love spells

[witchywoman73]

i know alot of you are against love spells. but i was wondering what if you know your husband loves you he's just to big of a jerk to show it? or stubborn

is it ok then?



reason i ask is today is our 1 year anniversary and he has filed for a divorce he thinks i'm too moody. now i love this man i do, i just want him to retrun the love. he's out with his buddies right now at band practice.

[Flar's Freyja]

Since he has filed for divorce, it is obvious that the does not want to stay in the relationship. There's not a much louder message than that.

You can do a working to ask that the truth be revealed. Since today is your anniversary and it is a full moon, you may try using mundane ways to improve your communication, but if he's out with his buddies and is going to come home drunk, I wouldn't advise it today.

Is he willing to try to save the marriage at all? If he is agreeable to counseling, it may help.

I'm sorry that your anniversary isn't what you'd hoped. Goddess bless.

[witchywoman73]

no actually he doen't drink he is a christian and believes drinking is wrong. he claims that he loves me he just doesn't want to be married anymore

[Flar's Freyja]

no actually he doen't drink he is a christian and believes drinking is wrong. he claims that he loves me he just doesn't want to be married anymore

If he's a Christian, I'm surprised to hear that he is okay with divorce, especially after such a short marriage :( Would he agree to a trial separation to see if this is what he still wants after six months or so?

Again, you may want to look at handling this spiritually by meditating and asking for truth to be revealed concurrently with the mundane methods of attempting to communicate and talk about the problem to see if something can be worked out.

:hugz: Good luck.

[witchywoman73]

i've tried to talk him into counciling he won't go and your not the first to be surprised that a chritian thinks it's ok to divorce. everyone feels that way. the only explanation he has is that i'm too moody and i'm no longer a christian. but yet he loves me. ughh

maybe i should look for a spell to get over him?

[WickedBttrfly]

He claims he loves you, but he wants a divorce after only a year because you're "too moody"?? A spell to help you get over him would be a good idea, I think. I say drop him like a bad habit... ;)

[witchywoman73]

i think your right. know any good incantations to get over love?

[Dr. Doom]

Dear Withcy Woman 73,

WICCA FOR COUPLES by A J Drew. That book may have some spells to imporve relationships.

Why not ask which moods he would like you to change? Does he mean that sometimes you are not as energetic and upbeat as he is?

What do you know about matching moods? Maybe it is H whose moods are changing, and he thinks your moods are changing. Can you keep up with his moods? Wha tmoodsa are easy for you? Which ones are challenging for you?

Have you visted marriagebuilders.com?

How do you and H match up with Emotional Needs? Usually there are three needs that are important to each partner, from the list of 10. The needs for each partner are often different.


MB Emotioanl Needs:

Affection
Sexual Fulfillment
Conversation
Recreational Companionship
Honesty and Openness
Physical Attractiveness
Financial Support
Domestic Support
Family Commitment
Admiration


Compatibiliby Test:

Couple Compatability Test (http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/)

Drucilla Thread
Drucilla Thread on Eanneagram Copmpatiablity test (http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=8;t=020626;p=1#000001)


MARITAL BEDROOM:

"101 Nights of Great Sex: Secret Sealed Seductions for Fun-Loving Couples"

Board Game: Enchanted Evening

Various Opinions on Erotic Videos (http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=5;t=002230)

Men Sometimes Don't Disclose Needs (http://sexualforums.com/talk/showthread.php?t=343)

Christian Views on the Marital bedroom (http://www.themarriagebed.com)


MARRIAGE HELP BOOKS - SITES

'How to stubbornly refuse to make yourself miserable about anything, yes anything' by Albert Ellis, he talks about people who 'awfulize' things.

Books on doing divorce with minimal negative impact on the family:

Divorce Casualties; Preventing Parental Alienation by Douglas Darnell.

Mom's House, Dad's House, by Isolina Ricci.

Catholics Views on Marriage: Catholic Views on Marriage (http://www.ewtn.com/library/MARRIAGE/MORMAR.TXT)

Website: divorcebusting.com, MICHELE WEINER DAVIS, 1-800-664-2435 Michelle Weiner Davis, 1-800-664-2435, 180's (http://www.divorcebusting.com)

MB Forum 180 List MB Thread on 180 Degree Divorce Busters (http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=3;t=000476)


Stop Divorce Website
Stop Divorce website (http://www.stopyourdivorcebook.com/)




Book entitled: 5 Love Languages By Gary Smalley

1. Words of Affirmation-Sincere compliments and encouraging words-this person always has something nice to say and they often expect kind words in return. One hallmark of this language is the way people ask for what
they want, i.e. "Love makes requests, not demands" Requires humility, Demands are put-downs implying "I am important and you are not. Do this for me, your desires don't matter." A humble request looks like this-giving choices-"You probably have more important things to do, but would you consider doing this? I would be grateful".

2. Quality Time-People show their love by simply being there, by spending time with their mates. "It is a matter of being completely there, being a companion, not just taking up space. It does not mean that we have to spend our moments together gazing into each other's eyes. It means we are doing something together and we are giving our
full attention to the other person." (This fits Harley's recreational companionship category) Chapman breaks this down into two components:
One is simple togetherness, the other is quality conversation.

Quality conversation requires involvement, eye contact, full attention (active listening), listening THROUGH the words for the feelings being expressed, understanding the body language, not much interruption, a
soul-to-soul connection not just mind to mind.

3. Gifts-Some communicate their love in the language of gift-giving and they look to receive it from others in the same way. gifts are visual symbols of love, not a matter of money, tokens of our feelings for the other...an investment of a certain amount of emotion, wisdom, time, expense, and effort in the process of imagining, creating, choosing,
buying, wrapping, or transporting a gift to you, all because of love.

These gifts are often displayed, similar to trophies all around them, not because they are greedy and put emphasis in "things" but because of the way they prize the love behind the token of love. It is physical evidence of love involved.

4. Acts of Service-Sees love in doing things for others and expects this same kind of action from others. In some ways I see this as similar to the gift giving in that some of the acts of service may be help around the house, remodeling, etc...visual things that show one's love. It is more than cooking a special dinner, it may include baking a favorite cake as an extra to show love. It is helping to pack his or her suitcase for a trip and maybe putting in love notes, or a baked goodie, bubble bath or whatever else, you know he/she would like. Lehman, once a year, deposits his wife in a motel with flowers, books, room service, etc. and leaves her for a weekend to give her space while he deals with the kids. Now that is above and beyond the call of duty, but you can see how loved she must feel.

5. Physical Touch-Goes beyond sex, but seems to display itself in guys via sex, but it is more than sex. It is about big and little kisses, hand-holding, backrubs, arm around the shoulder, playing footsie, sharing an armrest ot the movies, lightly stroking a hand...etc.



What feelings is he talking about?

Enthusiasm, Teasing, Anger, Hate, Unsympathetic, Afraid, Sad, Not Caring?

Feeling Words ~ In order of intensity of feeling from a little to a lot
Mad:
Bothered
Ruffled
Irritated
Displeased
Annoyed
Steamed
Irked
Perturbed
Frustrated
Angry
Fed up
Disgusted
Indignant
Ticked off
Bristling
Fuming
Explosive
Enraged
Irate
Incensed
Burned up
Outraged
Furious
Blind rage

Sad:
Down
Blue
Somber
Low
Glum
Lonely
Disappointed
Worn out
Melancholy
Down hearted
Unhappy
Dissatisfied
Gloomy
Mournful
Grieved
Depressed
Lousy
Crushed
Defeated
Dejected
Empty
Wretched
Despairing
Devastated

Glad:
At ease
Secure
Comfortable
Relaxed
Contented
Optimistic
Satisfied
Refreshed
Stimulated
Pleased
Warm
Snug
Happy
Encouraged
Tickled
Proud
Cheerful
Thrilled
Delighted
Joyful
Elated
Exhilarated
Overjoyed
Ecstatic

Afraid:
Uneasy
Apprehensive
Careful
Cautious
Hesitant
Tense
Anxious
Nervous
Edgy
Distressed
Scared
Frightenend
Repulsed
Agitiated
Afraid
Shocked
Alarmed
Overwhelmed
Frantic
Panic stricken
Horrified
Petrified
Terrified
Numb

Confused:
Curious
Uncertain
Ambivalent
Doubtful
Unsettled
Hesitant
Perplexed
Puzzled
Muddled
Distracted
Flustered
Jumbled
Unfocused
Fragmented
Dismayed
Insecure
Dazed
Bewildered
Lost
Stunned
Chaotic
Torn
Baffled
Dumbfounded

Ashamed:
Uncomfortable
Awkward
Clumsy
Self-conscious
Disconcerted
Chagrinned
Abashed
Embarrassed
Flustered
Sorry
Apologetic
Ashamed
Regretful
Remorseful
Guilty
Disgusted
Belittled
Humiliated
Violated
Dirty
Mortified
Defiled
Devastated
Degraded

[Mab]

Dr. Doom has some good advice--b/c Lord knows you can't fix anything if you don't know what's broken. But I'd caution you not to change who you are, or expect him to change who he is, to fit each other's moods. Finding a better way of communicating is the key, not morphing into somebody else just to keep your SO. If you change, or if he changes, superficially--it'll all just get right back to the "I'm leaving" place again.

[witchywoman73]

i have tried very hard to be what he wants but i can't and honestly he is so moody it's very difficult to stay cheery and not let him see that it bothers me. funny thing is he's at church right now and said if God would just tell him to stay married then he would.

[witchywoman73]

Dear Withcy Woman 73,

WICCA FOR COUPLES by A J Drew. That book may have some spells to imporve relationships.

Why not ask which moods he would like you to change? Does he mean that sometimes you are not as energetic and upbeat as he is?

What do you know about matching moods? Maybe it is H whose moods are changing, and he thinks your moods are changing. Can you keep up with his moods? Wha tmoodsa are easy for you? Which ones are challenging for you?

Have you visted marriagebuilders.com?

How do you and H match up with Emotional Needs? Usually there are three needs that are important to each partner, from the list of 10. The needs for each partner are often different.


MB Emotioanl Needs:

Affection
Sexual Fulfillment
Conversation
Recreational Companionship
Honesty and Openness
Physical Attractiveness
Financial Support
Domestic Support
Family Commitment
Admiration


Compatibiliby Test:

Couple Compatability Test (http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/)

Drucilla Thread
Drucilla Thread on Eanneagram Copmpatiablity test (http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=8;t=020626;p=1#000001)


MARITAL BEDROOM:

"101 Nights of Great Sex: Secret Sealed Seductions for Fun-Loving Couples"

Board Game: Enchanted Evening

Various Opinions on Erotic Videos (http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=5;t=002230)

Men Sometimes Don't Disclose Needs (http://sexualforums.com/talk/showthread.php?t=343)

Christian Views on the Marital bedroom (http://www.themarriagebed.com)


MARRIAGE HELP BOOKS - SITES

'How to stubbornly refuse to make yourself miserable about anything, yes anything' by Albert Ellis, he talks about people who 'awfulize' things.

Books on doing divorce with minimal negative impact on the family:

Divorce Casualties; Preventing Parental Alienation by Douglas Darnell.

Mom's House, Dad's House, by Isolina Ricci.

Catholics Views on Marriage: Catholic Views on Marriage (http://www.ewtn.com/library/MARRIAGE/MORMAR.TXT)

Website: divorcebusting.com, MICHELE WEINER DAVIS, 1-800-664-2435 Michelle Weiner Davis, 1-800-664-2435, 180's (http://www.divorcebusting.com)

MB Forum 180 List MB Thread on 180 Degree Divorce Busters (http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=3;t=000476)


Stop Divorce Website
Stop Divorce website (http://www.stopyourdivorcebook.com/)




Book entitled: 5 Love Languages By Gary Smalley

1. Words of Affirmation-Sincere compliments and encouraging words-this person always has something nice to say and they often expect kind words in return. One hallmark of this language is the way people ask for what
they want, i.e. "Love makes requests, not demands" Requires humility, Demands are put-downs implying "I am important and you are not. Do this for me, your desires don't matter." A humble request looks like this-giving choices-"You probably have more important things to do, but would you consider doing this? I would be grateful".

2. Quality Time-People show their love by simply being there, by spending time with their mates. "It is a matter of being completely there, being a companion, not just taking up space. It does not mean that we have to spend our moments together gazing into each other's eyes. It means we are doing something together and we are giving our
full attention to the other person." (This fits Harley's recreational companionship category) Chapman breaks this down into two components:
One is simple togetherness, the other is quality conversation.

Quality conversation requires involvement, eye contact, full attention (active listening), listening THROUGH the words for the feelings being expressed, understanding the body language, not much interruption, a
soul-to-soul connection not just mind to mind.

3. Gifts-Some communicate their love in the language of gift-giving and they look to receive it from others in the same way. gifts are visual symbols of love, not a matter of money, tokens of our feelings for the other...an investment of a certain amount of emotion, wisdom, time, expense, and effort in the process of imagining, creating, choosing,
buying, wrapping, or transporting a gift to you, all because of love.

These gifts are often displayed, similar to trophies all around them, not because they are greedy and put emphasis in "things" but because of the way they prize the love behind the token of love. It is physical evidence of love involved.

4. Acts of Service-Sees love in doing things for others and expects this same kind of action from others. In some ways I see this as similar to the gift giving in that some of the acts of service may be help around the house, remodeling, etc...visual things that show one's love. It is more than cooking a special dinner, it may include baking a favorite cake as an extra to show love. It is helping to pack his or her suitcase for a trip and maybe putting in love notes, or a baked goodie, bubble bath or whatever else, you know he/she would like. Lehman, once a year, deposits his wife in a motel with flowers, books, room service, etc. and leaves her for a weekend to give her space while he deals with the kids. Now that is above and beyond the call of duty, but you can see how loved she must feel.

5. Physical Touch-Goes beyond sex, but seems to display itself in guys via sex, but it is more than sex. It is about big and little kisses, hand-holding, backrubs, arm around the shoulder, playing footsie, sharing an armrest ot the movies, lightly stroking a hand...etc.



What feelings is he talking about?

Enthusiasm, Teasing, Anger, Hate, Unsympathetic, Afraid, Sad, Not Caring?

Feeling Words ~ In order of intensity of feeling from a little to a lot
Mad:
Bothered
Ruffled
Irritated
Displeased
Annoyed
Steamed
Irked
Perturbed
Frustrated
Angry
Fed up
Disgusted
Indignant
Ticked off
Bristling
Fuming
Explosive
Enraged
Irate
Incensed
Burned up
Outraged
Furious
Blind rage

Sad:
Down
Blue
Somber
Low
Glum
Lonely
Disappointed
Worn out
Melancholy
Down hearted
Unhappy
Dissatisfied
Gloomy
Mournful
Grieved
Depressed
Lousy
Crushed
Defeated
Dejected
Empty
Wretched
Despairing
Devastated

Glad:
At ease
Secure
Comfortable
Relaxed
Contented
Optimistic
Satisfied
Refreshed
Stimulated
Pleased
Warm
Snug
Happy
Encouraged
Tickled
Proud
Cheerful
Thrilled
Delighted
Joyful
Elated
Exhilarated
Overjoyed
Ecstatic

Afraid:
Uneasy
Apprehensive
Careful
Cautious
Hesitant
Tense
Anxious
Nervous
Edgy
Distressed
Scared
Frightenend
Repulsed
Agitiated
Afraid
Shocked
Alarmed
Overwhelmed
Frantic
Panic stricken
Horrified
Petrified
Terrified
Numb

Confused:
Curious
Uncertain
Ambivalent
Doubtful
Unsettled
Hesitant
Perplexed
Puzzled
Muddled
Distracted
Flustered
Jumbled
Unfocused
Fragmented
Dismayed
Insecure
Dazed
Bewildered
Lost
Stunned
Chaotic
Torn
Baffled
Dumbfounded

Ashamed:
Uncomfortable
Awkward
Clumsy
Self-conscious
Disconcerted
Chagrinned
Abashed
Embarrassed
Flustered
Sorry
Apologetic
Ashamed
Regretful
Remorseful
Guilty
Disgusted
Belittled
Humiliated
Violated
Dirty
Mortified
Defiled
Devastated
Degraded


he says i don't show enough gratitude, i talk to much, and i am ungrateful (i think thats the same as the first one) and moodiness that he talks about is because of PMS but he has spent the last couple of months trying to convince me that i am bi-polar. which by the i'm not

[Mab]

i have tried very hard to be what he wants but i can't and honestly he is so moody it's very difficult to stay cheery and not let him see that it bothers me. funny thing is he's at church right now and said if God would just tell him to stay married then he would.
honey....I hate to say it, but it sounds like this is something that you won't be able to get past without some counselling, and if he's not willing to go, if he's not willing to work WITH YOU on saving this marriage & he just wants out.....let him go. If he's waiting on a phone call from God, it just sounds like he doesn't want to be there at all.

I'm sorry hon.

[witchywoman73]

i know and i am trying very hard to convince myself to go but it's hard.

[Dr. Doom]

Dear Witchy Woman 73,

Sometimes being cheery is not what is the most sensitive or loving.

Sometimes trying too often, to hard to be cheery, can lead to frustration. MB has a concept called Love Busters. The goal is to make the most deposits into the Love Bank of your spouse and minimize the withdrawals. Love Busters are words spoken in frustration or anger, that are hurtful. How are you doing at avoiding Love Busters?

Listening to the words of your spouse is important. Even more important, is to look BEHIND the words. AT face value, H's expecting a message from GOD is a little unreal. But ther is some real meaning there. What is the real meaning?

So Far, the 180 Degree Divorce Buster's Approach comes to mind. you need to be proud of yourself, demonstrate an ability to change, and a willingness to listen. H is not givign you much to go on, so far. Did you read the MB Thread? Can you get the book?

The formula is putting your life in high gear. What gear are you in?

I'm trying to get more accolades from my wife, word affirmations, Love Language No. 1. Which Love Languages do you like to speak? How about, "So what happened at Church that we can feel good about, or celebrate?" Tell me about your Attaboys, WTG's, Way To Gos, Cudos, compliments?

Is ther anything that makes Attaboys hard?

Are you taking any Meds?

So if he thinks you are too happy, or too sad, do you have any re-adjusting chambers? Can you give each other any cooling off space? have you read the Intimate Enemy books?

Marriage is not always a picnic.

[witchywoman73]

i'm guilty of almost all of those on the MB thread. i've tried to talk him to death reason with him tell him if he wants God to speak to him alls he has to do is read the word. ok so i will try a complete reversal it will be difficult.

[Mab]

i know and i am trying very hard to convince myself to go but it's hard.
I know it is.

Whatever happens, strength & patience to you, hon.

(been through this myself, in a different fashion, and have watched my SO go through it.....it's never fun or pretty.)

PM if you need to talk.

[Dr. Doom]

Dear Witchy Woman 73,

Just take one or two 180 Degree Ideas, and work them for a few days. The idea of the 180 Degree list, is to give you ideas that would be most appropriate for you. So don't feel like you have to stick to their list, or the list of numbers.

What should make things easier, is that You are carrying on YOUR LIFE. If H starts seeing you loving yourself, it may be the best medicine for the relationship. Working on YOU, and Your meaning for life, creates a magnet. A phrase I use to my son, who is Oppostional and ADHD, grown and living at home, is, "Anything I can change to make things beter?" or, "Anything I can do to be helpful?"

Mab, I'd like to give you an etherial hug, and hope you are in better spirits, Blessings.

[witchywoman73]

if he knew i was visiting this sight he would freak! i used to be on antidepressents but not anymore and strange thing is i'm no different then i was before.

let me give you a little history and yes i know this is bad, i lied to him when we were dating he kept asking how many men i had been with and i lied, after we got married he asked 2 more times and i didn't want to lie anymore so i told him 16 men. he flipped out. he has only been with 2 women. so a lot of his anger i understand but i have begged him for forgiveness and as a christian he should. i know it's no excuse but i was afraid to tell him the truth i wish i had now.

[witchywoman73]

i have always lived in self defense mode i think that's why i lied to protect myself.

[Mab]

Dear Witchy Woman 73,

Just take one or two 180 Degree Ideas, and work them for a few days. The idea of the 180 Degree list, is to give you ideas that would be most appropriate for you. So don't feel like you have to stick to their list, or the list of numbers.

What should make things easier, is that You are carring on YOUR LIFE. If H starts seeing you loving yourself, it may be the best medicine for the relationship. Working on YOU, adn Your menaing for life, creates a magnet. A phrase i use to my son, who is Oppostional and ADHD, grown and living at home, is, "Anything I can change to make things beter?" or, "Anything I can do to be helpful?"

Mab, I'd like to give you an etherial hug, and hope you are in better spirits, Blessings.Hugs back at ya! I'd touch your karma, but I've touched too much in the last 24 hrs! You have some excellent advise there, Dr. Doom. And really, all ya can do is try to make things better & better yourself. If the other person isnt' willing to work on things with you & meet you half way, well......

but there's always hope that something will snap him into "hey....I do want this to work, and I have to work at it, too."

b/c, really---it's very very rarely all one person's fault.

[witchywoman73]

that's the truth mab it's not all his fault, it's mine for lying in the beginning. he can't let it go and i really don't blame him. i just wish i could take it back

[Dr. Doom]

Dear Witchy Woman 73,

To me, asking for forgiveness, is only part of the Christian Techings in the Holy Bible. Repentance is also important. Trust is important in a relationship. Understanding lies, is important. You deceived H out of Love and Trying to Please.

Another way to ask for forgiveness, is to ask, "How can I make this up to you?" To ask for forgiveness, truly, is to offer reparations, or restitution. It is not clear, from the logic of Repartions or Restitution, and Rehabilitation, how you can make things whole. But offering to consider H's further wishes is one approach.

POJA is the Policy of Joint Agreement (MB). This means that you getr your spouse's full agreement on purchases before buying anything. Coming on to MW secretly, may not be the best way to build trust. Casting a spell for love is not that up front. Can you ask H, "I have been working on our marriage on line, posting annymously about my desire to improve our relationship. Do you have any problems wtih me trying to work on Line? Or would you prefer I go to a counselor, personally?"

My wife got on my case yesterday about my being online. I hit the computer reset button when she walked in, l and she got angry that I hid a post from her. I backed off my computer time, and she increased her interest in the marital bedroom, so things improved, and some things got discussed. You can try to be more up front. What else are you not being fully honest with H about? Does H have feelings of suspicion that he is unable to trust you?

MB, marriagebuilders.com, is mostly Christan Women posting. You can get a lot of ideas and responses on some of the bulletin boards there. 2X4's is a term meaning that some of the reply's you get there, will feel like you are being hit over the head with a 2X4 piece of wood. Don't take any criticsm too seriously, just look for the pearls of wisdom offered.

Blessings

[witchywoman73]

you are really good my husband hates the internet and hates it if i ask for help online or in person.

[Dr. Doom]

Dear Witchy Woman 73


This is a post from sexualforums.com, by a young lady from New Zealand

I'm prescribed a pill called Celepram which works to keep me level instead of swinging wildly in different directions. I find it a constant nuisance to take the pill everyday but do so anyway to be a more stable agreeable person. I find it difficult to work at times when my head gets too full or life is getting tricky as I don't have all the chemicals right in my head. I've tried paxil and prozac which were'nt suitable (prozac was the worst) so its nice to find one that makes me feel stable without feeling strange. I don't tend to fly off the handle or be overly agressive or lying around too depressed to do anything when I take the meds. I'd still rather not take them though but apparently thats not best for me??!!??

Actually called Citalopram (Celepram was the brandname) also known as hydrobromide I have 20mg daily.

END OF QUOTE

Maybe "You are too moody." means that When H is in the mood, that you are not in the mood? How does timing work in the marital bedroom? When does H plan to move out? Do you have a Lawyer to delay things?

Blessings

[witchywoman73]

things in the marital bedroom aren't he won't touch me even though he swears there is no one else he says it violates his concience because he's divorcing me. he is not moving out this is his house and right now he is willing to let me stay here, no i haven't hired an attorney i told him i would not fight him on this.

[Dr. Doom]

Dear Witchy Woman 73,

It seems that SF, Sexual Fulfillment could be one issue to work on. Probably there are other intertwined issues, so working on SF, by itself, is probably not the best path.

My experience is that women are often in the mood in the evening, and men are in the mood in the morning. To get things started, you might try testing various time of offers of a massage. You might post more details on a more adult forum, and see about getting some detailed feedback.

Staying married involves avoiding a divorce. I included a reference of a book about working against a divorce. You might look to see if any strategies to delay a divorce might work for you.

Have you tried any of the Divorce Busters? Anything seem to be giving you a good feeling?

[Mab]

that's the truth mab it's not all his fault, it's mine for lying in the beginning. he can't let it go and i really don't blame him. i just wish i could take it back
um....no. That's not what I meant. Frankly, if he loves you & just can't get past one thing, I would think he'd be willing to seek counselling in order to work things out.

I meant, honey, that it's not all his fault, and it's not all your fault, either. It takes 2 to get to this point (usually--there are always exceptions), and it takes TWO TO GET BACK. If he's not willing to work WITH you......:whatgives

[atropa]

let me give you a little history and yes i know this is bad, i lied to him when we were dating he kept asking how many men i had been with and i lied, after we got married he asked 2 more times and i didn't want to lie anymore so i told him 16 men. he flipped out. he has only been with 2 women. so a lot of his anger i understand but i have begged him for forgiveness and as a christian he should. i know it's no excuse but i was afraid to tell him the truth i wish i had now.

Now you know what a deadly subject that is. That is a personal rule of mine, no matter how badly I want to know. My husband and I don't discuss how many we've both had. Really, it doesn't matter to me, because he is with me now. Don't beg his forgivness for that. He shouldn't have asked something he didn't want to know the answer to. Just know that everything will happen exactly as it's supposed to. It sounds like he has some severe hang ups about alot of things.

[Pan089]

i know alot of you are against love spells. but i was wondering what if you know your husband loves you he's just to big of a jerk to show it? or stubborn

is it ok then?



reason i ask is today is our 1 year anniversary and he has filed for a divorce he thinks i'm too moody. now i love this man i do, i just want him to retrun the love. he's out with his buddies right now at band practice.

If Your Future Dims Bright I say Drop him and start over He's Just Not worth it, Wish I could help maybe you can look up marriage spells on the internet there's a such thing you know,.. But do what ever your heart tells you... if he's saying your not a christian are you sure this is the right path for you??,, no offence.// But Like I said before Do whatever your heart tells you and you'll know what's right... Now Go Little One Go, Go, Goooo!!!

Best of luck on your marriage path blessed bee see ya in three!!!

Good Luck [Pan089]

[Mab]

Now you know what a deadly subject that is. That is a personal rule of mine, no matter how badly I want to know. My husband and I don't discuss how many we've both had. Really, it doesn't matter to me, because he is with me now. Don't beg his forgivness for that. He shouldn't have asked something he didn't want to know the answer to. Just know that everything will happen exactly as it's supposed to. It sounds like he has some severe hang ups about alot of things.
I agree. My SO knows how many I've been with, but...well....there are reasons he knows....they kinda happened when we were in an "on again/off again" phase & we were in "off". Anyway, I don't know about his. I don't want to know. I know just a teeny bit b/c I've met some of his old girlfriends, but I don't ask & I don't want to know. I figure, anything that happened before he met me is irrelevant to US (with the exception of his daughter...things like that do tend to cross over.) So, with the exception of kids & STDs (just examples...got the kid, but none of the other)...I figure it's none of my business what happened before me & what happened before me doesn't really matter one whit--not on the sexual front, anyway--unless it's caused him some major trauma....

so, what? he thinks of you differently now? like somehow you magically changed who you are fundamentally over night b/c you didn't want to tell him how many lovers you had b/c it really was none of his business? Seems a bit shallow to me. And I still say that if he really honestly loves you & isn't just looking for an out, he'd be willing to work with you to get through this snafu.

[Trey]

If he's a Christian, I'm surprised to hear that he is okay with divorce, especially after such a short marriage :( Would he agree to a trial separation to see if this is what he still wants after six months or so?

Again, you may want to look at handling this spiritually by meditating and asking for truth to be revealed concurrently with the mundane methods of attempting to communicate and talk about the problem to see if something can be worked out.

:hugz: Good luck.

jokers :sunny: