Earth Walker
September 3rd, 2001, 03:22 PM
.....You To Believe
GLOBAL WARMING
IS FOR REAL
You suddenly realize it's impossible to give directions to out-of-
towners without using the phrase "Hang a right at the giant
melting iceberg."
"Casual Friday" Speedo sightings are up a disturbing 39%.
You find yourself asking when did Siberia become a force to be
reckoned with on the surfing circuit?
Bolstered by the frequency of topsy-turvy weather events,
dangerous on-location remotes by the Weather Channel's
meteorology geeks wind up clobbering the major networks
in the Prime Time Nielsen ratings.
Dan Rather's homespun, wacky Texas metaphors for the weather
conditions go on through two commercial breaks. ("Good evening.
For the 115th straight day, America was hotter than a one-armed
Mexican Marimba repairman with a mouthful of number 16 brads,
no hammer, and a dyspeptic burro with....more after this...")
You discover that sunscreens rated at 1,000 SPF don't even
BEGIN to work.
You awake one morning to find that there is now a Gulf of
Wyoming. ~*Mamas, don't let yer babies grow up to be
fishboys...*~
Your glee over the news that the tropical rainforest is making a
comeback is tempered by the fact that it's happening in your
suburban Detroit neighbourhood.
There's a serious lobbying effort to make "running through
sprinklers" an Olympic event.
North Dakota officially declares itself a clothing optional state.
For the 149th show in a row, the Top Ten List is "Other Least
Popular Things You Can Fry On A Sidewalk."(...number Seven,
Rosie's Farm Fresh LIPOSAUSAGE...
Suddenly urban areas become inundated with a rash of
water ski-by shootings.
GLOBAL WARMING
IS FOR REAL
You suddenly realize it's impossible to give directions to out-of-
towners without using the phrase "Hang a right at the giant
melting iceberg."
"Casual Friday" Speedo sightings are up a disturbing 39%.
You find yourself asking when did Siberia become a force to be
reckoned with on the surfing circuit?
Bolstered by the frequency of topsy-turvy weather events,
dangerous on-location remotes by the Weather Channel's
meteorology geeks wind up clobbering the major networks
in the Prime Time Nielsen ratings.
Dan Rather's homespun, wacky Texas metaphors for the weather
conditions go on through two commercial breaks. ("Good evening.
For the 115th straight day, America was hotter than a one-armed
Mexican Marimba repairman with a mouthful of number 16 brads,
no hammer, and a dyspeptic burro with....more after this...")
You discover that sunscreens rated at 1,000 SPF don't even
BEGIN to work.
You awake one morning to find that there is now a Gulf of
Wyoming. ~*Mamas, don't let yer babies grow up to be
fishboys...*~
Your glee over the news that the tropical rainforest is making a
comeback is tempered by the fact that it's happening in your
suburban Detroit neighbourhood.
There's a serious lobbying effort to make "running through
sprinklers" an Olympic event.
North Dakota officially declares itself a clothing optional state.
For the 149th show in a row, the Top Ten List is "Other Least
Popular Things You Can Fry On A Sidewalk."(...number Seven,
Rosie's Farm Fresh LIPOSAUSAGE...
Suddenly urban areas become inundated with a rash of
water ski-by shootings.