Need advice on ex hubby probs

[AuroraFireHawk]

I could use some advice on how to deal with some of the things my ex hubby is doing. He is trying to use religion as a basis for more court hearings dealing with the custody of our 12 year old daughter. The court saw fit to award custody and legal guardian-ship to me at the time of the divorce hearing, knowing that i am pagan and follow a native american path. However, my ex is still trying to use the religous angle to deny my daughter religious info and expereince. She has expressed an interest in the christian church...and i know a few good ones. Mostly he is messing with her mind and telling her that we will have to go back to court if she wants to go to church or any other religious service/ritual without oneof us being present (he sees fit to force her to attend services at a nazerine church every weekend she spends with him and he was not nazerine at al lduring our marriage or before). I could use any advice you might be able to offer to help us deal with this. There is no county court angency that governs or helps with visitation issues once a divorce is final. i have taken these concerns to childrens services, which was court ordered to check and see if a case was warrented in my case....it was not. The do not know where to tell me to turn either nor does my lawyer. This has not been the only issue...however it is the most recent. Sorry for the ramblings...i hope someone out there might be able to help.
Thanks..
AuroraFireHawk

[{Tigress}]

I've contacted a Peer Counselor and you should hear from them sometime today. If you do not, please PM me and I'll find another one for you. Thank you for taking the time to post. :)

[Wayward Womyn]

Hello Aurora,
Don't feel alone in the problems with the ex department. I have experienced problems pretty much every day since I met the bane of my existence. I could go on an on about the all the problems I have with him.
I'm not sure what the laws that govern Ohio regarding religion and divorced parents are, but in New Mexico, generally whatever religion (or lack of religion) was in place at the time of divorce is supposed to be the one that the kids continue with. My ex also tried to use this with me, as he wanted to take them to Christian church which I seriously doubt was anything truly pious but rather a stab at me. That was obvious enough by the pompous smirk on his face when he said it. He was not Christian when I met him, nor were he (or I) ever religious, and the idea of him making a play at Christianic morals is just hilarious to me, therefore, I pointed out the fact that there was no religion and thus it would remain. (I did not, by the way, state any of my opinions about that, just simply stated there was no religion and cited the state guideline.) The court tended to agree with me.
Although your daughter may have different views now than she did at the time of divorce, she is still young and in six years, she might change her mind and by that time, she can make her choices for herself. My views on religion and spirituality have changed vastly over different periods of my life.

In any case, you may try to use continuity as an arguement, whatever religion or if there was no religion that was practiced was in place at the time you were divorced, then let it remain as so. Or, if she has been actively involved in something for a long period of time already, I would say at least a half year, it's probably not healthy to yank her out of it just because Dad doesn't agree.
He doesn't have any business telling her he might take you back to court over any issues with her. Those are things he should be discussing with you. I forget what this is called in technical terms but basically it's trying to turn the child against the other parent, and it's not acceptable to courts.

You may also try something called mediation. This could be with a family psychologist. In NM, there is Court Clinic which divorced parents with custody disputes are sent to in an effort to resolve the disputes. Basically, it's meeting with a court-appointed psychologist, and instead of it being a private matter, the psychologist can make recommendations to the court which usually the court listens to. A private psychologist may not have as much power over the courts. In fact, a lot of pyschologists won't even touch it if they think you just want to use them to get what you want. But if there are issues that seriously need to be worked out, sometimes meeting with an external party can be beneficial and a family psychologist can help both parents determine what's healthier for their child. so far, in my case, I haven't yet been able to get my ex into counseling even though it's written into the modified decree.
Another thing is that at 12, your daughter is getting to the age where the courts will start listening to what she wants. You could see about what the state laws are governing the age of children in regard to custody and request the court to speak with her, but I would personally recommend trying to work it out (and anything really) prior to seeking assistance from the court.
sometimes i wish my ex was just one of those dads who just completely disappear from the picture.

wayward womyn

[AuroraFireHawk]

Thank you so much for you advice. That gave me some ideas...My ex and i did meet with her couselor and got a few issues ironed out. But now others have arrisen but i am not up in arms about them. I have a new b/f and we are talking about movign in together. we have been friends for a couple of years and all is well with my daughter concerning him. He is afraid that my ex may try to gain custody based on the fact that we are living together. But that isnt a court issue nor my exes business and my b/f finally understood. (he just hates to make waves anywhere) but i am not too worried aobut all that. The court thought my ex wasnt fit so....nothing has changed
The curch issue is being wroked on and we will see how it goes. The way it was before was that we were both pagan and crystal had a choice. go to ritual or stay with a sitter. so now her counselor has reminded him that what was in place has to remain.(the law is the same on that here) and he is to offer her a choice.
Anyway thanks and sorry for the ramblings.
Love and Light
AuroraFireHawk

[Inquisitor]

I could use some advice on how to deal with some of the things my ex hubby is doing. He is trying to use religion as a basis for more court hearings dealing with the custody of our 12 year old daughter. The court saw fit to award custody and legal guardian-ship to me at the time of the divorce hearing, knowing that i am pagan and follow a native american path. However, my ex is still trying to use the religous angle to deny my daughter religious info and expereince. She has expressed an interest in the christian church...and i know a few good ones. Mostly he is messing with her mind and telling her that we will have to go back to court if she wants to go to church or any other religious service/ritual without oneof us being present (he sees fit to force her to attend services at a nazerine church every weekend she spends with him and he was not nazerine at al lduring our marriage or before). I could use any advice you might be able to offer to help us deal with this. There is no county court angency that governs or helps with visitation issues once a divorce is final. i have taken these concerns to childrens services, which was court ordered to check and see if a case was warrented in my case....it was not. The do not know where to tell me to turn either nor does my lawyer. This has not been the only issue...however it is the most recent. Sorry for the ramblings...i hope someone out there might be able to help.
Thanks..
AuroraFireHawk

Sounds like you need to place a curse on him. :graduate:

[LadyTrinity]

He sounds horrible. :yikes: