Wolf O Volos
November 8th, 2004, 04:59 PM
I apologize for adding another post to an already crowded board... but I cannot help it. I have to share, as it is my nature to run at the mouth! LOL. Or in this case, go off on the keyboard... anyways....
The last week in my life has litterally SUCKED. As in sucked all of my energy, sucked the happiness from my days, and almost sucked me into a dark pit that would have left me in a dark place, for a long long time. Lonliness. Depression. The feeling that I no longer mattered. And although I tried to sound happy and positive, there were a few observant follks who maybe saw my energy request thread, or just felt my silent pain through extending their hands in friendship. Anyways, for those who might not know, I am in the midst of a bad break up, seperation and divorce of someone I was married to for 9 years. It has not been an easy thing for me to watch the degradation of our emotional bond, or the loss of respect we used to have for one another. And after Friday, when they came and took away my vehicle... I took a severe nosedive into the darker realms of myself.
So, I spent almost the entire weekend hating myself, thinking of how bad my life was starting to become, thinking that the nights spent alone, longing for the companionship and warmth I had grown accustomed to for YEARS, were going to kill me... And not to mention the fruitless hours spent on trying to find a vehicle dependable enough to get me back and forth to work, and get my kids to Soccer and what-not...
Inbetween fits of agony, rage, and deep sadness, I would come here. Try to make a few good posts, sought out friends to speak with about things totally unrelated to the darkness in my life. Looked for positive things to say in spite of my dark and dismal mood... And well, I am seriously glad I did. I was not too sure if all the good intentions in the world, or all of the positive energy that people hand out so freely and willingly in your "energy request" threads, would ever have the strength to draw me back out into the light. To be honest, I ws not even sure I *wanted* to come out of that dark place. Strange comfort you get from being numb after a while...
But it worked! The people who I was chattin in PM with... the folks who responded to my energy requests... and a lot of the people in the general populace of MW who just said something nice or encouraging, even though not related to how horrible I was feeling... I had a moment last night that felt, and I cannot describe it any other way, like the Goddess had turned away for the briefest of moments, away from her more serious duties, and for just one moment, smiled her wonderful smile down upon me. The light and energy I was getting from my new found friends here on Mysic Wicks gave me the energy to call her attention, and she smiled upon me. I was so overwhelmed with happiness, calm, and the overall sensation that things were going to be okay. Like being a kid again and having that magickal hug from your mother when you fell off your bike, that says "it is going to be okay" and takes all of the sting and hurt away.
And it goes just a touch further! All weekend, I have been online, and travelling all over the state of Michigan, lookiing for a car. I mean, without a car, I would be in some VERY severe trouble at work. No car, no way to work, no job anymore. No job, soon to lose my appartment, and losing the appartment, losing custody of my daughter. The thought was weighing on me something fierce. Like 2 tons carried upon the shoulders. But after last night, after feeling the smile of the goddess, I stopped worrying about it so much. Felt very odd, seeing as it was a very legitimate thing to worry over in my oppinion. But I knew I had nothing to worry over... that the love and support of friends, and the will of the Gods were on my side. So, today, after spending all morning doing urology surgery, I went to my lunch break as usual. My cell phone started to ring. My mother ( whom I really have not had a good relationship with for YEARS ) was on the other end, and told me she had found a car, through a friend, that he ws willing to sell me. For 200 dollars.
Talk about a GIFT! 200 dollars, and there is nothing wrong with it aside from needing a new battery, and maybe a tune up. How bout THAT?!
Anyways, what I really wanted to say, because I am not sure it gets said enough to those of you who spend SO much time in the "energy requests" threads, was THANK YOU! Thank you for your time, energy and care. And a Thank You just as heartfelt to all of you, who in one way or another, have brought enough positive energy into my life to beat the odds and get me smiling all over again. I would mention specific names, but honestly, I think the people who have helped me and won my gratitude know who they are. Besides that, the list would make this thread go on even longer than it already has. :toofless:
You folks here at Mystic Wicks really are awesome. And I am proud and happy to be a part of this wonderful family. Even at the worst I have ever seen ( so far in Political pagan after Bush won ) this little online family puts the FUN in dysFUNctional... And again, Thanks are in order for anyone who took the time to actually read all of this. :fpraiseyo
"and that is all I want to say about that" Forrest, Forrest Gump
The last week in my life has litterally SUCKED. As in sucked all of my energy, sucked the happiness from my days, and almost sucked me into a dark pit that would have left me in a dark place, for a long long time. Lonliness. Depression. The feeling that I no longer mattered. And although I tried to sound happy and positive, there were a few observant follks who maybe saw my energy request thread, or just felt my silent pain through extending their hands in friendship. Anyways, for those who might not know, I am in the midst of a bad break up, seperation and divorce of someone I was married to for 9 years. It has not been an easy thing for me to watch the degradation of our emotional bond, or the loss of respect we used to have for one another. And after Friday, when they came and took away my vehicle... I took a severe nosedive into the darker realms of myself.
So, I spent almost the entire weekend hating myself, thinking of how bad my life was starting to become, thinking that the nights spent alone, longing for the companionship and warmth I had grown accustomed to for YEARS, were going to kill me... And not to mention the fruitless hours spent on trying to find a vehicle dependable enough to get me back and forth to work, and get my kids to Soccer and what-not...
Inbetween fits of agony, rage, and deep sadness, I would come here. Try to make a few good posts, sought out friends to speak with about things totally unrelated to the darkness in my life. Looked for positive things to say in spite of my dark and dismal mood... And well, I am seriously glad I did. I was not too sure if all the good intentions in the world, or all of the positive energy that people hand out so freely and willingly in your "energy request" threads, would ever have the strength to draw me back out into the light. To be honest, I ws not even sure I *wanted* to come out of that dark place. Strange comfort you get from being numb after a while...
But it worked! The people who I was chattin in PM with... the folks who responded to my energy requests... and a lot of the people in the general populace of MW who just said something nice or encouraging, even though not related to how horrible I was feeling... I had a moment last night that felt, and I cannot describe it any other way, like the Goddess had turned away for the briefest of moments, away from her more serious duties, and for just one moment, smiled her wonderful smile down upon me. The light and energy I was getting from my new found friends here on Mysic Wicks gave me the energy to call her attention, and she smiled upon me. I was so overwhelmed with happiness, calm, and the overall sensation that things were going to be okay. Like being a kid again and having that magickal hug from your mother when you fell off your bike, that says "it is going to be okay" and takes all of the sting and hurt away.
And it goes just a touch further! All weekend, I have been online, and travelling all over the state of Michigan, lookiing for a car. I mean, without a car, I would be in some VERY severe trouble at work. No car, no way to work, no job anymore. No job, soon to lose my appartment, and losing the appartment, losing custody of my daughter. The thought was weighing on me something fierce. Like 2 tons carried upon the shoulders. But after last night, after feeling the smile of the goddess, I stopped worrying about it so much. Felt very odd, seeing as it was a very legitimate thing to worry over in my oppinion. But I knew I had nothing to worry over... that the love and support of friends, and the will of the Gods were on my side. So, today, after spending all morning doing urology surgery, I went to my lunch break as usual. My cell phone started to ring. My mother ( whom I really have not had a good relationship with for YEARS ) was on the other end, and told me she had found a car, through a friend, that he ws willing to sell me. For 200 dollars.
Talk about a GIFT! 200 dollars, and there is nothing wrong with it aside from needing a new battery, and maybe a tune up. How bout THAT?!
Anyways, what I really wanted to say, because I am not sure it gets said enough to those of you who spend SO much time in the "energy requests" threads, was THANK YOU! Thank you for your time, energy and care. And a Thank You just as heartfelt to all of you, who in one way or another, have brought enough positive energy into my life to beat the odds and get me smiling all over again. I would mention specific names, but honestly, I think the people who have helped me and won my gratitude know who they are. Besides that, the list would make this thread go on even longer than it already has. :toofless:
You folks here at Mystic Wicks really are awesome. And I am proud and happy to be a part of this wonderful family. Even at the worst I have ever seen ( so far in Political pagan after Bush won ) this little online family puts the FUN in dysFUNctional... And again, Thanks are in order for anyone who took the time to actually read all of this. :fpraiseyo
"and that is all I want to say about that" Forrest, Forrest Gump