Love: do men and women experience/perceive it differently?

[Hope3645]

Do you think that men and women experience and/or perceive love (by love I mean romantic love) differently? Why or why not?

[Shanti]

Yes! We're different. Each person is different and everyone has their own perspective!!!!!!!!

[morrigen]

I believe that *everyone* experiences love in their own individual ways, and that generalizing in terms of gender or biological sex restricts the myriad facets of human experience.

[Temptation]

I think every single human experiences love differently. It has nothing to do with
gender, but with the life experience of each individual person.

How we were raised, what we go through in our lives and the people we meet along the way all shape our ability to experience love in more or less different ways.

[xmezumiiru]

I think men and women in the straight America culture do experience love differently. It is generally accepted that the man is the protector and the woman is the weakling (I don't by that, but I'm working on generalities). Hence, woman feels adoration-type love and man feels protection-type love. In balanced relationships, I have seen that both feel adoration and protection, but to different degrees. As a Martial Artist, I am a protector by design, weakling by culture. While I am struggling to overcome the conflict, my man (a more learned Martial Artist) understands and is willing to work with me until I resolve this and reach his understanding how to be both.

In homosexual love (male or female), I think the love needs to be polarized either within the individual or the partnership in order to have this common mindset that is inline with our cultural upbringing. Having the types defined leads to 'butch' women and 'fem' guys. Nothing is wrong with it, but often the relationship suffers due to the cultural upbringings.

If there are people from outside of America out there, please give opinions!!

[DraconisArcanus]

I think every single human experiences love differently. It has nothing to do with
gender, but with the life experience of each individual person.

How we were raised, what we go through in our lives and the people we meet along the way all shape our ability to experience love in more or less different ways.
I couldn't say it any better than that! After several failed relationships, it took the love and understanding of a good woman to see through my own failings and teach me what love was about. We still may see things different sometimes but isn't that what a life journey is all about? Our differences are one of our greatest strengths.

Peace

[Ceres]

i think men and women are fundmentally different and its more than just upbringing - its biology. i think the differences go much deeper and are more complex than women being weak and men being protective. our culture can reinforce these stereotypical roles, but i also think these roles are inherant in the cycles of life imposed by nature. being pregnant and giving birth makes us weak for a time (about five years for each child) and biologically, this cycle is part of who we are meant to be for the better part of our adult lives. of course, having children forces women to find strength we wouldnt be required to develop if we never had them, so i suppose the period of weakness and reliance is later balanced by greater maturity and strength of character.
the original question: yes there are differences in how men and women experience love and many of the differences are more likely to be viewed thus by each sex simply because of their gender differences. i dont think that means the differences are exclusive to either gender or that it is wrong for the other gender to experience them in the same way as the other gender.

[Hope3645]

I think every single human experiences love differently. It has nothing to do with
gender, but with the life experience of each individual person.

How we were raised, what we go through in our lives and the people we meet along the way all shape our ability to experience love in more or less different ways.

Given that we (parents and society) raise boys and girls differently, shouldn't there experiences be more in line with that of their own gender, and less in line with that of the "opposite" (I use this word to help illustrate my piont because it is often used in our society, not because I see it this way) sex? If so, wouldn't this lead to different exspectations of romantic love, and thus different experiences?

[Hope3645]

Greetings All,
Thanks sooo much for your replys! I am addressing this issue in my soc of gender class in a couple of weeks and want to get some different perspectives. Don't be offended if I question your opinions, just want to learn more about why you think that to help me understand. Also, I may introduce new info for response. Thanks soooo much again! Keep the replys coming!
Love and Blessings,
Kay

[Ben Trismegistus]

There would be no way to say for sure unless one has experienced being a man AND a woman.

[DianaStormDancer]

Absolutely we percieve it differently its all in the balance.

[Temptation]

Given that we (parents and society) raise boys and girls differently, shouldn't there experiences be more in line with that of their own gender, and less in line with that of the "opposite" (I use this word to help illustrate my piont because it is often used in our society, not because I see it this way) sex? If so, wouldn't this lead to different exspectations of romantic love, and thus different experiences?

Yes, we raise boys and girls differently. Mainly because a boy and a girl will react
in totally different ways when faced with any situation, so it's impossible for a parent
to be consistent : What works with the girl will backfire or be completely ineffective with the boy. The reason for this is that our brains function very differently. There have been
several scientific studies about this. It's undeniable.

So, when it comes to love, men and women will express it in varying ways according to their gender, that's true. But is the feeling inside really that much different?

Now love is one thing, sex is another. If we talk about sex then, yes, men and women
have very different perceptions and expectations on this particular issue. Women tend to confuse the two and have a hard time drawing the line between sex and love, whereas men have no trouble at all with that. :)

[diamondtiger]

There would be no way to say for sure unless one has experienced being a man AND a woman.

I agree with Ben. I've often wondered HOW men perceive romantic love in contrast to the way women do.

[diamondtiger]

Now love is one thing, sex is another. If we talk about sex then, yes, men and women
have very different perceptions and expectations on this particular issue. Women tend to confuse the two and have a hard time drawing the line between sex and love, whereas men have no trouble at all with that. Is this really true? Or do I misunderstand what you say here? I take it to mean that while women relate sex = love, men believe that sex = sex and do not connect the two. :confused:

[Temptation]

Is this really true? Or do I misunderstand what you say here? I take it to mean that while women relate sex = love, men believe that sex = sex and do not connect the two. :confused:

Well,..yeah.
Men usually have no problem seeing the difference between sex and love. I mean, they ARE two seperate things. Most men, I'm not saying all men, don't have any problem with
the idea of having sex without necessarily being in love. For women, and again I'm not saying all women, it tends to get emotional and complicated and the idea of sex without
love doesn't really appeal to us.

[diamondtiger]

Well,..yeah.
Men usually have no problem seeing the difference between sex and love. I mean, they ARE two seperate things. Most men, I'm not saying all men, don't have any problem with
the idea of having sex without necessarily being in love. For women, and again I'm not saying all women, it tends to get emotional and complicated and the idea of sex without
love doesn't really appeal to us.Okay, I just wanted to be clear on what you were saying. And I'm glad you clarified in MOST and not ALL. I agree with you then. It just sorta “threw” me for a second, because I do in fact know people of both genders to which the “opposite” applies. (If that makes sense, w/o being repetitive). So really, it's a matter of all the factors/Influences that contribute in developing ones personality. IMO of course.

[RogueSpirit]

You know, every time I read stuff like this where the genders are divided by how one gender sees things compared to how the other sees things, it reinforces the idea that I always had that I am a really strange female.

[Black RiverWolf]

i would say just the fact that we are individuals would mean that we have a difference on everything that we see or do it would all matter to the person. I don't see myself as a weakling and niether does my partner he. nor do i see him as the main protectector. i think that we share things. or maybe im wierd

[morrigen]

You know, every time I read stuff like this where the genders are divided by how one gender sees things compared to how the other sees things, it reinforces the idea that I always had that I am a really strange female.

*Grins* Me too. And my partner is a very weird male. Neither of us fit any of the generalizations :)

[AlAskendir]

In one of my beliefs, (and I have many layers), every person's brain is like a radio that enables their conscious mind to perceive some part of their thoughts. The thoughts do not occur within that person's brain, the brain just lets that person 'hear' some of the thought. The neurotransmitters and hormones are kind of like channel tuners, that select which portion of the thoughts are loudest. Everyone has both testosterone and estrogen flowing thru their bloodstream, as well as a whole host of other hormones and neurotransmitters. In most men, there is a higher proportion of testosterone and a lower proportion of estrogen; in most women, vice versa. I say this as a low testosterone man.

All of that is about thought and you asked about feel, but in this culture, thought and feel are inextricably interwoven. The PR about men is that they are 'more logical', which makes them trying to justify their hunches and feelings as being rational thoughts, and in general makes them tired of trying to think about what they are thinking and/or what they are feeling. In reality, in my opinion, women are naturally more logical, it's just that sometimes the logic is so fast that it seems inductive rather than deductive - - - you get the proper answer, but you can't retrace the steps. In my experience, those with a higher flow of testosterone (male of female) don't want to examine what they feel & think, don't think that they can change how they feel & think, and aren't really interested in trying. In my experience, those with less testerone, or more estrogen, or both (female or male), are always analyzing their feelings and thoughts, seeing what works, and changing what doesn't.

Within each person, I think of that person's life being like an episode of Star Trek (original series). Kirk is the testosterone, Spock is the estrogen, Uhura is the nervous system, Scotty is the gastro-intestinal system, Bones is the immune system, Chekov and Sulu are the muscles, the Enterprise is the skeleton....the thoughts and feelings are that episode's script.

But I did vote yes, since there is, for me, a difference.

[FlyingBear]

*Grins* Me too. And my partner is a very weird male. Neither of us fit any of the generalizations :)



Ditto!!

:tongueout

[Zander770]

Those are the immortal "last words" (*actually*--for "us 'insane' Joycian's"--the LAST LINES are: "Triest-Zurich-Paris, 1914-1921." But? Of course that has completely *nothing* to do w/this, here! Thank me, later . . .) of Molly's/"Penelope's" monologue and of the novel, Ulysses.

"YES!" I voted, and not solely for the "general opinion" that: "Men use 'love' to get sex; women use 'sex' to get love," either (altho I *do* tend to agree with that aphorism . . . Anyone know who "said that?" I don't, but I'd guess Freud, and probably while in one of his "mid-trace cocaine induced epiphanies," I bet!

I mention Ulysses because there's an "infamous character" named Leopard "Poldy" Bloom. And he's a--well?--"walking contradiction," let me just call him that. He's also been dubbed a "womanly man," for many reasons, too.

Is it "womanly" to be "sentimental?" Is it "womanly" to *be* a poet? Is it . . . to "feel deeply?" To "cry?" To "bitch & moan?" <== HAAaaaa!!!

Is it "manly" to know how to "bleed the brakes" on your blue, 1989 Geo Metro? Is it "manly" to "break somebody's nose" in a fist fight? Is it "manly" to "bitch & moan?!!?"

I dunno, but, I've a sneaking suspicion that "we're" the "All of Us" are Bodies in Duality and we can--if "evolved and enlightened" enough! Merely an "awareness" of this duality might be enough of a *spark,* to start!--GROW FURTHER by embracing the twain where they meet . . .

But, now? Now, Zander770 needs a "tissue" for "that song's" made him cry, on the radio, yet again, plus, he promised to fix the old woman's brakes, next door, by YESTERDAY . . .

I've gotta get, and right NOW . . . Or someone'll be after my arse! For sure, this time.

==========================================

Below: Ezra Pound at Joyce's grave; Zurich:

[Faeawyn]

:foh: Good Gods.....I could read that from across the room :rotfl:

[CleftOfLight]

I can only guess that everyone is different,but as far as men and women I would say yes, Based on up bringing friends and exsperience.Peoplecan go through the same thing but have totally different exsperiences,based on how they view it,what there thought process is.

[Karma Chameleon]

I think every single human experiences love differently. It has nothing to do with
gender, but with the life experience of each individual person.

How we were raised, what we go through in our lives and the people we meet along the way all shape our ability to experience love in more or less different ways.

Yes, I agree with this 100%.

[DivineAthena]

I don't think you can say that men and women love differently. People, however, love differently. Do you see what I mean? I don't think it depends on your gender, just on your personality, but maybe one way or loving is more common amongst one gender.

[Moonlight's Daughter]

I think the LOVE is the same, its how we communicate and how we show our emotions and deal with them that is different. Just my take.

Brandiwyn

[ravenmyst]

i think men and women are fundmentally different and its more than just upbringing - its biology. i think the differences go much deeper and are more complex than women being weak and men being protective. our culture can reinforce these stereotypical roles, but i also think these roles are inherant in the cycles of life imposed by nature. being pregnant and giving birth makes us weak for a time (about five years for each child) and biologically, this cycle is part of who we are meant to be for the better part of our adult lives. of course, having children forces women to find strength we wouldnt be required to develop if we never had them, so i suppose the period of weakness and reliance is later balanced by greater maturity and strength of character.
the original question: yes there are differences in how men and women experience love and many of the differences are more likely to be viewed thus by each sex simply because of their gender differences. i dont think that means the differences are exclusive to either gender or that it is wrong for the other gender to experience them in the same way as the other gender.
I have been working with a theory that the internal and external is much more involved than just our genetalia, that it affects how people deal with everything, love included