Lunar_FluF
September 14th, 2004, 10:21 PM
i've been struggling with this since my freshman year of high school (i am a junior now)
it started in february of 2002, when i was stressed out about school and friends. the whole year had been stressful, 3 of my relatives had died in the same week, i hated my new school... everything was so overwhelming, it got to be too much that day... so i started to scratch the top of my hand with a sewing needle. i wish i had never done it....
when i started, i didn't know that there was anything weird about what i was doing.. i didn't know that other people even did this, or that there was anything that wrong with it. and i thought i'd always be content with just light scratches on my hand.
but.. as time progressed, that just didn't do it for me anymore... and each time now, it has to be deeper and more painful in order for me to get the same effect. i went from sewing needles to thumbtacks to scissors, and now to a steak knife... i just have grown to love the feeling, it just makes me feel so centered and calmed down.
i can't do this anymore. i've started bruising myself now, and everyone in the locker rooms ask me if my parents beat me up, and they don't... i don't know what to do about this.
i hide it as well as i can, i don't have that "I am a tough teenager with scarred up wrists, i am so messed up and proud of it" kind of attitude, if you catch my drift. but, once somoene sees, i can't think of a good excuse that is even remotely believable. i can't stop cutting deeper.
My parents don't want me to get help, or go to a psycologist because it isn't worth their money, they say.
I hope i posted this right... it's just really hard to keep a secret, i'd appreciate any help, via AIM, YIM, phone, email, whatever!
Thank you so much for reading!
--Laura
it started in february of 2002, when i was stressed out about school and friends. the whole year had been stressful, 3 of my relatives had died in the same week, i hated my new school... everything was so overwhelming, it got to be too much that day... so i started to scratch the top of my hand with a sewing needle. i wish i had never done it....
when i started, i didn't know that there was anything weird about what i was doing.. i didn't know that other people even did this, or that there was anything that wrong with it. and i thought i'd always be content with just light scratches on my hand.
but.. as time progressed, that just didn't do it for me anymore... and each time now, it has to be deeper and more painful in order for me to get the same effect. i went from sewing needles to thumbtacks to scissors, and now to a steak knife... i just have grown to love the feeling, it just makes me feel so centered and calmed down.
i can't do this anymore. i've started bruising myself now, and everyone in the locker rooms ask me if my parents beat me up, and they don't... i don't know what to do about this.
i hide it as well as i can, i don't have that "I am a tough teenager with scarred up wrists, i am so messed up and proud of it" kind of attitude, if you catch my drift. but, once somoene sees, i can't think of a good excuse that is even remotely believable. i can't stop cutting deeper.
My parents don't want me to get help, or go to a psycologist because it isn't worth their money, they say.
I hope i posted this right... it's just really hard to keep a secret, i'd appreciate any help, via AIM, YIM, phone, email, whatever!
Thank you so much for reading!
--Laura
