Question to parents and siblings ? (NAMB/GLA ish)

[Findarto]

I have a question for all the parents, and siblings on here.
What would you do if your child/younger sibling went out or fell in love with some who was say at least in their thirties, but your child/sibling was under 17 ?
With all of the stories in the news now-a-days about teenagers in love with or sleeping with adults what would you do if it happened to you ?
If your daughter was in love with a 30 year old man, or older ? Your son in love with a woman in her 40's (Did anyone here about the 16 yr old boy who wed the 40 yr old woman ?) or Son in love with a 30 yr old man and daughter 40 yr old woman ? I'm talking about if your children were under the legal age ?

What's everyones opinion on this ?

[Antoninus]

Id smack them upside the head and say "SNAP OUT OF IT!" Usually people do it because they want someone mature, guys thier own age are total loosers so they want someone more mature. Its mainly girls who do this because guys, most of them, WANT an immature girl who can be taken advantage of. Problem is, most guys in thier 30's willing to DATE a 17 year old, arent really mature themselves.

Theres all this psychological foofarah about why people do it, but I think its boils down to just wanting someone more mature. Someone who doesnt get drunk at parties and run around with a lampshade on thier head, even though I know quite a few ADULTS who do that.

[Ceres]

ack! i hope it doesnt happen!!
but if it did, i would prolly appeal to the maturity of the adult and point out that they know very well their position as far as being able to sway the opinion of the younger party and that they are also old enough to wait the length of time neccessary to make sex legal. if i felt it neccessary, i wouldnt hesitate to involve the police. a 17 yr old with a 25 yr old is one thing, but a 13 yr old with a 25 yr old is quite another!
who am i kidding? i would freak! lol

[Yvonne Belisle]

I would ask them to hold off till the younger party is 18. If it is ment to be they won't have a problem waiting.

[Aedrais]

I would shake my little girl until she regained her senses.

I would give the adult a good talking to. What exactly are they looking for in someone half their age? It's... not good. *shakes head* I would not hesitate in involving the police if I felt it was necessary.

[Findarto]

Two more questions.
One - What if you could tell they where really, deeply in love and it would kill them if they had to be seperated ?

Two- What if you could tell the other person was using your child, but the police told you that you couldn't do anything about it ?

[Abren]

If a younger sibling was doing this, and i felt they Truely loved each otehr, i would let them. Maybe that's wrong, but i been heartbroken and it hurts. Physically and Emotionally. I may moan about and to my brothers, but i want them to be happy. And if they were with this person, I would let them.
I wouldn't try and split them, because then they would resent you. If they are headed for a fall, then they have to take it on their own

[KimberSly]

I tell ya... they'd never see the light of day again! :lol:

BUT ... hopefully, I'll be a good enough mom to never give them the impression that they can do that. Talk is cheap... and that's why you should do it ALL THE TIME! I'm serious. When I have children I'm going to talk their ears off so that they understand what's right and wrong lol

[Pandoras]

There are always exceptions, but IN GENERAL...

At best, I would discourage it. At worst, I'd get the police involved (and I have no problems with doing just that).

I understand that to an adolescent, a relationship with someone who is older might seem exciting and mature, but I think there is something seriously wrong with a person, an adult in their 30s, 40s, 50s and up, who pursues a relationship with a child.

[kiara]

Well, it really depends. If it were my sister, I'd smack her six ways to Sunday. Just kidding, but I'd really try to separate them. I seriously don't think my sister's old enough to handle someone two or three times her age. And add sex into the equation and that's a statutory rape conviction waiting to happen. If my sister were a bit more mature (more like a responsible mental twenty-something) then, I might be okay with it. But I'd still be on her and his case about it, but that's just my sisterly instinct speaking. Now, I'd probably have to hide my dad's guns if he ever found out about it. :)

[Ben Trismegistus]

One - What if you could tell they where really, deeply in love and it would kill them if they had to be seperated ?
No such thing, especially at that age. A better question would be, what do a 30-something and a teenager have in common that would make such a relationship work in the long run?

Two- What if you could tell the other person was using your child, but the police told you that you couldn't do anything about it ?
You prohibit your kid from seeing them. Lock them in the house if necessary. That's bad news.

[Gypsy Vanner]

There are always exceptions, but IN GENERAL...

At best, I would discourage it. At worst, I'd get the police involved (and I have no problems with doing just that).

I understand that to an adolescent, a relationship with someone who is older might seem exciting and mature, but I think there is something seriously wrong with a person, an adult in their 30s, 40s, 50s and up, who pursues a relationship with a child.

I absolutely 100% agree!!

There is something very, very disturbing about a fully-grown adult male being sexually or romantically attracted to children. I would definitely get the police involved, because Goddess knows how many other girls this pervert has already set his sights on in the past, or will in the future.

Do not talk to me about "love" in this instance. The power differential is obscene. It is very easy to make a child convinced that they are 'in love' and then take advantage of those feelings. The child will swear up and down about the validity and veracity of their feelings, but only because he or she does not and can not know any better. This is the same demographic that changes attractive interests every week and threatens to cut themselves when their boy looks at another girl at the school dance. The possibility for manipulation and exploitation is not simply a 'possibility' in these cases, but a cold hard fact that any real parent would destroy the moment it is discovered.

Any parent that is aware of such a situation and directly allows a child of either gender to see a grown person of either gender on a romantic level should be charged with Reckless Endangerment of a Minor. If the child is actively exploited or harmed, the parents should be charged as accessories.

There is no excuse. None. Men who attempt to begin romantic and/or sexual relationships with children are predators.

I would even go so far as to say that men who attempt to begin romantic and/or sexual relationships with girls who are half their age, and under 25, are predators, but the law doesn't really concern themselves with that. Why would it, when the people who would make such laws are busy preying on their interns and secretaries?

[Yvonne Belisle]

There are people on this board with larger gaps between spouses. When you start in on the "I would even go so far as to say that men who attempt to begin romantic and/or sexual relationships with girls who are half their age, and under 25, are predators, but the law doesn't really concern themselves with that. Why would it, when the people who would make such laws are busy preying on their interns and secretaries?" stuff you come very close to offending some of them. I for one don't like the comment at all as my husband is much younger than me and is 24. Personally I think if someone is mature enough to go in the service and risk dieing for their country they are old enough to decide if a relationship with someone who is older than them is right for them.

[Athena-Nadine]

My mother was 13 when she started seeing my father. My father was 25. Regardless of the fact that I wouldn't be here otherwise (my mother was 16 when I was born, my father 28), it's disgusting and, father or not, he should have gone to jail at the time. I don't care what some may say--no 13-year old knows what s/he wants for the rest of his/her life. Even my mother, agrees. Exceptions or no, a 13-year old is a child. A 16-year old--more often than not--isn't much past that.

*...shudders...* I can't even imagine having to go through that as a parent. The thought terrifies me. Because of my own personal experinces growing up, I really don't know if I could be rational about it.

[Ben Trismegistus]

There are people on this board with larger gaps between spouses. When you start in on the "I would even go so far as to say that men who attempt to begin romantic and/or sexual relationships with girls who are half their age, and under 25, are predators, but the law doesn't really concern themselves with that. Why would it, when the people who would make such laws are busy preying on their interns and secretaries?" stuff you come very close to offending some of them. I for one don't like the comment at all as my husband is much younger than me and is 24. Personally I think if someone is mature enough to go in the service and risk dieing for their country they are old enough to decide if a relationship with someone who is older than them is right for them.
It's not just about age difference. Difference in ages matters less and less the older you are. If you started courting your husband when he was 15, that would be different.

[Gypsy Vanner]

you come very close to offending some of them

It is a good thing that I only "come close". I would hate to have opinions that could offend another person.

[Black RiverWolf]

Two more questions.
One - What if you could tell they where really, deeply in love and it would kill them if they had to be seperated ?


Two- What if you could tell the other person was using your child, but the police told you that you couldn't do anything about it ?

1. Wouldn't matter my son or daught had better be able to come up with a way to explain why they are so in love

and 2. said person had better be able ot outrun a bullet.

[Aowyn]

One-What would you do if your child/younger sibling went out or fell in love with some who was say at least in their thirties, but your child/sibling was under 17 ?
I'm talking about if your children were under the legal age ?


Two - What if you could tell they where really, deeply in love and it would kill them if they had to be seperated ?

Three- What if you could tell the other person was using your child, but the police told you that you couldn't do anything about it ?

O.K. first I would think of having them take a drug test if they were acting irrationally in other ways that is.
1. I would explain to them how there is a huge difference between the person they are now and the person they will be in 4 years. The truth is that there is alot of changes a person goes through between 13 and 21 no matter how mature they are and dating someone outside of your age group can be an extremely bad idea. The older person in the relationship is taking a huge risk as well, they are gambling that their partner will not change because they seem so mature....this is a dangerous sad wager for all parties. My SO says he would invite the woman to dinner and show off his sword collection.

2. I would look into moving away or possibly getting a restraining order and counseling for the child. my SO says our boy better get ready to go cause the pervert would not be drawing breath much longer.

3. I would move, my SO says he would be in jail or on the run and the problem would be solved.

[Aowyn]

There are people on this board with larger gaps between spouses. I for one don't like the comment at all as my husband is much younger than me and is 24. Personally I think if someone is mature enough to go in the service and risk dieing for their country they are old enough to decide if a relationship with someone who is older than them is right for them.
i dont think that we are talking about adults we are talking about under age people....arent we?

[Temptation]

Touchy subject. Very controversial.

Ok, I think that first of all before passing any judgement, I would get to know
the person my child was seeing and, without any preconceived ideas, find out
what the relationship is all about and what it means to both of them.

The worst thing to do in these kind of scenarios is to put one's foot down and
say things like "You're too young! You don't know what you're doing! I don't ever
want you to see him again" This will inevitably backfire and strengthen a relationship
that would otherwise have taken it's natural course and probably would have ended
sooner rather than later for obvious age-gap reasons.

Now, that said, if I perceive the adult to be a danger to my daughter in ANY way
I would not hesitate to call the authorities, even at the risk of alienating my
daughter for a while. I mean my first priority is to keep her safe.

Other than that, love is a mistery and a wonderful thing. Stranger things have happened,
and who knows it could be true love. Which as we all know has nothing to do with age,
cultural or racial differences. :hearteyes

[Yvonne Belisle]

i dont think that we are talking about adults we are talking about under age people....arent we?


The person I quoted directly above my post made comments about adults. I fully agree with what has been said about younger people. My husband however was 19 when we got involved and her comments were obviously without thinking that there may be mixed age couples on this board. I am not the only one here with a larger age gap and I felt she needed to have that pointed out to her.

[Valnorran]

Two more questions.
One - What if you could tell they where really, deeply in love and it would kill them if they had to be seperated ?
At that age, it isn't love, it's harmonal insanity. As the others have said, a 30+ year old man having romantic ideas about an under 17 year old girl is just plain wrong.

Two- What if you could tell the other person was using your child, but the police told you that you couldn't do anything about it ?
The law of the state may not be able to do anything, but the law of nature (the consequences of messing with the daughter of a terminally enraged, heavily armed father who is allied with a dark goddess and knows a spell or two) can.

[Shanti]

The person I quoted directly above my post made comments about adults. I fully agree with what has been said about younger people. My husband however was 19 when we got involved and her comments were obviously without thinking that there may be mixed age couples on this board. I am not the only one here with a larger age gap and I felt she needed to have that pointed out to her.
Ditto!! You are not. I too am in a mixed age relationship. Love doesn't discriminate, people do. Minors are one thing but comments have been made regarding people over the age of 18 that have been judgemental. I am much older than my SO and am not some immature sick headcase, nor is he. We did not plan to fall in love. As I said, love doesn't discriminate...people do.

[Aowyn]

My comments are only concerning people underage. Although I think I would have a really tough time if my son brought home someone old enough to have birthed him I think I would give her a shot....if he was age that is. Honestly I think most people would feel a little odd in that type of situation, while it may be love it is not the norm. For anyone that can make it work kudos to you. Thats a long time off now though so my opinion could shift.