Empathy: Getting worse?

[aftershocked]

Ok, I have an issue. I am an empath. I have been for as long as I can remember. But slowly, things have seem to have escalated. I now seem to have gotten to the point where I can feel the physical pains of people close to me, so bad that I have a bruise on my wrist from where my one friend cut himself. I felt him do it late at night, and the next morning I had the bruise. I asked my one friend and she said that it was likely that the Gods wanted me to help this one person, and that's why I got this mark. I was able to deal with the emotions, but am I really going to have to deal with physical pains too?

I know most people by now are probably saying that I should learn to shield.. but I really wish that wasn't the answer. I haven't gotten partial shielding quite down yet, so it's pretty much all or nothing. And I can't deal with nothing.. it makes me so terribly alone feeling and depressed.

Does anyone have any idea why this is happening? Am I going nuts? And what can I do to lessen it without completely detaching myself again?

[Wyrdsister]

I really wish I could help you. I was having problems with overactive empathy earlier in my life (no physical manifestations, but I shouldn't turn off the cries of others in my soul). But I blocked them so much that I felt nothing on an empathic level from anyone for years. I've just started getting things back and trusting my instincts in the past 5-7 years or so. I hope someone else at MW can post something that might help and enlighten us both. :) ((HUGS))

Wyrdsister

[DracoJesi]

I really wish I could help you. I was having problems with overactive empathy earlier in my life (no physical manifestations, but I shouldn't turn off the cries of others in my soul). But I blocked them so much that I felt nothing on an empathic level from anyone for years. I've just started getting things back and trusting my instincts in the past 5-7 years or so. I hope someone else at MW can post something that might help and enlighten us both. :) ((HUGS))

Wyrdsister
I wish I could help you as i have the same problem(without the physical pain)
when sombody is in a bad mood i pick up those negative emotians and it drains most of my energy as i get in a bad mood because of it, im not quit shure how to shield.
One tim at camp everyone was singing camp songs and i got a positive energy overload and while i should be grateful for this but it can be realy hard in times like this but,
Im shure ill get the hang of it, oh and being a double Pisces (sun and moon) probly dosnt help

[Aleannah]

I get physical manifestations sometimes, but I don't know where they're coming from...it's just pain and then a mark...I have no clue how to block them or filter them... :hugz:

[indigo rain]

i believe i'm an empath. why do i put it that way? because as a child i would feel things but for a while i haven't. at the time i was christian and i stayed up all night some nights crying to the christian god, take this away from me. because i did feel physical pain. not the same way am i'd feel my own. it was different... somehow. but it drove me crazy and i prayed and prayed for it to go away. and it did. now i find myself having to work to get it back. i'm so blocked off emotionally from people, i think it's my own doing, that subconciously i put up a very strong shield around myself. i'd just say really work on that shielding, but don't do too good a job of it. the gift is there for a reason. don't completely block it off.

[Threase]

I don't think you're going nuts... I'm a bit of an empath and my soul mate is VERY empathic, and our empathic abilities have hightened recently as well, to the point where my soul mate saw things in my head that I'd never told him.

[Seren_]

Ok, I have an issue. I am an empath. I have been for as long as I can remember. But slowly, things have seem to have escalated. I now seem to have gotten to the point where I can feel the physical pains of people close to me, so bad that I have a bruise on my wrist from where my one friend cut himself. I felt him do it late at night, and the next morning I had the bruise. I asked my one friend and she said that it was likely that the Gods wanted me to help this one person, and that's why I got this mark. I was able to deal with the emotions, but am I really going to have to deal with physical pains too?

I know most people by now are probably saying that I should learn to shield.. but I really wish that wasn't the answer. I haven't gotten partial shielding quite down yet, so it's pretty much all or nothing. And I can't deal with nothing.. it makes me so terribly alone feeling and depressed.

Does anyone have any idea why this is happening? Am I going nuts? And what can I do to lessen it without completely detaching myself again?

From the sounds of it, this is a double issue. From what you write, it seems that a) you want to be empathic (consciously or subconsciously) so you are not alone etc, but b) you are scared by it because you can't control it.

You seem to contradict yourself by saying you don't want to shield because you can't deal with the consequences (otherwise I guess you wouldn't be posting, anyway)...and yet you can't deal with the consequences of not shielding?

I hope I'm not coming across as totally out of line. But my thoughts are...learn how to control it consciously (through shielding), and you will eventually learn how to control it naturally/subconsciously. It might be crappy in between, but looking at the long term, it will be for your benefit, and others.

Once you learn control, your instincts will let you find a medium which you might be more comfortable with, that you can function with without feeling that you're going nuts...And at that point where you can control it, then you'll know when you're picking up on something serious that you should probably be involved in. Maybe you do have a gift, but this does not mean that you have to be at the mercy of it.

When people are going through some emotional trauma, things can be very f'd up. If you're naturally receptive to other people's feelings, then it might seem really bad to you...and yet for them their "lashing out" is a natural way for them to deal with the situation...for them it might build up, lash out and then be OK, they can get on with it. To you, on the receiving end, it can be apocalyptic. And as a natural empath you will probably find that you will somehow make an "astral" attachment to them that makes things seem even more serious to you (this attachment might be seen as a kind of "rope" or line between you and the other person. In theory, we form these connections between everyone we care for or form some emotional attachment to, but I think empaths do this more than most other people, enabling to pick up on emotions and so on). You'll not only feel with them, but receive everything as well...so after a while, yes, you probably will pick up on things like your friend is doing at the moment, because you are attached to him in more ways than one. Does that make any sense?

Obviously if your friend is cutting himself, things are very serious and they need help and support. This is more than emotionally lashing out at you to let off steam. But I would say that as well as support from friends like yourself, this person needs professional, objective help too. Perhaps what you really need is to encourage your friend in this direction and help them along that path as much as you can...you can't be expected to do everything yourself.

The loneliness and depression caused by shielding will probably balance itself out eventually, by your own natural instincts. Often we go from one extreme to another before finding a middle ground. For a lot of people, they'll balance out overnight when they completely shield, but for over-empathic people it's not unlikely that their reactions will be somewhat more overt.

If that's the case, try and ride it out. Otherwise, I would wonder if your over-empathy here could be a sign of something that you need medical or professional attention for; your over-empathy could be a symptom of depression, something that this empathy might be masking your problem with, to make you feel less alone (loneliness often being a symptom or cause of depression)? I can only interpret what you write, so I could be wrong...At the end of the day, only you know what's going on. Deep down, use your intuition. But don't rule out more mundane reasons out.

Since methods of shielding haven't been mentioned, this is one that I find useful, and very controllable (- sp?). I see empahty as being a very psychological thing, but the aura has a lot to do with it as well. I think this method is fairly common, but if you don't do this, then you might find it a help:

Simply visualise your aura shrink wrapping around your body, as close as you feel comfortable. Shrink it clockwise, in a positive direction, to collect positive energy as you shrink it. This should help counter any negative feelings that might occur, because you charge as well as condense the aura...Usually your aura extends several feet from your body, so see it shrinking to an inch or two. If someone is particularly in your space, see the edge of your aura clearly defined and mirrored, so that any vibes they send off are reflected away from you, to protect you.

Usually, it should balance itself out as you sleep, but if it begins to feel a bit suffocating, then visualise your aura spinning around in a clockwise direction until it gains positive bright energy . This should help charge you up at least, and it might help if you expand it a little bit - a few more inches.

[Tobias]

Is empathy a gift from the gods? I think not! I believe that it is just another part of the human condition. The gods/guides will help us learn how to deal with it though if we ask them.

It is very hard to control empathy with anything more than an on/off switch. Lerning how to use this switch is the key. At least it is the key to your survival to anyone who is an empath!

Empaths who have shut themselves down completely are some of the coldest people out there (I think). It is not like you can resist only part of what you feel -- just enough to be "normal" like everybody else. Generally an empath will shut down so much that there is no room left.

Yet it is vital to learn how and when to shut down temporarily. If you don't, you'll go nuts. I think our sanity depends on being able to sut it off when we are overwhelmed. Perhaps with time we can learn to draw the line when too many emotions are comming our way, and filter out the ones that will tap into our energy reserves too much for our own good.

But, there is nothing like a good empathy shut down occasionally to give us the chance to rejuvinate and focus on our own needs for a bit.

[Teresa]

You are not crazy. I sometimes get physical manifestations as well. Usually though that only happens when it is someone that is very close to me and dear to me.I seem to have more control over this area when it comes to others that I am not close to. I do realize that I sometimes let my shield down without thinking because someone I love is hurting so badly. I believe that is a sacrifice that I choose to take for them. It is just my nature.As for other people I am not very close to there are levels of allowance unless I am not centered.I believe that being centered is the best beginning to a day for people like us.Shielding can be learned and controlled in the levels that You use.It takes practice ,but You can still feel and not feel alone. I have not mastered this by any means and have responded to loved ones without batting an eye. I do not know if this will help You ,but I hope it eases Your mind and fears a bit. I tend to only have a few people that are very close to me.(maybe 10 or so )

[Cieraco]

Yet it is vital to learn how and when to shut down temporarily. If you don't, you'll go nuts. I think our sanity depends on being able to sut it off when we are overwhelmed. Perhaps with time we can learn to draw the line when too many emotions are comming our way, and filter out the ones that will tap into our energy reserves too much for our own good.

But, there is nothing like a good empathy shut down occasionally to give us the chance to rejuvinate and focus on our own needs for a bit.

Ok I always called it more of 'cleaning house' sounds better than shutting down. But I tend to let all the feelings build up, not a good idea I might add, then 'clean' them out every once in a while ( not as often as I should mind you), else I wind up sick. As far as physical manifestations, I do get them if it is someone in dire need of help, or bound to me in some manner ( my best freinds ). Eh, I bet this dont help much, but I had to put my two cents in. Good luck, and keep centered, it most definitly helps.

[star_childe]

aftershocked and others:

it seems there are a fair number of us empaths out there. i have always been an empath too, one example, a few years ago i knew something terrible had happened in my family and my energy just completly drained out of me for no apparent reason. I rang my parents because i thought someone had died. My parents told me everything was fine but 3 days later they told us that my mum had just been diagnosed with cancer and they had only just got home fro the doctors when i called. Until that moment my father had been sceptical of my abilities but i think ive made a believer of him. :)

My abilities seemed to grow throughout high school and a few of my friends and i used to play games with energy and work out other peoples colours. I used to get physical manifestations at this time because i think i allowed them. Mostly sprained ankles, headaches, black eyes etc. and only from close friends. I had one particular close friendship at this time and we used to share dreams (although sleeping 20 km apart)

Life became more difficult as i grew up as i seemed to surround myself with depressed and/or suicidal friends. I would continually give, give, give, until i was drained, and then become withdrawn. I think it was mostly a subconscious thing, i needed to help these people. I also felt guilty at times because by the time i was 21, more than half of my female friends had problems (depression and suicidal tendencies) resulting from rape, and i felt that i couldnt help them enough becuase this hadnt happened to me.

Once i just overloaded on other peoples crap and the fact that my mother had cancer, my best friend constantly spoke of suicide and i got sick of being an emotional and psychic sponge. So i put up high, hard shields and i asked the Goddess to help me. It was like i was in deep freeze for about a year. I couldnt feel. I couldnt cry, even when my mum was having chemo and all her hair fell out. When my best friend started cutting herself (thankfully shes seeing a counsellor now). When another close friend was diagnosed with a brain tumour.(at 19 y.o.) I got used to not feeling anything and it was only when i needed to release all this stuff after my mum beat the cancer and my friend beat the tumour that i dug around a bit in my subconscious and took down the shields.

I began to explore Reiki and basically it made sense to me, as much as the Craft. Perhaps if i was in a coven i would have found a lot of these skills through Witchcraft. But I am a solitary, from a small Aussie country town.
Reiki teaches to people things that i have known all of my life, things that i have done without knowing why, just that it seemed right. There is a structure there for empaths and energy healers, i have found it very compatible with most religions, including witchcraft. I did Reiki 1, 2 and 3 over about a year and a half, and when i was twenty they asked me if i wanted to do the Reiki Master course. I didnt feel ready and i still dont (Im 22 now) mostly because of the great responsibilities you have in helping others to heal themselves.
But it is such an unbelievable relief to have a framework given to you for dealing with being empathic, exchanging energy with others and healing.

Reiki Masters and other reiki practitioners teach you raising energy, energy healing, sensing, shielding, grounding, symbols, working with guides, chakras, and most importantly (i believe) how to consciously turn your empathic and healing ablilties "on and off". (and how to deal with the issues such as guilt arising from not being open constantly in order to help other people.)

Especially if you dont belong to a coven or group where you can work on your shields and how to consciously empathise with others, I cant recommend reiki highly enough. Its changed me into a much more open, happier and less fearful person.

Hope this helps :)

[Cieraco]

Heh I have seen many of us (empaths) seeming to have 'power spikes.' Lately I have been able to channel panic attacks ( Which I used to do for my best friend all the time back in SC) over the internet, and just today I got the upbringings of a migraine from a freind online. It is seriously frusterating me. I have not the slightest clue as to how to shield. I ... just think that I am not capable. My best freind attempted to teach me, but I couldnt grasp it. Being a slight telepath doesnt help either. The insides of my mind are hellacious, I have massive problems concentrating if there are others around me, and if someone has an anger issue or something that I am not prepared for, whoosh, Mood Swing. Errr this doesnt help you, but um if you meditate and clear your mind every once in a while it seems to help. ^_^ Anyhow, good luck, and about the physical mainfestations, they can be scarey, I know by personal expeirience. Any time someone that I care for deeply ( noting that only like three people can do this to me right now, but then my senses are going haywire right now) is hurt, I will get a physical pain, and a mark. Now the pains are normal, but not the marks. Eh, ok I am babbling now, I gotsta sleep. As I said good luck and stuff.

[zakzekezedd]

Do you want the long version or the short version? Right now there are a lot of shifts in the energy balances between the physical and non-physical planes. Everyone is getting zinged, zapped, and occasionally knocked up alongside the head with a cosmic ballbat. The empaths are probably getting the worst of it because they are also getting hit with the affects these energy surges (or whatever you want to call them) are having on people around them. Until this activity settles down people are going to be more easily agitated, shorter tempered, and/or just plain spaced out. There will probably be an increase in automobile accidents, workplace accidents, and well, just accidents in general because people are literally just zoning out. I'm hearing this information in one version or another from far too many diverse sources to discount it. The best advise I get is to work on grounding and shielding techniques. Hematite and lapis lazuli are helpful in keeping yourself grounded, carry a piece in your pocket or better yet, get some hematite or lapis beads to wear. Anything you can do routinely to help keep yourself clearheaded and focused in the here and now will help take the edge off of the effects these energies are having (and keep your car in the proper lane on the drive to work). Apparently, past life and karmic energies are a part of this, so if you are finding strange memories, manifestations, "visions" or whatever popping up at strange times that's a part of this process too. Given some of my own experiences over the last few weeks, well, I'm having a harder time not believing than believing...

[star_childe]

Heh I have seen many of us (empaths) seeming to have 'power spikes.' Lately I have been able to channel panic attacks ( Which I used to do for my best friend all the time back in SC) over the internet, and just today I got the upbringings of a migraine from a freind online. It is seriously frusterating me. I have not the slightest clue as to how to shield. I ... just think that I am not capable. My best freind attempted to teach me, but I couldnt grasp it. Being a slight telepath doesnt help either. The insides of my mind are hellacious, I have massive problems concentrating if there are others around me, and if someone has an anger issue or something that I am not prepared for, whoosh, Mood Swing. Errr this doesnt help you, but um if you meditate and clear your mind every once in a while it seems to help. ^_^ Anyhow, good luck, and about the physical mainfestations, they can be scarey, I know by personal expeirience. Any time someone that I care for deeply ( noting that only like three people can do this to me right now, but then my senses are going haywire right now) is hurt, I will get a physical pain, and a mark. Now the pains are normal, but not the marks. Eh, ok I am babbling now, I gotsta sleep. As I said good luck and stuff.

Hi Cieraco,
there is a heap of literature out there on shielding, but try and get your hands on a copy of Starhawk's The Spiral Dance It has exercises for all sorts of energy work and shielding as well as being a generally excellent text on the Craft. :broomride
Personally, i have found that "cleaning house" is a must. Cleansing and charging your aura (daily if possible) by visualizing being surrounded by white light is the easiest way to get rid of any nasties or negativity you pick up, and white light works as a natural shield to any negativity. Just imagine yourself inside a big bubble, then fill it with white light. Or imagine yourself under a white waterfall.
If you have trouble with visualizing i would try making an actual aura cleanser. One i keep in a plastic coke bottle in the shower is just apple cider vinegar and sea salt dissolved in water. Protective essential oils can be added. It is very similar to the mixes some people use in ritual showers before going to a Sabbat. It gets rid of that cotton wool fuzzy feeling in your head and gets you grounded.
I identify strongly with what you have said, i used to be much the same, with similar things happening. I believe empathy is a talent that everyone has, but some people are born with it already developed. But until you learn how to use it, it will just be a cool freaky thing that you can do. Something that happens TO you, rather than an ability that you can use to help other people, and yourself.
Self- discipline and attention is essential to staying on track and taking control of your empathic ability, rather than having IT control YOU. Yes, it is possible.

Blessings

[Iseult]

I only get physical manifestations from close family. (We all live in different cities, so it's not physical closeness causing any of it.) I can usually tell if my brother's unwell. I've lost count of the times I've had a nagging headache all day and my mum's phoned and told me my brother's been off school/uni with migrane.

I tend to be good at pinpointing the cause of aches and pains if it really is coming from something going wrong in my own body, so if I can't pinpoint it, I'll meditate on cleansing my chakras, or something similar.

When my mum was pregnant with my little sister, I started with dreadful backache at the same time she did (hers was caused by the pregnancy), and we almost seemed to share the pain, with it moving back and forth between us for a good couple of months. Before she gave birth(c-section) I visualised severing that connection. I was very specific that is was only the pain/physical sensation that I wanted to stop receiving, and I told my mum what I was doing. I really didn't want to feel that c-section!

I now have a similar connection with my sister too, and I do remember a period where our sleep patterns seemed to mirror each other's.(Again, whilst living miles apart.) I look at it as a consequence of having a very close family, and don't usually give it as much thought as I am doing here.

What I can't stand though, is when I unintentionally pick up the emotional state of those around me. I'm aware that it happens and I try to shield myself from it, but now and then something does still get through. At uni we had a lecture each week that was for everyone on an arts course (writing, dance, drama, music) and I used to avoid this lecture whenever possible because I couldn't cope with all those egos in the same room. It felt like my head was going to explode.

It sounds like shielding is something you should work on, Aftershocked. Try to include some simple visualisation of whatever you feel comfortable with in your normal meditation/spellcasting/before you get out of bed in a morning. Use an image that you can easily bring to mind whenever you feel you need it, a shield, a mirror, protective aura, Batfinks' wings ('like a shield of steel' :) ). Once you can protect yourself, you can work on lowering the barriers bit by bit, so you still receive those 'help' signals from people, but without the bruises.

Iseult

[Teresa]

:tub: I use a shower technique to help cleanse my aura and recharge myself with positive energies and I am finding myself really needing this more lately. :tub: It is easy for me to visualize all the negative washing off of me and going down the drain.Since I began doing this I have found myself much more relaxed and refreshed and I seem to have lots more energy to share with others in need.That is something that use to really drain me before.This is a very busy time of year though and I am sure I am not the only one that has had more activity lately.

[Paije]

Has your life recently become more stressful? That is when mine wents nuts. Had bruises when my daughter bumped herself. Could feel her brush her gums to hard. Took on others emotions. I learned that grounding made it much more bearable along with shielding. pictured myself with a brick wall erected around me. practiced this for days before I went back outside my house. Also, when I grounded, pulling in my roots. I pictured myself capping them before drawing them upward. This prevented me from leaving anthing open between me and the ground.

Hope this helps,
BB, Love and Light,
Paije