Favourites in the family.

[FaerieGothMommy]

This was on a programme this morning and i wanted to ask it here.
Do you think there are always favourites in the family, between brothers & sisters? Were you your mothers or fathers favourite? Or do you think you were the least liked?

I have 1 older brother and 2 older sisters, i'm the youngest. I know my mom is proud of my brother, and i would be too, he has done a lot for himself and now is in the army, has a wife and two kids.

Now, both my sisters haven't really done anything for themselves. My eldest sister, has 2 kids, she has a boyfriend who always blows there money on booze and drugs and has been in prison twice, she is working illeagaly and claiming benefits illeagaly... yet, she is my moms favourite ?????

Then theres the middle sister, she has a son, whose dad doesn't want to know them, she isn't even bothering thinking of working in the future when her son starts nursery/school and she has nothing planned for the future.. yet my mom always helps her, always thinks of her, yeh she is alone.... but she gets so much credit for everything.

Then theres me, I have 2 kids at a young age yes, but that hasn't stopped me. I'm still with the father, we are planning on moving to Derbyshire to give ourselves and our kids a better life and to put our children into better schools, i am currently taking a Parapsychology course & want to work in the paranormal field, even though i suffer badly with S.A.D i won't let it stop me from having a future... At the moment my partner isn't working because hes only just recovered from his 5th operation, but is now looking for work, he has always supported is, we have only relied on benefits when hes been out of work due to having operations...
Yet, my mom always expects us to just cope, we hardly ever get any help or support. People have told me, i should see it as a compliment that she thinks i am more mature than my sisters and don't need the help, and although i'd like to make it on my own with my family, i can't help feeling left out.

I'm going to try my hardest to treat my kids equally, and i hope i succeed.

Has anyone else felt the least favourite? Or are you the favourite? Or don't you think favourites exist?

[*Rain*]

:lol: I've just been watching the same thing and my Mum and I have been laughing about it.

I'm the youngest of 5 but there is a large gap inbetween the oldest 3 and the youngest 2 where one baby was lost. Although we are all one family, it's almost like having 2 families within one due to the age gap.

My old man's favourite is definitely child 4, his golden boy, who really could do no wrong, even if witnessed. It used to really upset me as I always felt that I couldn't live up to it and there was a definite difference in the way we are treated.

My Mum's favourite is child 3, another brother, who was the youngest of the first 3. He got picked on a lot when he was little and I think my Mum always felt that he needed that little extra looking after and love to make up for it.

If you were to ask my 2 older sisters who was the favourite, they'd say it was me because i'm the youngest. I was a high achiever in school and always did a lot within the local community and therefore got a lot of recognition and praise for it. My sisters can be really horrible to me about it and they really have an issue with it. You'd think they were really deprived talking to them, when in fact all 5 of us were spoilt rotten when growing up.

My Mum denies having a favourite, but we love to tease her about it. My oldest brother always jokes and says that I can't be her favourite because he's had 16 years more love than me :lol: It's just my sisters who can't take it.

[FaerieGothMommy]

If you were to ask my 2 older sisters who was the favourite, they'd say it was me because i'm the youngest. I was a high achiever in school and always did a lot within the local community and therefore got a lot of recognition and praise for it. My sisters can be really horrible to me about it and they really have an issue with it. You'd think they were really deprived talking to them, when in fact all 5 of us were spoilt rotten when growing up.

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Yep same here... My sisters always thought i was the favourite, because i was always in top classes and i'm the youngest, but far from it infact. My moms favourite (which she has admitted to me) is the eldest sister... *shrugs*

[Mouse]

I'm the fave child and it isn't as good as it is cranked up to be..

[fahawk]

I think maybe? parents sometimes relate to a trait, or other thing that is familiar or comfortable to them in one child..
or the child does things/ acts in a way the parent always wishes they had ..

Four older brothers and then my sister came along- my mother was smitten with her "first " girl.. when I came along 2 years later- no big deal :)

I think it is hard for children though, cause they are really quick at picking up on "favortites"..

I just tell all of my kids I love them- and say it all the time to all of them- hopefully that helps... keeping my eyes open + recognizing all the neat things in each of my kids

[Ceres]

I think maybe? parents sometimes relate to a trait, or other thing that is familiar or comfortable to them in one child..
or the child does things/ acts in a way the parent always wishes they had ..

Four older brothers and then my sister came along- my mother was smitten with her "first " girl.. when I came along 2 years later- no big deal :)

I think it is hard for children though, cause they are really quick at picking up on "favortites"..

I just tell all of my kids I love them- and say it all the time to all of them- hopefully that helps... keeping my eyes open + recognizing all the neat things in each of my kids
i think its very true parents usually relate well to one child - i know i relate better to my daughter because she is so much like me and i understand her motives better than my other two children.
i like the book "how to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk" says about favortism. the authors say its inevitable u will have a favorite, which wont neccessarily always be the same child because as they grow and change traits will come and go. the trick is to make each child feel special for who they are and their personal abilities and talents rather than they are being compared with their siblings and thus favoured or not. i think it helps the kids when u do this as well since most of us can prolly relate to both roles as being the talented favoured one or the neglected not favoured one.

"genius is as common as dirt" john taylor gatto

[Faerin]

I was the youngest of 5 until I turned 14...then my mom had my little sister. I remember when I was little my mom always told me I was her favorite and not to tell the others or they would be sad :halohead: :shhhh:

Then, we had our family reunion when I was around 16 and my 3 older brothers and older sister were talking about the good ol times. We then found out that my mom had told each of us the very same thing, that we were each her favorite! I thought it was pretty funny.

We went through some hard times while my mom was drinking (she eventually got sober, yay) but even so, I think we were all her favorites, in one way or another.

I think parents love (and favor) their children equally, but they show their love differently to each child. Maybe one needs more discipline and they are harder on that particular child, not because they love him less, but because they need it more.

[Shanti]

Favorites is a big prob with my kids and their grandparents.
My FIL and MIL spend money like crazy and a lot of time with the their daughters kids, who are close in age to my kids. But since my kids are from me, DIL, they are forgotten on their Birthdays all the time and pretty much ignored!!! We all live within 2 miles of eachother so thats not a reason for avoiding my kids. My in-laws have the additude that sons and their children dont matter as much as daughters and their children.

My MIL even went as far as saying, when her daughter gave birth for the 3rd time, that she never had seen a grandchild of hers be born and she couldnt wait for the chance. Well, 2 yrs before, she saw a grandchild be born...my son..her grandson...but she forgot. Oh she didnt forget the birth...she forgot he was her grandson!!!! I was so mad! :flamer:
My SO......:flamer::flamer::flamer::flamer::flamer::flamer::flamer::flamer::flamer: He still is hurt and angry that his own mother would forget that his son is family!!!!!!!!

[Faerin]

Shanti,
That really sucks! :razz:

I can help you plot a nasty revenge if you want :deviltail (j/k)

I wonder if some people realize how insensitive they are.

:hugz: for you and your family

[Bainidhe Dub]

This is a bit of a sore subject with me too. I'm the oldest of three, and only girl. I always got the "You're the oldest, you're to show them how to behave, show them responsibility, blah blah.." while my mother's policy with my brothers was "boys will be boys."

Particularly the older of the two, as he was born the year my mother's dad died, and well.. he was a "sickly" child, which makes him even more her favorite. He didn't graduate high school, complains and makes up stories about how my parents "abused" him, and causes general mayhem whenever he can.

*shrugs* I guess that's the way things are though.

[Abren]

Favourites is one of the many reasons i don't see my mother anymore. She always made it very clear my brothers were a favourites.
My dad tries to treat us all equal, which is hard since i don't see my mother, my brothers do, and though there is only a gap of 18 months between me and the middle brother, it seems a lot bigger as my brother is quite juvenile. Then there is the whole smartness issue, but depsite that my dad does pretty well i think

[Khuinaset]

This is a bit of a sore subject with me too. I'm the oldest of three, and only girl. I always got the "You're the oldest, you're to show them how to behave, show them responsibility, blah blah.." while my mother's policy with my brothers was "boys will be boys."

Particularly the older of the two, as he was born the year my mother's dad died, and well.. he was a "sickly" child, which makes him even more her favorite. He didn't graduate high school, complains and makes up stories about how my parents "abused" him, and causes general mayhem whenever he can.

*shrugs* I guess that's the way things are though.

Doesn't being the oldest suck? I'm the oldest girl, there's a younger girl and then the youngest is a boy. And I don't think my mom plays favorites between those two, but it seems like she does between me and them - she's told me how much more sensitive and thoughtful Ashley is than me and how easily she gets her feelings hurt; and lets Ashley say things to me that she'd never say to Ashley (for example: my sister once started screaming to my mom about how she'd never copy off of me because she thinks I'm a freak and a loser and doesn't want to be anything like me, when I was standing five feet away, didn't get punished). it gets old...

[zehava]

This was on a programme this morning and i wanted to ask it here.
Do you think there are always favourites in the family, between brothers & sisters? Were you your mothers or fathers favourite? Or do you think you were the least liked?

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I'm going to try my hardest to treat my kids equally, and i hope i succeed.

Has anyone else felt the least favourite? Or are you the favourite? Or don't you think favourites exist?

i'm not sure if my parents have a favourite NOW (we're both screw-ups ;)), but growing up i have to say it was generally my brother.

and they definitely favour my daughter over my son (they do love him to death and treat him the same, but my daughter was their first grandchild, it just seems they love her a bit different, kwim?)

i'm trying not to have a favourite, but i have to admit that most days i tend to favour my son. i don't love my kids any different, i would die for either of them, but most days my son just cracks me up with his crazy sense of humour. so, in my mind only, i favour him simply b/c he's funny. i really really try hard not to let it 'show' though, b/c i don't want to hurt my daughter.

my ex husband though, the kids' dad, favours our daughter... they are like pees in a pod those two. so darn cute :D

-z