Monogamy

[Acid Halo]

Ok first off, sorry about bad options in the Poll. Secondly im new and this is my very first poll!!! :wah:



This is gonna be interesting. Monogamy, do you believe in it. Do you just have to be in love with one person for the rest of your life?

[mcc]

I don't like any of these options.

[Acid Halo]

sorry im a virgin to the site, my first poll, and my 4th day on

[Shanti]

I prefer one person...its to darn hard to break up and find new!!! Plus its nice to have someone that really knows and loves you. :)

[Morr]

one person... hopefully forever... but for as long as its destined to be - I'll take the good, learn & listen and make the most of it.

[KimberSly]

Well, look at it this way. Some people might not believe in being monogamous, but that doesn't mean their unfaithful OR that they'll be single forever.

Personally, I believe in it to some degree, but I'll leave it at that... :adidas:

[Boogins]

I'm pretty darn monogamous, and I like it that way.

[NinjaFerret]

I agree with MCC. You can't know that the one person you're with will be forever. So how about monogomous in the relationship you're in? Does that count?

[Khuinaset]

Well, I don't care what everyone else wants to do, whatever makes you happy I say. I want to be with one person for as long as possible. :)

[RogueSpirit]

The poll didn't offer an option that made sense to me. It's not that I don't believe in monogamy. Lots of people are monogamous and it works just fine for them. For me, monogamy hasn't worked out very well. I seem to go into all these relationships where monogamy is expected, often for me but not the other person, and it makes me miserable. I don't know that it's necessarily the monogamy that's the problem, but it seems like it's at least part of the problem. Especially since when I'm single and "sleeping with my friends" I am much happier. It is possible that I just wasn't meant to be in a relationship at all because I don't feel like I'm free. But it is also possible that I was meant to be polyamorous. Not being a jealous person and expecting full disclosure honesty in a relationship, I suspect that either could be the right way for me to go. But I'm not against monogamy.

[Haruka2077]

Nope, none of the choices fit me either. I'm non-monogamous, not single, and not unfaithful. :bigblue:

[KimberSly]

lol And non-afraid to say it! :D

[Phoenix Blue]

This is gonna be interesting. Monogamy, do you believe in it. Do you just have to be in love with one person for the rest of your life?
How about a "polyamoury/open relationship" option? :wtf:

[Blair]

Only one love at a time but not necessarily the same person for the rest of my life

[Bec_W]

I'm sorry, but the options are "Same person forever! Unfaithful! Just stay single always!"? Is it just me or does that sound extremely bias?

In my belief "unfaithfulness" is when you lie to your partner. If my husband and I had an agreement that meant we were allowed to see other people under certain conditions and we did so that's not being unfaithful because there's an honesty in it. If I was to break one of those conditions, maybe I began to see one of his work mates, and then I lied about it that would be me being unfaithful.

There are plenty healthy non-monogomous married couples out there. Just as there are plenty of unhealthy monogomous couples.

[Serendipity]

Well, I picked the first option.... but forever? I'm not psychic enough to predict forever.

[Acid Halo]

well sorry about the poll, its my very first :((

[Noriohtle]

I belive in Monogomy with the Person i am in relationship at the time. But one can never garantee how long any given relationship will last.

[violet rain]

well sorry about the poll, its my very first :((

Its ok don't be upset maybe you should explain it a little better in your post don't be sad :hugz: :loveydove ok

[Acid Halo]

ty violet :geez:

[Isil Darkmoon]

No apologies needed. We're just offering up for discussion some more viewpoints you may not have considered, and isn't that what this is really all about? Discussing and learning from one another?

Personally I fall into the polyamorous-but-faithful-to-partner(s) camp.

[Pan]

I'm pretty darn monogamous, and I like it that way.

Yus.

[Tsuchimaru]

Monogamous.

[RogueSpirit]

Don't feel bad, Nicholas. I've been here a couple of months and have noticed that most of the polls made here leave something out. Usually they add an other and please explain option so that everyone is included. In your poll, it just seems like you didn't realize it was possible to be in a relationship, have sex outside of the (core) relationship and still be faithful. No big, a lot of people don't know that it's possible. So you learned something new... that's never a bad thing.

[Flaire]

I'm monogamous. (If I can even spell the world correctly!) :eyebrow:

[Cev'aq]

Like Isil, I'm polyamorous-but-faithful.

[Pol]

Well, I'm not monogamous, but I don't think the word 'unfaithful' fits as well. ;)

[Acid Halo]

well, i am married and very much in love with my wife. but, i have a daughter with my ex and am very much in love with her also. SO, i dont know what you would call that except for confused. But thats just the way my life is. i Love so many but standards say you should only love 1.

[Kalika]

I didn't vote, 'cause, well... none of the options applied to what I think. :o

So, here's what I think...

I think monogamy is great for some people... not so great for others. The important thing is that all parties in the relationship understand its parameters from the beginning, so that there are no suprises. If you can't be monogamous, don't tell someone that you will be. Be honest, and you'll be alot happier.

And, as for do you HAVE to stay with one person your whole life? No. If it works, great. But again, for some people it doesn't. But if you make a commitment to be faithful to one person - you should stick with it, or not be in that relationship if you can't.

[Pol]

I didn't vote, 'cause, well... none of the options applied to what I think. :o

So, here's what I think...

I think monogamy is great for some people... not so great for others. The important thing is that all parties in the relationship understand its parameters from the beginning, so that there are no suprises. If you can't be monogamous, don't tell someone that you will be. Be honest, and you'll be alot happier.

And, as for do you HAVE to stay with one person your whole life? No. If it works, great. But again, for some people it doesn't. But if you make a commitment to be faithful to one person - you should stick with it, or not be in that relationship if you can't.

Yeah, if one member of the relationship expects it to be monogamous, it should be.

[Bec_W]

If one member of a relationship excepts that relationship to be monogomous then it should be discussed.

[Dextra]

I'm monogamous to the person(s) I am with at the time. I've had a couple of relationships at the same time, with all parties fully aware of the situation. It got to be too complicated, and then jealousy started to seep in. Now I just feel more comfortable with one partner, and really, that's all I need.

[Chibi-Fallon]

Even if I didn’t want to I’d stick with monogamy I would. A lot of the "poly" people I know are only that way because they like to cause chaos, which stems from their f-ed up childhoods. But I’m sure no one here is like that, and other disclaimers so you don’t all bite off my head, that’s just what I’ve seen.

[Pol]

Even if I didn’t want to I’d stick with monogamy I would. A lot of the "poly" people I know are only that way because they like to cause chaos, which stems from their f-ed up childhoods. But I’m sure no one here is like that, and other disclaimers so you don’t all bite off my head, that’s just what I’ve seen.

I'd think it'd be more because they like sex and relationships. ;)

[Acid Halo]

i love sex, but i dont think i wouldnt be in multiple reltaionships. I also had a pretty F'd up childhood, but its not that i dont think. Im a very strong person and came out of all the badness very solid i think.

[RogueSpirit]

well, i am married and very much in love with my wife. but, i have a daughter with my ex and am very much in love with her also. SO, i dont know what you would call that except for confused. But thats just the way my life is. i Love so many but standards say you should only love 1.

Whose standards is it that you are trying to live by? If they aren't your standards, you are trying to be something that you aren't. That's never a good thing to try to force yourself into. Society's standards tend to seem to be one thing with a minority dictating what those standards should be... kind of like bullies and popular kids in high school. And quite often, in the privacy of their own homes, those people who are dictating the standards aren't actually living those standards. So don't try to conform to some ideal that has nothing to do with who you are. Just live by your own standards within the law, be honest about it with those who deserve your honesty (those you are intimate with in this case), don't try to force others to live up to your standards because they are allowed to have their own and you'll be ok and a lot happier.

[Moon Daughter]

i decided to put aside the 2 options that definitely did not apply, and was left with this one:
Stay single always!

uhh..it's gonna be tough

[LadyTrinity]

I am a one person gal :bumpsmili

[mara]

I've been faithfully with my husband for 20 + years..he cheated on me twice early in our marriage and I allowed that to destroy my self esteem. I love my husband, but I also wonder what it would be like to find someone that thinks I'm good enough for them..I have the feeling my husband thinks I don't quite measure up. Who knows what the future holds, but I would always end a relationship before starting a new one..I wouldn't be able to be in a polyamorous relationship.

[RogueSpirit]

I'd think it'd be more because they like sex and relationships. ;)

For me, being poly is about understanding that I am capable of loving more than one person at a time and accepting that one person is not going to satisfy every need I have in a relationship. It's not just about sex, though that's what most people tend to focus on because they see it as me getting sex with more than one person and nothing else. It requires a lot of honesty, trust, and communication between all of the people involved. And because of that, many poly relationships that aren't just about sex (which would not be poly but rather swinging) are as healthy if not more so than many monogamous relationships.

About the comment concerning poly people (that you know) being into chaos and coming from a f'ed up childhood, a person who is insecure about themselves or who had an f'ed up childhood and hasn't dealt with it would likely not be capable of having a good relationship with anyone, much less more than one person because that person hasn't developed a good relationship with him/herself. If their way of being self-destructive is through sex, they are probably swinging, regardless of what they're calling it.

[Twig]

Sorry. Love is not that cut and dried I belive.

So no comment.

Peace
Twig
:elf:

[IvyWitch]

Monogamy? ...Isn't that a kind of wood?

:devil:

[Muireannach]

Monogamy....monogamy is something spiritual and deep to me, sex is something sacred my boyfriend and I share between us and not others. Also, on a note of practicaliy. I like the thought that we're not at risk of any STD's and such.

If people like multiple partners that's fine with me, it's their relationship, not mine! :)

[Haruka2077]

Even if I didn’t want to I’d stick with monogamy I would. A lot of the "poly" people I know are only that way because they like to cause chaos, which stems from their f-ed up childhoods. But I’m sure no one here is like that, and other disclaimers so you don’t all bite off my head, that’s just what I’ve seen.

I've seen that too, Chibi-Fallon, and I know where you're coming from. But then, I've also seen a lot of people who are "Pagan" for the same reasons- they want drama and think that will make their lives more interesting. But in the end, they usually grow out of it. It's important not to judge the many by the few- or even the few by the many.
A lot of people have been startled to find out about my open relationship. Mostly they seem surprised that we are so "in love" and "normal" for a poly couple. And I've had the same reactions to people finding out I'm Wiccan! *chuckle*

[mcc]

Monogamy? ...Isn't that a kind of wood?

:devil:
"I own a timber company?

That's news to me."

-_-

[Radocs]

Same person.

[Threase]

I'm never going to leave my Draco...

[violet rain]

I am monogamous with my sweet hubby!! :) I love him sooo much!!!!

[CaitrionaMorgaine]

Personally I fall into the polyamorous-but-faithful-to-partner(s) camp.

Me too. My gf and I have been together 7 years and my bf and I have 2 years this Samhain.

Avalon's Blessings, ~Rhiannon

[Storm Moon]

I'm monogamous and I always will be. I don't believe in cheating on a significant other...

[Kyra Kismet]

Nothing wrong with pologamy!As long as all partcipents know about each other!

[Valkie]

For me, being poly is about understanding that I am capable of loving more than one person at a time and accepting that one person is not going to satisfy every need I have in a relationship. It's not just about sex, though that's what most people tend to focus on because they see it as me getting sex with more than one person and nothing else. It requires a lot of honesty, trust, and communication between all of the people involved. And because of that, many poly relationships that aren't just about sex (which would not be poly but rather swinging) are as healthy if not more so than many monogamous relationships.

About the comment concerning poly people (that you know) being into chaos and coming from a f'ed up childhood, a person who is insecure about themselves or who had an f'ed up childhood and hasn't dealt with it would likely not be capable of having a good relationship with anyone, much less more than one person because that person hasn't developed a good relationship with him/herself. If their way of being self-destructive is through sex, they are probably swinging, regardless of what they're calling it.
_handclapp well said and ditto. That's exactly the way that I feel.

As for the poll, you can put me in the polyamorous but faithful camp.

[HorseCrow]

I voted OTHER.

Yes, I believe in monogami, but not necessarily that your first is your only. It might be that it is the 3rd person you meet who is "the one". So, I guess I believe in serial monogamy.

[Aelfoak]

I prefer to stay with that one person, but she would have to be THE right one for me for me to spend the rest of my life with her.

[Kyra Kismet]

Im 'seeing' 3 people at the momment!

[Kalika]

I've been faithfully with my husband for 20 + years..he cheated on me twice early in our marriage and I allowed that to destroy my self esteem. I love my husband, but I also wonder what it would be like to find someone that thinks I'm good enough for them..I have the feeling my husband thinks I don't quite measure up. Who knows what the future holds, but I would always end a relationship before starting a new one..I wouldn't be able to be in a polyamorous relationship.


:hugz:

That's not fair, that someone should make you feel that way.

[WickedBttrfly]

I picked other. Cause you can fall in love with more than one person. I don't believe there is one true love that you're meant to be with. Heck most the time I think it isn't even love, it's just a strong infatuation. People change. They fall in love(or infatuation) but as they grow older they can become different people and not connect anymore. I don't know... the idea of being with ONE person for the rest of my life kinda freaks me out lol.

[Fane Ayuma]

same person always, i wish.it aint that easy.

[soilsigh aingeal]

I say, just stay single, then nobody gets hurt. But if I ever do marry someone, I hope that person is my one and only for the rest of my life, and vice versa... maybe I'll just wait until I'm 75 to marry

[Faeawyn]

I believe that anyones life can be more enjoyable when you have someone to share it with. I think we, as humans, are programmed to share .....whether it be ideas, experieces, memories, love,...whatever. I also feel that in order to have a rich life, it's best when there are several people to share with. But for me, it's best with 1 lover, and alot of friends and family :)

[LittlePerson]

I believe that polygamy can work and does but is not readily accepted because of certain religious reasons here in the U.S. I'd be all for having another wife who could help out in many ways. Examples include raising kids, extra income, husband pleasing rotation, ect.

[DixieWitch]

I've been with my husband for almost 6 yrs now, married for a little over 4. We've never cheated on each other. But we have discussed the possibilty of sex, not a relationship, with others. I think as long as emotions don't get in the way, this might be possible...FOR US. But for right now, it's not something we're doing.

[charmedkisses1]

I think it's romantic to find your soul mate, and to be with only that person after he/she is found. I also think it's essential to date around first.

[willow_pheonix]

i've found my soul mate and there is no way i would be unfaithful to him nor him to me, i have done it in the past, but i believe that when you find that special person, to keep it special you have to respect each others wishes and for us thats monogamy, it is different for everyone, but at the age of 29 i have met my first and only true love, and i'm not sharing him with anyone, selfish witch ain't i hehe

[morrigen]

We can have more than one friend...and love them all. The more friends I make, the more love I have in my life, and they in theirs.

More than one child...and the love doesn't thin out, it *grows* If I had a second child, I would not love my son less.

Hey, I have two cats...that doesn't mean I love the first one less now that I have the second one.

I fully believe it is possible to love more than one SO at a time...I have done it...the only trouble comes when one of the SOs decide they can no longer see it the same way.

So. My take on it is this: Polygamy is not for everyone. For those who consider it an option...be honest, truthful, discerning, honest...and honest again.

Be prepared for unexpected emotions to arise in both yourself and other parties.

That said, without politics, love in all its forms can be a wonderful thing to share.

[Pandoras]

The sappy romatic in me says that true love with a soul mate is forever. The realist in me is monogamous and jealous (I don't even like to share my books), yet deathly afraid of commitment and often runs the other way when things start getting even remotely serious. The cynic in me is anti-relationship and anti-marriage altogether (since I don't know any couples that are happily married beyond 5 years). :shaker:

[~BEBZ~]

The ONLY thing that seperates us from animals is our ability to give our word and keep it. If you can't keep it in your pants and honor your marriage vows, then you don't need to be married at all. Not to mention your no better than a dog.

If all you want to do is go around bangin everything in site, then why get married in the first place? And if you are married and find you can't keep your vows, then spare that person their feelings and get a divorce. You have no right to break someone's heart like that!

[Bec_W]

So what if I NEVER said "foresaking all others"? I'm not breaking my wedding vows am I?

[~BEBZ~]

So what if I NEVER said "foresaking all others"? I'm not breaking my wedding vows am I?
It depends on whether or not monogamy was implied. It is just fine to have an open marriage, as long as both people are alright with that. It is not alright to get into semantics trying to skirt your commitment to someone.

[savannahrose44]

Right now I'm of the opinion you should stay single forever, but that's because my voyfriend is a moron! _wedgie_

[Haruka2077]

(since I don't know any couples that are happily married beyond 5 years). :shaker:

Well, not that you know me or anything, but I've made it to 6 so far! :D

[savannahrose44]

Well, not that you know me or anything, but I've made it to 6 so far! :D

Congrats! :abanana:

[LittlePerson]

yeah, that is a bit of a generalization 6yrs. My hubby have been together for 10 years now. We've been married for 2 of those and despite the odds we are still happily married. Sure we've got things we could complain about but things we don't complain about are so much better that it doesn't matter. Every couple is going to have problems. That is a matter of life. It's how you handle those problems that matter and I think too many people think divorce is an easy way out of those problems. And it's those people who make it harder on the rest of us when they tell those of us who are still married that they wouldn't have handled things the same way. I know that. That's why the are divorced and bitter and I'm still happily married. You have to know that problems will arise and that love endures.

[Sleet]

(since I don't know any couples that are happily married beyond 5 years). :shaker:

You don't exactly know me, but I've been married to my wife 8 years now, and each year has been better than the one before it.

Except of course for the first one, as there wasn't in fact a year before it. Ahem. Yes. Anyway. There we are.

[Valkie]

The ONLY thing that seperates us from animals is our ability to give our word and keep it. If you can't keep it in your pants and honor your marriage vows, then you don't need to be married at all. Not to mention your no better than a dog.

Not entirely true. There are many creatures in the animal kingdom that are monogamous, and it has nothing to do with the ability to keep their words or honesty... penguins are the first ones that come to mind.

There was actually a TV special on it... Discovery Channel I think... Not about penguins, about monogamy and polygamy in different species. True polygamy/monogamy was linked to a chemical process in the brain and that each side of the issue had a different chemical process. Proving that it is an inborn trait... much like whether or not someone is homosexual.

If all you want to do is go around bangin everything in site, then why get married in the first place? And if you are married and find you can't keep your vows, then spare that person their feelings and get a divorce. You have no right to break someone's heart like that!

I find it very disturbing... and rather offensive when the issue of polygamy comes up there is always someone who jumps on the bandwagon... or is driving it, about how low of a life form polygamists are.

Polygamy is NOT about going around banging everything in sight just to break other people's hearts! I won't even get into the fact that you're assuming that every polygamist is going to break someone's heart... there are plenty on monogamists/serial monogamists who do that.

Polygamists simply acknowledge the fact that they capable of loving more than one person at a time and are (in an ideal situation)in a relationship where they can exhibit that love with out the fear of losing one of their loves. For some reason, you seem to equate polygamy with cheating, lying, and running around town... none of which apply to a true polygamist.

[Doodlebug]

Same person forever is perfectly fine with me!

[Isil Darkmoon]

Not entirely true. There are many creatures in the animal kingdom that are monogamous, and it has nothing to do with the ability to keep their words or honesty... penguins are the first ones that come to mind.

There was actually a TV special on it... Discovery Channel I think... Not about penguins, about monogamy and polygamy in different species. True polygamy/monogamy was linked to a chemical process in the brain and that each side of the issue had a different chemical process. Proving that it is an inborn trait... much like whether or not someone is homosexual.



I find it very disturbing... and rather offensive when the issue of polygamy comes up there is always someone who jumps on the bandwagon... or is driving it, about how low of a life form polygamists are.

Polygamy is NOT about going around banging everything in sight just to break other people's hearts! I won't even get into the fact that you're assuming that every polygamist is going to break someone's heart... there are plenty on monogamists/serial monogamists who do that.

Polygamists simply acknowledge the fact that they capable of loving more than one person at a time and are (in an ideal situation)in a relationship where they can exhibit that love with out the fear of losing one of their loves. For some reason, you seem to equate polygamy with cheating, lying, and running around town... none of which apply to a true polygamist.

(Technically 'polygamy' refers to multiple MARRIAGES, such as are found in some sub-sects of mormons, etc. 'polyamory' or 'polyfidelity' technically refer to multiple love relationships. Just me being nitpicky because the two words are different to some degree. Other than that, I ABSOLUTELY agree with what you're saying and I think it's well put.

[Valkie]

(Technically 'polygamy' refers to multiple MARRIAGES, such as are found in some sub-sects of mormons, etc. 'polyamory' or 'polyfidelity' technically refer to multiple love relationships. Just me being nitpicky because the two words are different to some degree. Other than that, I ABSOLUTELY agree with what you're saying and I think it's well put.
??? oops... I just realized that I did that. Normally, I do put down polyamory... wonder where that G came from.... :toofless:

[Brigid Bishop]

Ok first off, sorry about bad options in the Poll. Secondly im new and this is my very first poll!!! :wah:



This is gonna be interesting. Monogamy, do you believe in it. Do you just have to be in love with one person for the rest of your life?


When the idea of "til death to us part" hit humanity, the average life expectancy of a human being was somewhere around 30 years old, so you were looking at maybe 15 years with one partner tops.

The idea that you are going to meet one true love and stay together for all eternity is really very unrealistic and impractical.

Say you meet, fall in love, and commit in your twenties, you are looking at somewhere around 55 years until probable death. Over the course of those 55 years both people will change and grow. The odds of both people changing and growing at the same rate and in the same direction are miniscule at best.

I believe firmly in serial monogamy. Throughout my life I have met, fallen in love, and committed. At some point in each relationship (all of which lasted 5 to 8 years), I found that my feelings changed and that I needed to be independent for a while.

Each of my lovers and my husband were remarkably different in looks, personalities and economic circumstances. The common thread was that they were all above average in intelligence, that must be my key attractor.

Monogamy to me is a good thing, and perhaps I will meet a partner that I will permanently commit to, or perhaps I will die during a commitment fulfilling the "death do us part", but I believe that we learn what we need to learn from each relationship, and once that lesson has been fulfilled we should move on.

For those of us who are lucky enough to find permanent contentment, More Power to You! I may just be a malcontent. :hearthear

Just my two cents.

Brightest Blessings!

[savannahrose44]

When the idea of "til death to us part" hit humanity, the average life expectancy of a human being was somewhere around 30 years old, so you were looking at maybe 15 years with one partner tops.

The idea that you are going to meet one true love and stay together for all eternity is really very unrealistic and impractical.

Say you meet, fall in love, and commit in your twenties, you are looking at somewhere around 55 years until probable death. Over the course of those 55 years both people will change and grow. The odds of both people changing and growing at the same rate and in the same direction are miniscule at best.

I believe firmly in serial monogamy. Throughout my life I have met, fallen in love, and committed. At some point in each relationship (all of which lasted 5 to 8 years), I found that my feelings changed and that I needed to be independent for a while.

Each of my lovers and my husband were remarkably different in looks, personalities and economic circumstances. The common thread was that they were all above average in intelligence, that must be my key attractor.

Monogamy to me is a good thing, and perhaps I will meet a partner that I will permanently commit to, or perhaps I will die during a commitment fulfilling the "death do us part", but I believe that we learn what we need to learn from each relationship, and once that lesson has been fulfilled we should move on.

For those of us who are lucky enough to find permanent contentment, More Power to You! I may just be a malcontent. :hearthear

Just my two cents.

Brightest Blessings!

Honestly this makes a lot of sense when you actually sit down and think about it. :falloffch

[~BEBZ~]

Not entirely true. There are many creatures in the animal kingdom that are monogamous, and it has nothing to do with the ability to keep their words or honesty... penguins are the first ones that come to mind.

There was actually a TV special on it... Discovery Channel I think... Not about penguins, about monogamy and polygamy in different species. True polygamy/monogamy was linked to a chemical process in the brain and that each side of the issue had a different chemical process. Proving that it is an inborn trait... much like whether or not someone is homosexual.



I find it very disturbing... and rather offensive when the issue of polygamy comes up there is always someone who jumps on the bandwagon... or is driving it, about how low of a life form polygamists are.

Polygamy is NOT about going around banging everything in sight just to break other people's hearts! I won't even get into the fact that you're assuming that every polygamist is going to break someone's heart... there are plenty on monogamists/serial monogamists who do that.

Polygamists simply acknowledge the fact that they capable of loving more than one person at a time and are (in an ideal situation)in a relationship where they can exhibit that love with out the fear of losing one of their loves. For some reason, you seem to equate polygamy with cheating, lying, and running around town... none of which apply to a true polygamist.
I wasn't referring to polygamy or polyamory. I was referring to people who cheat on their partner. It is fine to be in a polygamous or polyamorous relationship as long as everyone else is fine with it. To each their own. But to cheat on a SO that expected you to be faithful to them is wrong. I do question the intentions of people in those relationships though. Yes, we can love more than one person at once. But what makes them special if you can't put them first? That is the whole idea of committing to one person. You are telling them that they are special beyond all others. If you can't make the commitment to only be with them, then are they really that special to you? Also I wasn't only referring to our ability to make a commitment in terms of a relationship. Does that clarify things?

[Tullip Troll]

I think for most people being Poly is an emotional disaster.

As far as being Mono...well I believe in loving the one yer with. Forever is a symtom of Hard work and dedication...it's not a given.

MheraPai...

[Kenshi ~]

It depends on what terms you use monogamy

Do you mean both spiritually and physically monogamous, or just physical monogamy or vice versa?

I'm spiritually monogamous, though I fully respect people who love (in the terms of man/woman, woman/woman, man/man, etc. relationships) more than one person...

[Sleet]

When the idea of "til death to us part" hit humanity, the average life expectancy of a human being was somewhere around 30 years old, so you were looking at maybe 15 years with one partner tops.

That's not how that worked, though. The life expectancy was low because so many children died, bringing down the average. If you lived long enough to marry you had a pretty good chance of seeing 50.

The idea that you are going to meet one true love and stay together for all eternity is really very unrealistic and impractical. ... The odds of both people changing and growing at the same rate and in the same direction are miniscule at best.

All I can say is that people should speak for themselves.

[misschief]

i don't think monogamy is a good idea. i can love more than one at a time.

[Bec_W]

Yes, we can love more than one person at once. But what makes them special if you can't put them first? That is the whole idea of committing to one person. You are telling them that they are special beyond all others. If you can't make the commitment to only be with them, then are they really that special to you? Also I wasn't only referring to our ability to make a commitment in terms of a relationship. Does that clarify things?

Commitment to a person is more then just who you sleep with, or even for that matter, how many people you sleep with. Having feelings for someone else doesn't make your SO any less special, it's not like we have a limited amount of love and once we use up our quota that's it.

Even people in monogomous relationships have feelings for other people at times, they simply choose not to do anything about them.

[CloakofStars9]

I voted "other" because while I don't believe that there is only one person out there for everyone that you stay with forever,( I do believe that it happens for some people....) I also believe in staying faithful to the person I am with and vise versa.

cheating is not an option in my relationships...ever

[Nephthys]

voted other, --> One person at a time.

[Terestai]

I fervently believe in monogamy...

[LadyAutumnCat]

For most of my life I've believed in monogamy, however the tides are shifting and I'm beginning to realize that I have much more love to give. I don't know that I am ready to be either at this point, so I tend to believe we should just stay single. Love and emotions are much too complicated to generalize. In my opinion, there's always more than meets the eyes! I know both happy and unhappy people in both camps, what's right for one, may not be right for the other.

I just don't know. Monogamy is great if you think you can definitely stay with the same person, but I find it much more difficult to do. And, as of yet, I have never cheated!

[Shatril]

Having sex with others while you are married is just a sign of a sick relationship. One should leave such a relationship prior to having intercourse with others. If you think that this type of activity is just how you are then you need to take a look at how you view romantic relationships. If the excitement of the chase is what it takes to turn you on, then you need to look at how your partner and you look at each other. Are you capable of satisfying him, and is he capable of satisfying you? If not then fix it. Talk about it.

[AlAskendir]

Ok first off, sorry about bad options in the Poll. Secondly im new and this is my very first poll!!! :wah:



This is gonna be interesting. Monogamy, do you believe in it. Do you just have to be in love with one person for the rest of your life?

No. I mean, I know it exists, sometimes successfully, but not only is it not automatic, it is definately not the only option.
The more you love, the more you can love.
Sharing pain diminishes it, sharing joy multiplies it.

Since love is such a magnificent state to be in, find out how many people you can comfortably love at the same time, and find one more. Repeat this on a regular basis.

That's a major part of my personal philosophy.

[AlAskendir]

Don't feel bad, Nicholas. I've been here a couple of months and have noticed that most of the polls made here leave something out. Usually they add an other and please explain option so that everyone is included. In your poll, it just seems like you didn't realize it was possible to be in a relationship, have sex outside of the (core) relationship and still be faithful. No big, a lot of people don't know that it's possible. So you learned something new... that's never a bad thing.

I think part of the problem here is that we are taking as a given the mainstream society's idea that love = intimacy = sex. Sexually, I'm celibate, not by choice, but by the priorities of the activities I choose. I have many friends and relatives that I love, and I don't see that there is a problem with that. I have almost no initmacy at all, and I see that there is a huge problem with that, but i don't know how to go about solving it, except to lump intimacy back in with sex and start prowling,,,which i don't want to do. So, I survive without intimacy, and consider myself philosophically polyamorous.

[AlAskendir]

Whose standards is it that you are trying to live by? If they aren't your standards, you are trying to be something that you aren't. That's never a good thing to try to force yourself into. Society's standards tend to seem to be one thing with a minority dictating what those standards should be... kind of like bullies and popular kids in high school. And quite often, in the privacy of their own homes, those people who are dictating the standards aren't actually living those standards. So don't try to conform to some ideal that has nothing to do with who you are. Just live by your own standards within the law, be honest about it with those who deserve your honesty (those you are intimate with in this case), don't try to force others to live up to your standards because they are allowed to have their own and you'll be ok and a lot happier.
I'm liking you more and more!

[CleftOfLight]

I believe u can love more than one person and in many different ways.Emotionally,physically,sexually.As long as you and your partner are open and honest with each other and dont gross boundries that u both agree on then you should be ok.Polyamory is what they call it.
I believe that it is ok to share love,as long as you know its love and not just lust.And ounce again be honest.
And if it is swinging you aretalking bout the same rules apply,only its just physical.

[Valkie]

Having sex with others while you are married is just a sign of a sick relationship. One should leave such a relationship prior to having intercourse with others. If you think that this type of activity is just how you are then you need to take a look at how you view romantic relationships. If the excitement of the chase is what it takes to turn you on, then you need to look at how your partner and you look at each other. Are you capable of satisfying him, and is he capable of satisfying you? If not then fix it. Talk about it.
You make it sound like it's easy. Do you honestly think that people jump into being polyamorous just because they aren't happy? I spent years struggling with my decision, even before I knew there was such thing as polyamory... even before I started dating. I came from a stable home, but I realized that monogamy wasn't for me when I was 13. I didn't start dating until I was 15 because I couldn't reveal what I believed to people without being thought as sick.

I love my husband very much... but that doesn't change who I am. I don't go around screwing who I want because of him and have been in a monogamous relationship with him for 11 years, even though I completely believe in polyamory. I haven't cultivated another relationship because it's something that he doesn't believe in and I respect him and his feelings.

For me, it has nothing to do with satisfaction or sex. It's about acknowledging that I am capable of loving more than one person.

[CleftOfLight]

I agre society means nothing follow your heart Dont be boxed in by the blind opprossers,who want to suck the life right out of you.

[CleftOfLight]

Right on sister Valkie Right on

[AlAskendir]

The ONLY thing that seperates us from animals is our ability to give our word and keep it. If you can't keep it in your pants and honor your marriage vows, then you don't need to be married at all. Not to mention your no better than a dog.

If all you want to do is go around bangin everything in site, then why get married in the first place? And if you are married and find you can't keep your vows, then spare that person their feelings and get a divorce. You have no right to break someone's heart like that!

Okay, but these aren't the only options.

I don't know if you have ever taken one friend to a movie or multiple friends to a movie, but for me, taking 1 friend to a movie doubles the pleasure I have in that movie.
Taking 20 friends to a movie does something exponential to the pleasure I have in that movie.
The same with cooking and eating dinner together, and the same for playing a face-to-face roleplaying game.

I have yet to find a pleasure that isn't better shared, and that isn't even better when shared with more friends. I haven't actually tried it with sex yet, but I sure am hoping to! I know every man's fantasy seems to be multiple women, but I have to be more realistic. I have been to a couple of orgies, and in my limited experience the guys wear themselves out in the first half hour and go to sleep while the women either leave or find other ways to have fun.

[AlAskendir]

I wasn't referring to polygamy or polyamory. I was referring to people who cheat on their partner. It is fine to be in a polygamous or polyamorous relationship as long as everyone else is fine with it. To each their own. But to cheat on a SO that expected you to be faithful to them is wrong. I do question the intentions of people in those relationships though. Yes, we can love more than one person at once. But what makes them special if you can't put them first? That is the whole idea of committing to one person. You are telling them that they are special beyond all others. If you can't make the commitment to only be with them, then are they really that special to you? Also I wasn't only referring to our ability to make a commitment in terms of a relationship. Does that clarify things?

It does and it doesn't. Recognizing someone's specialness doesn't necessarily have anything to do with putting them first. That is the major response, but definately not the only one. Each person is special, not in comparison to other people, but in and of themselves. Think of it like a meal - - - it's often easier to notice how sweet the carrots are if you add just a little dill. Contrast helps you recognise things. Cheese after wine, readies you for more wine, so that you CAN recognize all the flavors....

Just my opinion....

[AlAskendir]

Having sex with others while you are married is just a sign of a sick relationship. One should leave such a relationship prior to having intercourse with others. If you think that this type of activity is just how you are then you need to take a look at how you view romantic relationships. If the excitement of the chase is what it takes to turn you on, then you need to look at how your partner and you look at each other. Are you capable of satisfying him, and is he capable of satisfying you? If not then fix it. Talk about it.

Is masturbating without your SO's knowledge when married also sick?
If so, then you are allowing sex to become a weapon of manipulation and control...which is sick in my book!!

[CleftOfLight]

I have been to a couple of orgies, and in my limited experience the guys wear themselves out in the first half hour and go to sleep while the women either leave or find other ways to have fun.
Well if you are going to do two women,you better be physically and mentally fit.In a way you cant get too caught up in the moment because if you do you will get way tired way fast.Remember yo have two women to please,so you better do it.Do whatever it takes,but relax and don't rush it.Most guys rush it.Just relax,go into a slight meditative mood and have fun.
Personally It has never really been a fantasy of mine,but I have done it a couple of times with my ex and her friend.It was good,it was fun.
the first time I did what most do,wore myself out.But we did it like 3 more time ounce I relaxed and was comfortable I was ok.Its just different because you have to give the same amount of pleasure to both women at the same time,and keep them at that height so they can get off.Not an easy task.Definately work work work work.....lol.

[CleftOfLight]

It seems that a lot of people are very upset with the idea of loving more than one person.And seem to equate it with sex right away.I don't know bout most people in here,but I can Love on different levels.I may love one person physically and another spirituality.But one is not better in my eyes.Or I might simply just love a person.But they are unique and equal.When you are with one person you love it is wonderful.When you are with two people it is very intense,three four and so on.But I do not see all the hostility or the need for hostility.Monogamy might work for you,but for me it is something I struggle with.When I was younger I was taught you can only love one person as your special other.So when I was with one peron yet I met another that I loved I would feel guilty and then force myself to chose one orthe other,which would totally hurt and break my heart.Or they would find out and make me chose.Again break my heart.And the person I chose if forced I would dislke that person for making me decide.For purposley breaking my heart.Sometimes I feel like givig up all togeter because of the narrow mindedness that surrounds me.I can't help the way I feel,and for who I feel it for.Why is it so wrong to so many?

[Black RiverWolf]

im always faithful to who i am with at the time. i like it that way.

[fahawk]

With a few execptions..I think being with the one person who knows you- who has shared good and bad..dreams, hopes....
it is hard work..everyday isnt peachy..but sticky with it and working it through has its rewards..
no matter who you were with, they would have things that would drive you nuts, not be "perfect", but at with least long-term you each know what + who, you ar dealing with.. :)