Earth Walker
August 26th, 2001, 03:40 AM
This kind of science gets a laugh or two. And if you're a
hardworking taxpayer, maybe you too can laugh when you
realize where some of your hard-earned money is going. 8O
In 1990, researchers at the University of Wisconsin-Madison
embarked on a scientific study of rhinotillexomania -- better
known as nose-picking. They mailed out questionnaires to
twelve hundred people -- containing such deep questions as
"What finger do you use when picking your nose?" and "After
picking your nose, how often do you find yourself looking at
what you have removed?" :sick:
In 1982, a sociology professor at the University of Wisconsin,
Dr. Ray Short, appeared before a congressional hearing to
report on his research into teenage sex. Among his findings:
The threat of nuclear holocaust was one of the key reasons
why teenagers engaged in sex. Fearing the world might be destroyed by nuclear weapons, tenagers believed that if they
didn't have sex when they were young, they might never have the chance to experience it at all.
A British governmental committee needed a definitive ruling on
when winter begins and when it ends -- so they turned to the
Meteorological Office in Bracknell. The scientific reply: "Winter
begins when all the leaves have fallen off the trees, And it ends
when the bulbs start coming up again."
In late 1994, Utah State University got a whopping $500,000
research grant from the Environmental Protection Agency -- to
study bovine flatulence. The researchers will round up rangeland
cattle and fit them with special breathing devices -- to measure
just how much methane cows release when they burp. This isn't
the only study of this kind. In fact, this Utah State study will
expand on a previous bovine flatulence study (a mere $300,000
one) begun in 1991 by Washington State University, which, to
quote an Associated Press story, "provoked widespread ridicule."
Psychobiologist Harman Peeke of the University of California at
San Francisco ran a $102,000 research study funded by taxpayers' dollars to answer the burning question: Are sunfish
that drink tequila more aggressive than sunfish that drink gin?
(For his efforts, he won Senator William Proxmire's Golden
Fleece award for wasting taxpayers' dollars -- which cost him his
federal grant and forced him to drop his project.)
Dr. E. E. Burns of texas A&M University discovered a GOOD use
for nuclear waste. It can be used as a food preservative.
The bad news? While the food is preserved, it's also extremely
smelly. "For example," explained Burns, "angel food cake with
irradiated egg whites smells like a wet dog on a rainy day."
Reverse Speech Technology has been involved in research
probing "reverse speech." More precisely, this group holds that
when you play recorded speech backward you can discover
unconscious "reverse" messages that the speakers are masking--
not "Paul is dead," but such insightful words as these uncovered
by playing back CNN reporter John Holliman during his Gulf War
coverage.
His on-air statement: "The antiaircraft fire is now going to the
south. We're looking out to the west and we see the tracer
bullets going."
This, played backward, revealed the following hidden message:
"To hell with it. The bas****s don't know it's Fonzie.
Don't tell them it's yesterday."
A professor of animal psychology at the University of Alberta
conducted a five-year research project concerning sheep that
stemmed from a seminar on ductile intelligence parameters.
In simpler English, she and her students were attempting to
teach sheep weight lifting. She developed a vest with pockets that could be put on the sheep. Weights were slipped into the
pockets before the sheep began grazing. But the vests turned out to be a failure, and the professor abandoned the project.
Her conclusion? Sheep had motivation problems.
A study at the Royal University of Stockholm, Sweden, found that
old people move their legs with greater speed when they are in
a hurry.
Most people eat lunch because they are hungry. This finding was
"revealed" from a study done by Taiwan's Council for Agricultural
Planning and Development. The study also found that other
people ate lunch because they like to eat three meals a day, and
lunch was one of the three meals.
An earth-shattering study by Dr. Norris Thomson has found that
people who don't go to the doctor much don't go because they
aren't sick.
hardworking taxpayer, maybe you too can laugh when you
realize where some of your hard-earned money is going. 8O
In 1990, researchers at the University of Wisconsin-Madison
embarked on a scientific study of rhinotillexomania -- better
known as nose-picking. They mailed out questionnaires to
twelve hundred people -- containing such deep questions as
"What finger do you use when picking your nose?" and "After
picking your nose, how often do you find yourself looking at
what you have removed?" :sick:
In 1982, a sociology professor at the University of Wisconsin,
Dr. Ray Short, appeared before a congressional hearing to
report on his research into teenage sex. Among his findings:
The threat of nuclear holocaust was one of the key reasons
why teenagers engaged in sex. Fearing the world might be destroyed by nuclear weapons, tenagers believed that if they
didn't have sex when they were young, they might never have the chance to experience it at all.
A British governmental committee needed a definitive ruling on
when winter begins and when it ends -- so they turned to the
Meteorological Office in Bracknell. The scientific reply: "Winter
begins when all the leaves have fallen off the trees, And it ends
when the bulbs start coming up again."
In late 1994, Utah State University got a whopping $500,000
research grant from the Environmental Protection Agency -- to
study bovine flatulence. The researchers will round up rangeland
cattle and fit them with special breathing devices -- to measure
just how much methane cows release when they burp. This isn't
the only study of this kind. In fact, this Utah State study will
expand on a previous bovine flatulence study (a mere $300,000
one) begun in 1991 by Washington State University, which, to
quote an Associated Press story, "provoked widespread ridicule."
Psychobiologist Harman Peeke of the University of California at
San Francisco ran a $102,000 research study funded by taxpayers' dollars to answer the burning question: Are sunfish
that drink tequila more aggressive than sunfish that drink gin?
(For his efforts, he won Senator William Proxmire's Golden
Fleece award for wasting taxpayers' dollars -- which cost him his
federal grant and forced him to drop his project.)
Dr. E. E. Burns of texas A&M University discovered a GOOD use
for nuclear waste. It can be used as a food preservative.
The bad news? While the food is preserved, it's also extremely
smelly. "For example," explained Burns, "angel food cake with
irradiated egg whites smells like a wet dog on a rainy day."
Reverse Speech Technology has been involved in research
probing "reverse speech." More precisely, this group holds that
when you play recorded speech backward you can discover
unconscious "reverse" messages that the speakers are masking--
not "Paul is dead," but such insightful words as these uncovered
by playing back CNN reporter John Holliman during his Gulf War
coverage.
His on-air statement: "The antiaircraft fire is now going to the
south. We're looking out to the west and we see the tracer
bullets going."
This, played backward, revealed the following hidden message:
"To hell with it. The bas****s don't know it's Fonzie.
Don't tell them it's yesterday."
A professor of animal psychology at the University of Alberta
conducted a five-year research project concerning sheep that
stemmed from a seminar on ductile intelligence parameters.
In simpler English, she and her students were attempting to
teach sheep weight lifting. She developed a vest with pockets that could be put on the sheep. Weights were slipped into the
pockets before the sheep began grazing. But the vests turned out to be a failure, and the professor abandoned the project.
Her conclusion? Sheep had motivation problems.
A study at the Royal University of Stockholm, Sweden, found that
old people move their legs with greater speed when they are in
a hurry.
Most people eat lunch because they are hungry. This finding was
"revealed" from a study done by Taiwan's Council for Agricultural
Planning and Development. The study also found that other
people ate lunch because they like to eat three meals a day, and
lunch was one of the three meals.
An earth-shattering study by Dr. Norris Thomson has found that
people who don't go to the doctor much don't go because they
aren't sick.