Morbid, Yet Thought-Provoking Question

[Klucky]

I know people usually don't enjoy questions on death, but this is something that I've thought about for years. Let's assume that you have a significant other. Let's also assume that fate isn't involved here. Now, if you had to pick between the option of you dying before your SO or your SO dying before you, which would you prefer?

If you were to say that you wanted to die before your SO, that means that 1) you're dying sooner (obviously), and 2) you may leave your SO depressed and lonely.

If you were to say that you wanted your SO to die before you, well 1) it feels kind of wrong to wish for somebody else to die, especially the person you care about the most, and 2) you will be the one ending up grieving over a loss for possibly the rest of your life.

Although I don't have a significant other, I still always go back and forth between these two options. It is indeed a difficult decision, isn't it?

-Klucky

[Velvet]

I love morbid questions! I think probably him before me because I would rather deal then to have to leave him.

[Asthmorte]

I would want to die first

[Flaire-FireStar]

I can't answer because it's already happened.

[redrobin]

Hard to say. All I know is I want to die before I lose all my sight and hearing and get all arthritic and my back gets any worse than it already is. Of course, if I were to get this wish, and my spouse were to die before me, they'd probably have to die young to achieve it, and that would be a terrible thing to happen. So I guess I'll say that I'd like to die first.

[Iris]

There is a seven year age difference between me and my SO, with him being the elder...and also men tend not to live as long as women, so the chances are...

My SO also doesn't have the best family history regarding health, in particular there is heart disease in his family, and I'm terrified that one day he might have a heart attack or stroke...oh geez...and I would have no idea what to do, I don't even know how to do that resucitation thing where you breathe for the person...eek.

Anyway...I would rather he died before me. My reason is as follows.

Living without the person I consider to be my soulmate would be the greatest pain I can imagine. Hence the reason I don't want him to face that. I would rather face it myself.

Bah this has put me on a downer now :(

[ADSFuse]

I chose my supposed SO over myself, I'd never wanna leave someone behind to mourn my death, I know what I can deal with and what I can take, but I don't know about them(after all I don't even know her yet since we haven't met, and if we are going with ex girlfriends than that's a whole different story in and of itself, lol)

Even though one of my biggest fears is having everyone die around me, at least I wouldn't be the cause of anyone's pain. *shrugs*

Aaron

[Phoenix Blue]

Yeah, Klucky, yer morbid. ;)

Color me selfish. I want to go first.

[Chibi-Fallon]

It would depend. If she were to get somehow sick and couldn't get well again (MS, AIDS, or something), I would want her to go first. But it's not really that, it's more that I wouldn't want her to be in pain anymore. Even if I were already dead and she was like that I would hope that she wouldn't be in pain for long.
I'd rather not have to have her deal with my death though. But I always have that I'd rather deal with it then make someone else go through it sort of thing.

[Klucky]

Yeah, Klucky, yer morbid. ;)


*draws the curtains and writes depressing poetry in a little corner*

Goth...Goth...moose!

:D

-Klucky

[Phoenix Blue]

Ahh! I shall have to break out the bongo drums now! :bigredgri

[Tsuchimaru]

Hmm...I'd rather die at the same time, although that has almost no chance of ever happening. :lol:

I'd rather my SO die first. Why? Well, who would you rather suffer the grief of losing a loved one, you, or your SO? Anyway, if my SO died before me, I'd most likey kill myself shortly after...

[Erebus]

Neither. I want us both to die simultaneously. Preferably because we just finished making love on the African savannah and got stepped on by an elephant in our sleep.

[Valkie]

You're right Klucky, this is a morbid question.

Taking feelings out of it (which is something that I seem to be really good at), I would say for him to go first. I don't see him being able to pull off planning a funeral, being able to handle the kids, cope with the grief, and all the legal matters at the same time. He'd be too much of an emotional wreck.

[Aedrais]

Neither. I want us both to die simultaneously. Preferably because we just finished making love on the African savannah and got stepped on by an elephant in our sleep.

That's the way to go, definately.

I guess, like ya'll, I'd want my SO to go first. The idea of losing someone that close to me scares the bejeebers outta me, but... I'd like to believe I'm selfless enough to take it for my love.

[Chibi-Fallon]

Neither. I want us both to die simultaneously. Preferably because we just finished making love on the African savannah and got stepped on by an elephant in our sleep.

Awwwwww, how romantic. :hearteyes :lol:

[Smiley Girl]

lol

We promised we'd go together. Who am I to break such a promise? :heyalove: :heartthro

:)

[djmixon]

Actually, I wouldn't want to pre-decease my SO or have him pre-decease me. . .

I figure we will go about the same time, even if one is before the other by a little bit. . .

D

[Tzhebee]

I've actually thought about this and talked about it with my SO. You know, those late night pillows talks. :lol:

And I've determined that I can't answer the question without knowing how long the survivor lives. If the survivor is going to live 20 more years, then it's been decided that he'll die first with the hopes that I can find someone else in my life. But if it's only a few months, then I get to die first.

[TWILIGHTSKY]

It would be nice if we could die close together after a long, full, life when we're ready to go.
I chose for him to go first because he's 13 1/2 yrs older than me- I want to be able to care for him when he'll need it.
It makes me sad to think about it, though. It's seems that the older I get, he faster time moves, and the more precious life is.

[TWILIGHTSKY]

I've determined that I can't answer the question without knowing how long the survivor lives. If the survivor is going to live 20 more years, then it's been decided that he'll die first with the hopes that I can find someone else in my life. But if it's only a few months, then I get to die first.
:veryweird

[9-2-2]

I want my fiance to die before I do. That way, he doesn't have to deal with the shock of losing me, which is much harder than "oh, I 'm dead. Well, that sucks." (And that is EXACTLY how he'd go about it!). He would take my own loss much harder than I do mine... and his life has been incredibly difficult already.

However, shortly after his death, I'd make an appointment with my sword and knife collection. :hugz:

[Mab]

I would rather die first. I know that he would get over me & go on. I cannot seem to live without him, though.

I just know that in the grand scheme of things, I am very insignificant, and anyone who might miss me would get over me relatively quickly & go on with their lives.

[Bec_W]

Yeah, Klucky, yer morbid. ;)

Color me selfish. I want to go first.

ditto.

Actually I've already told DH that I'm going to dye before him :)

[mama reflecting]

I would want my lovers to pass first, so that I might hold them, comfort them, as they leave. I cannot dream what would happen if my child passed before me. Nobody wishes for that. And nobody wishes that their lovers or friends would ever die. In the unavoidable situation that it should happen, however, I would want to be there with them.
I feel that wanting to leave first for shallow reasons is terribly selfish.

[DarkOrion]

I thought abot the question and I think I would like to go first. I have been through many painful lives and am nearing whatever comes at the end of my reincarnations. I want to know what is next.

Her soul is still young and though I fear she would kill herself, she
has many more lives to live and loves to find when I would be gone. Maybe she will remember me and embrace the rest of her life, I can only hope. :hrmm:

[~Anamorata~]

I watched my mom die...and, I'm really not sure I could deal with a death of someone I love...but, I guess I would say my SO would die before me...would never put someone in the place of watching another die... :geez:

[rain_fallen_tears]

I got a solution same day, same hour, same second, in incredible old age....hmmm....doesn't seem very likely does it..... :hrmm: :D

But seriously, I would want to die before him, he would indeed grieve, but I would hope not forever, and that he could move on and live happily again.

[flar7]

its a no brainer. I would rather outlive all my loved ones, they and I have buried so many and suffered so much pain from it, that I cannot bear them crying for me. Its a burden I can take and carry despite the pain. But, this is hypothetical, since we cannot outlive all our loved ones, and the choice to just outlive our SO is not even ours for the most part.

also changing the statement to, Outlive, rather than have them die.......have them die seems to be forcing an issue, while outliving is struggling despite loss and long years of life.

[-Sky-]

I haven't yet found my soulmate but I guess I am not sure about who i would like to go first..
See if I go first I wouldn't stand leaving him behind to mourn and if we went first I couldn't stay behind,the pain would be unbearable.So I think that whoever goes first the other will die of a broken heart...*sighs*

~Anna

[{Tigress}]

I chose my supposed SO over myself, I'd never wanna leave someone behind to mourn my death, I know what I can deal with and what I can take, but I don't know about them(after all I don't even know her yet since we haven't met, and if we are going with ex girlfriends than that's a whole different story in and of itself, lol)

Even though one of my biggest fears is having everyone die around me, at least I wouldn't be the cause of anyone's pain. *shrugs*

Aaron

That was me. I've watched my husband mourn the loss of his father and I cannot imagine how much more he would mourn my passing, so I'd rather him die first and not have to bear losing me.

[morrigen]

I want to go first...I just don't deal well with grief. I don't know if I could stay sane through another loss.

Definately first.

[Yvonne Belisle]

I would want to go first. My husband is young there will be time after my passing for him to find another.

[Faery-Wings]

That was a lot harder to answer honestly than I expected it to be. Of course, from an emotional standpoint, I would want to go first. I can't imagine taking one breath without him. But on the other hand, I have to agree with Valkie:

Taking feelings out of it (which is something that I seem to be really good at), I would say for him to go first. I don't see him being able to pull off planning a funeral, being able to handle the kids, cope with the grief, and all the legal matters at the same time. He'd be too much of an emotional wreck.

I think, in the aftermath, he would have a harder time coping in non-emotional ways.

[jinx1_2]

I've always had the feeling that I will go first. I don't know why. I am older than him though. I also know that he is young charming and cute (he's almost 30 and still has the highschool girls in swoons!) and will find someone else after I'm gone to comfort him. (I hope I don't have to see it though cause I'm the awfully jealous type! :deviltail ) I also know that I am not stable enough mentally to handle it if he died first and I would soon commit suicide. Of course dying at the same time would be perfect.

[Shanti]

Well this question is quite depressing.
If we live our average lifespans...I would be dieing first as I am 20 yrs older.

[Radocs]

I don't have a preference.

[Kaylara]

This is a difficult question. My family and I have spoken about this in terms of my grandmother and grandfather. We hope he goes first. Because we know that he would be destroyed if she died first. We've seen all three of my great grandmothers go through losing their spouses, and yes, they miss them tremendously, but they've been able to work through that great loss and keep on living.

As far as it goes for me... I honestly don't know. I would want to save them that pain, but I also know how badly it would affect me if either one of them died... I don't honestly know how I'd handle that at this point... But if it came down to their pain or mine, I'd rather me be in pain than they.

[soilsigh aingeal]

I think after. Don't know why though.

[aluokaloo]

I'd rather go first, because that way I can wait for my SO in the afterlife first and because I'm hoping to die before I hit 45. Besides I don't eant to deal with that kind of pain, and hopefully the Gods willing I will never be in love again. So I won't have to die before he does.

[MerrisHawk]

I've been there. Very hollow, screaming place where nothing matters anymore. I would not leave anyone to that feeling.

[claxon]

I chose myself, but it really isn't much of a choice, even though I don't have a SO.

Personally I fear pain (be it physical, or psycholocial) rather than death. A couple of years ago I suffered from depression, and was getting rather suicidal. I never actually did anything, mainly because when I got that bad I eventually thought about how my family would feel, to know I'd done it without them even knowing I was depressed. Eventually I decided that there was simply no point in going on like that. I was either going to commit suicide and get it over with, or get over it and deal with the problems, which has become my philosophy in life now (well more or less, a kind of "Don't put off till tomorrow what you can do today" type thing). I've kinda wandered there, but basically after all that, dying isn't something that terrifies me. But the pain of living after the death of somone I love does. That brings it down to, should I endure it (which I'm more worried of than death itself), or should I inflict it on them (which has stopped me once before).

I can only hope that it's never my decision to make. :(

[Immrama]

I wouldn't want to leave someone I loved behind me alone and in pain... so i would want him to go first..

[Navalina]

I would prefer to die before my SO does. Because 1) I'm not afraid of dying and 2) call me selfish, but I couldn't handle the loss of someone so close to me.

[Black RiverWolf]

i would want him to go first. rather than have him deal with my death i would deal with his

[Nighthawk]

I'll go first, thank you........

[*GrumpButt*]

Couldnt leave my little Ky Ky!
So he would have to go!

[Grey]

*shakes head* Odd question. I answered that she would die first, mostly because Ive been assured that I will live for the next 3528-9 years so I expect her to. IF I had my choice the girl would outlive me... but we shall see what happens eh?