cydira
August 31st, 2001, 08:42 PM
Dear Mother,
I'm not exactly the best at being strong when things are difficult or challenging. I am doing better then I was before, and I know that you are proud of me for learning these lessons. There are some lessons that I just don't know how to accept, they're so foregin to me and difficult.
I don't really know if I should ask you for anything, but maeby I should just tell you what I'm having a hard time with. I know that some times we just need to talk to some one. Lady, I'm scared of loving some one so deeply that I feel like I'm being swept away by him. I feel guilty for being so far away from him, and yet I feel proud that I'm working to better myself and be worthy of that kind and loving man.
I'm so frightened that underneath it all, he really doesn't want me. He tells me that he wants me, that he needs me. I don't know if I can handle some one truly needing me. It's hard for me to trust him. I'm afraid that if I open up my heart and fully trust him that he'll go away. But I'm terrified that I am going to lose him if I keep him away from me. Even if it is for a short time while I try to make sense of all of these feelings and finish my schooling.
Lady, I really don't know what to do. It's frightening to be overwhelmed with these feelings. I don't know what's happening to me. I think about him, about how I desire him and how I find that I need him. I can't stop thinking about him like that. I can't stop thinking about how much I love him. I'm afraid to love him, to need him, and to trust him. I don't want to be hurt again, not like I was hurt before. Mother, I'm not sure what to say. I feel a little silly writing a letter instead of a graceful poem, but I guess necessity forced my hand.
Your child
I'm not exactly the best at being strong when things are difficult or challenging. I am doing better then I was before, and I know that you are proud of me for learning these lessons. There are some lessons that I just don't know how to accept, they're so foregin to me and difficult.
I don't really know if I should ask you for anything, but maeby I should just tell you what I'm having a hard time with. I know that some times we just need to talk to some one. Lady, I'm scared of loving some one so deeply that I feel like I'm being swept away by him. I feel guilty for being so far away from him, and yet I feel proud that I'm working to better myself and be worthy of that kind and loving man.
I'm so frightened that underneath it all, he really doesn't want me. He tells me that he wants me, that he needs me. I don't know if I can handle some one truly needing me. It's hard for me to trust him. I'm afraid that if I open up my heart and fully trust him that he'll go away. But I'm terrified that I am going to lose him if I keep him away from me. Even if it is for a short time while I try to make sense of all of these feelings and finish my schooling.
Lady, I really don't know what to do. It's frightening to be overwhelmed with these feelings. I don't know what's happening to me. I think about him, about how I desire him and how I find that I need him. I can't stop thinking about him like that. I can't stop thinking about how much I love him. I'm afraid to love him, to need him, and to trust him. I don't want to be hurt again, not like I was hurt before. Mother, I'm not sure what to say. I feel a little silly writing a letter instead of a graceful poem, but I guess necessity forced my hand.
Your child