Help!!!! my son has bi-polar?!

[lovemy1dane]

I had to take my 14 yr old to the ER a few days ago for sucidal thoughts and depression, come to find out he has been hitting himself and trying to work up the courage to cut himself, so I admitted him to the hospital. The dr. now thinks he is either bi-polar or bi-polar with ADHD. We knew the ADHD, he has been treated for that for years. I have been reading online about bi-polar and it sounds alot like him. I got to go see him yesterday, and they cut his ADHD med in half and put him on a mood stabalizer and he was soooo happy it was scary!!!!!! It really fit the mania criteria. His thoughts were going so fast he could not even talk fast enough to keep up , he was having to subsitute hand gestures along with the words because before his mouth caught up with his thoughts his thoughts were already on a different subject, and he could not focus at all or sit still. I have NEVER seen him like that and told the nurses that. HE EVEN HUGGED HIS SISTER GOODBYE!!!!!! He will not ever say anything nice to her face (but he will threaten all her boyfriends) I am sooo scared and worried for him! The poor kid is so sweet and lovable,but he has so many violent and gory thoughts (think freddy kruger X 10) He is not violent himself, actually he is almost a pacifist, and these thoughts keep intruding on him. He would walk up to his sister and say "what would you do if an ax murderer broke in the house and chopped your head off right now?" Then he would work himself up to a panic over the possibility of this and not be able to sleep or be alone. ( we have also found out,he has an axiety disorder. Duh)
Does anyone here have bi-polar or any similar symptoms to anything I am describing??? especially the violent thoughts that are scary???

[mama reflecting]

May I suggest you take a look at a support group online, it's via LiveJournal, called Bipolar Survival (http://www.livejournal.com/community/bipolarsurvival). I have had experience with close friends diagnosed as Bipolar, and while it can sometimes be messy defining it, if you've seen an improvement, it's probably accurate. This group online is full of really wonderful, supportive people. LiveJournal is free to join. You are welcomed to post there, as is your son. He might find it really helpful, and there are several teenagers there.

Medication will probably help a lot, but always remember that therapy is very significant in severe mental conditions as well. You have my prayers that he finds a much happier and more peaceful life with treatment, be it medication, therapy, faith, or simply the support of family and friends.

Sometimes it can be REALLY confusing and difficult to find the exact right medications, and often they have to be adjusted. Effects sometimes wear off, some have severe side effects, some just don't effect the patient at all. They say it takes about two years to get everything down pat. Even with the perfect meds, dosages often need to be adjusted. It's just really important to keep aware of your son. One of the biggest things you need to watch out for is "non-compliance" as they psychs call it... aka, stopping the meds because he "feels better", and thinks he's cured or doesn't need it anymore/after all. This is how most people with any life-effecting mental illness end up in a hospital. These are almost always really intelligent people too, it's just such a wonderful hope to think that perhaps it was only temporary, and that you're fine now. But it sounds like you care enough about him to watch and take extra-good care of him. What a great parent you are! :hugz: :heartthro

I would really reccomend checking out that community on LJ; they're incredibly supportive, and they can give you lots of good advice and ideas. Many are adults who have lived with Bipolar for years.

Also, check out support groups in your area, for both your son AND yourself. Being the parent of a bipolar child can be incredibly confusing, frustrating, and just baffeling. Before his diagnosis, you probably found yourself sometimes wondering what was wrong, or "where did I go wrong?". :hugz: :rubhead: You've done a WONDERFUL job as a parent by getting your son evaluated, and seeking treatment for him (whatever course of treatment may work best).

With the medical field these days, the likelyhood is really huge that your son will live a perfectly normal, happy, and productive life. They are constantly developing new theories on why people are bipolar, and new, safer, and more reliable courses of treatment. What I often heard a psychologist friend say, was that for all we know, ten years from now they may have a "cure" for many mental disorders. So, the hope is always, always there.

If you have any specific questions, you are very much welcome to PM me. :)

And thank you, again, for being so supportive of your son. It's the love of his family that he needs most right now.

[Ceres]

as a kid i was always very sensative to gory spectacles. seeing something gross and bloody, or even reading about it would stay with me for a long time. it would be almost like a flashback - it would pop into my head even tho it scared me and i didnt want to think about it. maybe he says the things to his sister to get them out of his head?
i would push for an actual psychologist for him, if u dont have one already. dont settle for a GP dispensing drugs without working with him closely.

[lovemy1dane]

He has an appt. set for a shrink after his hospital stay. He is staying in the adolecent psych. ward, in the hosp. now.The strange thing is ,when he was 5 yrs old and power rangers were popular, we banned ALL violent shows, movies, games, etc... because he used to try to imitate it and end up hurting his little sister. So he does not have alot of stuff feeding his imagination. EXCEPT paranoia. He watched his sister get raped by their father when she was 3 and he was 4, and I often wonder if some of this isn't related, because 90% of his nightmares which are extremly gory also have to do with her getting killed in some horrific way and he cannot stop it. (although if you ask him he hates her :geez: ) He draws alot of very violent pictures and claims they are for a story he is writing,but he has never shown the story to anyone (does he even have one?) or he says they are for a vidio game he wants to design. Also, he gets very depressed (bi-polar again??) and writes long lists of why he is such a bad person and why he desearves to be hated. My DD says he hangs them up by his bed so that is the first thing he sees in the AM and the last thing he sees at night. (he has his room plastered with papers, pics, posters etc... so unless you walk over to it and look you do not know what they are) (Why didn't she tell me??) I have always tried to give my kids some privacy and not go into the toxic waste dumps they call bedrooms without good reasons, and now I feel so guilty about not seeing all this before!! I just assumed he was a normal 14 yr old going through puberty.

[mama reflecting]

Hey, please don't kick yourself so hard. You are doing everything you can, and with some kids, it really is just a twisted sense of humor or creativity, and nothing more. It can be really difficult to judge when it's serious, and when it's trivial.

Secondly, upon hearing what you've mentioned about his sister's rape as a child... I'd definately triple-check with psychologists AND psychiatrists before settling completely on the bipolar theory.

Severe trauma can cause symptoms later in life, especially as puberty comes around. Watching your sibling raped, beaten, or otherwise assaulted is just about as traumatic as it can come (unless of course, you are the child being hurt. And has anyone ever counselled him on this... is it possible he was sexually abused, as well? Pedophiles aren't often limited to just the opposite sex, even if they aren't homosexual).

Depression, and violent thoughts/feelings/urges, can also be symptoms of PTSD, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. This is a much more complex thing to deal with, because while bipolar can often mainly be chemical (although it usually has some form of trauma/abuse associated in the person's life), PTSD is not. It is a condition caused by the pain, suffering, and just general trauma they went through.

Your son may say he "hates" his sister, because he feels completely helpless in protecting her and loving her. He also may keep a distance because he may have been blamed by their father, told it was his fault, or he may even blame himself for not stopping it. He may "hate" her to put a protective barrier between them - if he "hates" her, he doesn't have to feel utterly broken by the fact that she's gone through assault and pain. It sounds to me that he loves her very deeply, and is only intensely afraid of losing her.

As for his room... when he returns home from the hospital, make sure his room has had the papers neatly removed and stacked in a box or file folder. Let him know that you'd like to keep them for a while, because you're concerned it might be really distressing for him to think about how aweful he is all the time. Find out some of his favourite positive interests (IE Anime, his favourite band, his favourite animal, anything he really likes), and get him a poster or two of it. Write him a letter about how much you love him, and what a wonderful brother and son he is, and tack that sucker to his wall right in front of his bed. Write it in large print, several pages if need be. Make a poster of it if you want. Make it so that the first thing he sees every morning is how loved he is, and how proud of him you are. If possible, have his sister make something similar, or draw a picture.

Encourage him to draw pictures of things he'd like to do, or have, or be. Ask him to actually write out the stories in his mind, or memories. If it's something violent, ask him why. Discuss it. Whatever you do, dont' just dismiss it or tell him "Don't do that, it's bad, you are wrong." and take it away. Try to talk with him. He obviously has a lot to work out, and it sounds like you'd be a great source to do that with. Be honest with him about everything. If you're unsure, let him know that, but also let him know that you believe in him, and that you have hope, and you know everything will work out just fine. The most important thing to have is hope. Because with that, anything is possible.

Don't kick yourself, hon... you're doing a great job. :hugz:

[lovemy1dane]

Thanks! His sister and I are going to put on our radiation suits and clean his room today. I am going to get DH to finally build the entertainment center in my son's room and get everything straightened up before he gets home. I really like your ideas and hope they help him. I know he really loves his sister (and she knows that too) It is almost a joke about it because he acts so protective of her but will NEVER admit it. He used to say he felt guilty for not stopping the rape, even though he knew he could not really do anything. They both have been to therapy for it and as far as we know he has not been molested. I am pretty sure that is why she is the subject of his nightmares.

[soilsigh aingeal]

:hugz: The only thing I can suggest is for it to be treated by a doctor, which you are doing. My ex has bipolar as does his brother, so, my number one fear right now, is that it was passed on to one or both of my kids (mania problems run in their family, I have no idea if it's just the way they've all been raised or if it's genetic). And that I won't be able to recognize it if it does turn out that way later on. The two of them (ex and bro) are violent when they get into their mood swings. I have two other friends who are bipolar and they are depressive. I don't know, I just wanted you to have a sense that he's not the only person like this, and with the proper treatment, your son will be OK.


Also, he gets very depressed (bi-polar again??) and writes long lists of why he is such a bad person and why he desearves to be hated. My DD says he hangs them up by his bed so that is the first thing he sees in the AM and the last thing he sees at night. I don't know if it'll help but maybe you or someone else (maybe his sister, even) should write a list of ten reasons he should be loved or ten reasons he is loved and replace they other list with it. And add some pictures, if you have some showing effection toward him, to the mix.

[Valkie]

First thing to say: don't worry hon, it's not the end of the world :hugz: It can be quiet a shock to find out that a loved one has a mental disorder, but bi-polar with adhd isn't that uncommon. My godson has it.

On a side note, I have quiet a few friends and have known quiet a few people who have bi-polar. Yes, it can make things difficult with the wide mood swings... expeciallly for those who don't understand it, but it is very managable and they can leave very "normal" lives. Best of luck.

[angelicwitch1983]

jordan is bi polar too so i know what youre going through. :( to be honest, sometimes he scares me whenever he skips meds or doesnt get enough sleep. i know this cuz i lived through it. one time he skipped meds and he started talking trash bout me but i knew it had something to do w/ his medication so i let it slip. usually i just leave if i get really cheezed bout it but i knew he had this. all in all, just keep an eye on him and if they do perscribe meds, be sure to check and make sure hes taking them as well as eating right and having enough sleep. ^_^

[Temair]

I believe that many of our problems are either caused or exacerbated by our diet. I have recently become a convert to Weston A. Price's work. You can read about them at www.westonaprice.org. It certainly won't hurt him to adopt this nutritional plan, and can most likely help. I am not dismissing the diagnosis, but his diet (even a "healthy" one) may be magnifying his problems. In addition to medical and psychological treatment, try dietary treatment.

[Autumn]

Ask many questions and do your OWN research, both on bipolar disorders and post-traumatic stress as well as on all the medications he's being given.

The PDR is not the best place to start, nursing references are better, they pull no punches but can be understood by laypeople(Lord I HATE that term) Lithium in particular has a boat load of side effects and blood levels that want monitoring.

Also if you wind up working with a psyciatric nurse practiotioner s/he might be easier to talk to and more interested in listening to what you have to say.

Good luck and (((HUGS))))

[Bansheekisses]

My bf has bipolar. It is very scary. He handles it pretty well.. It was odd, he suspected he had it, but never went to get tested.. But since i am a psych major i gave him the usual questions and picture test to find out what exactly is going on.. He was correct, he does have bipolar disorder.. So, now i am trying to get him stabilized on the right vits and diet.. Though his high intelegence gets in the way sometimes..
If you have any questions PM me, and i will help you out.. Since my bf has been confirmed by a fellow psychologist that i know, i have worked hard to find all the info i can on it. So that when he goes into a mania attack i know what to do and how to deal.
Even though i know the procedure of how to deal with it, its still emotionally hard to see...
Its even worse since i work 3 hrs away from him... So, when he goes into mania, i cant always be there to physically help him through it... SO, i spend a lot of time with him on the phone, and just talk him through it.
The zooming thoughts though are hard when he is talking because it just seems like random words or phrases.. But its because his mind is jumbled..and when you have a semi genuis on your hands, its harsh.

[mara]

My daughter and I are both bipolar..we've had pretty good results with zyprexa and Lexapro..It took a long time to find something that worked for my daughter,these two medications seemed to help me right away..I also have agoraphobia and generalized anxiety disorder...the medication seems to be helping me with those things too. I hope you find what works for your son as soon as possible.

[Rowan MoonDragon]

Sweetie, try not to be upset about it. I"m 36 and I was just diagnosed a few years ago and I've had it all of my life. The right mediation will really make a difference. Its not the end of the world. It sucks, but it can be dealt with. The way I look at it is that it is treatable and its not life threatening, unless the depression is really severe. The important thing is that its been caught. Its really ok. Feel free to pm me if you want to talk. Brightest Blessings. *hugs*

[lovemy1dane]

thank you to all who have replied. My son might get to come home Fri. night from the hospital. The dr. took him off the adhd meds and at first put him on Rimadel(sp??) something like that and that was terrible. I went to vist him and I could not stay for more than an hour. he was SOOOO hyper. He is not that bad normally and we could not even carry on a conversation with him. The dr. changed him to something (depo...??) I think. That seems to be working really well so far, he has been calm the last 2 days even though he is always hungry now. I guess he is eating them out of house and home. They think he has the bi polar and anxiety disorder, so hopefully he will be ok soon.

[Bansheekisses]

Alot of bipolar people suffer also from ADD or ADHD.. Its another side effect of being bipolar.
So, when young children get diagnosed with ADD or ADHD, i would say to keep a careful eye on them because they are 70% more like to develop bipolar diorder.

[Boogins]

Both myself and my boyfriend are severely bipolar, extreme rapid cyclers (up to 60 swings a day). But let me say again here that this is not a result of bad parenting. Your son's illness is purely a matter of body chemistry. Medication, avoidance of a lot of sugar and caffeine, and enough sleep are essential. So is a regular schedule.

But don't fault yourself! And don't be too upset with the diagnosis. I'm told I'm the most severe type of bipolar--but with my medication, to take the ugly edges off, I love the way I am, and wouldn't be any other way.

[lovemy1dane]

I got to bring him home last night!!!!!! He HAD to go to school today and he learned that everyone thought he committed suicide so I guess a couple of girls freaked when they seen him walking around.That was kinda funny. I had to go and get him after 2 hours though because he could not stay awake. The school is great though, the counciler said he could stay home all next week, if need be to help him get adjusted to his meds and she would help him catch up on his work. His teachers also said they would take turns helping him get caught up. I cannot believe he eats so much now. He had 4 eggo waffles and a bacon egg and cheese sandwich for breakfast, begged some fruit off the school nurse between 9am and 10am came home at 11:30 am and ate 5 pb&j sandwiches!!!!! 5!!!!! Then for dinner ate an entire philly steak and cheese sub and fries, and I hear him nosing in the kitchen again!! :sick: I cannot believe he is still hungry! Thank you again to everyone that replied, I was really freaking!

[Autumn]

That's a lot of food, It could be the meds or manic phase, plus he's 17...has he had his feeding frenzy growth spurt already? If so watch hi, some, and get lots of whole grains into the hose and introduce him to the joys of oatmeal with maple syrup.

[lovemy1dane]

He has not had a growth spurt (he is 14) and very small. 4'10 and 80 lbs. Some weight won't hurt him, but I don't want him getting fat. Today was much better so far. 2 eggo waffles, a bacon egg and cheese muffin, and a sandwich fries and a small bag of cookies. So, maybe it is his meds and he is getting used to it.

[WingedTigerChild]

Hi, lovemy1dane. I’m a bipolar with ADHD, as well as general anxiety disorder accompanied by depression. I’ve been taking antidepressants for five years now (since I was thirteen), but I haven’t found that they work all that well overall. I think it’s because taking antidepressants makes being bipolar worse, as they’ve a reputation for actually inducing mania, which is why most people with bipolar disorder take lithium (http://www.mentalhealth.com/drug/p30-l02.html) instead. I’ve mentioned this to my psychiatrist, but he insists on the antidepressants, even though my psychotherapist thinks otherwise. *Sigh* I can just imagine what you have to go through, as I am fortunate enough to be able to see outside myself and distance myself from my illnesses, although I am still greatly affected. I really haven’t had much of a social life; I dropped out of school because of my ADHD, which made sitting in class a constant struggle. I find myself plagued by violent thoughts and thoughts of suicide, but I haven’t seriously tried to kill myself as of yet. I overdosed once, but that was because I had a seizure (blacked out) and afterwards I thought I hadn’t taken my meds yet.

You and your son are definitely in my prayers!

[lovemy1dane]

I could almost live with the mania in the sense that he is happy. I just had him list 10 things he liked about himself and then I added 10 and printed them. We hung them in him room by his mirror so he could see them every day. I really want to help his self esteem, he has such a low opinion of himself, it is so sad. I found out that his sister is teasing him pretty badly(normal brother/ sister stuff) but he is so delicate that if she says "get out of my room you ugly freak!!"He takes that seriously and starts calling himself an ugly freak and then starts hitting himself. I am trying to get her to stop at least for a while, but she has a very short fuse and little self control. I am going to send her to anger management classes and have her see someone about her anger issues. Maybe that will help too.

[Raven Reed]

Some meds for bi-polar disorder do cause weight gain...

[WingedTigerChild]

Yeah, but sometimes it's gained at an unhealthy rate...:help:

[DarkHeart13]

I really don't know how to help you, but I can relate to your son. I don't feel so alone anymore. The doctors think I may be Bipolar too. I have thoughts that come out of nowhere and they are horrid, just like that. One such vision was of myself stabbing my mother to death. I love her and I would never do anything like that but when those images come all I can do is be alone. I start twitching and shaking until the images finally go away. I used to be a cutter too. I would cut myself countless times in a day. I don't cut anymore but I still hit myself sometimes. I see two therapists and frankly, neither of them want to diagnose me with anything. They tell me it's just behaviorial problems. They are very good about talking things out with me but they don't seem to notice that talking is not enough. They always stray away from giving me a diagnosis and they have been seeing me since I was 11. Anyway, I hope your son is doing better. I know I can't stand it when I get those thoughts about hurting others.
Blessed Be,
Jada Raine

[lovemy1dane]

Thanks DarkHeart 13, I was wondering if anyone else had thoughts or "visions" like he does. The poor guy, he is so used to them now, they do not even phase him outwardly no matter how he feels inside. The really sad part is this poor kid sees all these horrid things , but yet, cannot stand the thought of ANYONE hurting. He gets upset when my hubby hunts. Even if DH got something, we tell him he did not because it gets him so sad.He is such a sweet and gentle soul ,I wonder what lesson he is here to learn that he has to go through this.

[DarkHeart13]

Wow...your son and I actually have a lot incommon. I don't like hunting either. That's why I'm a vegetarian. I know exactly how your son feels. My mom has been studying herself for around a year now on different things that could be wrong with me because my doctors won't do it themselves. She's tried very hard and yesterday when I told her about your son she was very relieved to know that someone else shares the same feelings and actions as me and that I don't just have "behavior problems" like one of my doctors said. I think his story may help my doctor see that I'm not just a bad kid who needs to be taught social skills. Did they ever think he was Borderline? I was diagnosed that in the hospital but of course my doctors just threw that idea out the window and said all I needed was anti depressants that really don't help at all. But anyway, enough about my problems. Your son seems very sweet from what you say about him and I'm sorry he has to go through with this. Maybe you could get him to protest against things that he doesn't want. Like I fight for animal rights because I don't agree with violence for animals. I have campaigns, I hand out flyers. Doing things like that make me happy. Maybe you could get him to try that or something he likes. Hope this helps some.
Blessed Be,
Jada Raine

[Illuminatus]

I think you should read his story. The one that goes with the violent pictures he draws. Don't EVER let him know you did this though, because then you will have trust problems. There are things in there that you need to know, for the sake of his own health. Don't get all guilty and tell him, either. That is in nobody's best interests.

Drugs are great. Some of them are excellent at treating this sort of thing. My girlfriend came back from a far darker place than your son has ever seen, so he'll probably be fine.

[Semele]

I wonder what lesson he is here to learn that he has to go through this.
I think the assumption that it is his lesson to learn may need further investigation.

We have so much to learn about and from these people who have to deal with things beyond the everday barrage of information.

I send prayers and energy for answers and strength.

I have a cowowrker who has an adopted son that has been diagnosed with a multitude of things over the years, Bi polar one of many. He has been on every medication combination imaginable but they have finally gotten a therapuetic response. It took five years, but they have finally gotten him to a place where he is actually functioning in life and responding to and sorting through things without anger. It was a long battle and a very telling one to watch. It will make you forget every preconcieved notion about kids and medicine you have ever had. It can give a kid his life back. She probably could be a wealth of knowledge to you. I can relay a question to her if you have any.

[lovemy1dane]

I have read many of his stories and they are very well written even if they are gory. I asked him about this one picture he keeps drawing... It is a man with his eyes and mouth sewn shut. When I asked him about that he said it was him. The eyes being sewn were because he feels he is so ugly. (he is not ) and the mouth because he talks too much. (which he does) We really try not to say he talks too much unless it is REALLY bad, but the kids in the neighborhood are kinda tough on him for it. At least the meds are working for him. Hopefully we can find a dosage that works and does not make him sleep alot. He goes to bed around 8:30 and gets up at 6:30am then takes a 2 hour nap at school during art and gym. The school is great about it. both teachers are going to pass him as long as he is really going to the nurse's office to sleep and that way he can be awake for the important classes and his teacher's are taking turns staying after with him to help him catch up.

[lovemy1dane]

[QUOTE=Semele]I think the assumption that it is his lesson to learn may need further investigation.


I am sure it is not only HIS lesson but, as my daughter said when she was 3 years old and was raped by their biological father, "I knew this would happen before I picked you to be my Mommy. It is ok, you will know why one day." I do not think anything happens only for one person's lesson(s). It is just very frustrating to see what he is going through and even worse to wonder how long he has been dealing with this, and feeling the way we was.

[Semele]

It is just very frustrating to see what he is going through and even worse to wonder how long he has been dealing with this, and feeling the way we was.
I fully empathise with you on this topic. I wish I could tell you there was one magic pill that would fix everything, but I don't know what it is. There may be a combination that will work weonders for your son. I hope there is and I hope you find it quickly. My heart is full of love for you and your family.

[Semele]

The school is great about it. both teachers are going to pass him as long as he is really going to the nurse's office to sleep and that way he can be awake for the important classes and his teacher's are taking turns staying after with him to help him catch up.
It sounds like he has a very good support network in place. This is a big benefit.

[lovemy1dane]

:hugz: