modesty -- or something else?

[Infinite Muse]

when someone complements you
and you say "aww .. naw .. its just ----blank---"
is that modesty or is that really a personal dig at your own self-confidence and worth?
why can't people take complements at face value anymore and have to constantly deny them?
what happened? how did it get this way?
does this make modesty not a virtue anymore?

[Verthandi]

I am like that. I had a situation in middle school that made my confidence go way down. I am just starting to get over it but still sometimes when people give me a compliment such as 'your hot' or something I jokingly look over my shoulder and say 'who're you talking to?' and I am partly serious. Im getting better.
I'm the same way. My self-esteem took a blow in high school and I'm still recovering from it. When people complement me, my first thought is usually, "They're mocking me." I'm getting better, though.

[Mab]

It took me a lot of practice & conscious effort to stop doing that "naaaaw" thing. I still do it w/my SO when he tells me I'm beautiful or whatever....b/c I know he just loves me so much he's blinded to all my flaws sometimes......

but I did...I worked very hard to be able to just say "Thanks" or "Thank you" & let it go.

[Pan]

Sometimes, when I'm feeling selfish, I'll say "naww" or something to get them to insist. :alol:

But, most times, I just don't know how to accept it. "Thank you" just seems conceited. To me. My opinion. I'm tired.

[Teresa]

It is just awkward for me to take complements but my SO is teaching me to see myself as he sees me and I am not as bad as I once thought I was.I do think that I am still in a self healing phase in my life.My SO is a wonderful man and I love his patience he shows me and the tenderness and kindness.I am very hard on myself as he has pointed out.He sees all the good I still see lots of bad. But I am beginning to think he may be correct. :p :uhhuhuh:

[Flaire-FireStar]

I was just told I was modest, too. :eyebrow:

And, yes, I suppose I am...although I like to think of it more of me giving myself a slap in the face of reality. I don't take compliments too well.

[WingedTigerChild]

I'm exactly the opposite. When people compliment me, I'm like, "Yeah, I know." lol Sometimes I think too highly of myself.

[CaitrionaMorgaine]

Seems to be quite common that high school messed with our ability to accept compliments. I try very hard to just smile and say thank you--I've gotten better with accepting compliments over the last two years...but I still have to make an effort.

Avalon's Blessings, ~Rhiannon

[Grey]

In my highschool they not only accept them, they add more onto it in a weird sort of bravado... Im the completel opposite. Its a mix of lack of selfappreciation and paranoia that does it. *obviously that cant be me, its good, so what do they want from me?*. Over the years Ive gotten better though, though I am still often described as modest, when ot simply as a butthead.

[Theres]

i have no problem accepting praise when i think i'm deserving. but i also will refuse it when i think otherwise. people often assume this is modesty, but it is not... just honesty. i have no desire to be praised for anything i'm not worthy of.

i have as little time for false modesty as i do for false pride.

[Infinite Grey]

I force myself into modesty as I develop a big head very easily and I have often been brought down because of it.

[Xentor]

The initial reaction of "nah..." isn't one of modesty. It's one of lacking self-esteem. A modest reaction would start with "Thank you".

A humble reaction then would follow to say that their accomplishment is no better than that of an other... but it would not bring down their own achievement.

Saying, "Naww, it's " whatever, you're denying your own results.

[dr_zeus440]

hmm, i'd say its excessive (and somewhat forced, whether circumstantially or by an enforced habit) modesty. no idea what the cause is, but my contribution to this thread is William Blake's "The Human Abstract", a poem.

[Faery-Wings]

I do that to but only if it pertains to me, my person. (Wow you have nice hair. Ugh- I hate it). But if people compliment me on my kids (Yup, they are the best) my parenting (I try really hard, I am glad it shows) or my Soul-Scents products( THis I'd better be positive on or I'll never sell a thing!), I am ok. But directed towards me, either I end up saying, No way, or I have to make some sort of qualification. (Nice coat- Thanks I got it on sale). I think it def. has to do with low self esteem and that I deep down don't feel like i deserve things.

[RogueSpirit]

I think I tend to feel like there are some things I get complimented for that are not within my power to cause or change. My looks were not cultivated... it's genetic and has nothing to do with me or a choice I made. Because of this, I have no idea how to "take" that kind of compliment. And I also wonder if by accepting the compliment, I'll come off as conceited. I am confident about myself and am comfortable in my own body and the way I look... but it's just not something I feel should be complimented. Maybe I'm just weird.

Now if you want to compliment me on something I actually worked to achieve, I'm all about taking compliments and being recognized for that. And I'm not shy about it either.

[Aidron]

With me gratification used to be a drug. I could deny the compliment in hopes they would give me more, thinking it would give me the self-worth or happiness I wanted. It didn't, and just continued the cycle of me manipulating others to feed my own addiction.

Now, I will thank the person unless I detect something other than sincerity. I am pretty amazing and do pretty amazing things, just like anyone else, and I deserve praise for such things, whether I give it to myself or others give it to me.

However, it infuriates me to no end when people insist on complimenting me and I deny it-not out of a lack of confidence or a feeling of little self-worth, but for the simple fact that from my view point I do not deserve credit for, and if you continue attempting to feed me a fallacy I will eventually become annoyed.

Unsurprisingly enough, in my eyes, many people do not give sincere compliments. They give them with ulterior motives in mind, whether it be to recieve a compliment of their own or to win favor with you. This bothers me to no end, and when it arises I will not even thank the person, but either deliver a sarcastic remark to them or ignore them all together.

[Sleet]

Graciously accepting a compliment is a tough skill. I'm not very good at it either.

[Dusk]

Graciously accepting a compliment is a tough skill. I'm not very good at it either.

Right!

It is my observation that many people have not been taught how to graciously accept a compliment-including me.

[charmedkisses1]

when someone complements you
and you say "aww .. naw .. its just ----blank---"
is that modesty or is that really a personal dig at your own self-confidence and worth?
why can't people take complements at face value anymore and have to constantly deny them?
what happened? how did it get this way?
does this make modesty not a virtue anymore?


Sometime I don't feel like I deserve complements and/or I get embarassed. But I'm a really modest person anyways, like last night 5 people told me how cute I looked, and I forgot to say (or wouldn't) say thanks because I don't think I am, even if it's true. I also am not sure hot to reply to compliments sometimes .... ALL the time...

is there a rule or something?

[Tsuchimaru]

:lol: I usually deny compliments...

[Smiley Girl]

When someone compliments me, I usually just say "Thank you! :) " or something, to let them know that I appreciate it. :) I've found that when I do that, it doesn't bring me down as much. It's like... getting another compliment. :)

[Pandoras]

when someone complements you
and you say "aww .. naw .. its just ----blank---"
is that modesty or is that really a personal dig at your own self-confidence and worth?
why can't people take complements at face value anymore and have to constantly deny them?
what happened? how did it get this way?
does this make modesty not a virtue anymore?

I think some people have a hard time accepting compliments due to poor self-esteem, while others don't accept them as a way to fish for more compliments. I guess I'm somewhere in between. I used to always give some kind of explanation upon recieving a compliment, now I just try to graciously accept with a plain "Thank you" and perhaps offer a sincere compliment in return. However, if I know I'm looking particularly faboulous, and someone tells me that I am, I'm all like, "I know." LOL. But seriously, in terms of modesty, it depends. I'm modest about some things but not others.

[Radocs]

When someone compliments me I usually say "Thanks."
If I do give a "Aw shucks" answer it's usually to flirt. :p

[misschief]

i'm a smart ass.. so my answers range from.. 'get away from me', to 'i know', to 'thank you', to 'i must have hidden my extra breast well today'.. and so on. but i can take a compliment when i feel like it.

[Valnorran]

I'll say thanks, but I'm also self-deprecating about it because I don't want it to go to my head.

[soilsigh aingeal]

when someone complements you
and you say "aww .. naw .. its just ----blank---"
is that modesty or is that really a personal dig at your own self-confidence and worth?
why can't people take complements at face value anymore and have to constantly deny them?
what happened? how did it get this way?
does this make modesty not a virtue anymore?
It can be both. It can also be because someone has low self-esteem. I usually just say thanks.

[Silver_FireStar]

when someone complements you
and you say "aww .. naw .. its just ----blank---"
is that modesty or is that really a personal dig at your own self-confidence and worth?
why can't people take complements at face value anymore and have to constantly deny them?
what happened? how did it get this way?
does this make modesty not a virtue anymore?


Because if you agree with a compliment you're seen as bigheaded. There's an advert out about a new film, can't remember the name but it uses the same reasoning
'you look really pretty'
'thanks'
'so you agree? you think you're pretty?'

It's just the way our worlds developed save the mad ones [who mostly in my experiance do preforming arts] who answer 'of course. What did you expect?' with a smile and a laugh. Better to be mad, we take compliments and insults in our stride and don't deny either :P

[Holly Ariadna]

I guess I'm not like that... If I think I deserve the compliment I say thank you. :) If I don't think I deserve it I go "nawww... I mean.. it's just..."

[Pandoras]

Because if you agree with a compliment you're seen as bigheaded. There's an advert out about a new film, can't remember the name but it uses the same reasoning
'you look really pretty'
'thanks'
'so you agree? you think you're pretty?'

The film is Mean Girls.

[Silver_FireStar]

glad someone knows film titles I'm hopeless, my family spent the day calling that shark gangster film 'whales story'

[Flaire-FireStar]

When someone compliments me I usually say "Thanks."
If I do give a "Aw shucks" answer it's usually to flirt. :p
:whistle: So..uhm..my compliments are flirting now, are they?
Am I that speshul? :p

*exit*

[halfwaynowhere]

i feel horrible when people compliment me. i much rather prefer insults, as long as they are said in fun.

[Chibi-Fallon]

I used to be big into denying things like that, but I’ve learned it a *million* times easier just to say thanks and move on with the conversation or let the person go on their way if they’re a stranger.

[Acid Halo]

interesting... well i always say thank you.. its easy an fast or maybe throw a compliment their way also.. Every girl i have ever dated has had very low self esteem when we started dating.. But, towards well into the relationship i have no problem getting them to realize that they are beautiful people inside and out, its a knack i have. Im Undeniably the best and making people feel good about themselves. Because everyone should. Everyone is beautiful in their own ways. Just admit it.

[Theres]

i feel horrible when people compliment me. i much rather prefer insults, as long as they are said in fun.
why?

[Acid Halo]

insecure people dont know how to take compliments. either they were never complimented much or they dont believe that they ARE beautiful and so forth. its just something instilled in society thats just wrong. who is pretty who is not. everyone is beautiful

[DarkDancer]

The proper and appropriate response to a deserved compliment (and ny deserved, I mean you actually did the thing, if I compliment you on how well you fixed my car and you have never even SEEN my car, that's not deserved.) is "Thank You." If you are worried about being seen as big headed (no one will see you that way, but people worry about strange stuff), then find a reason to compliment them back.

Now this is true unless it is a backhanded compliment, if that is the case show them the back of your hand (metaphorically speaking).