again, another family has 4 children, all 2 years apart, and they're pretty okay. They all help each other out, are courteous, and good friends. The only problem? 3 girls and 1 boy, all girl cousins...the boy can definitely feel left out.


I think it depends on the kids/their temperament, and the family/how they are raised/what the parents can handle. Some people just don't want to go through the "terrible 2's" for 8 years in a row, you know?

mara
August 28th, 2004, 11:28 PM
My kids are 24,22,18,14,and 8. The first two fought really bad..my eight year old annoys my 14 year old to no end. My brother is 18 years older than I and my sister is 13 years older..I may as well have been an only child. My sister was jealous and would always make comments about how my parents never did certain things for her that they were able to do for me.I think that it's nice when they're close enough in age to be able to play together-2 or 3 years apart i guess.

Smiley Girl
August 28th, 2004, 11:41 PM
Do you think there is an ideal or perfect age difference between siblings?
I think that there should be enough of a gap that you can handle it. If you have one who's 16 months and one on the way in a couple weeks, you're going to be exhausted! But if you can handle that, then by all means! Children DO grow up...

What do you think is too close or too far of a gap?
I don't think there is either. :) As long as you can handle it.

How many years apart would you like between your children?
A couple... well, a few. I would like my first son to be old enough to fetch me diapers if I need them :hehehehe: Things like that. :)

Any particular reasons for your answer?
I would like my first son to be able to help out. Not only that, I think the bonding level would be higher between them. :)

And if you have children, what are the age differences between them?
I don't have kids... yet. ;)

athenagirl
August 29th, 2004, 12:58 AM
Hey all,

Personally, I think how much age difference depends on your personality. If you are not the patient type, a big age gap is fine. Two or more little ones can drive you crazier. If you are the calm collective type, then you'll probably do fine with them closer together.

As far as the other stuff, rivelry and all, those who say there are pros and cons to each situation.

I'm not the patient type. My kids are 10 1/2 yrs apart. My boy is 18 and my girl will be 8 in Nov. I'm glad I don't have to drag two of them to a sitters to go to work. I'm glad I don't have to give two baths, fix dinner plates etc. after a long day at work. They still punch each other and argue in the car while your trying to drive. The older is always commenting that I let the younger do things he wasn't at her age. I was younger, quicker and had more energy when he was little I guess. I wish they were closer. They hardly spend any time together. I worry how that is going to work out when we, parents, pass from this lifetime and all they have is each other as family.