Danustouch
August 21st, 2001, 11:10 PM
Coping with infertility issues? This article gives some advice on how to deal with nosy family and friends, as well as the insensitive individuals who can make someones life all the more difficult during this time...
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Not being immediately successful when trying to conceive can put an enormous amount of stress on you as an individual and as a couple. Unfortunately, friends and family rarely understand the full impact of the cyclical ritual of hope and disappointment that can be part of trying to conceive. Undoubtedly, there are times when you need to be with family and friends. Often you feel obliged to attend and this only adds to the stress levels you're already feeling. What should you do?
First and foremost, start a support group of "new" friends, friends who are going through the same thing that you are. You need people who you can talk to at any time when you need to vent or to express your devastation over a cycle that wasn't successful. They will understand the overwhelming feelings you have. They will share with you how they coped with similar situations while in the intense pursuit of baby. You'll be able to ask advice and they will answer from a deep emotional level that you'll recognize as true, honest and with the very best intent.
There are groups that meet on a regular basis. RESOLVE is an excellent organization that has chapters across the country that meet regularly. Information is available through their website at http://www.resolve.org. You also can ask your physician or his professional staff if there are any groups that meet in your area to discuss issues facing those trying to conceive. Don't overlook seeking out resources available to you through your place of employment or your place of worship.
Second, take control of your fertility through education. Through a support group, you'll be able to find excellent books and articles on infertility. Being knowledgeable also helps to reduce anxiety and helps you to realize most of your concerns, fears and emotional ups and downs are indeed normal reactions for any couple who is trying to conceive. The American Infertility Association (AIA) is a national non-profit organization dedicated to supporting individuals struggling with infertility and reproductive health issues. Its site offers a wealth of information and services at www.americaninfertility.org.
Third, take care of yourself. Put your needs first. Indulge yourself. Stay in your pajamas all day. Go get a massage or have your hair colored or styled. Try to do something that makes you feel nurtured. If you feel you can't cope with a specific holiday or family gathering, say no to attending. Reacquaint yourself with your spouse in a "romantic and sensual" way. Use this time to refresh all the reasons why you love each other. Afterwards, you'll be able to face friends and family feeling a little more centered and not so fractured and vulnerable.
And fourth, to gain support from others in ways that feel good to you, let them know what you need. If someone asks, "What's happening?" tell them that this type of question is unsettling to you. Tell them that the problem is that "nothing" is happening. Let them know you'll certainly inform them if something does happen but until it does you'd just appreciate it if they would let you bring up the subject when and if you feel like talking about it. For those friends or family members who regal you with stories of other people they know who eventually did get pregnant, tell them it doesn't help you to hear these stories.
With open communication to your family members and friends, chances are that those questions you dread will become infrequent. Above all, keep the lines of communication wide open between you and your spouse. This alone will better equip you to meet the challenges ahead in your quest to become a parent.
**************************************************
Not being immediately successful when trying to conceive can put an enormous amount of stress on you as an individual and as a couple. Unfortunately, friends and family rarely understand the full impact of the cyclical ritual of hope and disappointment that can be part of trying to conceive. Undoubtedly, there are times when you need to be with family and friends. Often you feel obliged to attend and this only adds to the stress levels you're already feeling. What should you do?
First and foremost, start a support group of "new" friends, friends who are going through the same thing that you are. You need people who you can talk to at any time when you need to vent or to express your devastation over a cycle that wasn't successful. They will understand the overwhelming feelings you have. They will share with you how they coped with similar situations while in the intense pursuit of baby. You'll be able to ask advice and they will answer from a deep emotional level that you'll recognize as true, honest and with the very best intent.
There are groups that meet on a regular basis. RESOLVE is an excellent organization that has chapters across the country that meet regularly. Information is available through their website at http://www.resolve.org. You also can ask your physician or his professional staff if there are any groups that meet in your area to discuss issues facing those trying to conceive. Don't overlook seeking out resources available to you through your place of employment or your place of worship.
Second, take control of your fertility through education. Through a support group, you'll be able to find excellent books and articles on infertility. Being knowledgeable also helps to reduce anxiety and helps you to realize most of your concerns, fears and emotional ups and downs are indeed normal reactions for any couple who is trying to conceive. The American Infertility Association (AIA) is a national non-profit organization dedicated to supporting individuals struggling with infertility and reproductive health issues. Its site offers a wealth of information and services at www.americaninfertility.org.
Third, take care of yourself. Put your needs first. Indulge yourself. Stay in your pajamas all day. Go get a massage or have your hair colored or styled. Try to do something that makes you feel nurtured. If you feel you can't cope with a specific holiday or family gathering, say no to attending. Reacquaint yourself with your spouse in a "romantic and sensual" way. Use this time to refresh all the reasons why you love each other. Afterwards, you'll be able to face friends and family feeling a little more centered and not so fractured and vulnerable.
And fourth, to gain support from others in ways that feel good to you, let them know what you need. If someone asks, "What's happening?" tell them that this type of question is unsettling to you. Tell them that the problem is that "nothing" is happening. Let them know you'll certainly inform them if something does happen but until it does you'd just appreciate it if they would let you bring up the subject when and if you feel like talking about it. For those friends or family members who regal you with stories of other people they know who eventually did get pregnant, tell them it doesn't help you to hear these stories.
With open communication to your family members and friends, chances are that those questions you dread will become infrequent. Above all, keep the lines of communication wide open between you and your spouse. This alone will better equip you to meet the challenges ahead in your quest to become a parent.