Are you a masochist?

[Pol]

This is not a thread about sex-related masochism.
It's aimed more at artists.

A friend of mine who is currently very far from a girl he fell in love with over the summer is experiencing something I once experienced as well. I was in a bad relationship, and I knew it, and I didn't even love her - I loved the pain. I loved the sadness and melancholy.

We were talking tonight, about how it's really masochistic.
Then I also realised, I'd wager a lot of artists are masochists. Especially poets. They cry about it, write about it - but do they try to change it? It's a way of life. It gives a purpose and a goal, and it's interesting. One can think more clearly if one is not preoccupied with happiness.

So, my question is: Are you an emotional masochist? Are you a poet? Are you both?
This isn't a poll, as to bring about more actual conversation (if anyone replies), instead of just clicking a button and being done with it.

[WickedBttrfly]

You know what? I believe I am both. It sounds just like me really. ...scary.

[Radocs]

No.

[WickedBttrfly]

Yeah I'd have to say I'm both. I usually write when I'm in a mood too... i guess that's why I usually don't do anything about it besides brood a little. But we're not meant to be happy all the time, life would be pretty boring, right?

[Gothic Rayne]

Intriguing question.

I am both. I am cheerful when I need to be, but mentally I dwell on that pain and misery. It makes me me. It makes me realize how much beauty there really is out there. When dwelling on the pain, it makes me see what is in front of me. I embrace it.

[WickedBttrfly]

dwelling...yep that perfectly describes what I do, I usually appear happy but sometimes...ok a lot of times, something will happen or I'll be reminded of something and I just want to be alone and dwell on it. I get in a quiet and dark mood, and even though it hurts and its miserable at the same time I enjoy it... sorry if that sounds weird

[Gothic Rayne]

Weird, no. I do the same. I have plenty of things to dwell on. And while people think of me as trying to be depressed, that is far from the truth. I love Life. I just like dark things. :)

[Pol]

I've always had a love for melancholy. Not overt sadness or depression, but melancholy. I'm a fairly happy guy, I don't appear brooding or anything of the sort, but I love sadness. For probably the past 4 years, my writings have almost all involved death, lovers dying, that sort of thing. I get a lot of little movies in my mind about a lover dying, and I love it. It's strange.
I find I do not write much poetry at all now that I am happily wed. I wouldn't change that for anything, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss it sometimes. The clarity that melancholy brings to the mind is amazing..
I actually believe that by contemplating, dwelling, or discussing deep, non-happy subjects, one actually slows down the passage of time to the mind.
I've had it seem like minutes were hours when I'm down.

[WickedBttrfly]

Me too. I don't get the point in ignoring the dark stuff. It's as much a part of life as "light" stuff.... (sorry about the use of stuff. my vocabulary is all downhill today.)

[WickedBttrfly]

The clarity that melancholy brings to the mind is amazing..
I actually believe that by contemplating, dwelling, or discussing deep, non-happy subjects, one actually slows down the passage of time to the mind.
I've had it seem like minutes were hours when I'm down.

Yes, I've noticed that too. I'll think I've only been sitting on my bed for a few minutes, and I'll look over at the clock and it's been an hour or more. Melancholy is good too, and you're right about the mind being clear.

[Strawberry Bounce]

I think so. I write poems & songs...It seems like I embrace saddness to easily. And when it's gone I find a way to welcome it back. :shot:

[Flaire-FireStar]

To an extent.

[Pol]

I think so. I write poems & songs...It seems like I embrace saddness to easily. And when it's gone I find a way to welcome it back. :shot:

Ah, welcoming it back. How often have I done that? Even forced myself into it just to write.

[Gothic Rayne]

I've done that. Sometimes its the only way I can write.

[WickedBttrfly]

me too. happy mood just doesn't work for me.

[Aelfoak]

I would say that i am a poet, but i'm not an emotional masochist, i have to stay emotionally balanced and hate it when my emotions are messed up

[Lai]

Although I'm definitely an emotional masochist and it brings out the best writing in my books... I do try to change and be happy. It just doesn't work. :raining:

[Nighthawk]

Umm, never thought about it..but.yes and yes. It helps with the writing..

[{Tigress}]

I enjoy a really good cry. I'm not one to be overly depressed... I have a pretty optimistic outlook on life and tend to be upbeat. But, if something brings me to tears I feel wonderful.

And I must say I'm amazed to see so many men agree with you, Pol. The men in my life have never understood my "but it feels GOOD when I cry" statement, so hearing y'all say you enjoy melancholy.

[mothwench]

yeah, and it's something i'm looking to change. i really don't think it's something to be proud of.

[WickedBttrfly]

i like being melancholy. I think up the best things when I'm laying on my back in bed staring up at the ceiling....dwelling.... (<---my word of the day)

[Tsuchimaru]

I think I am....

[Avalon]

We were talking tonight, about how it's really masochistic.
Then I also realised, I'd wager a lot of artists are masochists. Especially poets. They cry about it, write about it - but do they try to change it? It's a way of life. It gives a purpose and a goal, and it's interesting. One can think more clearly if one is not preoccupied with happiness.

Until very recently, this is how I lived my life. I'm learning to not be consumed by sadness...and that one can find inspiration in joy as well as sorrow. Being happy with my life is swiftly becoming more important than pain's fleeting creativity. :hugz:

[Shanti]

The definition:masochism


The deriving of sexual gratification, or the tendency to derive sexual gratification, from being physically or emotionally abused.
The deriving of pleasure, or the tendency to derive pleasure, from being humiliated or mistreated, either by another or by oneself.
A willingness or tendency to subject oneself to unpleasant or trying experiences.
Me.......no. What for?
Emotional masochism...what is that? The willingness to be miserable, in emotional pain?


Me ....no. What for?

[Nighthawk]

Ummm, wow.. I am not sure when I posted I meant it this way..more like a painful relationship and loss create writing....

[Shanti]

Ummm, wow.. I am not sure when I posted I meant it this way..more like a painful relationship and loss create writing....
I re-did my post!!!
I just cant grasp the consept of willingly being in emotional pain for any reason.

[mara]

Yes. I've realized through the years that I confuse that feeling for love..when it isn't at all. I write music and I know exactly what you mean..It seemed when I was happy I wasn't as creative and couldn't write as well. I think i unconsciously created drama for myself when I was younger in order to feel it.

[Pol]

For me, personally, it's not a pain. It's enjoyable. It gives me a lot to do, and helps me think.

[Velvet]

When I'm depressed I'm the most creative so I do dwell on it so the emotions flow.

[Terestai]

It's something I'm working on changing, and have recently had cause to move further past it than ever before. :D

[Shanti]

For me, personally, it's not a pain. It's enjoyable. It gives me a lot to do, and helps me think.
Pleasure out of unpleasentness of some type...thats really hard for me to conceive. Contridicting for sure!!!
I havent ever analized that perspective for myself. To busy to right now! Dont know if I want to at this point in time either.
:)

[Cielamara]

There is a certain pleasure to be found in sadness and the darker emotions. When you feel them, when you feel the pain, just as when you feel intense happiness and ecstasy, you know without a doubt that you are alive and you are well. There's a pleasure in that knowledge for me, though my sadness is not something I can control or something I deliberately induce, most of the time. I enjoy my emotions. I enjoy crying at movies and over books. I enjoy knowing that I can feel things as intensely as I do. It makes me feel good, in a weird way...because so many people don't feel like I do, don't have the sensitivity I have, and they never get to see the brightness of the colors of the worlds like I do. So, yes, you could probably say I tend to be a bit masochistic.

[Pol]

Pleasure out of unpleasentness of some type...thats really hard for me to conceive. Contridicting for sure!!!
I havent ever analized that perspective for myself. To busy to right now! Dont know if I want to at this point in time either.
:)


I can understand that. In some ways, it's not contradicting, because it's more like replacing one form of pleasure with another. You give up one part to enjoy the other.

RE: Cielamara

Conversely, I felt not-alive, or at least not-here, when I was into melancholy. I felt like a watcher, seeing the problems of the world and not being able to do anything about them because no one would listen to me because I was just a kid. That's frustrating. Now I know how crows and ravens feel, when they sit up there telling us the problems of the world, and no one listens because they're just birds..

[Shanti]

I can understand that. In some ways, it's not contradicting, because it's more like replacing one form of pleasure with another. You give up one part to enjoy the other.

RE: Cielamara

Conversely, I felt not-alive, or at least not-here, when I was into melancholy. I felt like a watcher, seeing the problems of the world and not being able to do anything about them because no one would listen to me because I was just a kid. That's frustrating. Now I know how crows and ravens feel, when they sit up there telling us the problems of the world, and no one listens because they're just birds..
You got a point!!! :)
I suppose its no differant than my choice to live rural and have its related complications. I enjoy a rual life despite the drawbacks. So I get pleasure even where the inconveniences, which suck, are many!!

[WickedBttrfly]

I try not to feel depressed anymore. I still have my melancholy moments though.