Jumping to conclusions

[AuroraSilvermist]

How do you know when you're trusting your intuition, or just jumping to conclusions?

Hubby and I have a friend who has suddenly stopped communicating with us, although we know he's very much alive and well (we see him visiting the message board we both frequent, but he doesn't respond to PMs). This is a long-distance friendship, but I usually have a pretty good sense of what's going on in my friend's head. Right now, I have a strong gut feeling that he's sulking about something, and just being moody and antisocial (he has a rather immature habit of doing this to "punish" people when he's upset about something). He promised to phone my husband after he returned from a 2 week vacation, but it's been over a week now with no phone call, or even a message to arrange the call or explain the delay. I'm tempted to write him and tell him that this isn't the way friends act, and that I'm hurt by the way he's fallen off the radar screen, but there could be a real-life situation preventing him from communicating right now, too.

Hence my question--when do you know whether to trust your intuition? How do you avoid jumping to conclusions? This is just one example of a situation where a person might have to weigh their intuition against what they know for a fact to avoid jumping to conclusions. How do YOU handle it?

By the way, this is just a topic for discussion--I'm not actually looking for advice. :)

[Aleigh]

That's a tough one. With close personal friends, I go with my intuition because I know if they were going through something that kept them offline they would call me about it. But long distance, it's hard to judge. In both cases I tend to just give them their space. :whatgives But with the close friends I fume the whole time because I know they're just ignoring me, and with the long distance internet friends I don't. LOL I don't like to try to make someone talk to me if they don't want to.

I myself have this awful habit of getting sort of overwhelmed by my online life and needing to take a break from it for a week or so. I'll just disappear for a week with no word to anyone about why I'm not online. It's not anything against anyone...I just sort of burn out now and then, I just need to take a break, and after I stay away as long as I possibly can I'm back 100%. :p I don't usually realize ahead of time I'm going to do it or I'd let people know I was doing it. When that mood hits I don't even feel like getting on to tell people I won't be getting on. :lol:

[LadyTrinity]

I dont know I think thats why I always have the worst luck is because when it comes to my intuition I am very much in denial and then I never listen to it to make the right choices _wth_

[kiara]

That's a toughie. Usually jumping to conclusions for me involves some kind of mental process. Like a+b-c=75 when it really equals 5. Intuition is a feeling, that nagging sense that something isn't right or that I need to pay more attention to certain signs. Usually my intuition comes in snap judgements about people, (whether I like them or not, for example), and they tend to be right. Of course, I never listen :goodgrief (I'm working on it) and I could have saved myself some grief if I had. But that's par for the course for me--way too logical sometimes. Most times. _tsk_

[Faeawyn]

If you are considered over sensitive, then it's probably your emotions. I'm so emotionally sensitive, that I'm always creating scenarios in my head that are totally false. Hence, my intuition sucks. If you are more analytical.....able to look at things sensibly, then your intuition may actually be better, because it's not influenced by your emotions.

[Stormcall]

I'm a very analytical, intellectual person. Emotion? Only when I'm very upset. That's bad, I know, but it normally means I don't even have to really on intuition. It's more a case of logical reasoning, and I make the best choice on what to do from there. I NEVER sit around wondering- should I do this or this? It just doesn't seem productive to me. Consequently, sometimes I make choices or judgements too soon, but they're usually right.

[RogueSpirit]

It sounds to me like you are neither being intuitive or jumping to conclusions but that you are making an educated guess. I'm assuming that you know something has happened which has upset this person and you have already said that this type of behavior is how he punishes people for his being upset. I mean, there would be no reason for you to jump to this conclusion if you didn't already know he was upset by something you or your husband did (whether you were right or wrong or did it on purpose is irrelevant, not making a judgement here). If it had anything to do with time limitations, he wouldn't be posting to a message board, now would he?

And while you specifically stated you weren't looking for advice, I'm going to give you some anyway. If you want this person to be your friend but you don't want him to behave this way (and who would), don't react to this behavior at all. He's looking for attention and if you give it to him for this, then it will justify/reward what is essentially passive agressive behavior. Ignore it. When he finally gets tired of playing his little game, he'll come back whining about the slight (real or imagined) and why you didn't react to his punishing you. Don't react to that either... "oh, I hadn't noticed..." He'll probably get a clue really quick that being childish isn't going to work with you and that he'll have to be more direct with you... in other words, he'll act like an adult because he has to. Though I honestly can't understand why you want to be friends with someone that immature to begin with.

[AuroraSilvermist]

Hehe...RogueSpirit, I do appreciate the advice, even though I didn't ask for any. :hugz: This guy is quite an enigma, and the thing is...he knows it. He's one of those people you have to "handle" a certain way or he'll just disappear. And you know, I'd let him if I didn't care about him so much. He's a gigantic schmuck--an ENORMOUS pain in the butt! Passive aggressive doesn't begin to cover it. :lol: And honestly, I've thought, "Ah, the hell with him..." on quite a number of occasions. It's just that when he's not in a funk like this (and I usually only have the vaguest clue why he might be), he's fun and charming and goofy and kind and generous and a real joy to be around. The jerk.


If you are considered over sensitive, then it's probably your emotions. I'm so emotionally sensitive, that I'm always creating scenarios in my head that are totally false. Hence, my intuition sucks. If you are more analytical.....able to look at things sensibly, then your intuition may actually be better, because it's not influenced by your emotions.

I can be a lot like that, Faeawyn. There are times when I get super emotional and create all kinds of scenarios and come to all sorts of conclusions when it's really nothing of the sort. Weird. There are times when my intuition is dead-on accurate and I should trust myself MORE, and other times when intuition flies right out the window. I wish I always knew which times were which!

That being said, I'm usually a VERY good judge of character. My intuition about people is rarely wrong. I've warned my husband about co-workers and such. He'll be saying, "Ah, so-and-so's all right, he's a good guy," while I'm saying, "Watch yourself! That one'll stab you in the back the minute you look away." Unfortunately for my hubby, I'm usually right. :wtf: