Advice on couple matters?

[Bandia]

My other half and I are separated (across california) through no choice of our own. Without going into too much detail, I need advice on how to help him through this hard time. He's not only missing me, but our daughter (7 mos) that had to come with me. Our relationship is rocky, and was before our separation, as we were not living in our own home, and the home we were in was not conducive as a family environment. If you need more, just ask, I didn't want to bore you with all the details. His health and hope are declining fast, and I worry. My mother is my companion now, he has none.

Bandia

[Seren_]

Well, my thoughts are with you...I'm really sorry for all the suffering.

Is there any way that you could be together? Like one of you could move? I know it's an obvious question, but people here might have ideas that might help you on a more mundane front. There might not be an immediate solution, but there might be something more longterm you can do? If you're not comfortable discussing that kind of thing publicly, then all respects to you. But the best solution is probably more mundane than magical, if you see what I mean.

Otherwise, I'd start with positive reinforcement, and that kind of thing. I assume your separation isn't permanent, so try and focus on the time you will be able to spend together in future, rather than how down you might feel right now. Trying to get your other half focus on the positive might help lift his spirits...EDA: If his health is suffering, then perhaps try and encourage him to see a doctor as well. If it's due to depression, then they might be able to help on that front? If you're looking for magical help, like a spell or ritual, then it depends on personal taste...

[Bandia]

My apologies for the length of time that has passed, so much has been going on...
anyhow, we are hoping to move back in together, however, it is going to take alot. Neither of us have transportation, we've got the baby, and I don't have a job (recovering-slowly-from a back injury). We moved away from eachother because we had no other options, the baby's safety was at risk, and so we did what we had to do. We are looking at simply living out of a motel together (my mother and I have MANY past issues that we cannot come to terms on unless I betray myself and my daughter), yet all moneys earned would be spent on motel room and transportation, so in essence we'd be digging a deeper hole. I can't stay with my mother much longer, it's taken all I've got to stay this long, and I wouldn't have if I had any other place to go. Please, so not misconstrue me, I am very appreciative, however everything has it's price and hers is just too high. Magickal assistance would be welcome, as there is nothing mundane I can do at this point. If you need more information, I will PM it to you, I am hesitant but must say at this point I am desperate for any advice, magickal or mundane, that will help me get my husband back and my daughter to be with her daddy. As far as medical attention, he is unable to recieve MediCal, as he has no actual proof of income and so are my daughter and I because I live with my parents and they are not eligible. I'm 20, but apparently I must be 22 to sign myself and my daughter up for some stupid reason.

Bandia

[Dr. Doom]

Dear Bandia,

I have spent some time on forums that deal with some of your issues:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com

http://www.sexualforums.com

Seren already spoke of emphasizing positive comments on hope for the future.

It seems that money is an object, so a good spell for money might be helpful. So a search in Rituals for thre word Money.

MONEY:

from a post by Amethestwolf: For example, the Goddess I identify most with is Lilith. She is on my altar, along with Quan Yin. Quan Yin was a gift from my mother, who obviously felt I needed some of her energy in my life. But, these are the two Goddesses on my altar and where I concentrate my energy during ceremony. Once, when I needed a job - money was tight after staying home to raise the kids for three years and living on one income, I did a spell. I simple wrote the words "please provide enough" and burned that paper in ceremony. I didn't ask for more than we needed, just enough . Guess what? two weeks later I was offered a job where I could work from home and earn a very decent living. I still have that job today, three years later. I think the key was asking for enough, not more - and to be ready to accept what comes your way.



I posted some ideas to others on this board, and I will try to copy them into this post.

Perhaps Harmony in yourmother's house might be a worthwhile subject of a ritual.

HARMONY:


How about HARMONY?

light a candle with color coresponding with romance and love and say:

Love and harmony
from me to you,
love and harmony
from you to me
this is the way that
love should be.

let the winds of change
blow around us
and between us ,
and when the winds
have calmed ,
love and harmony find us.

be it done!

What about Smudging?

Yes, you smudge by burning a bundle of herb. A common smudge is sage, though there are many others. You can do it anytime, and yes it's usually done for cleansing an area.

smudge often, as a cleansing ritual. I use it to cleanse altar tools, my house, my car, etc. Make sure the windows are open so that the smoke from the sage bundle (you don't keep it aflame, it just smokes like incense) carries out with it all the negative and unwanted energies.

I usually chant something as well, something about only those presences asked should stay, all others who mean harm and are unasked leave, negative energy leave so that only positive remains, I cleanse this in the name of the Goddess, etc.

try useing a mixture of lavender blossoms, and finely ground corn meal. It is an old Navaho cleansing. Use it in a censor hung from some vine or hemp with some charcoal. circle the room wittershins. Bless the ingrediants first
Leave some of the ashes under the windows and bury some outside the door. It will shield your home until the next rain.


TELEPHONE LOVE FOR HUSBAND

Sometimes Love is restrained. Sometimes finding ways to show love is difficult. Sometimes it is hard to recognize Love.

I found these concepts helpful, but I have not yet bought the book. I heard that reading excertps from the book to you partner is an upper.

The 5 Love Languages, By Gary Smalley

1. Words of Affirmation-Sincere compliments and encouraging words-this person always has something nice to say and they often expect kind words in return. One hallmark of this language is the way people ask for what
they want, i.e. "Love makes requests, not demands" Requires humility, Demands are put-downs implying "I am important and you are not. Do this for me, your desires don't matter." A humble request looks like this-giving choices-"You probably have more important things to do, but would you consider doing this? I would be grateful".

2. Quality Time-People show their love by simply being there, by spending time with their mates. "It is a matter of being completely there, being a companion, not just taking up space. It does not mean that we have to spend our moments together gazing into each other's eyes. It means we are doing something together and we are giving our
full attention to the other person." (This fits Harley's recreational companionship category) Chapman breaks this down into two components:
One is simple togetherness, the other is quality conversation.

Quality conversation requires involvement, eye contact, full attention (active listening), listening THROUGH the words for the feelings being expressed, understanding the body language, not much interruption, a
soul-to-soul connection not just mind to mind.

3. Gifts-Some communicate their love in the language of gift-giving and they look to receive it from others in the same way. gifts are visual symbols of love, not a matter of money, tokens of our feelings for the other...an investment of a certain amount of emotion, wisdom, time, expense, and effort in the process of imagining, creating, choosing,
buying, wrapping, or transporting a gift to you, all because of love.

These gifts are often displayed, similar to trophies all around them, not because they are greedy and put emphasis in "things" but because of the way they prize the love behind the token of love. It is physical evidence of love involved.

4. Acts of Service-Sees love in doing things for others and expects this same kind of action from others. In some ways I see this as similar to the gift giving in that some of the acts of service may be help around the house, remodeling, etc...visual things that show one's love. It is more than cooking a special dinner, it may include baking a favorite cake as an extra to show love. It is helping to pack his or her suitcase for a trip and maybe putting in love notes, or a baked goodie, bubble bath or whatever else, you know he/she would like. Lehman, once a year, deposits his wife in a motel with flowers, books, room service, etc. and leaves her for a weekend to give her space while he deals with the kids. Now that is above and beyond the call of duty, but you can see how loved she must feel.

5. Physical Touch-Goes beyond sex, but seems to display itself in guys via sex, but it is more than sex. It is about big and little kisses, hand-holding, backrubs, arm around the shoulder, playing footsie, sharing an armrest ot the movies, lightly stroking a hand...etc.

As you post more, you will see answers to your challenges, and others will find more ways to offer help. I do not see that you are being too wordy. It usually takes a few pages of posting to get enough detail to come up with soutions.

There is not rally a couiples problems section in Mystic Wicks, but this seems to be the best category, Magic and Rituals.

I have studied the Boundaries materials, and found it helpful for marriage, parents and children:

BOUNDARIES IN MARRIAGE (1999), by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, Available in Leather, ISBN 0-310-24612-1, Hard back: ISBN 0-310-22151-X, and Paper Back: ISBN 0-310-24314-9 (Soft Cover) Zondervan, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49530.

Boundaries in Marriage Workbook, Paperback, ISBN 0-310-22875-1.

Boundaries, Face to Face (2003) by Henry Cloud and John Townsend

cloudtownsend.com (http://www.cloudtownsend.com)
www.drhenrycloud.com (http://www.drhenrycloud.com)
www.newlife.com (http://www.newlife.com)

Boundaries Course Video, with Cloud and Townsend, comes with the Boundaries in Marriage, the Particpant's Guide and the Instructor's Guide.
http://www.walmart.com/catalog/product.gsp?product_id=1813624&sourceid=1500000000000000040820
Boundaries Groups:

overcomersoutreach.org
Overcomer's Outreach Boundaries Groups (http://www.overcomersoutreach.org/)

celebraterecovery.com
Celebrate Recovery Boundarie Groups (http://www.celebraterecovery.com/index.asp)

Boundaries Lecture Reservations:
newlife.com
1-800-new life


You might find it helpful to fill out the MB Needs Questionaires, and see how to make your marriage stronger, by emphasizing the truly important needs, and letting less important needs have less effort and less time.

MB Emotional Needs:

Affection
Sexual Fulfillment
Conversation
Recreational Companionship
Honesty and Openness
Physical Attractiveness
Financial Support
Domestic Support
Family Commitment
Admiration





Blessings

p