Dria El
August 25th, 2001, 06:37 PM
By: FireWind
Could the winter leaves hear the screaming in my heart? Did summer's last breath feel the heat in my soul that died to agony? I could not bear to think of the paths that lay dead beyond the last crossroads. A flame may beat at the darkness, but only for a short while. Smoke from my burning heart rose up to choke me and burn at my eyes while I fought back the tears of betrayal.
It was a long time ago. Never mind; the basest stories always start with such a cliche. Suffice to say it was before your experience. The stars did not shine, and I did not exist. Neither did you, for that matter. But enough. It was an accident, this universe of yours. The vacuume of nothingness sucked in on itself, and by simple force, exploded in a cascade of brilliant somethingness. Of course, it took a while for the dust to suck itself into nuclear fire, and millions died before your own condensed itself to burning. That dust which your star discarded brought itself together in various sizes; I'm sorry to say that your home is nothing but leftover parts. There was that minor accident with that other planet; the silly thing didn't want to orbit in a circle, and almost destroyed the Earth. But when the end result is a beautiful full moon, who can argue with accident?
Well, it did take a while for things to cool down a bit. After all, you can't expect Rome to be built in a day. The funny part is the water; I mean, it's not chemically possible, after all. I certainly can't claim credit, I still wasn't around at this point. What did you expect? Some enlightened humanoid holding out a hand and saying Let there be Water? There must be a punchline in there somewhere. So you've got all this water hanging around doing nothing, and in it is these little atoms that for some reason decide to stick together. Why? I don't know, maybe there was a lot of static. And they stuck together more and more, and voila, ended up looking like a little ball you might call a cell. There was actually quite a few of these over time; many, many different kinds. But they had a habit of being caught in the tides, and getting broken up. I suppose that wasn't pleasant for them, because one of them did something a little different. Now this is the part that gets interesting: if it looked like they might become unstuck, all the little atoms reacted by sucking themselves tighter together. And that's where I came in: fear. Of course, fear was only the message that danger was nearby. What made them suck in was what you now call anger. D-anger...you know it in your hearts. This little ball of atoms being afraid of getting unstuck. It's quite funny in a way, when you think of it. But I didn't know myself then; actually, I didn't know myself for quite a while. But that comes later.
So what do you think happened next? Well, the little ball of atoms kept collecting more little atoms. After a while, there were too many, and the ball split into two. This kept up for quite a while. And all this time, the little balls of atoms kept sucking together when it looked like they were going to be unstuck. Well, naturally it got quite interesting when the little balls started to stick together; but that would be making for a very long story, indeed.
As to myself, I managed to feel myself round about the golden age. Excuse me, sometimes I forget: the golden age is the era in which only plant life existed. It was beautiful then. I believe that Freud would have loved it for its pure and innocent id. But animals showed up eventually, and I felt immensely strengthened by this. Dinosaurs were violent creatures, however, and lived for quite a long time. I do dislike imbalances, and I could not bear to see so much of my plants destroyed. I'm afraid that I rushed with the excitement of creation, and decided to get rid of them for mammals. It was clear that the mammals would certainly have shorter lifespans, and so development would go on faster. Yes, I did invite that comet in. Perhaps I was hasty in this respect.
Ah, but for intelligence! What thoughts could I think, what senses would I feel, what dreams would I bear if I had intelligence? I experimented with this in so many ways before I felt I had it right. Independent thought, capable of total isolation, while still bearing myself: the experience of all that had ever lived. I felt the strength of their thoughts beating through my energy pattern, filling me with the the pure joy of unrestrained thought. And the depth of emotion that can be understood with the aid of self-awareness; I had never seen such things.
But my children, how you will rebel to gain your freedom. I meant you to think for yourselves, to enjoy the differences between you, to taste the fruits of another tree. I meant you to taste everything, to touch one another, to converse with perfection and bring yourselves freedom. I wanted you to taste one other in the hopes of making something new for yourself: different persons with different thoughts in different times of mind. But I underestimated these desires in you. I wanted you to live in perfect freedom, and you did this by limiting yourselves. It seemed perversion, but of course, I should have expected it. I decreed you should have freedom, and to be free of me, you had to be free of my law of freedom. You sucked yourselves in like the very first atoms in danger, you declared laws and rules to govern every action. You created religion to control every thought. This was your freedom: no ungoverned thought, no unpunished will, and total, absolute terror of what had not been thought before. I gave you freedom, and you so quickly sought to be free of it.
I am betrayed! I sought for beauty and am returned with sqallor. Every thought of joy is turned to guilt and fear of some ill-defined 'sin'. Every possibility of happiness is seen as 'temptation'. What are these things? I see them through your eyes and am terrified. I see them through my own and am mocked. This is not how it was to be. There are stains in my heart, and I know not how they got there. There is black evil juice running down my leg and I do not understand where it came from. I am you; you are I. Why must there be enmity between us? I only seek your peace and the joy of all. Should I desire your life, would you take it in defiance? Be happy; joy and love may only strengthen us both. Fear will help you stay alive; love alone may let you truly live.
I cannot blame you, though I may try. I made you to seek freedom; I cannot be enraged that you would seek it from me. The seas in my mind run deep currents in the quiet. Of all this joyous creation, I miss the golden age the most...
Could the winter leaves hear the screaming in my heart? Did summer's last breath feel the heat in my soul that died to agony? I could not bear to think of the paths that lay dead beyond the last crossroads. A flame may beat at the darkness, but only for a short while. Smoke from my burning heart rose up to choke me and burn at my eyes while I fought back the tears of betrayal.
It was a long time ago. Never mind; the basest stories always start with such a cliche. Suffice to say it was before your experience. The stars did not shine, and I did not exist. Neither did you, for that matter. But enough. It was an accident, this universe of yours. The vacuume of nothingness sucked in on itself, and by simple force, exploded in a cascade of brilliant somethingness. Of course, it took a while for the dust to suck itself into nuclear fire, and millions died before your own condensed itself to burning. That dust which your star discarded brought itself together in various sizes; I'm sorry to say that your home is nothing but leftover parts. There was that minor accident with that other planet; the silly thing didn't want to orbit in a circle, and almost destroyed the Earth. But when the end result is a beautiful full moon, who can argue with accident?
Well, it did take a while for things to cool down a bit. After all, you can't expect Rome to be built in a day. The funny part is the water; I mean, it's not chemically possible, after all. I certainly can't claim credit, I still wasn't around at this point. What did you expect? Some enlightened humanoid holding out a hand and saying Let there be Water? There must be a punchline in there somewhere. So you've got all this water hanging around doing nothing, and in it is these little atoms that for some reason decide to stick together. Why? I don't know, maybe there was a lot of static. And they stuck together more and more, and voila, ended up looking like a little ball you might call a cell. There was actually quite a few of these over time; many, many different kinds. But they had a habit of being caught in the tides, and getting broken up. I suppose that wasn't pleasant for them, because one of them did something a little different. Now this is the part that gets interesting: if it looked like they might become unstuck, all the little atoms reacted by sucking themselves tighter together. And that's where I came in: fear. Of course, fear was only the message that danger was nearby. What made them suck in was what you now call anger. D-anger...you know it in your hearts. This little ball of atoms being afraid of getting unstuck. It's quite funny in a way, when you think of it. But I didn't know myself then; actually, I didn't know myself for quite a while. But that comes later.
So what do you think happened next? Well, the little ball of atoms kept collecting more little atoms. After a while, there were too many, and the ball split into two. This kept up for quite a while. And all this time, the little balls of atoms kept sucking together when it looked like they were going to be unstuck. Well, naturally it got quite interesting when the little balls started to stick together; but that would be making for a very long story, indeed.
As to myself, I managed to feel myself round about the golden age. Excuse me, sometimes I forget: the golden age is the era in which only plant life existed. It was beautiful then. I believe that Freud would have loved it for its pure and innocent id. But animals showed up eventually, and I felt immensely strengthened by this. Dinosaurs were violent creatures, however, and lived for quite a long time. I do dislike imbalances, and I could not bear to see so much of my plants destroyed. I'm afraid that I rushed with the excitement of creation, and decided to get rid of them for mammals. It was clear that the mammals would certainly have shorter lifespans, and so development would go on faster. Yes, I did invite that comet in. Perhaps I was hasty in this respect.
Ah, but for intelligence! What thoughts could I think, what senses would I feel, what dreams would I bear if I had intelligence? I experimented with this in so many ways before I felt I had it right. Independent thought, capable of total isolation, while still bearing myself: the experience of all that had ever lived. I felt the strength of their thoughts beating through my energy pattern, filling me with the the pure joy of unrestrained thought. And the depth of emotion that can be understood with the aid of self-awareness; I had never seen such things.
But my children, how you will rebel to gain your freedom. I meant you to think for yourselves, to enjoy the differences between you, to taste the fruits of another tree. I meant you to taste everything, to touch one another, to converse with perfection and bring yourselves freedom. I wanted you to taste one other in the hopes of making something new for yourself: different persons with different thoughts in different times of mind. But I underestimated these desires in you. I wanted you to live in perfect freedom, and you did this by limiting yourselves. It seemed perversion, but of course, I should have expected it. I decreed you should have freedom, and to be free of me, you had to be free of my law of freedom. You sucked yourselves in like the very first atoms in danger, you declared laws and rules to govern every action. You created religion to control every thought. This was your freedom: no ungoverned thought, no unpunished will, and total, absolute terror of what had not been thought before. I gave you freedom, and you so quickly sought to be free of it.
I am betrayed! I sought for beauty and am returned with sqallor. Every thought of joy is turned to guilt and fear of some ill-defined 'sin'. Every possibility of happiness is seen as 'temptation'. What are these things? I see them through your eyes and am terrified. I see them through my own and am mocked. This is not how it was to be. There are stains in my heart, and I know not how they got there. There is black evil juice running down my leg and I do not understand where it came from. I am you; you are I. Why must there be enmity between us? I only seek your peace and the joy of all. Should I desire your life, would you take it in defiance? Be happy; joy and love may only strengthen us both. Fear will help you stay alive; love alone may let you truly live.
I cannot blame you, though I may try. I made you to seek freedom; I cannot be enraged that you would seek it from me. The seas in my mind run deep currents in the quiet. Of all this joyous creation, I miss the golden age the most...