Advice? Please...

[Windigo]

Ok, i just found out a few days ago that my friend has got herself pregnant. Now in any other situation, i would be over-joyed; the only thing stopping me is the fact she's 14 (yes, quite a bit younger than me, I know...) I really don't know how to act around her anymore, like i know it's gonna be a difficult time for her and she's going to need her friends around her but everytime i see her i can't help feeling angry at her for being so stupid. The farther is some 15 year old loser who doesn't even want to know her anymore and i don't think she'll cope looking after a baby. At the moment she's acting like nothings happened, i caught her smoking the other day and was just about ready to strangle her. Yet she's already stopped going to school claiming she's on 'maternity leave'. I just don't know how to bahave around her or what to say anymore, what do you think i should do?

At the moment i think she's planning on keeping the baby. I'd say she's about 12 weeks gone, but i don't know for sure. At the moment she doesn't have a job. I'm not sure about the whole school issue, but to be quite honest i don't think she'll go back, it's never been very high on her list of priorities. Her home situation is kind of complicated. She lives with her mum who has a lot of boyfriends. Her and her little brother were taken into care when she was 10 because one of them was abusive. Her mother has never shown much interest in either of her kids and most of the time doesn't know whats going on in her own home. :2G:

[BrigidMoon]

Very tough situation your friend is in. I'm sorry it angers you. It'd upset me too. Regardless, maybe it's her own cry for help you know?

[Ceres]

sounds like she deliberately got pregnant to get the family love she needs. can u tell a school counsellor so they get involved? they may be able to help.

[Faeawyn]

Unfortunately, all you can do is counsel her, try to help her to see reason....but ultimately, it's her path to walk....her life journey :whatgives:

[QUEEN OF THE DAMNED]

I'm sending common sense energy to your friend (if that's possible). You are a good friend to be concerned. I would tell her how you feel. Don't be harsh, and tell her you are concerned for her and her upcoming child. When I was 15, two friends the same age as me got pregnant and kept the kids, now at 21 they have no relationship with their child. Their parents have effectively brought them up, because they couldn't handle it. My friends didn't go back to school either, and all they do is whinge about their lives ( I dont see them much anymore, I cant stand too much self pity over your own mistakes). I'm not saying that the same thing will happen to your friend, but it could. And at her age that is alot of pressure to bear. The responsibility of having a child is huge!

I would talk to her and get info on the pros and cons and discuss it with her. Good luck keep us posted :heartthro

[FaerieGothMommy]

I can certainly see why you are concerned about your friend, i would be with the situation she is in.. with the father not wanting to know, her education & on the home front (doesn't sound like she'll get much support from her mom)

I fell pregnant with my daughter at 14, she was born when i was 15. I am now 17, and have had another baby, a boy...

I grew up alot though, i put my children before myself, i stopped smoking (wouldn't even go near ppl who were).. but you must remember, older moms smoke too when they are pregnant, so you cant really put that down to her age.

It is a fact, that a lot of female teens go through a stage in life (around about 14) when they crave for a baby, it is there maternal instincts kicking in, it usually goes away, but some teens go with it & decide to get pregnant (yes, i'm guilty for that one)

Instead of being angry though, i think you need to support her. It sounds as though she needs the support. She also seriously needs to think about going back to school, i left school before i fell pregnant due to other problems, but i didn't let it ruin my life.
Luckily, the father to my children stuck with me and we are getting a house together, he has always worked o support us & im taking a diploma course in parapsychology.

Your friend obviously doesn't realise now, but she will regret it later if she throws everything away. She can still keep that baby & have a life, i dont care what anyone says, it is possible. Please have a talk with her, dont get angry or else she will probably go into "rebel" mode and refuse school and other stuff even more... She needs to talk to her mom aswel, or if she prefers, maybe you can do that for her?

If you need any advice about it, PM me, i've been through it all. I hope your friend can build a life for herself & not have to think she might aswel throw it all away... It's NOT the end of the word :)

[wakywitch]

I work as a teen parent home visitor. We get teen parents that are referred either by the human services department--social services social worker, a doctor, or the parents of teen parents themselves.

The most important thing you can do for her is to be her friend. I know it is hard, but from what you said with your friends home life, sounds like she doesn't have much support.
May I suggest that you have your friend see a doctor first and fore most.
I don't know what part of the country or world you are in, but please suggest she she a doctor. If she hasn't already.

See would also need to see if she can get her moms(?) or a trusted family members support.
Has she told her mom at all?

I know my agency helps young moms who are under the age of 21 with small kids, or young girls like your friend.
We help them to help themselves. We help they to stay in school to get the HS diploma, we also help them find work, get a GED.
Find housing, assist with the forms for medical, WIC and or food stamps.
Please find out if your local welfare department has a program like this.
We also go into the young moms house and assess their needs, parenting classes, prenatal care, follow up care, parenting classes!

I wish you and your friend light and peace thru this hard time.
I fyou need ANY help please private message me and I'll see what I can do for links or what not!

Blessings,
WakyWitch :flowers:

[Valkie]

Good advice so far.

Bottom line... she needs to make sure that her head is out of her ass. Whether she is planning on keeping the baby or not.

If she is planning on keeping it, she is in for one hell of a job... and she can't quite. I would also suggest... someone else mentioned the "wanting someone to love" syndrome... that she understands that this child will not love her when she firsts gives birth. It will demand.... constantly. She needs to have a realistic view of what she is doing.

She needs an education, a job, health insurance, and a lot of paticence.

If she's not planning on keeping it, she needs to get to the dr for birth control.

[SS'sBaby]

Honestly...it sounds like you have a kid having a kid.

I am reading this and thinking that she is not as mature as most 14 year olds. And to top it off...she's pregnant. It may be that the reason that she is not making the "appropriate decesions" and "preperations" is because she does not know how to. I mean..with a mother like she has...how would she know how to? It really might not occurr to her to stop doing certain things and start doing others.

Be mad at her...tell her what she is doing wrong and try to direct her towards what is right for both her and the baby.
But don't just push her away because you think somehow being mad at a pregnant person is not acceptable. I was pissed when my bestfriend became pregnant...but I supported her and her son to this day calls me Aunt.

*sighs*
Poor stupid little girl...so dumb of her to have done this....not a clue as to what she is in for......will be praying for her.

Have you tried to get her to go to a family planning clinic and get some free help? Start taking vitamins....sign up for WIC? Or whatever else?
Perhaps some free parenting classes and free counseling?

[SS'sBaby]

Try discussing adoption with her. I had a friend who gave her child up for adoption and she still gets letters and pictures. And he is in a great family and doing well and well loved.

[FaerieGothMommy]

Honestly...it sounds like you have a kid having a kid.

I am reading this and thinking that she is not as mature as most 14 year olds. And to top it off...she's pregnant. It may be that the reason that she is not making the "appropriate decesions" and "preperations" is because she does not know how to. I mean..with a mother like she has...how would she know how to? It really might not occurr to her to stop doing certain things and start doing others.

Be mad at her...tell her what she is doing wrong and try to direct her towards what is right for both her and the baby.
But don't just push her away because you think somehow being mad at a pregnant person is not acceptable. I was pissed when my bestfriend became pregnant...but I supported her and her son to this day calls me Aunt.

*sighs*
Poor stupid little girl...so dumb of her to have done this....not a clue as to what she is in for......will be praying for her.

Have you tried to get her to go to a family planning clinic and get some free help? Start taking vitamins....sign up for WIC? Or whatever else?
Perhaps some free parenting classes and free counseling?

I wouldn't call her stupid, you don't know what is going on in her mind. Yes, she may have done it out of immaturity, but that doesn't mean to say she is dumb.
And i think she will make it through this much easier with friends who support her, not friends who are angry at her.

It is easy to say, that someone is stupid for getting pregnant at 14 and not knowing wether to stay in school or not, but really, you don't know her.

Sorry if i seem a little defensive about this, it's just ive been in the same situation, and i haven't turned out bad... my kids get the best, i love them more than anything on this planet... Sometimes that is life & instead of turning your back on ppl, you should offer support and help :)

[SS'sBaby]

I'm not calling her stupid in the way of being mean....or nasty.
Just in the way of caring for someone and wanting to ring their necks at the same time FGMommy,
Does that make sense?
And she is just a little girl.....if you look at all that has been said.
I meant no disrespect. I should have phrased it differently. My apologies.
My friend who had to give her child up for adoption(parents made her...she was 13 and terrified...they even sent her to a home for unwed mothers...I still can't believe those still exist)is now glad that she did. That's why I suggested it. She now wishes her parents had gone about things differently...but is glad she made the choice to do so. Her child had a much better life in the end.

This is also why I think Parenting and child development classes and family dynamic classes should be mandatory for junior high school students.

[SS'sBaby]

I know that's a bad excuse...but it is the truth. It was late and I was caught up in memories past and rattling off without thinking. I truly never meant it as a slam.
*sighs*'
The truth of it is.....it's this girl's mother who needs to be throttled. :flamer:
IMHO

[FaerieGothMommy]

I know that's a bad excuse...but it is the truth. It was late and I was caught up in memories past and rattling off without thinking. I truly never meant it as a slam.
*sighs*'
The truth of it is.....it's this girl's mother who needs to be throttled. :flamer:
IMHO

No need to apologise :)
I understand where you are coming from... some people just go through these things & i know how stressful the situations are to actually be in them, ya know? So i kinda get a bit on the defensive side, because i know i needed all the support i could get :)