To Stay or Go? B/f Problems!

[Tea Leaf]

I’m having some problems with my b/f, and are quite lost as to what to do; which is why I’m posting this here. If anyone has any input, I would very much appreciate it!

My b/f and I have been together for 7 years. He is a lot older then I am (37 years older), and I left him once before but we got back together in Nov. of 2003 (we were only separated for 7 months). Also for the most part we have a long distance relationship because of work/school etc.

The problem with our relationship is not that we fight or anything of the kind, actually we get on quite well; however, I feel like I’m just a bother, one more thing to think of. He says he’s busy working, but I too am busy and still always make time for our relationship because it is important to me. I have told him how I feel and now I keep getting ridiculous excuses, which would make anyone seem completely cruel to be upset about.
He has been saying ‘one day we will be together’ since day one... but on the other hand I know he has issues with our age difference. I have heard him tell people that I’m just a friend. I don’t think he could handle being with me if all our family and friends knew about us. His recent mess up was that he forgot my birthday, I told him I wasn’t mad, just hurt (there was no yelling, upset tone or anything of the kind on my part). I told him I had a great day regardless. It just seems like his not interested any more, but every time I bring up breaking up he says he loves me and is thinking about me all the time (which is nice in all but actions speak a lot louder than words, he doesn’t show me he loves me at all). I’m starting to think he just stringing me along, a kind of back up plan or dream that can never be, which is not good enough for me. He has a lot of family obligations (he has children for a previous marriage) and keep me away from his ‘family stuff’, but he is also using them as a excuse (ex. his son is 14 and he says follows him around and wants to go every where and be with him all the time -I don’t know much about 14 year old boys but by the nature of a teenager that just doesn’t seem right. So his excuse will be he has his son he can’t do tell him he is going to make a phone call and needs 2 min. of privacy). He also can’t seem to remember anything I tell him. I’m a pretty private person and don’t let people in very much, but him I want to let in and try to, but he does remember. Even the little things like what classes I’m taking...etc. And he does on how he loves me....????

I don’t know what’s going on ... ???

Please help :(

[Aleannah]

hun, if he can't even admit to being with you, then you can't expect any more out of him. If he truly loves you, then he would be proud to call you his, no matter what the family or the son or the friends think. My advice is to distance yourself from him...take some time for you to re-center yourself, and find someone who wants you for the person you are, and is not afraid to show it. You deserve better...don't "settle" for this. :hugz:

[Temair]

I absolutely agree. If he feels he has to hide you, then he has absolutely the wrong attitude. You say you've been together for 7 years, but it has mostly been long distance? I have to ask then, are you sure he isn't married? Are you sure that he isn't still married to his son's mother? It sounds like he thinks of you as an extracurricular activity, to be had whenit is convenient for him. Do not settle for a one-sided relationship. If he doesn't love you enough to acknowledge you, then he shouldn't be in your love life. I'm sorry, I'm sure that's not what you want to hear, but I think you can find someone who will make you much happier. And even if both of you are okay with the age difference, it is still very hard. I know. My ex is 17 years older and although we didn't consider it a problem, it did still cause problems. I couldn't go to his work functions because I was under 21, and his friends and my friends had absolutely nothing in common so it was either I was the baby around his friends, or he was the old fogey around mine. It really is an issue.

[mucgwyrt]

By your post, it sounds like you've made up your mind.
In my opinion though, you deserve better, love :hugz:

[LadyTrinity]

I have heard him tell people that I’m just a friend.


:huh: That is so wrong! He can't possibly love you if he can't tell people his true feelings for you. If you really want to work things out then you both should go to couples counceling. :uhhuhuh:
If he refuses.. then I would find another man. You need to look out for your self. Sometimes when ages are so far apart, then mentality is quite different.. a 40 year old wont think the same as a 20 year old for example.. hobbies and interest will be different. He sounds like he is 12. He needs some SERIOUS growing up to do. Maybe loosing you will make him see that it is time for him to change? _happydanc

[Tea Leaf]

Thank you so much Puff, Temair, Macha and Lady Trinity! I very much needed to hear this. You all are so right! I truly appreciate your adivce! :hugz: Thank you again!!!!

[greenview]

Honey when you are with someone they are suppose to make you feel at your best. You don't need anyone who isnt willing to be with you and be proud of it. No one is worth feeling bad about yourself for. No one likes being alone. But if you can't learn to be happy alone you wont learn to truely be happy with someone. Not for someone. Partnerships are suppose to be 50/50. Your suppose to get out what you give. Look at what you want. Be true to yourself, will you get these things with this man. Do you honestly think this man really cares the way you want to be cared for? Is your life worth anyless than his? why should you put your life on hold cause he isnt ready for a public commitment or what ever he calls its. I really do think that this is one of those life leasons and you need to walk away strong and tall. And know that one day your love will come when you least expect it and you will be a stronger person by the time it does find you.

[Fairyelf]

TeaLeaf!! You truly truly deserve better my sweet!!
It seems like your just waisting your precious life away w/ a guy like that..
you need real love....we all do..the attention and hugs and everything like that you know?
its just my opinion..please dont be offended.
lots of hugs!

[lovemy1dane]

I agree with everyone else here. If he says you are his friend then it sounds like he is embarrassed of the age difference. I have a 14 yr old and he really does not want to hang out with his parents. Few boys that age do. If he forgot your b'day then he has not placed you very high on his priority list. As someone asked, are you positve he is not still married?? It sure sounds like it to me. Do you have his home # and can you drop by his house unannounced? After 7 years I should hope you could do that. If not ,that is usually a red flag. Good luck Hon and it sounds like you deserve better than this.

[OriginalWacky]

I pretty much have to concur with what has already been said. The Mate and I are 15 years apart, and though we tease about it, it's not ever been much of an issue. Never once has either of us ever EVER claimed that we are just friends. We are friends yes, and The Mate is probably my best friend, but he is also my lover, my partner, and my sweet muse.