Tubal Ligation Regrets?

[Ceallach]

Has anyone had a tubal ligation and regretted it?
I had my tubes tied in 2000. I was only 23 and had my second child. I thought I was making the right decision. I was in a tough situation.. I'll explain it just to get it off my chest. I was reunited with my ex boyfriend from high school, I was a single mom and moving out of state. We went out a couple of times and he helped me move. Well, one thing led to another and 2 weeks later I was living a state away from my family and pregnant with my second son. So, I moved back home and we decided to get married. (still happily so after almost 5 years) Poof, I was a married woman with a son, a stepson and another son on the way. I got freaked out and overwhelmed and convinced the doctor to tie my tubes. He even asked me if I wanted it reversible. I said no. What an idiot. Now, I completely regret it and SOOO wish I had not done it. Now my options are IV fertilization or adoption. Either of which is fine, but so expensive it will never happen. How do you get over this?? I feel this empty ache inside knowing I will probably never bear another child. I love pregnancy and babies, children are my life. I regret the decision every day of my life. Any advice?

[Ceres]

i am so sorry! it must be painful to want more children and not be able to have them. adoption might not be as expensive as u think....a good route to go (at least here in ontario) is first offering foster care. sometimes from there parents are able to adopt a child in their custody.

[Brónach Druid]

I feel for you, I always wanted more children but financially its just not a possibility. Foster care is a wonderful idea, if you can deal with sometimes having to give them back. Maybe volunteering in a elementary school would bring you some joy, there not your own but you can still enjoy them!

[Goddess Rhiannon]

I have regreted it....ever since it was done.....so I share in your pain

[Breathless Falcon]

I wish I never had it done. I had mine done at the age of 24 after 3 children. I now have the opportunity to start a second life and my friend doesn't have any children of his own. Sometimes I think how nice it would be to have just one more...... then I think my children are at the age we don't need expansive daycare or a friday night babysitter, no diapers, no 2 am feedings. But the want is still there. The strongest urge was when I was 30 yrs, but now it's not too bad.

Can't help much I did the foster care , ended up with teens. I opened a daycare and some of the kids all but lived with me. They went home Friday after school came back sunday night :huh: My exhusband had 5 grandchildren and we had them alot, at times they felt like mine. :eyebrow:



Falcon

[misschief]

i'm 25, with four kids. i've been pressured by every doctor to have my tubes tied, but so far i've refused it. i may be old enough to be an adult and a parent, but i just don't think i'm old enough to make a decision like that.

[Ceres]

good for you ladyleo for sticking to your guns! tubal ligations can have all sorts of nasty side effects too - i think doctors should be more up front about the risks.

[Tzhebee]

i'm 25, with four kids. i've been pressured by every doctor to have my tubes tied, but so far i've refused it. i may be old enough to be an adult and a parent, but i just don't think i'm old enough to make a decision like that.
Same here (only I'm 28). As a matter of fact, just friday, another parent was shocked when she found out I had 4 kids. She asked if I was "fixed" and I said no. The look on her face when she said "But why NOT?!" :fpatricks

Some people just don't get it. I love my kids and if I could afford it, I'd have more right now. But that's not happening. But I also refuse to make a life-long choice. I have at least another 8-12 good healthy "birthing years" left in me. I don't want to have anything to regret.

[halfwaynowhere]

my mother had one after my brother was born. she had to go through so much in order to have children at all, her tubes were clogged and icky and stuff, so she had to have surgery in order to have us. after the third, she decided enough was enough. then again, she was in her thirties when she had us, so i guess she knew she wouldn't want any more kids.

[Ceres]

i think its the height of rudeness for a person to ask if u plan to have more. one day i will get the courage to reply pleasantly "no, we are just screwing for pleasure now"

[misschief]

i think its the height of rudeness for a person to ask if u plan to have more. one day i will get the courage to reply pleasantly "no, we are just screwing for pleasure now"o.....m........g. :rotfl: i'm gonna say that next time i'm asked!

[Lunacie]

I had my only child when I was 22, and struggled to choose good birth control. I was allergic to the foam contraceptive, the Pill was not a good idea as I have migraine headaches, condoms alone aren't effective enough. Thirty years ago the only other choice was an IUD. It gave me incredibly heavy periods and internal scarring before that model was removed from the market and from my body. I still had it replaced with a better IUD rather than risk the Pill.

I knew by the time I was 25 that I didn't want more children, and when I began needing a D&C every six months before I was 35 I convinced the doctors to do a tubal ligation. Probably I was already in peri-menopause and that was the cause of all the bleeding. I couldn't convince the doctor to do a hormone test though because according to him I was 'too young for menopause'. *bleeping* idiot.

Even if I hadn't been peri-menopausal, the tubal ligation would likely have hastened that. I was very glad to not have to worry about all the bleeding anymore, and no chance of getting pregnant, but I do think from those I have talked to who've had one done, it does affect your body and bring on peri-menopause sooner than you would otherwise experience it.

[misschief]

no birth control works for me either. the only thing i haven't tried is internal birth control, iud or whatever that thing is they put in your arm.. and i don't plan to. the problem for me is that they don't prevent pregnancy, something with my hormones, they just don't work. *shrug* i really don't want any more kids, but i can't say i won't change my mind later on.

[Raven Reed]

I was all scheduled to have a tubal ligation and my husband (at the time) tore up the release papers just before the surgery. So, they wouldn't do the surgery because in California at the time, there was a waiting period between signing the papers and getting the surgery.

I really wish I had the surgery done. I have two teenagers, no interest in any more children *ever*, so why should I have to struggle with birth control I am allergic to. I am even allergic to regular condoms, and forget spermacides. The pill causes all sorts of havoc on my system. What's left?

Fortunately, it hasn't been an issue lately, but I have to carry special polyurethane condoms JIC, because I am allergic to latex. Grrr.

[misschief]

when my kids finally get into their teens, i'm sure i'll have NO interest in more babies either. lol. i don't now, but i'm still too young to decide something like that.

[Ziana]

I haven't had one, but I don't plan to have one either.....I currently only have one child, but I would like to have at least one more. A friend of mine has had one though, she has three kids. She's currently 26 and had all three before she was 22...and personally, as much as I love the girl I think it's a good thing she can't reproduce anymore...she's one of those people who should have had to take a test and get a permit if you know what I mean.... :eyez:

[fahawk]

Yep!! Though it wasnt me- it was my hubby who had a vasc.
We were also "in" a tough place, (long story) but.. I felt overwhelmed and panicked, and so we did the operation. After, we always felt, we should have waited- as we did work through our "problems' got ourselves together.
For me it was the monthly stuff, knowing I would not ever be preg again., having the urge to be each month.. It has been three years of alot of emotions, before I am finally moving on..

(Of course, it is easier to reverse the mans operartion..which we did look into..but it is money$$ and we finaly let go..)

I too get so fed up with the stupid remarks'' dont you have "enough" children", dont you know what causes that?" ...so irritating, and hurtful.
I love all 4 of my kids..and do not regret any of them..and so dislike other people judging what should, or shouldnt be the size of somone else family.


so.. the short of it all..we had always talked about adoption, even before having any children of our own.. so maybe one day?? and foster care etc..

So, anyway..take time..dont be hasty..follow your heart..and check all of your options..ask other people, Dr's- whoever, and see what you might or might not be able to do- good luck.. who knows "what" paths might open for you :)

[fahawk]

just a another thought I wanted to add..
for us..it was worth making an appt with the "infertility" specialist at our local hosp.. discussing all the options..there were/ are- so many ..I wouldnt have thought of or didnt know about ..
I guess what I am saying even just covering each of those bases, getting info, talking with someone knowledgeable ..and having the info was a stepping stone for us...and maybe that could be helpful in whatever you can afford..cant afford, ..or getting new ideas, or following a different path..

[Sealkea]

I had a tubal at 23, six weeks after my second kiddo was born. I would loved to have had at least one more child, but I had fairly major complications with both pregnancies requiring many months of bedrest, so a tubal was probably the best choice for me. I have a lot of regrets, but they are mostly for emotional reasons, while intellectually I know that two kids is the right number for my hubby and I. But I would urge anybody who is considering one to be really sure they want one. I decided during a tough pregnancy that was hard on me emotionally and physically, and I don't think I would have made the same choice if I had waited until a few months after my daughter was born. Also, I know many women have major complications afterwards. The only problem I've had is a disruption to my monthly cycle, which is more annoying than painful. But I've heard some ugly stories.

[Llewyth]

I keep wondering about this same subject: although that I think that I would have my hubby do it instead: less hard on his system then on mine. Although I have not had any problems so far in managing my fertility with only knowing me very well. But it would be nice not to have to bother with any contraceptives.. I still want more kids though, so for now, I'm not thinking about it. On the other hand, it never hurts to have information: does anyone know any good sites on vasectomies?

[Gracecat]

We would have regretted it time and time again by now. He was debating a vasectomy this summer... fat chance of either one of us doing that now.

[OriginalWacky]

I had to have mine tied after my thrid, and I wish so many times that I hadn't. However, in my case it was not a choice, more like an ultimatum, as I was high risk in all three pregnancies, and came very very close to dying after the last.

Sometimes I find it easier to deal with when I realize that it's darn expensive to have kids, and I can only provide for so many. It's also easier when I take on animals, even if a lot of people think I'm psycho for having so many. It's not always enough, but it does help a bit. I also keep myself very *very* busy, I have a LOT of things I do, and I work, though it's not very cost effective (it winds up costing me almost as much as I make, maybe even a bit more).

I think the hardest part for me is that I often have dreams of having The Mate's children, and I know it can't happen. Not only am I fixed, but he is too.

[Valkie]

had one in July. NO regrets at this point and really don't think that I will. I love my boys but I never really wanted children... they were just the best accidents that ever happened to me. My MIL still asks when she's going to get a granddaughter... she doesn't know that I had it done.

Honestly, I'm very happy not to be a slave to reproduction anymore. I'm thankful for the ones that I have and estatic that I get that extra week of non-worried sex every month.

[Seren_]

Tubal ligation is reversible...though it will probably be expensive.

Like a vasectomy, your tubes will probably heal naturally (but we're talking at least a decade or so, though for some people it can be quicker). The bits that have been cut can "knit" themselves back together. A friend of mine had her tubes tied, and they clamped them because she was so young (mid-twenties) - a) in case she regretted it later, and b) because it would be more effective in the long run if left as it was.

Usually they take a good chunk of tube out to prevent this from happening, but if it doesn't heal, it can be put back together through surgery. So IVF or adoption isn't your only option....though like you say, money will probably be an issue.

[Ceallach]

I had a tubal at 23, six weeks after my second kiddo was born. I would loved to have had at least one more child, but I had fairly major complications with both pregnancies requiring many months of bedrest, so a tubal was probably the best choice for me. I have a lot of regrets, but they are mostly for emotional reasons, while intellectually I know that two kids is the right number for my hubby and I. But I would urge anybody who is considering one to be really sure they want one. I decided during a tough pregnancy that was hard on me emotionally and physically, and I don't think I would have made the same choice if I had waited until a few months after my daughter was born. Also, I know many women have major complications afterwards. The only problem I've had is a disruption to my monthly cycle, which is more annoying than painful. But I've heard some ugly stories.

Like you, I had some complications in my own health that made me think a tubal was the right choice. I had major back pain and ended up having back surgery two months after my son was born. I have had nothing but problems since my tubal, mostly in the form of hormones and my monthly. I have a monthly about 2-3 times a year, which is nice on one hand, but my body makes up for the missed ones, which has sent me to the hospital a couple of times. Also, I have way harsher PMS, which doesn't seem to go away.

Seren, I don't know if my tubes will heal, though I pray for it daily. My tubes were tied, cut and burned. I don't know if that can be fixed.

But maybe I can take Fahawks advice and see a fertility specialist. Maybe they can tell me whether or not my tubes could possibly be reconnected. Just a small chance would be such a miracle.

I was at the birth of a friends baby last Wednesday and I swear my yearning has gotten worse. Everyone says, oh have a baby fix and you will be okay. I have spent tons of time with little Gabriel and I am on the verge of tears when he leaves. And to make matters worse, my two boys have started asking if they can have a little sister.

I pray to the Gods that my body can heal and I can bring another child into my life. I pray this for everyone here who longs to add to their family.

Blessings to you all.

[Autumn]

Hugs sweetheart

Please folks, if you are under 30 think twice before you get fixed...If you aren't 25 yet, think three times.

I dislike the notion of post-partum tubals...what woman in her right mind isn't saying "NO MORE" after having just had a baby...

Things can change. Think ladies think.

[LisaT4P]

had one in July. NO regrets at this point and really don't think that I will. I love my boys but I never really wanted children... they were just the best accidents that ever happened to me. <snip>Honestly, I'm very happy not to be a slave to reproduction anymore. <snip>I'm with you! :achug: All 3 of mine were "happy accidents" as well.

I had my tubes tied after the 3rd one and I'm very happy that I did. I was 25 when my last child was born and I knew as soon as I found out I was pregnant again that it would be the last time. I've threatened my OB/GYN that if I turn up pregnant again that he has to keep this one! :bigblue:

I love my kids, but I DID NOT enjoy being pregnant. I am 30 years old now and ecstatically happy that the only time I have to worry about diapers, formula or having spit up on my clothes is when I babysit for my friend's kids. :hearthear I don't ever want to do any of it again. I'm looking forward to meaningful conversations with my kiddos as they get older and start to understand more about the world around them. They are 10, 7 and 5 now and I wouldn't change a thing.:flowers: